In Loving Memory of Ricky Rodriguez

"It was a gospel of Rebellion utterly confused with truth and lie, and the youth fell willingly into line. The sad part is that he truly believed he was following God. His hatred and bitterness had destroyed his ability to see the error of his way. He was a confused man, blinded by bitterness, hatred, and the guilt of his own sins. He was not doing this to glorify God, but merely to salvage his own ego. Rather than face himself in the light of his failures and sins, he chose to support his failures with the following and adoration of rebellious youth."

I’ve always been interested in Bible study and memorization, and it was always very enjoyable for me. As a kid, I was taught (as we all were) that the Family as a whole, and our doctrines specifically, were based on the Bible.

I see now that Berg used the Bible as a means to get what he wanted, and nothing more. Whenever something in the scriptures would conflict with what he wanted to believe or do, he would either twist it around, or simply reject it as being a personal interpretation of the author, or non-applicable in light of his special "End-Time Prophet" anointing. We were taught to accept his interpretations of verses as truth, and gloss over any scriptures that would cast any doubt on his beliefs.

Because of Berg’s very small ego, he would slip easily to the depths of despair whenever he would hear any news report or read any article that had anything negative to say about him. He would get depressed for weeks at a time, and would drink so much at night that Maria thought it was going to kill him. So Maria tried to protect him from any hearing about any "negative" publicity or news at all.

I think Maria realized maybe more than anyone else how little of Berg’s beliefs and actions were actually based on the Bible at all, because she was the one who was closest to him. But of course, that didn’t stop her one bit from doing anything she could to hold onto that power and control that they had over people.

At age 15 I started getting in trouble if I would be caught reading the Bible and memorizing. I would be grilled on how much "Word Time" I had that day (meaning time spent reading Berg and Maria’s shit-filled ramblings), and would be accused of not having enough of a desire for "God’s Word for today".

Sure, I wasn’t dragged out into the field and burned at the stake, but that thought pattern and alarm over simply reading the bible sounded strangely similar to reading about the past persecutions of people in England who simply wanted to read the Bible in their own language without having some priest "explain" it to them.

Of course, whatever they tried to do to hinder me from reading and studying the Bible only served to make me more interested and want to do it more. So I found myself sneaking off to read the Bible in the mornings in a barn we had on our property. I would alternate that with doing some exercises with some cement free-weights that I had made (which I also got in trouble for).

I wanted to read some books about the Bible written from different theologians and bible scholars, but of course, that was strictly prohibited (except for Haley’s Handbook which didn’t help me much). So since we were living in Canada at the time, I started listening to Christian radio programs. I found some programs informative, and others simply interesting.

When we walked around during the day with headphones on, or even at night when we were going to sleep, at any time we could expect an adult to demand that we lend them our headphones for a minute so they could check what we were listening to. I was also listening to Christian music during that time (sort of like the kind found on the Christian variety tapes that were sent out later), so I had to be very careful. What I usually did was play some Family-crap music tape, like a FTT on continuous-play, and then have the selector switch set to the radio. That way when any—as someone said—"menopausal auntie" (usually Amy), would come by demanding to check what I was listening to in her nagging, bitchy voice, it was all ok:

"Well of course Auntie Amy (you fucking little mindless bitch)! Here you go! Oh, yes! I love (hate) that (fuckin’) FTT too! God bless those dear (shit-head) musicians who work so hard to (force-feed us this slop) give us this wonderful, cool music!"

One night though, I fell asleep with the Christian radio on. I had found this "Through the Bible in 5 years" program on short wave, and I thought I’d just listen to it for awhile and then turn it off before I fell asleep. But Mama Maria came in to check on Techi and I (bless her dear heart), and by that time I had fallen asleep, and my evil sin was uncovered!

Oh, boy! The next morning I was in a world of hurt, and was given all kinds of reading lists to cure me from my "problems". Anyway, I think that whole experience of having to hide reading the Bible from the very people who claimed to be living it, really started me "doubting". Finally, the whole "Fuck Homo-Faggot-Jesus" revolution, along with the intense pressure to hear from alive/dead zombies on whether or not you should take your next breath, was the "straw" that did it for me.

The original Family members, the FGAs—seemingly searching, idealistic young people, turned out to be so mentally retarded, and so horribly abusive—why? Why did they follow Berg when it was obvious to objective outsiders, just what a crack-pot he was! Why did they love, believe and follow him? Even though many claim that they joined the Fam because "they were the only Christians who were living the Bible", it should have become painfully clear very early on to any true Bible students, and any true Christians, that Berg’s teachings, and what the Bible says were in sharp conflict.

They believed it because they wanted to! It made them feel good about themselves!

I’ve been reading some of Deborah Davis’ book recently, and even though there maybe be some questions concerning different events, or times that she may have remembered wrong, what I have found has helped me to understand a bit more about why Berg was the way he was, and what prompted him to do the things he did. Also, why the hippies and other young people followed him.

One of the reasons why I am willing to accept the fact that much of what she says may very well be the truth, is because I grew up with Berg and Maria as well. I’ve seen many of the same dynamics, actions, and thought patterns that she talks about, in their lives myself.

David Berg—in a state of rebellion against the "church system," the American government, his family and religious heritage, and most of all, God—had found an audience of rebellious youth. He eagerly preached and they eagerly received the Gospel According to Berg. It was like the cogs of a machine meshing into perfect synchronization. His bitterness against the church, his rejection of the social establishment and the capitalistic system, his contempt for parental authority—all crystallized into a Gospel of Rebellion. The kids understood him; he spoke their heart; there was no generation gap between the shepherd and his flock. He talked about the very things that were troubling them, things keept in their hearts, conflicts that they could not resolve; hence they concluded, "he’s gotta be speaking the truth. That’s exactly what’s been bothering me!" David Berg and these searching hippies were, according to my dad, just like Jesus and the original Twelve: Dropouts, system rejects, but truth seekers and "true" lovers of God. A "Revolution for Jesus" was born.

In His condemnation of the present-day society and the parents of the dropouts, David Berg wrote,

"So you say the youth of today are rebels—rebellious, defiant lawbreakers and seeking to destroy society. But really, who are the rebels? We, or you, our parents?"

"The kids are rebellious against society because the society is anti-God. Everything the kids are—the way they look, the way they act—in a large degree it’s a rebellion against the pattern of society, but it’s a return actually to the Lord’s pattern."

"How can they [the youth] rebel against God’s laws? How can they rebel against His Word?--They don’t know it. But their parents did and they rebelled just like the Children of Israel. The parents were the rebels. Only the children were allowed in the Promise Land."

And it was he who would lead them to that "Promised Land"! By declaring that these youth "never knew the Word of God," my dad accomplished two key goals. First, he cloaked the rebellion of the youth with innocence: they didn’t know any better. Moreover, their rebellion was actually a righteous rebellion conforming with the "Lord’s pattern." By thus exposing their ignorance, he made a place of great importance for himself in their lives. He would lead them from ignorance to the glorious light of true knowledge. He was laying the foundation, either consciously or unconsciously, for his role as God’s Prophet.

Second, by declaring the youth to be innocent of any rebellion—but rather, merely partakers of a spontaneous, honest desire to return to the Lord’s pattern—while simultaneously declaring the parents to be the true rebels who had indeed rebelled against God, Dad established the spiritual polarity necessary to alienate these kids from their parents, their churches, and the establishment. There were only two camps: my fathers’ righteous camp and the rebel parent camp. Thus, a return to the parent camp would be a move against the Bible, against God, and against Jesus, to whom they had recently dedicated their lives. Concerning this division, Dad wrote,

"The parents want them to follow in their footsteps in a selfish dog-eat-dog economy in which they not only murder one another, but they conduct massive slaughters of whole nations…"

"The young people are sick and fed up with what really amounts to a pagan, cruel, whoremongering, false Christianity. They’re trying to return to the peace-loving religions of old, including ancient Christianity, and the parents will have none of it.

"So who are the rebels? If you mean rebels against…the looks of the ancients and the economy of the ancients, then the parents are the rebels."

"But if you mean rebels against this recent modern plastic, artificial man-made, gadget-filled, money crazy, whoremongering, sex-mad, religiously hypocritical society of the parents of today, yes, we the youth of today are rebels and revolutionists…We want to return to the patterns of Noah and Abraham and Moses and the judges and kings, like David and Solomon, and the prophets of old—indeed the pattern of Jesus Christ Himself and His disciples and the martyrs of the Church."

"Who are the real rebels of today?…We are the true lovers of peace and love and truth and beauty and God and freedom: whereas you, our parents, are the most God-defying, commandment-breaking, insanely rebellious rebels of all time, who are on the brink of destroying and polluting all of us and our world if we do not rise up against you in the name of God and try to stop you…"

The youth loved it, and David Berg loved it. Their rebellion had been covered with a robe of royal righteousness: "Truly God has raised him up for such a time as this, just like Moses of old, or David, or Samuel." This was his hour, his destiny. One need not be a psychologist to see the effects of such glorious divine movements of God’s hand on these newly converted kids, especially hippie dropouts who were groping for self-respect, self-esteem, and justification for their rebellion against society. David strongly appealed to this need as early as December 1968.

"What’s the matter with these people [speaking of the churches]? Why arethey so afraid of us? Let’s face it, it’s the power of God! They’re afraid of God and you represent God!"

"The community is actually afraid of us! Why do they get all uptight when we walk into a church? They’re afraid! They’re scared! What are they afraid of?…It’s God, let’s face it! You got’m scared, kids! Hallelujah! You got’m scared!"

The formerly lost, hungry, dirty, groping, and confused hippie had suddenly become "God’s representative," and the world was trembling at his presence! It was a gospel of Rebellion utterly confused with truth and lie, and the youth fell willingly into line. The sad part is that my dad truly believed he was following God. His hatred and bitterness had destroyed his ability to see the error of his way. He was a confused man, blinded by bitterness, hatred, and the guilt of his own sins. My father was not doing this to glorify God, but merely to salvage his own ego. Rather than face himself in the light of his failures and sins, he chose to support his failures with the following and adoration of rebellious youth.

End of excerpt from Deb’s book.

My goal for this corner of Moving On, is not only to talk about my personal experiences with Berg, Maria, and growing up in WS, but also to discuss and explore the problems of any kind of religion that uses fear as the main tool to extract the loyalty of it’s followers. I’ve seen the horrible abuses that happen when people blindly follow evil cult leaders, but I believe the same kinds of dynamics are at work in a variety of accepted religions today.

After I left I was able to learn more about true Christianity and the Bible. I was very eager to un-learn all that Family BS, and replace it with the truth of the Bible. However, I had seen first hand how people will believe just about anything they want to for a variety of personal reasons, and I had seen how leaders will do or say just about anything to corrupt and abuse the truth if it will keep them in power. I started wondering if I was just replacing once false belief or partial truth for another.

Many Bible scholars and historians have found that the Jesus of the Bible is very different from the Jesus they’ve uncovered in history. I believe that there is a God—or at least a higher power; something greater than us. But from what I’ve experienced, and what I’ve found from only scratching the surface of historical Christianity, I’m not willing to jump headlong into, and blindly embrace another belief system that could be just as untrue (although not nearly as abusive), as far as what God really wants from us, as the one that I just ran screaming from.

I believe that any religion that is not used as a tool to enrich and empower oneself, instead becomes an anchor; a ball and chain; or worse yet, a cage of fear, that stunts, hinders and entraps the poor soul who originally thought to use it as some kind of life-saver.

I’m learning that the destination is not nearly as important as the journey, but the "truth", as I see it, is important to me. Even though I may never completely find it, I will probably always be searching for it. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. In fact, I think if more people were "searching for the truth" instead of "proclaiming it", I think the world would be a much nicer, friendlier, and safer place to live.