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Anal Shaggin' 101: A Rookie's Point of View

from assblaster - July 7, 2004
accessed 3424 times


Note to reader: The rules youre about to read are not to be taken lightly/seriously. By proceeding, you agree to take full responsibility of any possible anal damage that may occur to you and/or your partner. In other words, If he/she rips your asshole, because you chose not to follow instructions, leave me the fuck out of it!

Rule I: No matter how horny you are (or in my case how much you wanna please your man) NEVER let him go in w/o lube! Your asshole WILL rip...Trust me

Rule II: If in your case the anal probin is premeditated, make sure you poop. Not always, but many times, 'shit happens'. Unless youre one of those nasty couples, who doesnt mind a little 'sticky icky covered P-P at the end...

Rule III: GIRLS: F.Y.I: Never anal fuck on the 1st date. It isnt 'lady-like'.

Rule IV: GUYS: F.Y.I: Never suggest anal probin' of any kind on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd & 4th date, it's not polite. Unless of course youre with a whore who has already suggested sucking your dick on the 1st date, then its Ok. But who's to say wtf's ok Probe on!

Rule V: Sticking foreign objects into the anal passage other than fingers/penis is Not Ok! Baby, whoever told you that stickin the large permanent marker up your pooper would help 'loosen it up a bit' was DEAD wrong! Not to mention Mean!

Rule VI: Guys please dont ask to be fingered and then bitch n moan like a little girl when it 'feels a little weird'. Dont be a sourpuss & ruin the mood. you should feel priviledged that it's soft/gentle fingers sliding in there. Just imagine, lots of guys in jail RIGHT now dont have that option, so just Shut the fuck up and enjoy the new mind blowin ecstasy youre about to experience.

Rule VII: Gals, NEVER let him insert his penis back into your vagina after he's been in the butt. Trust me. UTIs are painful! And doctors do know the origin of the bacteria in your urinary tract. However, if you decide to go back to vaginal penetration, make sure the penis is properly cleansed w/soap & water before re-insertion.. We all know that stoping in the middle of such an 'oh so taboo act' is a bitch, which is why i recommend: vaginal penetration first, then anal. Its ok to say No and stop if it hurts. (and i dont mean the kinda good pain you sometimes feel when he hits it doggie) So please, dont just lay there with your poor tight lil asshole suspended waiting to be ripped apart by a massive cock just cause you love or wanna please the guy. Trust me is not worth it.

Rule VIII: In case you're unfortunate enough (or fortunate enough depending on how much of a freak you are) and the anal probin' is forceful, clench for dear life! If he gets the head in, theres no stopping him! However, not all is lost yet: Act like a hungry ass shark devouring a baby seal (your asshole being it's mouth) & moved your tightened asshole rapidly side-2-side!! if you shake your head fast side 2 side and clench your teeth & think of your ass doing the same, you'll see wtf I mean. You'd be surprise the damage you can inflict on a man's penis by doing that. So remember what a friend in jail once told me. 'Momma said baby: Tighten, clench, side2side! Tighten, clench, side-2-side!! 1 2 3! Tighten, clench, side-2-side!! 'Dont nobody fuck my asshole w/o my consent"! 'Nobody! Shit...

Rule IX: Its Ok to lick the asshole once or twice But please dont go around lickin w/o sniffin. If youre dating someone and are somewhat familiar with their 'anal status', is ok to do it! However, lickin the asshole of the whore who sucked your dick on the 1st night is not acceptable!

Yea, yea shut the fuck up, you know YOU have already secretly licked or thought about it. So please, save me your OMGS WTFS & lame come backs. Thank you...

X: If youve made it this far, and the act of anal penetration is culminating, this is when you decide the future of the *swimmers:

You could either:
A:Let him retrieve his penis and cover your back with "it" (which is difficult to clean up by the way)

B:Let him come inside. If you have already made the mistake to anal probe w/o protection, (dont blame ya) then you have already given up your righ to feel/act offended when he nuts inside. Is not like he can get you pregnant. Plus, youre an idiot if at this point youre worrying about stds. Whatever std he/she has, youve already contracted it within the 1st few minutes of sexual contact.

My suggestion: Be a darling and let the man nut inside. It will intensify both orgasms and is not as messy as 'external ejaculation'.

*Anal infections/tearing/discharge/bleeding/extreme pain and possible lost of conciousness may (WILL) occur.

So what are you waiting for?
Grab your girl/guy by an ass cheek and PROBE! PROBE! PROBE!

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from williamn62
December 7, 2007 -
lol, too hot!
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