from will02895 - Thursday, May 29, 2008
accessed 720 times
I'm not an ex family member myself, but recently lost a friend that was. His name was Dan Matthews, he took his own life in April of 07. This past April his little sister took her life as well. He was 24, and she was 20. Is there no justice in this world?
I met Dan through work. We roofed together, and we really bonded,especially when we had a couple drinks one night and got to talking about our childhoods. We discovered that we had alot in common and developed a special bond because of it.
I remember one day we were driving in Boston, and out of nowhere he told me I was a really good friend and person. Funny thing was it almost made me uncomfortable and I kinda shrugged it off. I told him he was a great friend as well. I didn't realize it then but looking back I think that was his way of saying goodbye in a way.
Dan got tired of Boston and our job, and also was battling depression, although I never new the full extent of that depression. He decided he was moving back to Cali. He moved and we talked to each other usually a few times a week. We kept intouch via phone, and also played alot of xbox games together. He seemed happy for a while, started going to school, and really seemed to have it all together.
I made plans to visit him in April of 07. I was flying to Vegas with my wife, and we were going to rent a car to drive to see him in San Diego. Dan and I made plans to go fishing, among other things. Around this time, he started getting really depressed, and thought he was losing his mind. I didn't realize how serious it was and tried to give him the best advice I could.
About a week before I left for Vegas I could no longer reach him on his cell phone. He also changed his voicemail. It used to say " You've reached Dan Matthews, leave a number and maybe I'll call you back."(Dan was a ball buster to the fullest). Then it changed to, " You've reached Danny, I do not accept calls from restricted or blocked numbers." I knew someting was wrong but thought to myself that everything would be ok and I'll see him soon.
When I arrived in Vegas I still couldn't reach him, so I just drove to the address he had given me. I tried calling him this whole time and got no answer still, not like Dan at all. I arrived at his residence and started to walk up the driveway. I saw someone that looked just like Dan except with huge dreadlocks so I knew it wasn't him. He was talking on the phone in his driveway and I didn't want to interupt him. We made eye contact so I said, " Is Dan here?" He looked at me and asked who I was, and I told him. He told me that he knew who I was, Dan told him alot about me. Then he told me that Dan took his own life about a week ago. I didn't realize it but I was talking to his identical twin brother, Dan had told me much about him but due to the state of mind I was in I didn't make the connection. I've never cried so much in my life, his brother hugged me and I felt like I had to leave immediately, I didn't want him to have to console me and make him relive the experience all over agian. We exchanged numbers and my wife and I left. I've never cried like that in my life, and hope I never do agian.
I kept in contact with Dan's twin brother Ollie over the past year and tried to help him in any way I could. He actually lives a few hours from me here on the east coast. He's easily the strongest, most intelligent person I've ever met. Well I spoke with him a couple days ago and he informed me that his little sister took her own life a year and 11 days after Dan. She overdosed on insulin. She was only 20 years old. Dans parents didn't even go to his funeral, and words can't describe the hatred I have towards them for what they did to such inoccent children.
The past year has probobaly been the toughest year of my life. After I came home from Vegas, I thought about suicide constantly. Every day it was all I could think about. Luckily I have a wife and little sister that need me here. I'm much better now and if there is one positive thing that came from Dan's passing away its that I got to meet and become friends with Ollie, who's helped me more than I've helped him.
Now he lost a sister as well, and told me that he doesn't think that will be the last person in his family to commit suicide. How can these parents live with themselves???? Two lives cut way too short, and yet these parents still live? Thats how I know there is no god.
Did anyone here know Dan? I hope so I'd love to chat with you if you did. Sorry if this post seems to ramble on but I'm not much of a writer. Thankyou for taking the time to read this, and keep your head up everyone!