Always

from angel_red - Friday, February 11, 2005
accessed 1463 times

I find myself asking questions. Questions to the dead? He is the only ones that understood me in the Family , and who I hold the same experiences with. Sometimes I like to pretend we haven’t spoken in awhile and sooner or later we’ll get around to it. That I’ll be able to ask him the things that I so desperately want to hear. That I’m not insane and that I haven’t just made this delusion.

But the reality is … he is gone. I won’t ever speak to them again. And my experience and horror will never be verified. I tried so hard to get away from the past, away from the Family. In turn I kept my contact with members and x members to a minimal. I deeply regret this. My fellow x member that I was closest with has died and for this there will always be a void in my soul.

The fact of the matter is no matter where we have gone, what lives we have lead we are all still siblings in some way or another. When one falls we all feel the effect. It affects our lives and we all lose a great deal.

I miss you and I wish I took the time to talk more to you. I wish I could have met your family and seen all the wonderful things you did with your life. And I know they were many. I never imagined you a perfect person but none of us are. You will never be forgotten. I love you big guy!

You were always the coolest and definitely the most entertaining. You had this thing about you that made everyone like you, everyone wanted to be around you. The way you would walk up to someone and start a conversation, you were never afraid of anything. Such a ladies man too until you met your wife and become a father. I was so proud of you. I heard such amazing things about you from your close friends.

I remember one day you went out of your way to make me feel comfortable. I was a wall flower and you came up to me and brought me in and made a special effort to not leave me out. I always remembered that. You had a good good soul in all your flaws you were prefect.