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Getting Through : In Remembrance

Ricky's Memorial from Elixcia

from sarafina - Thursday, February 03, 2005
accessed 2846 times

Elixcia wanted to personally say something to everyone and asked me to post this on her behalf. The following is her email.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Itís Feb 03, 2005, about 11:00 in the morning. Iím still waking up, as the sleeping pills havenít worn off yet (they help take away the nightmares too). Itís been over three weeks now since my life has changed once again. I wake up every morning and have to remind myself that it wasnít a dream.

All I wanted to do in the initial emotions of pain and anger was to take Rickís body, and be able run away and hide, I just wanted to die so bad. I can still hear his voice talking to me that night; there was such a feeling of hopelessness, to be beyond reach of someone who is fading away in mind and in moments in body too. I have felt pain in my life before but none of it comes close to this.

There are so many thoughts going through my mind itís hard to even sit here and write. I was able to do a small memorial in Tucson with some of his cousins and family, as well as his boss, who Rick thought the world of (the one mentioned on his tape). I was in Tucson for a couple days taking care of his apartment and things.

When talking with Sarafina in San Diego, and she mentioned that many had been inquiring about Rickís memorial and that the number of people wanting to attend was growing. As far as his burial, I donít want Karen to know. She didnít want him when his was alive; sheís not getting him now. My selfish side just wants to hide away, but I know I am not the only one hurting and Iíve been touched by the love and support Iíve gotten from so many of you. To feel you care about the pain and how hard itís been to lose my ďfamilyĒ. He was everything I had. He knew the worst and best of me and was always pushing me to do better. He was the one that got me into school and made me believe in myself. Although we had come to separate roads in our lives, he was and had always been my best friend. Rick and I were both very private people, Itís hard to come out and talk to you about our lives. At the same time I understand how important he was to all of you as well.

I want thank you for your help, support and care. As you know I was able to set up a benevolent account for Rick, and was able to set a date for the memorial for those of you who wanted to come share their respects. Itís going to be on March 26th, itís a Saturday, and itíll take place in San Diego. Iíll post more details as we get lose ends tied up. Sarafina is helping me with setting up Rickís memorial and John LaMattery Jr has been helping me with the bank information and setting up Rickís memorial account although I alone have access to the account and will use the money as needed for the memorial. Thank you both, youíve been awesome. Thank you all who have also contributed.

I was able to get a mailing address here in Washington for those that want to send things directly to me:

∑ Elixcia Munumel
1402 Auburn Way #217
Auburn, WA 98002-3309
∑ You have to make sure to use ď#217Ē and not ďbox 217Ē, or else the post office will divert my mail elsewhere

I also wanted to let you know that the address in San Diego is good as well, things going there are being forwarded to me. I hadnít come up with an address to use so we went ahead and used this one, its fine either address you chose to use.
8880 Rio San Diego Dr. #800
San Diego, CA 92108 USA

I want to thank all of you so much for your help; I know this memorial is as important to you as it is for me. I want to be able to share that moment with those of you who knew and cared about him, those that understood what an amazing person he was, and have felt the loss as deeply and painfully as I have.

Sincerely, Elixcia

P.S. This is a memorial for those who wish to show their respects to Rick, you are welcome to attend but I will ask that if you are a cult member, you stay away for this memorial, that you show decency and respect this wish.

Reader's comments on this article

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from Pegasus
Sunday, February 27, 2005 - 12:15

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

Elixcia,

I admire you so very deeply for your strength and courage. Although I know you must have heard this many times, I hope that you know how much we support you and appreciate everything you have done and are doing to insure that Ricky's death was not in vain.

He has touched us all in an amaising way and he will always live on in each of us who have walked the same road.

I cannot imagine the pain you must feel. But having had my heart broken before I know that the strength alone you must possess to wake up each morning and live each day is an accomplishment in itself. So to see you reaching out to us and sharing yourself in the way that you are is very admirable to me. I only wish I could help you more in some way, or let you know how much you are loved and how much I'm sure that Ricky is proud of all that you are and have become.

I hope to be able to make it to the memorial, but if not, please know that I, and many more I'm sure, will be with you all in heart and mind. His memory will always be with us!

-Pegasus
(reply to this comment)

from di
Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 14:33

(Agree/Disagree?)
Did Zerby really not give ANYTHING towards her only son's interment or to help his poor wife in her time of deep bereavement? "She that cares not for her own (son) is worse than an infidel." How blatant.
(reply to this comment)
From JohnnieWalker
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 14:58

(Agree/Disagree?)

From what Peter said, it seems that thay have offered to help financially towards the burial cost. Understandably, the offer was not accepted by Elixcia.

(reply to this comment

From The Pedantic Prick
Thursday, February 24, 2005, 09:26

(Agree/Disagree?)

I think we need to keep two terms straight here. The upcoming memorial will NOT involve a burial. Ricky has already been buried. While it would be callous not to offer assistance toward the burial of her own son, I think we can understand why Zerby doesn't feel like supporting a get-together of "angry apostates" (Man, I wish I could go!).(reply to this comment

From Wolf
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 20:34

(Agree/Disagree?)
I thought it was accepted.(reply to this comment
From JohnnieWalker
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 22:24

(Agree/Disagree?)
Now that you mention it, there's a chance I could be wrong on that. But I know for a fact that the offer was made.(reply to this comment
from LTN
Friday, February 04, 2005 - 03:34

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
May I offer these words of remembrance to Ricky.

Words from Josh Groban's Vincent

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colours on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds and violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colours changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artists' loving hand

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They're not listening still
Perhaps they never will...
(reply to this comment)
From xolox
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 11:49

(Agree/Disagree?)
Always my favorite Don Mclean song. (reply to this comment
From realize
Monday, June 06, 2005, 09:22

(Agree/Disagree?)

I think that it's a beautiful song as well. (reply to this comment

From sarafina
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 10:15

(Agree/Disagree?)
I just wanted to thank you for posting this song. Both Elixcia and I were very touched by the words when we read this and went and bought the CD to listen to the song. It was so beautiful that we are going to have it sung at the end of the Memorial By Don, Amy and possibly Sunny (if it all works out).(reply to this comment
From non-sequitur
Friday, February 04, 2005, 13:20

(
Agree/Disagree?)
Not to be a pain, but Don McLean composed that song.(reply to this comment
From vixen
Friday, February 04, 2005, 05:05

(Agree/Disagree?)
I have always loved that song. What a fitting tribute.(reply to this comment

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