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Getting Through : Dealing

A day and life in the Victor Program

from sarafina - Wednesday, October 23, 2002
accessed 3395 times

For those of you who were never in one you might find it it interesting to know what it was like. Maybe it will help you understand us better and the anger we sometimes feel when we hear other say "The Family wasn''t that bad"

I arrived at the first Victor Program at the age 15 little did I know that I’d be spending the next 4 yrs of my life in these prison camps. My brother who was just 12 yrs old at the time was sent to the Jett VP at the same time. This was the first time we were split apart. I had always been there to watch over him to defend him to take the blame and punishments he got as much as I could. How did we end up here? Well I’m not really sure but it started back a few yrs earlier in Nagoya Japan.

When I first got to the VP I think the first thing I got in trouble for was I refused to take off my bra I was the “ONLY” one who wouldn’t everyone was taking off their bra’s and throwing them in the air. I remember thinking “this is crazy, there is no way “ They were singing “come on ma burn your bra” I told Ricky and the other shepherds there that They would have to hold me down and tear it off themselves if they wanted it. (Thankfully they didn’t) I think they were shocked that I’d have the balls to be so openly rebellious. At the same time I was then told I had serious problem and was holding back the lords spirit and I needed to be “set free” from the bondage of something I don’t quite remember what it was that time. We’ll that was just the start.

I think the whole VP was designed to brain wash you they use all the same tactics like we had to have bible class and “mo letter” read to you almost all day! (Of course I got in trouble for wearing ear plugs )

If we weren’t memorizing or reading we were working we’d ride the bus from the little house we lived in for a 5 minute ride to the HCS . I don’t think I’ll ever forget our “buss song” it goes something like…now go with us precious savior…as we journey on our way…We must have sung it a million times. Each day was treacherous and if you weren’t lucky enough to get picked to work in the laundry room or helping sort vegetables you were left with helping to build the HCS park, this consisted of hard labor anything from cutting down trees hulling and loading wood, digging, breaking up cement, building gravel roads and it didn’t matter if you were if you were a girl or on your period you just kept your mouth shut and worked.
Then after and exhausting day you’d get back on the bus and try and mumble the words to the bus song and try not to fall asleep. Once home you were allowed a 6 or 7 minute shower which I hated. I hated taking my clothes off in front of anyone and we had to take group showers. I remember one time Auty had come across a “bootleg” razor now I had never shaved before but was starting to grow hair on my legs now her and Autumn aka Joan had been doing it for sometime and said they would help me( btw we weren’t allowed to shave anything no underarms no legs nothing! Because “god wanted us all natural) So we had 7 minutes to shave Autumn kept watch for adults while Auty tried to show me how to shave my legs. It was so funny when I think about it now. Well someone yelled “times up” and I was so scared not to get caught beside it was the only razor I jerked it up my leg only to peel about a foot of skin off with it! OMG it was crazy! Blood was every where we didn’t know what to do! So Auty finds the first aid kit and all it had was those tiny little band aids and we used like twenty of them all the way up my leg to stop the bleeding. We were able to hide it for about three days but they began to wonder why I was always wearing pants and wouldn’t put shorts on. A. Faithy finally found out and we were all three punished with no “get out” for a week. The only thing we actually looked forward to.

Meal times sucked because I was always put on a diet ( not that I was fat or anything but I wasn’t bone skinny like we were supposed to be.) So my plate was already served up and I was only allowed one serving no seconds so I was always hungry. That is if I was even allowed to join everyone for meals most of the time I was kept up in a room “Praying and Fasting. “

When I finally got the courage to ask to leave ( as we are always told we can leave whenever we want, what a bunch of crap) I was told I wasn’t thinking clearly and that I was possessed with demons and they were speaking through me. I was again sent to the “room” to pray and fast this I think was the longest ever I was in there about 10 days without being able to eat anything solid just soup. A adult would stay in there with me they would take shifts and read to me all day and at night I had to wear headphones and listen to mo letters on tape. There was to be no room for the “devils thoughts” aka our own thoughts. Many days went by and the Victor group was asked to pray for me the HCS was asked to “pray” for me. With different leadership visiting to help rebuke all the demons I was “infested” with. I finally “broke down” and realized I would never get out of here like this I had to try something new and I had to save my brother too.

Meanwhile my poor brother was suffering worst then me they shaved his head because he had “cool” hair and liked to part it in the middle I think I wrote about this in another post, but they had duck taped his mouth and would only rip the tape off when it was time to eat. Because of this he had sores all over his mouth. We both had to wear signs around our neck announcing that we were on silence restriction and not to talk to us. Of course you can only keep silent for so long so every time we talked it was either more spankings or demerits which only resulted in more labor or more spankings.

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from illuminated
Saturday, August 04, 2007 - 17:11

Sarafina, why didn`t you ship off to Iraq for?
(reply to this comment)
From sarafina
Sunday, August 05, 2007, 21:09

I don't exactly understand the question. Did you mean to ask "What did I ship off to Iraq for?" in which case I would answer (I didn't, I'm still here). Or did you mean to ask "Why didn't you ship off to Iraq?" In which case I would answer( Cause I'm not allowed to go there, I'm a civilian, it's my husband that's in Iraq and I would have gone with him if they/or he would have allowed me too.(reply to this comment
from tudaisy
Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 09:18

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

While I know your talking about the VP in Japan, let me remind you that it set a "wonderful" example to rest of Asia on how to treat your children, and how to set up a VP.

VP in Tailand, India and Pakistan were very good at following this sort of abusive program, solitary confindmant was a favorit, while we had to listened to Zury reading the disturbing writings from the false phrophet, I was only 11 years old and was one of the last victors to "get the victory" and like you I still don't know what I did that was so horrible. Every one keeps harping on the sexual abuse in TF, and while there was plenty of that, there was also alot of other types of abuse, that would bring any normal parent under investigation from child protection.
(reply to this comment)

from Webel
Thursday, October 02, 2003 - 18:21


I know this was written some time ago but I want to make a comment, TF got a hell of a lot worse after we left! they started the victor program just at the time we left, it started off as a teen home in the UK in Hugerford where at first they were really sweet to you, and next thing you know is they took three kids ages 14-16 three boys and a girl and they shaved the boys heads and made them all fast for days - they accused the girl of being a lesbian, she was an attractive mulata who was into sports couldn't see why they were picking on them! one of the boys was 14 and still wet his bed! a sign of deep seated trauma! poor kid, I felt so sorry for him.

I had a taste of things to come when I got 3 demerits in one day and the next day I had to do some "boot camp" style exercises my brother got in trouble there for laughing in one of their stupid classes and they made him miss his ONLY video that week, while everyone ate popcorn and watched movies he had to stay in his room! then we had to write a freaking reaction to the stupid movie - too bad we didn't watch Taxi Driver I would ask them if they are talking to me while I blow them to kingdom come!

I thank the Lord above the "teen home" had to pack up because a kid tried to escape to France to be with his Mum and gave them away! soon the police would be crawling all over them!

After a couple of months "leaders" came and tried to persuade me and my brother to go to the new teen camp they opened and it took serious balls to refuse! I spoke to my bro' and I said I ain't going back to that shit and I didn't -soon after that we left that stinking cult! I feel so angry when I read these things I hope they burn in hell!!! so sorry you had to go through all this guys my thoughts are with you all.

(reply to this comment)

from Fox
Saturday, May 03, 2003 - 02:54


Like I was trying to say (befor my computer screwed me over) this story sounds very similar ,espically the part about asking to leave and them not letting you go.

 After the teen traning camp in mexico I went to the teen home in Rio-Brazil, with in a year I wanted to go home.When I told the leader ship what I wanted, they said no-way! They then sent me to the Family Care home. I was isolated from all the other teens, they tried to brain wash me useing things like the Meenie Story. I stayed at family care for over a year.I had allways hated Mo and that would never change.   

(reply to this comment)
From neez
Saturday, May 03, 2003, 10:05

Perhaps you should've tried talking with the mother ship, as opposed to the "leader ship".(reply to this comment
from Fox
Saturday, May 03, 2003 - 01:56



(reply to this comment)
from anonymous
Friday, November 08, 2002 - 16:15

Sarafina, I will be looking out for the next installments of your story. I was so touched by the sibling aspect. Fortunately they're out now, but for a time my sibling rebelled but then was "straightened out" in the group and disdained me, the black sheep, as did the other teens. I didn't sign up for the sharing schedule, for example (I was sexually abused very young and it really messed me up, though I think it was not messed-up to not want to be on the schedule). Well, they said it was optional, right? It sure didn't gain me any favor and I was sent away from the teen home where my poisoning the well mattered less, I just worked day in day out at a "witnessing" home. One time I was allowed to visit my sibling at the Teen Home, but I had to duck in the back of the pickup truck and close my eyes so I would not know the location of the place. Eventually, I found myself on a steady course to a Victor situation and I ran. I was exhausted from working so hard (ran a kitchen for more than 100 people with a couple poor 13-14 year-olds and me the only labor besides occasionally a 17-year-old) that I felt they would break me easily. I hear that after I left the DTR made life even more miserable. I so admire people like you who survived the camps and lived to tell, and are courageously telling. You are living proof of the amazing resilience of the human spirit.
(reply to this comment)
from Elemental
Friday, November 01, 2002 - 01:15

I cannot beleive this, no, I believe you it's just so unbelievable that people would do this to children - or to anyone! How can this happen? Why aren't the perpetrators in jail? I want them in jail - Now!

How many kids in TF suffered this abuse?
Is it still going on?

I am not a current or former Family member. I have nieces and nephews who
are children currently in TF. I am worried about them. I can see they are getting poor education and are always hungry and needy. I have been reading this site with interest and concern.

I want to take some action but I am not clear what I can do.

What are some ideas you have about how to stop this child abuse?

(reply to this comment)
From celestej
Thursday, August 28, 2008, 16:13

Notify your local authorities, they'll investigate the situation.  But you need to make sure the adults in the family home aren't aware of what you're doing because whenever anyone from outside would visit, the Family adults would make sure that we were well dressed and clean and had the appearance of being well taken care of.  They even made fake "homework" for us to make it look like we were actually getting an education. Unbelievable!(reply to this comment
From Ian
Friday, November 01, 2002, 01:32


Stay in touch with them, stay friendly, sooner or later they will need a friend. Someone helped me once and showed me what life outside could be I left.

We all want the groups leaders in jail and we are working towards that goal.

It's cool to see that people who were never "in" are concerned and visiting this site, I hope it is a trend that continues to grow.(reply to this comment
from Auty
Thursday, October 24, 2002 - 17:25

I think the WORST victor Job was shovelling the gutters. Me and Joan did it ALL the time . . .freezing our ass' off & thinking the tips of our fingers were going to go numb. I guess the best part about it was it was just the two of us and we could actually whisper to each other (since we were on silence restriction for 3 mos!) Oh do you remember cleaning the garbage cans! They were so tall one of us literally had to crawl in them and to scrub them out.

And of course, that horrible song! AHHHHH!

Great photo of you BTW. You were awesome then, and you're awesome now.
(reply to this comment)
from xhrisl
Thursday, October 24, 2002 - 06:30

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Congrats girl, you are yet anotherone that they failed to reform. As for me TF knows that my door is always open to them, and I will gladly meet them from across the barrel of a loaded gun with a shovel in hand so that they can dig their own graves the sorry f**ks.
I'm so sorry for what you went thru.
(reply to this comment)
from Bella
Wednesday, October 23, 2002 - 21:22

Sarah, that's such a horrible story. I remember when you guys were all at Victors and I was at the HCS - actually, most teens across Japan were (if you were at least 14) for the, ohhhh what was it called, TMT (Teen Ministry Training I believe - anyone remember?) ... Anyways, watching you all out there scrubbing the rust off those big oil like drums (remember that?) in the middle of DECEMBER, was really heart wrenching. I was always glad that at least Auty had you and Autumn out there, but at the same time, it's pathetic to watch a sibling and peers get in to trouble. I always wished I could have traded places with Auty. I'm so glad we can all be close now.
(reply to this comment)
From sarafina
Thursday, October 24, 2002, 12:14

God! I remember that too! It was freezing f#@ing cold! My hands we so cold. Its nice to know that someone was watching and felt sorry for us. My sister Anaik was at the HCS too while I was in the VP it sucked. The worst thing is to this day is I still can't figure out what I did that was so bad to be sent there but I kinda have a theory it has to do with the three leaders J,J and R and us three girls A,A and S and funnny how we all ended up in the same place. I'm working on writing about that.(reply to this comment
From Bella
Thursday, October 24, 2002, 21:11

Sarah - you can't remember what you did that was so bad to be sent there? - you can only imagine my horror and shock when I got sent there! ME? Sweet, shy, little childcare worker? I guess I spaced out too much and hadn't mastered the art of tongues by the age of ummm 18, so it was time for a lesson or two. Who knows!(reply to this comment
From porceleindoll
Thursday, October 24, 2002, 21:24

Bella, I thought it was cause you missed Mom too much and so they were worried that you were going to 'backslide'.(reply to this comment
From Bella
Thursday, October 24, 2002, 21:31

Oh is that what it was for?? Thanks for clearing that up. Too bad I "back-slid" anyway and still had to sit through old auntie Faithy's wanna-be poli sci classes. The missery of looking at that fat ass all day was enough to make anyone want to leave!(reply to this comment
From EyesWideShut
Thursday, October 24, 2002, 20:05

I think the worst job as far as cold hands went was washing and cracking the two crates of eggs. Outside, middle of winter, no gloves, wet hands for an hour. We were supposed to smell each one! Let that slip by, oops;)

I made the mistake of quickly warming up my comatose hands in hot water! Ouch! Thought they would burst and they itched like hell. Never made that mistake again.

As for other sucky jobs in Victors: Purging boxes of mikans and lettuce, cleaning and organizing the free store (the dust!) and--drum roll--worst job of all time: under the house. Back pain, dust, rats, cockroaches.

We were all 14 and 15 years old.

And you wonder why I have a terrible back now.

I didn't got out of the sucky jobs because I didn't mind doing boys work. Heavy shit. Became a total tomboy. "If the boys can do it, so can I" was my motto. Working with the honorable Silas was what I looked forward to. He was the only "normal" adult I remember from those years.

I learned a lot when I finally got out of the gutters, no pun intended. I hated working near the school where teens from the Home would see us clothed in 6 layers, looking very round and smelling like wet dogs.

Funny, seems like most of the time it was winter. How did that happen?

The first Christmas wasn't too bad. Pots of purple ice-cream, zillions of cookies (courtesy of Sarafina) carols, etc. A little calm before the storm to come. Things got worse for a long time before they got any better.

Although that was the Christmas where we thought were were going over to spend Christmas with the TMT crew, and ended up getting there at the tail end of the party, finding out that they never intended to let us join in; we had been brought there for a Christmas cleaning marathon. While the "normal" teens were having a dance, etc, we cleaned up after the whole party and it took us 6 hours. And there were at least 10 of us. Got home in the wee hours of the morning. And you wonder why I'm a Scrooge.(reply to this comment
From Bella
Thursday, October 24, 2002, 21:09

Oh Sunny I just cracked up so bad at the end there. I'm sorry but the fact that you had to come over and clean up after us that year, that's soooo shitty!

Now if I remember correctly, did you guys do a skit where you all dressed up like hippies I believe and came in with banners or something, singing and screaming "Revolution for Jesus" ... Sarah do you remember that?!

Nothing about it was funny though, seriously. I would be a Srooge too!
(reply to this comment
From Auty
Friday, October 25, 2002, 16:20

Oh windy! I still have a picture of me in big-old provisioned glasses, wearing forsake-all clothing, stringy hair (we could only wash our hair once a week in the Victor program) & a big sign that read "WE ARE IT!" . . .I can't remember if that was Christmas . . .but I remember that skit . . .it was the most humiliating thing we had to do! Oh the shame!

I remember that clean up! Do you remember if we got to eat anything? (reply to this comment
From EyesWideShut
Friday, October 25, 2002, 20:48

No, we didn't eat anything there. We had our very own Victor party, the one I mentioned. We were there as janitors.

As for hippy skits, I've done too many to remember if we did one in Victors. We certainly did a big one after I graduated and became a part of the teen group at the HCS. I remember Keiko pretended to be pregnant in that one. Looked just like Katherine. That was under David Gypsy (Good man--I believe), and Esther David. Remember her? No eyebrows. That's another story.

I think we did a big sign carrying performance when Gideon wrote "We are the Victors, We Shall Overcome".

I have to admit the first few months were rough at Victors, but after I became a sucker for pain and stopped "holding my breath", as Ricky would say--I have some good memories. I suppose I'd have to, I was there for a loooong time.

The strangest thing happened: I got so much public exposure that after a while, if I hadn't had any, I'd start to wonder what was wrong with me and pray for correction and public exposure. I completely gave up ever worrying about my side of the story and never gave an excuse because I knew they wouldn't listen and I'd probably just get a demerit anyway. Just the thought of how fucked up that is creeps me out.(reply to this comment
From sarafina
Saturday, October 26, 2002, 16:17

Wow you guys have such a good memory! I had forgoten that "skit" I laughed and cried remembering it. I even remember the "Victor Song" now amazing how it all comes back. I think that would have been the most depressing Chritmas of my life had I not had all of you to share it with. Oh and that was sooo embarassing having to go over there and clean that mess up! I was so furious!
Ps funny sorry about the "girl" with no eye brows..remember how we always wanted to know how she had such long eye lashes? She said she had been in a fire and burned all her hair off her head and face but now it had all grown back so beautifuly and thick and her lashes were soo long. Well when I left TF and moved to the states I thought about that a few times and figured that eye lashes must me like hair...if you cut them they will grow back (you know me always the vain one) so I tried to "trim" my eyelashes but I kept cutting tring to even them out. By the time I was done I had NO eyelashes and it took like 6months for them to grow back! I had to wear false ones for over half a year!! It was so funny! They finaly grew back and are the same leghth as to this comment
from JoeH
Wednesday, October 23, 2002 - 19:27

not to make light of all the suffering you went through (I went through lots of the same stuff), I think what would have really driven me over the edge and into a murderous rampage would have been singing that stupid song on the bus!

I am jealous that you had the clarity of thinking to not only rebel, but then to fake submission. Maybe it was because I was only 11 when they were working me over, but I never consciously thought "This is such a load of crap." But I also have the satisfaction of knowing that they never broke me, and can't credit themselves with "doing a great job for Jesus"
(reply to this comment)
From Fox
Saturday, May 03, 2003, 01:54

JoeH craped is pants while he cryed like a baby(he never faked submission) so sad.(reply to this comment
From Wolf
Saturday, May 03, 2003, 04:58

I wonder what Fox tail soup would taste like....(reply to this comment
From EyesWideShut
Friday, October 25, 2002, 20:52

Sadly, they broke me, and continued to break me over the next few years. I was a mallable 14 and wanted more than anything else to do something right for a change. I never faked it. Swallowed it hook line and sinker and learned to honestly hate myself. I think that even Auty has a shred of self respect left. I wish I could say the same.(reply to this comment

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