I wonder...

from holysavage - Tuesday, June 03, 2008
accessed 362 times

Will I ever be able to forget what happened? sometimes I just want to get away from it all...I wish I could tell the one person who loves me for who I am, everything about my past...but then I wonder, will he understand? Sometimes I feel so alone...

I have good friends but they can't grasp it all....it's easier to pretend that I’m a orphan than to have to explain to people why my parents don't give a shit about me...why they don't call on my birthday even though they live less than a hour away..Why they aren't coming to my wedding because the man who loves me is from a different country and another religion...it just hurts too much.

I wonder...will the tears ever stop? Will I be able to get through a night without feeling lonely...without feeling helpless...afraid? Without feeling like a liar when I have to try and explain things to people? Without feeling like my past is always there, waiting to show its' ugly head.

I wonder, will I ever feel safe? Safe to show my emotions, to show anger, to show the real me? Will I ever really forget and will I ever be able to be totally free from it all? I wonder.