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Getting Through : Dealing

Why bother?

from conan - Thursday, March 29, 2007
accessed 1085 times

Most of this won’t make sense. These are the thoughts of a sleepless night. I find that once I write something, it triggers other thoughts, queries, etc. to the point that my writing seems convoluted and scattered as opposed to focused and logical. Of course, focused and logical is all in the mind of the beholder, right? Besides, there are always loopholes, changes, and exceptions to the rules. Perceptions change, lives change, you change, our thoughts, and so much more change too.

Life, what is it good for? Or whom does it benefit? Is there a grand design or greater purpose to which we all unknowingly serve? Is there legitimate justification on today’s society in the ‘Western World’? Is our evolution one of enlightenment and knowledge or futility and insanity?

I don’t want to go into philosophical debate about religion and ‘higher callings’ that we’re here to perform, as all such notions are hearsay and nonsensical bilge. Instead, let’s try and be logical, calculating, aloof, and objective about this very broad topic which is really the basis for all of our actions; the jobs we do, the religion we see people choose to adhere to or ignore, the people we associate with, the aspirations we have, the offspring we spawn, and the loved ones we bury.

I have long maintained that knowledge is power, and as such believed that our evolution was progressing toward a greater society as we unlocked nature’s secrets and discovered more of our planet, our solar system, our galaxy, our universe. However, I have recently come to have my doubts. I’m an atheist in the sense that I don’t see the rationale behind a deity of any gender, moral code, or creed worth dedicating our already short and hollow lives in the worthless pursuit of said deity’s assumed happiness. Life is short, and in my opinion…futile!

Think about it. The average human life span is still under 100 years. Yes, our old are remaining old longer and therefore, obviously, living longer, but as far as I’m aware the life expectancy of an adult male Homo sapiens is 76 years while that of an adult female is a few years longer. So, we human beings who consider ourselves the most intelligent species on our planet, have about 75-80 years each in which to perform our perfunctory lives before returning to nature as potential food source for another life form.

How is that serving some grand design? I don’t care what good you may have done in your life span, in the end, you’re just as dead as an aborted fetus, a murdered child, road-kill even, or a convicted criminal executed according to the laws of the land. Are humans merely another life form who has used tools to change our behavior sets and notions to the point that we begin to delude ourselves into thinking that there is a greater purpose? In the days before ‘civilization’, life was about survival. Kill or be killed was a very real predicament for so many. Just to provide enough food for other Homo sapiens that banded themselves together for the sake of having a better chance to survive created the realization that numbers only presented more problems as well; more mouths to feed, more politicking, more feuding and more of just about everything else.

It sounds more futile the more I break it down. When humans were sparse and scattered, we hunted and were hunted and thought no more about purpose other than where the next meal was coming from, and probably where the next shag was coming from. The basest instinct of our ancestors was to eat and procreate like every animal, vermin, or other life form on our planet. Today, in our ‘modern, civilized’ world, survival doesn’t have the same fear of death that it once did. Food and sex are no longer only available for the strongest or for the strongest to provide for the weakest, but is just sort of there for everyone. Availability of our essentials as changed our species’ collective objective from one of necessity to one of comfort.

I digress. Why is it so important to us to get an education so we can get a good job so we can live comfortably while raising (potential) progeny who we in turn have to provide for so they can go through the exact same process at a later date to accomplish similar things in a similar world with similar results? Why is it that everywhere humans conglomerate, the rest of nature shrinks away? Are we, as Agent Smith would have us believe, a virus?

I say yes. I say that we have not brought about a single good thing for the future of our planet or our species. We are habitually and systematically destroying our planet, which incidentally we need for our survival and the survival of our offspring’s spawn’s spawn and so on and so forth. The majority of our civilization doesn’t feel that this is an issue and so does nothing about it. A smaller percentage thinks we must do something and loudly protest the actions of another minority that actively engages in planetary destructive behaviors. An even smaller percentage actually tries to do something about it, and yet another chunk of mankind doesn’t have a fucking clue. With so many ulterior motives and agendas, the indispensable actions to save our planet and subsequently our species will likely not occur to the necessary satisfaction of nature’s course for a very long time. Most of our generation will likely be dead and a new one will find their own ways to rain destruction down upon themselves.

Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy making money and using it to get fucked up, have a good time, etc. I enjoy the procreative act of sex as much as any other member of this species but I still feel like our ‘purpose’ is in fact to kill and then to be killed. To kill nature and have Mother Nature take her revenge via old age, sickness, disease, and finally death. Rest in Peace at last? I say yes. There is no turmoil after death. No answer to the mysteries of the universe. No heaven and hell or paradise and purgatory. No ongoing war of good vs. evil or ‘God’ vs. the ‘Devil’. It is because of our subconscious knowledge to this end that humankind created these myths and ideologies, beliefs, rituals, practices, etc.

Is our society a testimony to our greatness or an indictment on our impotent inefficacy to quell the thoughts of morbid morality and mortal flesh? I think it’s the latter. I think that Homo sapiens have systematically set out to erase the thoughts of impending doom without even realizing it and so have created more and more to distract him/herself from the realization of the pointlessness that is existence. We eat, we shit, we fuck, and we die. No romanticizing the issue. Why else do you think it is that all humans feel depression set in from time to time? We lack the necessary distraction from our idleness to ignore the thoughts that are ingrained in us subconsciously, permanently.

Suicide is, in my opinion, a shortcut to reality. I think we all realize on some level that we’re not going to be able to live forever no matter how much the drugs and alcohol that courses through my body beg to differ (they tell me I’m invincible and will live forever). Our deaths are, to quote the notorious Agent Smith once more, inevitable.

I don’t see this particular diatribe taking me anywhere but in circles, so I think I’ll quit rambling while some of my thoughts have completed themselves. The strong prey on the weak, and the weak on the weaker. Life is a bitch (non-gender specific), sometimes you marry one (gender specific from the viewpoint of either gender), and then you die.

Now having decided myself that there is no point to existence, as all life ends, should I then feel guilty for what I do, try to do more, give up and end it prematurely, or go on as I have been? Is there any reason why I should aspire for more? My quality of life isn’t going to make it’s end result more meaningful by any stretch of the imagination no matter what money I make, charities I contribute to, women I copulate with, toxins I imbibe/absorb, or abstain from.

I’m not sure that I’ve reached any conclusion from writing any of this. I have no reason to end my life (despite many thoughts to the contrary) at this time, as I don’t see what that would accomplish. I’m depressed from time to time, but I think everyone is and I don’t have it as bad as people I see every day. I’m not sure what I can really do to motivate myself to propel myself into a more ‘successful’ or ‘higher calling’ way of life as it is all taking me to my grave however smooth, bumpy, or intermittent the journey to death may be. I guess maybe I’m trying to say that it’s a pathetic and sad existence we lead, but we’re all going to the same place no matter what we do to get there. If that doesn’t lift your spirits today, well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle…wait! I think I already am.

Reader's comments on this article

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from Baxter
Saturday, March 31, 2007 - 17:03

Fuckin' A!
(reply to this comment)
from rainy
Friday, March 30, 2007 - 14:48

I'll just die if I think about that today. I'll think about that tomorrow.
(reply to this comment)
From madly
Friday, March 30, 2007, 22:31

That’s okay, Scarlett…you just worry about rebuilding your ‘Tara’. :)(reply to this comment
from madly
Friday, March 30, 2007 - 03:34

conan... been thinking a lot about this too...didn't mean to write an article on your article...sowwy :)
(reply to this comment)
from madly
Friday, March 30, 2007 - 03:32

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
My first inclination after reading your article, conan, was to find a sharp object and ‘off’ myself… but nah…why let what I already know, all too well, depress me?

The subject of your article is one that I consider often… a very pertinent subject with great relevance as to what I am currently contemplating as far as what my life will and should pertain to, become, or if anything I choose to do really makes any difference whatsoever.

Is life a big joke to where we are nothing but a virus that has overtaken and starved the very planet that gives us life? Have we shown our respect by consuming every viable resource and leaving it desolate, barren, overtaken and left to die slowly because we all chose to say “fuck it…who gives a shit”?

Is this what being an atheist means…that there is no reason to care, no reason to want to live a good and decent life, does it mean that everyone is out for themselves, a meaningless existence leading to the inevitable countdown to the impending fate of nothingness? Fuck it then… give me a god and a purpose, give me a lie and let me believe that there is more. It almost makes me understand why someone would want to believe, as it is so much easier to believe in something than to face that there is nothing.

Too late for me, as I have lost that faith… so what is left beyond finding something to replace it? Is it possible to find a way to live our given time, knowing it may very well be all there is… and still find meaning, depth, purpose, a reason to make it count? I don’t think going around doing whatever the fuck we want, because this is all we were given, is making it count. I believe that we are all accountable for our time here and that we should try to be happy, but we should also leave behind something that says we had respect for the life we were given and the planet that gave it to us.

What that purpose is, I don’t know and probably would be somewhat different for everyone, but I think it has something to do with finding the meaning for you…maybe even in yourself. Trying to leave behind something that says you cared for more than just the part that touched you, making yourself the best ‘you’ and developing all that you have in order to respect the very life you were given… taking the precious time you were allowed and using it to the fullest…not wasting… appreciating.

Learning who you really are and living up to your full potential, in my book, is a life worth living. So many people do nothing but sit on their ass and watch their life go by, knowing that if they wanted to they could accomplish anything if they would just motivate themselves to do so. Instead they look for excuses such as “why should I bother…what difference does make?”…well it makes a difference to you, it is your life, after all, and the way I see it is you only hurt yourself by taking your life away? It only matters to you…life is and should be a very personal obligation and choice, but I tell you what, if every person on this planet developed themselves to their full potential…wow… that is a place I would like to see and be a part of… just think what that would mean and what changes that would automatically bring about.

You hear it all the time “what would you do if you found out you had cancer?” of course the answers are always the same “I would climb the tallest mountain, go sky diving”…but that doesn’t make any sense to me… we are all going to die, so shouldn’t we be living that way now…why wait until the end to live… why not live the entire time??

I think you should live dangerously, live with out fear… you could just as easily die crossing the street as you could jumping out of a plane… you could die sitting on the couch stuffing your face with potato chips or you could die doing something that made you feel alive. I mean, come on people… we already gave so much of our lives to that horrible cult… shouldn’t we, more than anyone else, know how to appreciate the life and the freedom we were given?

I know we all have issues to deal with, depression is real and it is something we have to face, but we know what a good life means, for we have lived the opposite…don’t you think we have more depth for the lives we were given, more drive, motivation, and courage to make our lives count for more than just a waste of time and space? We owe it to ourselves to find our answers, to find something that makes it meaningful… we deserve this life...we deserve it!

They told us that it meant nothing, this world with out their faith… if we choose to believe there is nothing for us and no point in living, we are saying they were right and as far as I am concerned, there is NO WAY that is going to happen! Damn it… I will find something that makes my life worth living…and the years that I have will be fully lived, I will have my adventures, my lovers, my accomplishments, hopefully help people along the way, have a few great moments, laughs, some tears, and you know… I think that is good enough for me.

(reply to this comment)
From rainy
Friday, March 30, 2007, 05:00

Conan's a secure person. I think he'll enjoy your article inside his article. I did.(reply to this comment
From Falcon
Friday, March 30, 2007, 03:42

As one of my favourite sayings go, "It's better to burn out than to fade away!"(reply to this comment
from Falcon
Friday, March 30, 2007 - 03:30

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
We laugh because we're desperate;
Everyone cries alone.
The icy wind is blowing,
And there is no road to home

Every turn is a dead end
The horizon just an abyss
Of eternity that awaits us
Endlessly falling like this.

And who knows what has been?
And who can tell what will be?
Nothing is new under the sun.
All is vanity
All is vanity

Youth is for the foolish
Age is for the wise
Both will come into their graves
Under the merciless skies.

Seasons pass one by one,
There is no need to cry.
Laugh while you can, in the end
We all will surely die.

And after we are gone
Who can tell what will be?
For better or for worse
All is vanity
All is vanity
(reply to this comment)
From madly
Friday, March 30, 2007, 03:42

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Did you write that, falcon? It is beautiful!(reply to this comment
From Falcon
Friday, March 30, 2007, 03:43

heh, I'm blushing...
(reply to this comment
From madly
Friday, March 30, 2007, 03:45

wow... I am impressed... seriously.(reply to this comment
from Phoenixkidd
Thursday, March 29, 2007 - 14:55

I almost agree with you Conan, Life is only as meaningful as it's span, there is no real purpose. But who cares? Just enjoy every minute, spend money, take that trip to the caribbean, fuck everyone you want, and be generous to the poor and people who need a break. It's only that we as humans have an elevated conscious to be able to think about concepts such as purpose, the afterlife, or accomplishment, otherwise we are just an overpopulation of animals that will send our planet to it's grave.
(reply to this comment)
from Falcon
Thursday, March 29, 2007 - 12:13

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Well, if the end of this journey is death...we may as well enjoy the fucking ride!!! I don't know about you, but I want to leave something behind on this earth that says, "I was here!"
(reply to this comment)

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