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Getting Through : Dealing

I feel depressed

from mia1 - Sunday, August 14, 2005
accessed 1277 times

sorry for the was late

How many times have I smiled and laughed in the name of Jesus, how many times have I lifted my voice in song in the name of love, how many times have I supressed the tears and pain of my young heart in the name of the family, I looked to you for faith I looked to you for comfort I cursed my doubting heart when I didn't feel your touch, I tried so hard to believe and trust, I humbled myself on the alter, I exposed my innoncence to your raving lust, you took a childs trusting heart and tore it apart, you took a childs hope and dashed it to pieces, you took from me my innoncense and hope, you suduced me with your lies and hope of a better place, you said be patient I was, you said be loving I did, you said just believe and I closed my eyes and pretended that you touched me.
You failed, I have taken back the remnents of my broken heart and put it back together again, I have taken my faith and put it into something tangible, I have taken my body and let someone I care for love it, my heart and soul have been burned by your hellfire but I am whole, I have taken my voice, and will never sing for you, never again will I walk bruised naked and broken in your loving name. I have put back the pieces of my shattered soul, I am stronger now, you cannot touch me, no longer am I the sweet trusting child I once was, I can look you in the eye as I curse your name.

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from SeanSwede
Wednesday, August 17, 2005 - 09:49

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

I didn`t really mean to come across like I was trying to convince anyone about anything or preach. I was just blabbing :)

By the way Mia1. It sounded very...sweet the way you wrote that article. Its just that it reminds me way too much of all of the "channeling" they did in TF. Hate me if you like but perhaps its just an old habit. Its taken years for me to change my Family way of talking and the terms that they used.
(reply to this comment)

From mia1
Wednesday, August 17, 2005, 13:00

don't worry I don't hate u, I don't have very good grammar and it was late when I wrote it, I really don't care about religion at this point as its just time consuming. I dont' consider myself an atheist or a christian cuz I don't really give a damn about either. I think the thing that gets me the most after leaving is the simple fact that "once upon a time" I believed in the family and in the letters, and because of that belief I was able to close my eyes to the evil that the family really is. Besides I was really naive about a lot of things and being different even for family standards, my fam was ts for many years, I did everything I could to fit in. I was reading some of the personal stories and was sorta depressed afterwards. BTW my sons name is sean, he had a birthday on mon. couldn't celebrate because he was in the hospital. But he's better now, that's why I haven't responded sooner. But hey the more comments the better it makes my life more interesting ;)..(reply to this comment
from SeanSwede
Tuesday, August 16, 2005 - 11:36

Average visitor agreement is 1 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

Good article...BUT, I have one comment though. Its better to become an athiest. Athiests are the stronger ones. They have less to fear and nothing to loose. Religious people have the opposite of that. Athiests learn to live with the FACTS of life. Religious people only go around unsure or "searching" and confused.

Ive become an athiest. But I can still have hopes. At least I don`t have to go around blaming God everytime when things dont work out. God has nothing to do with it. Its only you alone who can make things work and happen in your life.


TIP: Get into astronomy and you will change for good. You will realise how pewny we and our problems, wars and religious confusions are and much more. The secret to the "much more" is all there. At first you will feel a real emptieness inside and you will morn awhile but you will get over the real facts of life and learn to live with it.


Good luck and look to the future and most of all dont read a bible for the next 5 years and youll understand.
(reply to this comment)

From conan
Tuesday, August 16, 2005, 12:40

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

Dude, don't tell people what to do. You can say why being an athiest has worked for you, but to say "it's better to become an athiest" sounds an awful lot like preaching. I'm not religious, I'm humanistic/agnostic...but I would never try and tell someone why My way is better. I might try and convince them why theirs is wrong...but convince them that My way is better, NEVER.

That being said, I liked what you wrote Mia. I hope that what you've said here has worked for you and that you continue to 'piece yourself together'.(reply to this comment

from PopNFresh
Tuesday, August 16, 2005 - 11:26


I really feel it! It was good.
(reply to this comment)

from Sees past misspelled words
Tuesday, August 16, 2005 - 05:40

Very powerfully written! You gained your strength back and didn`t leave yourself to lie in the dust. It`s good to be able to recognize that you have been hurt; it`s better to be able to let your hurt be cured, but what`s great is being able to show your wounds to the tormenter and say "fuck you, I`m still standing!"
(reply to this comment)

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