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Getting Through : Dealing

My confession

from Sonderval - Saturday, March 26, 2005
accessed 1601 times

I don't know quite why I'm posting this, perhaps because of what I'm doing now this will all come out anyway, perhaps it's Ricky's memorial this weekend that I wasn't able to attend, perhaps it's Ricky's death which I can't help thinking could have been mine, and perhaps his course would be a more permanent answer than what I'm trying to do now but it's not an option open to me now that I have a son of my own.

My confession is that I am now 26 years old and I have only just contacted the police about my father, as a child I was violently and sexually abused, my father was eventually excommunicated for what he did to his kids (we were isolated up in Scotland, his behaviour was not discovered for a long time, and once it was it took a year of prayer and thought for WS to think that maybe they should advise my mother to get him out of the house and excommunicated him).

He was excommunicated when I was 12, I left the cult when I was 15, it has taken me 11 years to be able to call the police and say what happened to me, in the intervening years my father has been working as a volunteer with vulnerable kids. Of course there are excuses for my delaying what I am doing now, he's probably changed, he won't be able to have such complete power over anyone as he did over us so he wouldn't do that again, etc etc, there are excuses for everything in life, but the simple fact is that there is what you do and what you don't do, and I will have to live with not having had the strength to act sooner for the rest of my life.

I will see this through, I will make sure that my father does not have the chance to ruin or destroy any more lives, I can only hope that it is not too little too late, as it was for me.

Reader's comments on this article

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from
Thursday, November 24, 2005 - 15:46

(Agree/Disagree?)
wow, you are very brave to face up to it at all! I didnt ave to courage to tell my family for many years, let alone strangers. There is a right time for everything.

Sadly we had no control over our past, but we do over our future.

I wish you all the luck in the world x
(reply to this comment)
from Are you still around?
Monday, October 10, 2005 - 13:13

(Agree/Disagree?)
Hi does anyone know if Sonderval / Ken is still around? I really need to get in contact with him!
(reply to this comment)
From Looking to get in touch
Thursday, October 20, 2005, 13:44

(
Agree/Disagree?)
Sonderval are you still around? Does anyone know if he is? (reply to this comment
from Email
Monday, October 03, 2005 - 10:18

(Agree/Disagree?)
Hi Ken, just emailed you, are you still at: corporaljam@hotmail.com
(reply to this comment)
from Baxter
Thursday, March 31, 2005 - 06:28

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
I really don't think you should beat yourself up over this, mate! I mean, these things take time to come to grips with - years and decades included. Only someone to whom this sort of thing is alien and abstract could condemn you for not acting sooner, and I don't think that the reasons you have mentioned can be negated as excuses. You have to help yourself before you help others.
(reply to this comment)
from Mack
Monday, March 28, 2005 - 14:34

(Agree/Disagree?)
Iím sure he hasnít changed. Child molesters NEVER do even if they get locked up for 20 years the minute they get out they will look for another victim. So donít think for a second he has changed. I hope you get him locked up. If not he will continue to victimize as many children as he can get away with until he is stopped. Good luck.
(reply to this comment)
from Cult Surfer
Monday, March 28, 2005 - 13:44

(Agree/Disagree?)

Please let me know if you need any help. If indeed the police are willing to pursue an investigation, please know that any and all my resources are available to you. It's time for the abusers to take the paddle.

John Jr.
(reply to this comment)

from tudaisy
Monday, March 28, 2005 - 08:13

(Agree/Disagree?)
I think it's very commandable and brave what your doing, I don't think that most people would be strong enough to dig up and confront past pain and issues, I just hope that every thing works out and that some good can come from this.
(reply to this comment)
from Lord of the Leeches.
Monday, March 28, 2005 - 04:21

Average visitor agreement is 1 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Not all secrets should be let out of the box. You could suffer a shitload from trying to right all the wrongs in the world, only to find out the world doesn't really give a shit. Sorry, but it happens. Hope it works out better for you. Good luck.
(reply to this comment)
From Baxter
Thursday, March 31, 2005, 06:30

(Agree/Disagree?)
Maybe the world doesn't give a shit, but the pack of wolves that is the British social services are always eager for new flesh to sink their teeth into. Might as well give them a worthy target.(reply to this comment
From Sonderval
Monday, March 28, 2005, 05:14

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

This is in reply to Goldenmic as well, I'm not doing this to have any legal impact or get any 'Justice', the concept is pretty meaningless to me. In this country there is a database of people who have been convicted of child abuse, and that database is checked whenever someone wants to work in a position that would put him/her in contact with kids, the only reason I am doing this is to get him on that database which will be automatic if he is convicted and is a lifelong membership regardless of his sentence.

I know the world doesn't give a shit, but somewhere down the line someone has to or this shit just goes on and on. Where these issues are concerned you cannot 'right a wrong', you cannot make everything ok again, all you can do is try and stop it happening again to someone else, there is no 'Justice' in these cases.(reply to this comment

from GoldenMic
Sunday, March 27, 2005 - 11:20

(Agree/Disagree?)
You are showing a lot of courage to do this thing, despite the time frame. Many of us here have gone even longer, and have STILL not been able to work up the energy and the self-love to insist that our abusers actually be held accountable. One thing, with the length of time involved, and as you appear to already understand, there is a very serious possibility that your reports will be minimized and have little legal impact, and that is going to be disturbing. The important thing is, in my mind, to remember that you are doing what needs doing, taking your stand, and the actual legal results are less important than your courageous decision to stand up for yourself. No matter what happens with the case, many of us here will be standing with you, thanking you for having the courage to do what's right. Such an act has far-reaching effects on many others, and every now and then, even brings an abuser tumbling down! With admiration, Michael M.
(reply to this comment)
from anovagrrl
Saturday, March 26, 2005 - 16:49

(Agree/Disagree?)
You are a courageous person. I hope you have the support of family and friends, because you've chosen to do a very difficult thing. I don't know you personally, but I've been impressed by many things you've had to say on this website. I'm a little surprised to hear you are only 26 years old. You seem wise beyond your years.
(reply to this comment)
From ErikMagnusLehnsher
Saturday, March 26, 2005, 20:56

(Agree/Disagree?)

Could have said it better myself. Your posts are insightful, intelligent and frequently comical. Sonderval, good luck and stay strong.(reply to this comment

From ErikMagnusLehnsher
Saturday, March 26, 2005, 20:57

(Agree/Disagree?)
Oops. I meant could NOT have said it better...it's late. (sheepish grin)(reply to this comment

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