Suicide Poll

from porceleindoll - Saturday, February 05, 2005
accessed 1250 times

As of today, here are the results from the poll I posted regarding suicide:

Total Responses: 191 persons

Q: Did you consider or attempt suicide while still in the Family?

1. No, never crossed my mind, either in or out:
27.75%
53 people

2. Not until I left the group did I consider it:
12.04%
23 people

3. Yes, I considered it while in the group, but never attempted it:
37.70%
72 people

4. Yes, I attempted to commit suicide while still in the group:
15.18%
29 people

5. I had friends who considered or attempted it:
7.33%
14 people


This is actually very significant, but bear in mind that it only reflects the opinions of 191 persons who have left the group. I would have liked to do the same poll at Family Youth, slightly modified, to find out the feeling of present memebers, but I must admit some trepidition at doing so, mainly because I know from my own past personal behavior that one feels a certain disloyalty to the group if you were to honestly express your true negative feelings about the group and your life in it.

By far the greatest number of persons (72) responded that they had considered yet never attempted suicide within the cult. By contrast, 23 persons responded that they only considered it after leaving the cult.
That tells us that thoughts concerning suicide ran much higher while in the group than when out. Leaving the group didn't have as much bearing on the majority of those who had contemplated suicide as the group would like its members to believe.
In other words:
More people were unhappy to the point of suicide while part of the group than those who left it.

Secondly--an even higher number of people (though slightly) actually attempted to commit suicide while still in the group, than those who contemplated it after leaving (23 people). This is significant in that they were so unhappy within the cult that they actually came to the point of trying to end it all. I realise I should have included a question to reflect how many persons attempted to commit suicide after leaving, it would have given a more balanced response to the question. But still, more people tried to kill themselves while still in the group than the number of people who contemplated it after leaving.

Again this means:
More people were unhappy to the point of suicide while part of the group than those who left it.

Of those who responded a significant (but not greatest) percentage (27%-53 people) have never thought about suicide, either in or out of the group.

This is significant in that leaving the group doesn't drive one to suicide, or contemplating suicide, and to be fair, neither did living in the group do the same.

If anything this poll reflects that the majority were more unhappy within the group, than since leaving.

As for myself, suicide has crossed my mind more than once, both in and out of the group, at times I've felt that it's only my kids who keep me tied to life, I could never abandon nor leave them alone in the world. I also am scared of pain (chicken).

While in the group I dismissed those feelings as an attack of the enemy, and never confessed them to anyone. But at various times I was so depressed over life in the group, the constant yielding, supression, having to do jobs I didn't like, but because I was a good little chess piece, saying goodbye to my family time and time again, to people I loved, and doing it cheerfully though I felt like dying inside, and being so unchallenged to the point of boredom and frustration.

Since leaving the cult, the reasons I've ever contemplated suicide were because of the great lacks in my life due to living in the cult, education and financial wise, the depression of knowing I was starting my life at 0 and that I was past 30, leaving me way behind my peers in society. Dealing with my relationship with my family which has been very messed up because of the cult. All reasons for depression outside since leaving the cult are directly related to my life within the cult, because I am ultimately a product of the cult and must work hard to remake myself, and at times it seems simply impossible.

PS. With the cult it's either you're damned if you do or damned if you don't. If you have suicidal thoughts while in the group it's an 'attack of the enemy', if you have them outside the group, it's a result of leaving, getting out of touch with the Word, losing faith, being in contact with 'apostates'.
Will they ever take the responsibility they share in our lives?