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from clark Thursday, January 20, 2005 - 09:33 (Agree/Disagree?) God bless you Joanne, you are a strong woman and I know your children are blessed now because of the choice you made. I can't imagine anyone else telling me what to teach and how to discipline my children. So may first generationers chose to look the other way even if they weren't "into it". I have three kidz and they are my reason for being. I've been out of tf 8 years and am so greatful that my kids will never know what Tf was. (reply to this comment)

From Jubilee Thursday, January 20, 2005, 16:24 (Agree/Disagree?) yes siree Clark, Us older ex-COG have to stand by the younger ones for what they went through, I would do whatever I could. No child deserved what they did to them. Thanks for the encouragement. Jubilee - joanne (reply to this comment)

from Lizzie Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 22:46 (Agree/Disagree?) Joanne, Thank you for your story. It's nice to hear of a woman who was strong enough to leave and take her kids too. I admire you for standing up and saying this is wrong. Too many people just went along with it and us kids are still dealing with it. Thank you. (reply to this comment)

From Jubilee Thursday, January 20, 2005, 05:13 (Agree/Disagree?) Thanks Lizzy, I don't feel like much of a hero. There were a few times in the COG that I too considered suicide. It came very close. I was 6 months pregnant with my first son, the COG leaders at the home I was in had performed an exorcism on me to cast out the demon of jealousy because I did not want my husband to sleep with the other sisters or flirty fish. I was so terrified, they told me that if I did not consent to my husband doing what Mo said that the demon might go in to my baby. Then they told me they were splitting us up that our marriage was no longer bearing fruit for God. They were sending me away to another city. I was crying my heart out, my husband was told not to talk to me and nobody else would bother with me either, as I had a demon you know.They had put me in a room alone with no food for a day to pray and repent. No lights on either. I walked out the front door of the commune in a daze, crying and wandered on to the white line of the highway in front of the house. I remember the confusion in my mind, should I throw myself under the wheels of the traffic going toward the commune or away from the commune. Afraid that if I threw myself under the wheels going toward, that people would blame the COG for my death. Oh no, could not be a Judas!!! Away would mean I was trying to leave God's will...... Finally a man in a big truck yelled, "Hey Lady what are you trying to do kill your baby, at least give the kid a chance to live!!" It woke me out of the stupour and I went back to the commune. The saddest part is that nobody even knew I had left, nor paid any attention at all. I was left alone in my room to repent. The following morning they gave me my suitcase and a bus ticket and sent me to the other commune. Did not even let me say goodbye to anyone. They told me if I went back to the system, the system would take my baby away from me as I was an unfit mother. I was 21 years old at this time. So believe me, I can understand the nightmare you kids were living. To help you understand what your parents might be living, please try to understand many of us were young too and the COG knew how to break you down to tiny pieces and they were mostly confused most of the time. My commune leader had been a sergeant in the US marines before defecting to Canada and joining the COG. They did not allow any relationships to survive, wives, husbands, brothers and sisters, friends, parents and children etc. Any closeness, real closeness was a threat to Mo's control over you. Most parents were heartbroken about the treatment they were forced to give their children. If I did not spank my son, the commune leader would take him away and do it for me. He was a lot harder than me, so I did it instead and broke my heart every time. Take heart kids, picture if you had stayed and had kids of your own what the COG would be doing to those relationships. I don't say just trivialize what happened, but please realize WE WERE A MESS. Thanks again for your kind words. Jubilee, Joanne (reply to this comment)

From figaro Tuesday, September 04, 2007, 19:34 (Agree/Disagree?) I know what its like when the only way to save someone you love dearly is to hurt them, but in doing so you are saving them from a much greater pain. Having to hurt someone that you love is not easy, it tears the very fabric of your soul apart to do it, but you know that it is better for the this way, but you know that they will never know that and never understand that in hurting them you saved them, all they see is that you hurt them, and that hurts. I can't say I know what you went through or how it felt to you, but I know how it felt to me the times that I had to do it, so I can only imagine the pain it caused you. That is the one real reason why I am able to still speak to my mother and I don't take out my frustrations or anger on her, because I know she was just as much a victim to my father and to the cult as I was. It was her fault for letting it happen, but it wasn't what she wanted, and she just didn't see a way out. She did leave for about a year when I was young, she tried to being me and 5 of my brothers and sisters along with her, but being a single mother with 6 kids and no qualifications or training for a real job she just couldn't do it and returned simply because she didn't see any other way. So I do understand that us second generation weren't the only victims. Thank you for sharing your story, I too believe that you are a strong woman for doing what you did. I hope that it all comes out well with your son, and I hope that you and your children can find a peace and happiness, something I will never have. (reply to this comment)

From shins Tuesday, September 04, 2007, 15:26 (Agree/Disagree?) Wow amazing. You are strong and lovely. Well done to you for your children- they must realise how wonderful you are. x(reply to this comment)