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Getting Through : Dealing

So Sad about Ricky-Our appologies EX-COG

from Jubilee - Wednesday, January 19, 2005
accessed 1907 times

My heart goes out to all of you poor young people, who never deserved to be treated that way. No child should have to endure what the Children of God (The Family) subjects their children to-in the name of Jesus, God, Moses, Maria, I don't care who!!!

I joined at 17 years old in Toronto Canada, quit high school to join the COG. This was in 1972 at a coffee house the COG had on Queen Street. Through many difficult years and problems, wanting to leave but being afraid. I hated the Flirty fishing letters and was always being punished one way or another for not wanting to obey them.The COG chose husbands and broke up my marriages as they pleased. With no regard for any children which resulted either.

It was not until 1980 when the Davidito letters came out that I was shocked in to leaving. I had a boy his same age 4 years old, a little 8 month old boy and I was pregnant with my little girl. NOBODY is going to touch my children I thought. THIS IS NOT GOD!

When I cried out that Moses David was evil and perverted, a child molester and nut case (NOT GOD's PROPHET) they held their hands over the ears of my children. I had to hitchhike without a penny to another distant city in the winter to get out.

Luckily old friends from my childhood took me in and helped me get started over in my life. I was 26 at the time. It took me 2 months and trickery and lying to get my husband the Commune shepherd to visit with me, to bring the children to see me. I was terrified I'd never get to see them again.

I threw him out and threatened to get the police involved if they bothered me again. There was no way I was going to let anyone abuse my children sexually the way they abused me.

I had been an innocent, Christian, a virgin who thought I was going to be serving God when I joined, not serving the depraved fantasies of an ego maniac named Moses David. I did not even find out there was such a person as Moses David, till I had been in the group for 2 months under the intense mind-control 10-12 hour bible studying sessions.

My heart goes out to all of you poor young people, who never deserved to be treated that way. No child should have to endure what the Children of God (The Family) subjects their children to-in the name of Jesus, God, Moses, Maria, I don't care who!!!

My children survived and are doing fine. My oldest had a very rough time and is still struggling but at least he was saved from the sexual abuse. So sad for those of you who had to go through it.

My wish for you all is that some justice is done. My prayer for you is that you are not so totally discouraged, that you give up and take your lives like poor Rick did.

For the sake of the poor kids that are still prisoners in there, please please, keep on fighting the lies, don't give up. Let there be someone who will understand that the remaining children in there can go to for help. You young people can be that help for them. Please be strong for them, even if for no one else.

Love to you all- ps My middle son is looking for his dad Ezekiel (Tom Carrs), I hope he does and doesn't find him. If he does I hope Tom is out of the group, physically and psychologically and spiritually.

If Tom is still with the Family, I hope my son does not find him.

Jubilee (This was my family name) I don't want to use my own name because I don't want cult members to contact me)

If you wish you can call me Joanne.

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from clark
Thursday, January 20, 2005 - 09:33

God bless you Joanne, you are a strong woman and I know your children are blessed now because of the choice you made. I can't imagine anyone else telling me what to teach and how to discipline my children. So may first generationers chose to look the other way even if they weren't "into it". I have three kidz and they are my reason for being. I've been out of tf 8 years and am so greatful that my kids will never know what Tf was.
(reply to this comment)
From Jubilee
Thursday, January 20, 2005, 16:24


yes siree Clark, Us older ex-COG have to stand by the younger ones for what they went through, I would do whatever I could.

No child deserved what they did to them.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Jubilee - joanne

(reply to this comment

from Lizzie
Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 22:46



Thank you for your story. It's nice to hear of a woman who was strong enough to leave and take her kids too. I admire you for standing up and saying this is wrong. Too many people just went along with it and us kids are still dealing with it. Thank you.
(reply to this comment)

From Jubilee
Thursday, January 20, 2005, 05:13


Thanks Lizzy,

I don't feel like much of a hero. There were a few times in the COG that I too considered suicide. It came very close. I was 6 months pregnant with my first son, the COG leaders at the home I was in had performed an exorcism on me to cast out the demon of jealousy because I did not want my husband to sleep with the other sisters or flirty fish.

I was so terrified, they told me that if I did not consent to my husband doing what Mo said that the demon might go in to my baby. Then they told me they were splitting us up that our marriage was no longer bearing fruit for God. They were sending me away to another city.

I was crying my heart out, my husband was told not to talk to me and nobody else would bother with me either, as I had a demon you know.They had put me in a room alone with no food for a day to pray and repent. No lights on either.

I walked out the front door of the commune in a daze, crying and wandered on to the white line of the highway in front of the house.

I remember the confusion in my mind, should I throw myself under the wheels of the traffic going toward the commune or away from the commune. Afraid that if I threw myself under the wheels going toward, that people would blame the COG for my death. Oh no, could not be a Judas!!! Away would mean I was trying to leave God's will......

Finally a man in a big truck yelled, "Hey Lady what are you trying to do kill your baby, at least give the kid a chance to live!!"

It woke me out of the stupour and I went back to the commune.

The saddest part is that nobody even knew I had left, nor paid any attention at all. I was left alone in my room to repent. The following morning they gave me my suitcase and a bus ticket and sent me to the other commune. Did not even let me say goodbye to anyone. They told me if I went back to the system, the system would take my baby away from me as I was an unfit mother.

I was 21 years old at this time.

So believe me, I can understand the nightmare you kids were living.

To help you understand what your parents might be living, please try to understand many of us were young too and the COG knew how to break you down to tiny pieces and they were mostly confused most of the time. My commune leader had been a sergeant in the US marines before defecting to Canada and joining the COG.

They did not allow any relationships to survive, wives, husbands, brothers and sisters, friends, parents and children etc. Any closeness, real closeness was a threat to Mo's control over you.

Most parents were heartbroken about the treatment they were forced to give their children. If I did not spank my son, the commune leader would take him away and do it for me. He was a lot harder than me, so I did it instead and broke my heart every time.

Take heart kids, picture if you had stayed and had kids of your own what the COG would be doing to those relationships. I don't say just trivialize what happened, but please realize WE WERE A MESS.

Thanks again for your kind words.

Jubilee, Joanne

(reply to this comment

From figaro
Tuesday, September 04, 2007, 19:34

I know what its like when the only way to save someone you love dearly is to hurt them, but in doing so you are saving them from a much greater pain. Having to hurt someone that you love is not easy, it tears the very fabric of your soul apart to do it, but you know that it is better for the this way, but you know that they will never know that and never understand that in hurting them you saved them, all they see is that you hurt them, and that hurts. I can't say I know what you went through or how it felt to you, but I know how it felt to me the times that I had to do it, so I can only imagine the pain it caused you.

That is the one real reason why I am able to still speak to my mother and I don't take out my frustrations or anger on her, because I know she was just as much a victim to my father and to the cult as I was. It was her fault for letting it happen, but it wasn't what she wanted, and she just didn't see a way out. She did leave for about a year when I was young, she tried to being me and 5 of my brothers and sisters along with her, but being a single mother with 6 kids and no qualifications or training for a real job she just couldn't do it and returned simply because she didn't see any other way. So I do understand that us second generation weren't the only victims.

Thank you for sharing your story, I too believe that you are a strong woman for doing what you did. I hope that it all comes out well with your son, and I hope that you and your children can find a peace and happiness, something I will never have. (reply to this comment
From shins
Tuesday, September 04, 2007, 15:26


Wow amazing. You are strong and lovely. Well done to you for your children- they must realise how wonderful you are.

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