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Getting Through : Dealing
think positive | from highonlife - Tuesday, July 13, 2004
accessed 1949 times We all can go on for hours about how wrong the Family was and is today. But I think we must also remember the good things we experienced and how many of us are using this experience to our benefit in society. Wow, I had no idea so many poeple who left the family have become atheist. Is it because you have chosen to belive the opposite of every thing you where tought as a child? Or is it beacuase you where given such a twisted image of God growing up that now you want nothing to do with him? I dont think I ever felt God in my life untill I left the family and was able to find out on my own what God realy wanted from me.
Friedrich Nietzche and his philosofy on how we will only be free if we eccept that there is no God and that we are insegnificant..... I find it desturbing that some of you actually read his thesese with an open mind knowing that he went insane and died confused and alone, not to mention that Adolf Hitler based his actions on nietzches philosofy of how the strong should eliminate the weak becuase they hold society down.
I do belive that religion was created to keep the poor from killing the rich and that most every thing bad that has happend was done in the name of religion but I think we are all smart enough to know that God isn't religion Just like God isnt the COG and God belives in you even if you dont belive in him.
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from Banshee
Wednesday, July 21, 2004 - 08:47
 (Agree/Disagree?)
What many of you positive-thinking, "my-childhood-was-great", Family-lifestyle-huggers fail to realize while you rush to ascribe credit to a cult for any minorly positive attributes in your character or life ethics is that these "lists" that you so proudly draw up are quite simply some very basic and common qualities and ethics that most decent and ordinary parents routinely and traditionally pass on to their children in every continent on this planet! All of your points listed here are standards and values that any good parent can--and does--pass on to their children. UNFORTUNATELY FOR US we will never find out if our parents would have been those kind of parents because the cult--yes, I said CULT--took that opportunity away from us all. So while I am not bashing the fact that you feel the Family gave you these morals to live by, I do decry the fact that you use them to support the conveluted idea that the Family is above socitiy in some way simply because they raised you with some fairly average life principles.
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| | | | from Haunted
Wednesday, July 21, 2004 - 08:43
(Agree/Disagree?)
Okay - so I'm moving now and totally goofing off from my "to-do" list, but since we're all being positive here....
Thanks to the F, I can pack like a fiend!! Last night packing while intoxicated (aka PWI), I realized that my superior packing abilities are due to the many hours spent rolling my clothes as small as possible to fit into my one allowed suitcase and fleebag so I wouldn't have to forsake that red second-hand eighties-style new set of legwarmers I just got for Christmas.
Oh, that remembering all the many suitcases I have helped sit on with my friends/siblings so we could get them shut - - good times (not)!
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|  From Vicky
Wednesday, July 21, 2004, 09:35
(Agree/Disagree?)
LOL, you brought back some funny memories...! I used to be totally into my ultra-organised suitcase! I, like you and probably many other girls, had discovered that tightly rolling my garments meant I could fit far more into my suitcase, but that in itself was not enough, so I would also pack my clothing in categories and then colour-coordinate my clothing as well, so all black t-shirts together, then all the navy blue, etc, from dark to light, etc etc. I now recognise that my neurotic efforts at organising my 'space' were an indication of the oppression and control I had to endure in other areas of my life.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | from pharmaboy
Wednesday, July 21, 2004 - 02:29
(Agree/Disagree?)
I get what you're saying, it's your thought processes that must be changed, from that of a 'victim' to that of a 'winner'. Btw, I really don't see how knowing the bible by heart is much of a plus in life..
Sure, life is hard in the outside world too, but I take a Nietzche viewpoint on it: the next step after swallowing the discovery that life is inherently pointless and meaningless, is to accept this as a positive thing, to say yea to this life and then be free to do whatever you want with your life. When the symbolic demon asks Zarathustra if he would want to repeat this life over and over again, with all it's pointlessness, it's pain and it's suffering, Zarathustra does not reply "yea, in spite of it all" but "yea, because of it all". It's not masochism, it's facing what we are afraid to face and becoming stronger from it, and discovering the infinite possibilities that we are free to choose from.
After being in the family, I'm happy every day now I have a plentyful and well-balanced meal which includes proper meat cuts(not cartilage and liver), decent, non-rotting fruit and vegetables and fresh bread. I appreciate these small daily pleasures that others take for granted, it's amazing how a good meal can flip over a bad mood when you think back at the dreary TF meals, that's really all I have taken from the family, the rest is to be forgotten. The worst and most lingering thought is TF idea that one must do something important or world-changing in life(save the world for Jesus, help the poor, bleah, blah) in order to be truly satified and happy. Sometimes that song just repeats over and over in my head:"I'd rather die for something than live for nothing", AGHHHHHHHH, SHUT UP!!!!!!!
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| | | | from Shaka
Tuesday, July 20, 2004 - 17:36
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Quote: "YOU EEEEDIOT!!!". End quote. Ren and Stimpy
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| from Baxter
Tuesday, July 20, 2004 - 16:39
(Agree/Disagree?)
I persoally think most of the points you name are more coincidental than anything else. You do not owe the family for any of these things (except maybe knowing the bible by heart, which is only a good thing if you're a dedicated Christian, which I personally am far from). Most of these are down to mere life experience, and there are millions of people in ther world who pick up identical or similar experience without having had to live in an mad cult run by a paedophilic bible-wielding con-man.
In short, if while in the care of the Family your life was at all enriched, than you should give due credit to either YOURSELF or the select individuals who were resposible for your enrichment. I admit we would all be different people were it not for the Family, I accept that we might be weaker of character, less experienced, less resilient individuals, and in my own way, I am glad of where I grew up; BUT I'LL BE DAMNED BEFORE I START GIVING CREDIT FOR ANY OF IT TO THE FAMILY!
(reply to this comment)
| | | | From
Wednesday, July 21, 2004, 08:00
(Agree/Disagree?)
How do you know so much about U.S. suburbs? I though you lived in Sverige or something like that.
I live in the U.S., though not in a suburb but in an interesting city, and am surrounded by people who have different combinations of those traits -- though # 3 may be rare -- and were not fondled, raped or tortured at home and moreover have families that are proud of them and supportive and they can be proud of their parents.
On # 5, they have been able to progress far in life in better things than getting 6 toilets used by 130 people sparkling day after day. I have an ability to work very hard, but the fact that I worked so hard in childhood lends to a recurring exhaustion now that I can actually work for achievements worthwhile to me.
On # 6, I think TF leads in some of us to tendencies that are counterproductive to the self because of their addictive nature. This one would take a 20-page paper to begin to explore.
Sometimes I really wonder about hanging out on this board when people get all accepting of an organization I loathe, that I find repulsive through and through.
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| | From Wolf
Wednesday, July 21, 2004, 10:09
(Agree/Disagree?)
Most of my siblings live near US suburbs. Despite my parents’ best efforts they 1) watch lots of TV (not necessarily a bad thing), 2) (I don’t have a clue what Highonlife meant by his second point), 3) Certainly don’t know the Bible by heart, 4) Have no desire to learn a second language (much less third or fourth), 5) Their work ethic is improving as the grow older but 6) they have plenty of addictive habits.
Note that I’m not supporting Highonlife’s argument that TF is a better place to be raised, I just agree that the first 6 “qualities” he names are more common in TF than in typical European / American homes. Obviously if any of us were to list the positive traits of said European / American homes as compared to TF the list would be much longer and more meaningful.
BTW, if you want to continue this discussion please don’t post anonymously.(reply to this comment) |
| | From
Wednesday, July 21, 2004, 10:14
(Agree/Disagree?)
How long have your siblings been out of The Family? How do you know those traits don't have a lot to do with their years in The Family?
Many effects of The Family don't become obvious until leaving because the total external control is lifted, but that does not make them less rooted in TF moulding. If TF were to be truly a good upbringing, it would have to allow for positive adjustment if one finds TF life unsustainable and chooses another path.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | from JohnnieWalker
Tuesday, July 20, 2004 - 14:35
(Agree/Disagree?)
8 points? Dude, that doesn't really tip the balance in favor of the Family when compared to the 100+ reasons for being a Systemite listed elsewhere on this site.
(reply to this comment)
| from Jules
Tuesday, July 20, 2004 - 12:31
(Agree/Disagree?)
I have a question for you. Did you really not find life in the Family boring? I spent a couple of years during my childhood in a suburban area in the UK with only my parents and brothers and sisters (from the age of 4 to 7) and we lived relatively normal lives during that time. It was vastly more interesting and enjoyable than traipsing off around the world from one commune to another.
Yes, in the Family we didn’t “waste time” watching television, but we were forced to read Berg’s drunken ramblings for at least TWO HOURS every single day. What a complete and utter waste of time. Zerby’s writings were even worse because they were even more boring. I remember being so utterly and completely bored that I honestly thought watching paint dry would have been more exciting. I think I would have learned much more from a diet of Seinfeld and The Simpsons.
Yes, so we didn’t know who the “New Kids on the Block” or other lame bands were. Instead our minds were being filled with crucial “facts” such as: Hitler was a good man and Martin Luther King was evil. Jewish people staged the holocaust and black people deserved slavery and didn’t mind it actually. NASA got the dimensions of the moon wrong, because heaven was inside and it wouldn’t fit if they were right. Scientists were evil people out to destroy faith in God and all evidence of evolution and the universe being older than 6000 years old was just manufactured by them.
Our lives sound exotic and exciting to people who have lived in the same place their whole lives, but in reality, for me anyways, it was extremely dull and tedious. A Family Home in Bombay looked pretty much the same as one in Liverpool or LA or Paris. The daily schedule was exactly the same. There were the same endless hordes of babies and toddlers to clean up after and mind. There were the same weird FGs, the same prayer meetings and “dance nights”. There were always so many toilets to clean, floors to clean and dishes to watch. There were the same pictures on the walls, the same triple bunks and trundle beds and the same transient empty feel to every home I was ever in. When we did get to actually leave the house there were the same posters and tapes and videos to sell. We’d pile into the same old white van and use the same lines in every single country. I experienced almost nothing about the countries I lived in other than “witnessing” (aka peddling crap for money). There were some exciting episodes and events that occurred, but mostly it was so, so boring.
What was the most tedious for me was the complete lack of intellectual stimulation. Everybody said exactly the same things. We were only ever allowed to read from the same “library” of group publications. There was nothing that could be debated or interpreted or stimulated the mind at all. We had to watch the same movies over and over again, and have them explained to us each time, just in case we actually came to a conclusion on our own. The Superworkbooks (that only went up to grade 6) had to be the most tedious, stupid and boring curriculum of any “educational system anywhere. They were completely and utterly useless and taught kids absolutely nothing.
Perhaps your experiences were different, but for me life in the Family was very very dull. I would have given anything to have had access to a library, to have gone to high school or to put my energy into something than raising money to support the adults, avoiding perverts, moving house and cleaning. When you have these basics of survival covered, you have time to focus on things that are actually interesting.
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| From Jerseygirl
Tuesday, July 20, 2004, 12:53
(Agree/Disagree?)
Yes, yes, yes! Along those lines:
1) I'd like to visit the spanish steps and Piazza Navona without having to waste the entire time "personal witnessing" to beautiful Italian youth who have no interest in what I am saying about religion---hello!--this IS Italy.
2) I'd like to speed along the highway near Vienna and admire the countryside for all it's beauty and worth without having a trailer hitched to the car and having to sit and listen to a DM tape while eating peanuts and raisins.
3) I'd like to smoke some good pot in Amsterdam and meet some cool people instead of sitting at the airport during a layover en route to yet another boring home.
4) I'd like to revisit some of the cool niteclubs in Europe to dance and have a ball rather than seeth in envy of all the other teenagers enjoying themselves and being young.
5) I'd like to revisit Budapest , Hungary and enjoy all the changes and people in that country after the iron curtain fell(as well as my first sexual encounter with a female) without having the pressure of distribuiting hundreds of thousands of mini posters while getting in trouble daily for my attitudes and for not meeting the soul quotas.
Whatever--the list is freakin long because it goes back almost 30 yrs.
Oh well.
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| | | | | From Jerseygirl
Thursday, July 22, 2004, 10:07
(Agree/Disagree?)
I just wanted to say that the comment I am about to make is in no way directed in a bad way at you Xena. I'm just wondering if people realise that there may be a reason so many people on this site go by a pseudonym. I have talked with a few people about this and it is something that I fell needs to be considered. I understand that to a lot of people it may seem silly to worry about or take issue with the fact that certain people swing around names , I mean after all ,its not as if we are in a witness protection program or the mafia or anything, but to some of us it is a little touchier.
There is nothing that I, or those of my family or friends on this site, have to hide per se but I feel that there is a certain amount of privacy as well as confidence afforded to share personal feelings with the option of being anonymous. Sometimes there are things that I know I've written on here, or others I know, that we do not want even other members of our family to know about and especially not our parents who we havent really shared these things with. I think that if one is inclined to want to get in touch with another individual there is the option of sending an email which is available on his/her profile.
Anyways ,I hope that this is somehow making some sense and if not well, I delivered my soul .
P.S. She is a very cool and wonderful person--but then again our whole family is, maybe its due to our wonderful upbringing in the cult, ha ha!(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Joe's Alter Ego
Tuesday, July 20, 2004, 14:16
(Agree/Disagree?)
The real reason I like peanuts and raisins is because you can split the peanut into 2 halves, stick a flattened raisin in between them and presto, you've got yourself a little itty-bitty hamburger that looks absolutely FABulous! (Really, guys I am NOT GAY!)
...just a fun little project I came up with during 'Snack Time' while hypnotically chanting Psalms 23 along with the rest of the clones.
In closing, let me remind you all again of a not-so-well-known fact about myself: I AM NOT GAY!!!(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From
Tuesday, July 20, 2004, 14:02
(Agree/Disagree?)
PLEASE do, Joe, cause they probably don't have any peanuts or any raisins in Spain! You know how backward some foreign countries are.
This former cult child always wished there were more raisins in the peanuts and raisins. 25% peanuts to 75% raisins would have been perfect. Now I just go get whatever treat I want for the cravings, even if it has white sugar!(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | from neez
Monday, July 19, 2004 - 16:37
(Agree/Disagree?)
9) Your bible quoting skills are sure to get you laid.
(reply to this comment)
| from Ruthie
Monday, July 19, 2004 - 14:55
(Agree/Disagree?)
Well, I do agree with you that knowing The Bible better than most people can have its advantages. One great thing is that can counter anything that those with “blind” faith say. I probably do not know The Bible as well as most of the people on this site, but I still know it better than most people. For instance, one of my professors was saying one day that she did not believe in the literal interpretation of The Bible because then she would have to believe that would women should be subservient. Boy, did that set off a contention in the classroom. One of the strongest objectors was this one twice-a-week-at-church girl. She was steamed and totally disagreed, saying that The Bible in no way demoted women. Well, it was very satisfying to remind her what it actually said about women (the whole story of Adam and Eve, for one). She didn’t object after that. Anyway, people should know what a book actually SAYS before they start rabidly defending it (Note: I am not completely a Bible-Basher, there is just some things that I like & don’t like).
Another funny story:
One of my younger sisters (Techy, 19), recently rejoined TF. She begged and begged my youngest sister (Cathy, 16) to come to a get-together/fellowship at her home with my father. Anyway, they had a contest to see who (of the teens) knew the most about Daniel. Well, Cathy (who is not in TF) got the most answers right- she won the contest. Which was very ironic considering the Shepherd had just went out of his way to insult systemites, especially those who had jobs and pursued education (he called us stupid, for one thing). Anyway, it sure would have been funny if my sister had thrown that in their face, but she didn’t. Ah well, maybe some other time.
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| | | | | | | from Banshee
Monday, July 19, 2004 - 11:29
(Agree/Disagree?)
I was wondering what you meant when you said "...I know he [David Berg] has been held accountable for all the suffering he has caused." When has Berg been held accountable? Did I miss something? Please enlighten me.
Some definitions of accountable are:
a) Liable to being called to account; answerable;
b) obliged to accept responsibility;
c) being obliged to answer to an authority for your actions;
d) liable;
(Liable: answerable according to law ; bound or obligated according to law or equity)
I'm sorry, but I just don't see how you could feel that Berg has been "held accountable" for even a fraction of what his deranged ramblings caused. I hope that you are not thinking of that PR statement they sent to the judge in the BI case, because that was just a joke. You may remember the "part B" of that statement, the one that they sent to all the Family homes that said they only said that because they had to for the sake of the case, and that they really didn't mean it.
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| | | | | | | | | | | | | from exister
Monday, July 19, 2004 - 10:42
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Let's add a final one:
9. I am still a brainwashed pawn of the COG!
PTL, TYJ GBAKY
(reply to this comment)
| From highonlife
Wednesday, August 04, 2004, 14:56
(Agree/Disagree?)
No I am not still brain washed because I never was I hated the family ever since I could remember and my parents where somewhat cool with that I spent most of my childhood in and out of family homes to stay with relatives and I left when I was 13, I have recently found a strong faith in God and have reread the bible on my own. What would make you relate my belife in God to Family, God is so much bigger than that and besides they say you forget 95% of what you learn in highschool. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From Wolf
Tuesday, July 20, 2004, 09:00
(Agree/Disagree?)
I wouldn’t want to trade my upbringing for another one either. I don’t know if it has anything to do with TF, however. It’s probably a combination of optimism and love for my parents. Yes, I regret not earning a college degree sooner, but according to statistics I’ve seen only 27% of the adult US population has a college degree anyway. Anger may be an important part of the healing process for some; to me, laughing about the stupidity of it all seems much more effective.(reply to this comment) |
| | from not a dish-washer anymore!
Monday, July 19, 2004 - 01:23
(Agree/Disagree?)
You are very right on this one. As much as we were all hurt deeply by the Family, there are some reasons that I feel were "worth" going through that to become the person that I am. Such as (basically the same as yours):
I'm not a couch potato.
I don't eat junk food. (I still eat only brown sugar!)
I speak 4 languages.
My employers have always been amazed at the fact that I don't complain about doing "menial/meaningless", "dirty" jobs. Such as cleaning the toilets.
I remember the first restaurant I worked in, years ago, (as a dishwasher), was a very busy 200 seater. One Saturday night, we were jam packed, and I had plates, pots, and glasses to wash from here to kingdom come. Thanks to my previous dishwashing "experience" at Osaka School, I had it all done in record time. When my usually grumpy, rude, boss came in and saw that I had finished, he gave me a raise and a promotion to waitress. Yeah I know, not exactly an amazing story or anything but little thing turn into big things right? We shouldn't feel bad about the way we were brought up. Educationaly dis-advantaged, perhaps, but at the same time, we have the advantage to get noticed, because we are unique, socially bright, people persons. And being a restaurant manager, I personally hire people more on character, work ethic, and honesty rather than previous experience or a completed course certificate. Just my honest opinion.
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