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Getting Through : Dealing

Just Need a Friend!

from Frank - Wednesday, June 23, 2004
accessed 1516 times

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from cali-kid
Monday, April 10, 2006 - 22:14

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Hi everyone,
I don't know any of you, but I am familiar with the content of this thread.
When I was 11 my mother moved me to a spiritual commune in Northern California. The commune started in the 70's, so I was in the first generation of kids that grew up in the community school systems and lived on the land.
There is something about living on a commune/cult/whatever you want to call it, that only others who had similar experiences can really "get."
I left the commune when I was 15. I kept in touch with a few of my close friends from there, but after time we all sort of drifted apart. In 2002 we organized a "reunion" and met up with each other again. Twelve years went by and we did another in 2004, and then again last summer. What I want to share, is that everybody has their own lives, and you might not all know where the others are, or be involved in each others lives on a day to day basis, but from my experience, when you do connect, there is nothing like it.
I have stood in a group of people (some I remember, some I don't, some I have never met), and I have never felt so whole, comfortable, and so able to just be myself, whatever that was at the time. It's like you just know that no matter what the depth of your relationship, you have people there who are not judging you, because in many ways, they ARE you. It's not a "solve-all'" by any means, but I have found that re-connecting with these people has been one of the most important, unifying experience of my life, and it has allowed me to ultimately understand and love myself more.
Some of us from where I grew up had great experiences....some of us had really F*%#'d up experiences including horrible sexual abuse and emotional abuse. We have lost several of our friends to suicide and attribute it to very specific experiences that stemmed from our time on the commune.
So anyway, I'm happy to see that there are others out there from different situations that are making an effort to communicate with each other.
All the best to each and every one of you!
much love...........
(reply to this comment)
from Rain Child
Tuesday, July 19, 2005 - 07:10

Hi Frank. I'm a 26 year old girl who left the Family quietly on my own 5 years ago. I'm looking for someone to talk things over with as well. I'm not sure I wanna post my e-mail address for everyone to see, though, so I don't quite know how to do it. Why are you still in Lebanon? Are you Lebanese? I'm Australian.
(reply to this comment)
From Frank
Tuesday, July 19, 2005, 22:23


Hi, thanks for the note. Well, I recently returned back to the Philippines, in hope to be able to get to the US (but it doesn't look very positive, as a friend of mine, lost his job in the company that was going to get me there), although a filipino I actually didn't live here. Anyhow, contact me through my email, would love to hear from you... (reply to this comment

From Ne Oublie
Tuesday, July 19, 2005, 07:25

If you select the option to "let other users contact me" under "my user profile" then Frank - and others - will be able to send you private e-mails through this site. They won't see your e-mail address until you decide to respond to them, so you can effectively 'screen' those you don't want to be in contact with.(reply to this comment
from Phoenixkidd
Wednesday, June 30, 2004 - 09:35


Hey Frank, Wassup I don't know if you remember me, I went to Jordan a twice for Heart to Heart in 97 & 98. That was crazy singing about love to all those Muslim people, they probably thought we were nuts. Anyway, have you ever considered moving to the States, there are lots of ex-members here as well as phillipinos and of course US citizens who are culturally much closer to us 2nd generation family members than Mid-Easterners. I have met some great people here from Work & School and have even told a few I was raised in this cult, and they really don't care. They just have this blank look on their face like they can't nearly comprehend what's happened in my life and we just move on. Good Luck in your endeavors to reconcile your past.
(reply to this comment)

From Frank
Wednesday, June 30, 2004, 23:07


Well, if work there can generate the same income, why not? Of course, here I'm alone. Men, it must be great that many of you get to see and socialize with each other. I was going to write "fellowship". (Are you in contact with Jeremy and Joyful?)

In case you know of any opening or jobs available there along my alley, let me know - and I'll send you my resume, for details.(reply to this comment

From EyesWideShut
Saturday, July 03, 2004, 11:47

I am in contact with Jer and Joy. They're in Texas. Write me and I'll put you in touch.(reply to this comment
from Frank
Monday, June 28, 2004 - 23:47


I just want to thank all of you that sent information about my family. I really appreciate it, also for the personal notes of those that I've lived with in the past and some new friends.... Thank you! and thank you for whoever is behind this site.... If you need any help with this site, just let me know.... (your login scripting has some bugs and the dynamic menu)
(reply to this comment)

from Frank
Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 23:22


Personally burying myself to work was the only solution, I would have gone nuts if I had entertain all the stuff that was going through my head during those first months when I left the Family. You see, I left my own little family too; I had 4 kids that I left behind.
And since I don't have a lot of experience or knowledge with the industry that the company accepted me is involved with, I was basically teaching myself as I go along...
Who was taking up web development in their CLE course? And of course, the need for money... reading the word from JerseyGirl, - "penniless" - men, that brought back some frightening memories... Imagine yourself in Beirut, Lebanon, all by yourself! - Knowing no one, etc. etc. etc. > got to stop here > to be continue, or else I will be "penniless"
(reply to this comment)

from Vicky
Friday, June 25, 2004 - 08:53



I think that a lot of people can relate to what you're experiencing; It seems to be part of the natural process that takes place upon leaving. I've noticed that those who leave and throw themselves into things in order to 'move on' often seem to adjust faster than those who maintain some kind of emotional/psychological link with TF, settling in to the outside world and starting to build a life. Then it seems that a few years down the line everything catches up with them and they experience a sort of delayed reaction of feeling alone, isolated and in need of moral support from people who really get what they're about.

As much as I've argued that we should refrain from overly simplistic generalisations when it comes to the bonds we share due to our experiences, there's no denying that as the children of TF we do have a bond that will forever connect us - Perhaps to varying degrees and not in the same way for each of us, but it is there.

If you're feeling in the need of some support and a listening ear once in a while, I'd recommend writing something on the site once in a while, as this is a place where you can safely talk about the things you may have experienced or the way you feel you have been influenced by your time in TF; It's a good way of working your way through the issues you face, and you can feel comfortable in knowing that probably a lot of people will be able to identify with what you are saying, at least in part. You may also find some old friends (or some new ones).

: )
(reply to this comment)

From Jerseygirl
Friday, June 25, 2004, 13:10


That's a good point. But I think the reason most of us threw ourselves into work and other things was because we were penniless, rainment-less, and food-less. For me, and those I know, it took a lot of work and head to the grind in order to reach up to some semblence of life. Once we started becoming rich and increased with goods, at least a lot more goods than we had previously, then we were able to start the slow and mind boggling process of sorting out our past and exactly WTF we had been through.(reply to this comment

From Jerseygirl
Friday, June 25, 2004, 13:13

I remember the first time we all went in our own car, to the grocery store and then to Blockbuster and the liquor shop. I thought we were super fortunate and rich that we could buy the food we wanted and then--of all things!!--pick out any movie that we wanted and actually watch it with plentiful alcoholic beverages!! Oh Joy!(reply to this comment
From Dancer
Wednesday, June 30, 2004, 23:18

And having a date and making out with that gal you bumped into without fear of getting excommunicated.......(reply to this comment
From Vicky
Friday, June 25, 2004, 13:12

Oh absolutely, I agree with that. I just meant that sometimes the fact that you are so busy in the first few years means that it is easier to put things out of your mind. (reply to this comment

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