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Getting Through : Dealing
Predators | from Webel - Monday, September 22, 2003
accessed 1458 times I have wanted to post an article for some time now, to talk about some of my experiences “unraveling” the aftermath of being brought up in the COG, which frankly has taken years for me to painfully resolve. Before I continue, I want the men to know that this is not a “man hating” article, I am want to talk about men that are women beaters and predators. What prompted me to write this article was reading the horrific story in "The Incredible Hulk Syndrome" by Nancy, clearly some of you girls are still being victims and I want to share my thoughts with you. After leaving the COG I suffered for many years at the hands abusive men, who put me through untold pain, beatings, and heartache not to mention financial losses. It has taken me years to identify the reasons why I put up with this type of individual in my life. In short, when you are an abused person like I was, you almost walk around with a tattoo on your forehead saying “hit me”, “abuse me” and you don’t know how to love without feeling pain, a bit like a masochist without making a conscious choice to be one! Suffice it to say, the cult stunted my emotional growth severely and here is why:
Being brought up in the COG made me very naïve about the “big bad world” and established some erroneous patterns of trust and denial. I was ill equipped for dealing with cruelty as growing up I had to put up with it all the time, and constantly override my instincts of what was right and wrong, and because I ignored my natural “gut” instincts for years, they were disabled, leaving me extremely vulnerable. Through reading various books now I know that “gut” instinct is an inbuilt warning system of oncoming danger! I knew being touched by an adult was wrong, I knew the beatings were wrong but I had to ignore these feelings and switch off in order to survive.
Men who abuse women in relationships are usually ones that have had some sort of abuse themselves, either a bad relationship with their Father, Mother or both. When these men fall in love it brings out feelings of vulnerability in them and they start to mistreat the women they say they love. Men like that are not capable of true love because they have never had unconditional love and acceptance as children – they associate love with pain, and therefore they hate the way that the woman makes them feel, that makes him become abusive and hateful towards her. This type of man is known as a misogynist, and David Berg was a misogynist. His bizarre relationship with his mother set the way that he was going to behave towards women. A lot of us leaving the COG as young girls thought that a misogynist male was the “norm”. I got news for you – it’s not the norm! But there is a way out!
The way to break the pattern, to find the path to fulfillment, happiness and healthy relationships is to recognize that you need to change the way you love, love is not synonymous with complete sacrifice! I highly recommend the following books “The Women who love too much” By Robin Norwood and “Men who hate women and the women who love them” by Susan Forward, you can get them cheap on amazon.com and they are well worth it! Taking the time to read a book that will help you in life is small effort in comparison with the years of pain and suffering of unhealthy relationships. I also recommend self help books on relationships by Dr Laura Schlessinger (for men, women and couples). My story has a happy ending, I am now happily married to a man who treats me as I deserve with love, tenderness and respect. He only came along after I had time to heal and I learnt to believe in myself. |
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Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from jackie
Saturday, September 27, 2003 - 11:49
(Agree/Disagree?)
People who have suffered abuse usually tend to feel in some way inferior or insecure , even when not realising it. I know that in my case it took a lot of time and a few bad relationships to make me realise what I was doing wrong. I was so desperate to find that "love" I never really had that I would just hang on to the first looser who came along and made me feel "good enough". After being hurt in this way a few times and feeling cheated and used once again , I started to just "use" men for fun. I thought well if they are going to use me I might as well use them first and so that is what I would do. I would go out with them and then dump them before developing any feelings for them. Anyways conclusion; childhood abuse is something almost impossible to forget and the best bet is to train yourself to live with it.
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|  From Webel
Saturday, September 27, 2003, 18:26
(Agree/Disagree?)
Jackie, I have to say I disagree with what you said about having to live with child abuse - I believe the human spirit is resilient and strong enough to overcome all kinds of horrors and child abuse is one of them! it is possible to look inside yourself and make a decision that no matter what they did to you, you will not rob yourself of the opportunity of loving and trusting somebody and finding the happiness and fulfilment you deserve.
Child abuse develops an attitude of mistrust people, and love and trust go hand in hand together, you can't have one without the other! There are men out there that will move heaven and earth to earn your love and trust, and they exist because my husband is one of them! I don't know what you believe in but I am a Christian and I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, not the "Jesus" they talked about in the TF with their sickly sweet fakey fixed smiles! "God bless you honey" while they were busy sticking their hands up your skirt!, they portrayed God as a child abuser ugh! I have found the real God and He healed all my wounds because I asked him to. I'll tell you something right now, those individuals who stumbled us are going to have to stand before God one day and give an account on how they turned innocent children who loved him into sceptical adults who stopped believing in Him because of what they did! I would not like to be in their shoes! I have a deep fear, love and respect for God and the God I worship is NOT the God of that vile cult.
My heart must have broken a hundred times, but the most heartbreaking moment was all was when I thought that God turned his back on me because we "backslid" What a lie that was! Sure, I turned to drugs, sex and rock and roll but God never turned his back on me, he waited patiently for me to come a full circle and I came back to him - now I am so close to him I feel him all around me. He is pure, righteous, patient, just and true - I believe Berg is in hell for all the evil poison he spread and all the lives he ruined, I don't believe for one second any of those leaders will get away for what they did and continue to do! Berg was a false prophet and a liar but as my Mum says, he prophesied about one thing that came true when he wrote "I am a toilet" he was definitely full of s***!!! LOL
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| | From jackie
Monday, September 29, 2003, 08:52
(Agree/Disagree?)
I totally agree with you that the human mind is strong enough to overcome these horrible crimes that we have been through. I meant that it is not forgotten and that even though you get over it the human mind has this wonderful way of bringing it back to haunt you at times. That is what I meant with having to live with it, it is there and will not disapear we just find the way to escape it. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things and as far as good men of course there is a lot out there and you were totally right about trust being an essencial part of love.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | from Mir
Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 07:01
(Agree/Disagree?)
I'm so glad it's finally sunk in! I remember always hating your boyfriends, and bless you, you never understood why! They were ALL without exception BASTARDS!!! I could see what they were doing to you and it killed me.
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| from krystine
Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 03:41
(Agree/Disagree?)
Personally, being in TF has not made me a masochist but I do tend to be more of a sadist. Maybe it's the public spankings and odd punishments I recieved but I tend to want to give back the lashes I recieved by using willing men as stand-ins. I think I developed a minor abuse streak that I fulfill only behind closed doors being a somewhat dominatrix. I guess it gives me a sort of sense of empowerment humiliating (in consentual fun) older, well established men ,especially imagining them as the sheperds that seemed to get off on degrading us kids. I'm know it's a little freaky but if not taken too seriously it helps with dealing. grrr!
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| From Webel
Tuesday, September 23, 2003, 14:12
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Whether we became a Masochist or a Sadist either way they managed to screw us up sexually and emotionally so that healthy relationships are practically impossible! you end up hurting yourself or others time and time again. As far as I'm concerned to lead a successful and happy life despite of what they put us through is our ultimate revenge! I will use one of their cliches "You can't keep a good man (or woman) down!" We as individuals have the power to break this vicious cycle!(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Cultinvator
Thursday, September 25, 2003, 01:40
(Agree/Disagree?)
I've never really seen an ideal healthy relationship. Because it's not my relationship. But I think most family members have got to have some psychic masochistic streaks to put up with existing. Those who have a choice, I mean. I'll never get the family out of me. 24 years is nearly a quarter of a century and it is never going away. I like Dominatrix's aproach... how she gets something out of it and makes it work for her instead of crying about it. (reply to this comment) |
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