from pharmaboy - Wednesday, October 16, 2002
accessed 1262 times
Disclaimer(I have a reputation to uphold, hehe!): This is a fictional story and entirely product of a twisted imagination; I do not condone the use of any illicit drug. Read at your own risk! (posted This in party on, but later realized I should be posted here)
It was 5pm on a Friday and I had just come home from work, feeling strangely happy and stranger yet, extremely normal. Now I could look forward to a lazy weekend away from invoicing, ass-kissing, and teaching dumb fucks not to give out their company e-mail address on porn sites. Or so I thought…While smoking a spliff on my front porch, Gert shows up riding a well-used Toyota Hilux bakkie, thanking me for that strange capsule I had given him Tuesday morning before work. “yessus, I can’t believe that stuff’s legal, I had great visuals the whole day and still managed to get things done at work!”. Legal yes, just not for human consumption! I can only laugh, thinking where would I ever find someone who’ll take an unknown capsule from a total stranger BEFORE WORK! Gert is thirty-five and has his own construction business, seven years ago his wife divorced him because of his drinking problem. He hasn’t touched a drop now for six years, and has more self-discipline (usually) in regards to chemicals than anyone else I live with. We sat and talked for a while about electronic music & our common disgust for alcohol till one of my housemates, Flip, showed up. Another normal, respectable character, except for maybe the times he sold his car for crack or threw away his wallet so imaginary cops couldn’t identify him, he otherwise is a stable person with a passion for cooking and young chicks. With The three of us extreme sport aficionados, armed with credit cards and cell phones, the start of a long sleepless weekend had just begun!
We dropped one of my caps later that evening at an Irish pub. I started feeling like an alien in hostile territory surrounded by obnoxious drunks from a strange planet. I was no longer in a pub, it was more like a primitive mating ceremony, most of these odd creatures were here simply in hopes of getting one of the opposite sex. Their success depended utterly on the amount of firewater they consumed, enough to give them courage to address the prospective partner, but not too much to reduce them to a comatose state. Most were unsuccessful, and becoming more aggressive by the minute. They had recognized me, I was sure of it, I was not welcome on their breeding grounds, they snarled at me. It was getting urgent, I had to find Gert and Flip before it was too late! It was no problem finding Gert, he found the odd furniture in a room marked “gentlemen” to be fascinating & was trying to figure out the meaning of those rows of reversed noses with sinus problems. When I warned him of the dangers awaiting outside, he heartily agreed to go to a club with at least others from our planet. Flip had disappeared, most certainly consumed by those savage beasts, we were lucky to be alive!
After this first stage of our journey, already with one casualty, we chose to stick to the chemical underground, ended up at a warehouse party and I spent a few hours chatting with anyone I came across. The people dancing were all moving their hands in some sort of mime-imitation: there was the box-maker, the helicopter-man, the porridge-stirrer, and the master mixer, also known as a DJ. Because of our unpreparedness, we forgot to stock up on synthetic bliss, common sense we left at home long ago, so it was now, at 2:30am, missioning time. At our trusted grocer’s house we bought four aspirins, half a gram of granny’s original recipe 100% unknown content Crystal & five grams chopped and dried champignon mushrooms. How we managed to drive back to the party is still a blur to me, but I vaguely remember us dodging cars driving on the wrong side of the road, and seeing many blue and red flashing strobe lights along the way. Gert was searched by the bouncers who found his little baggie of granny’s crystal, when asked what it was he replied, “my evening’s entertainment” and strolled into the club like a pious woman into church. We got back around 5pm, ate some mushrooms & put the Matrix on play. That is when we had what Gert would later on call verbal diarrhea, for the next 4 hours neither of us stopped talking. It didn’t matter if we were even listening to each other, we just blabbed away, between puffs of Crystal and herb.
I had to go for a credit management course at 12am, so I hoped on my bike and drove there, the whole time checking over my shoulder for the ever present menace: cops. I was almost converted to Christianity when at the college I was told it had been postponed to Monday evening, I did collect my books though and told the nice young chick I’d be studying over the weekend if I could remember to find the time. Yes, remembering was a problem. The sane world was much to confusing and dangerous, I had to get back to the mother ship quickly.
At home I found more dangers awaiting me that Saturday evening. Adrian and Flip were there, don’t ask me who Adrian was, I still am not sure myself. Both had ingested large amounts of mushrooms, Adrian was getting a little out of hand, but the real problem was defining what was out of hand and what was just normal irrational behavior due to sleep depravation. Holding a golf ball on my terrified neighbors head while Adrian standing on a table was trying to hit it with a golf club was acceptable, but him standing on the roof bellowing obscenities to the entire block was overdoing it, or so I thought at the time. The rest of the evening was a blur, from the difficult task of finding ATMs and pamphlet guys stationed at traffic lights (we wanted someone to entertain us), to finding yet another warehouse rave. On Sunday morning we had thought-provoking discussions with Woolworths cashiers and mothers back from church. There was no hurry to get out of the shopping mall, verbal diarrhea had hit us again and what better place was there to talk to people than at a mall?
To be continued………………….Don’t miss the next episode!! Ending up in a hells angels den, trying to avoid stepping on imaginary rats, meeting new non-exsistant friends, coming to respect and worship Lord Valium and learing to make intelligent decisions.