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Getting Through : Creative Writing

Thaddeus' Undoing.

from imEffingGINORMOUS - Tuesday, December 25, 2007
accessed 855 times

Thaddeus met her first at _______, a busy bar on close to ______ that he frequented. Troy was already at the bar. He exchanged glances with her as he passed. She held his gaze. She was beautiful with dark wavy hair and, unlike the two blondes she sat with, her eyes gave the impression she was without that finely honed aura of simplicity that was the prevalent fashion.

“I hope the bitch isn’t here tonight,’’ Troy said looking around after Thaddeus sat next to him.

“Who?” Thaddeus asked, discretely nodding to the woman who, sipping her cocktail, smiled at him before looking away.

“Last night I was chilling here when this wasted Jewish chick comes up to me around one forty-five,” Troy began. “Asks me what I do. I tell her I don’t work. I have a trust-fund and in my free time I commandeer my dad’s jet and fly around the world where I please.”

Troy snorted and took a sip of his Belvedere martini.

"Aside from that, I hardly look at her. When the bar closes, she asks me if I want to go to a party at her place,” Troy continued. “It was around the corner, so I said sure. The ‘party’ was just her and her roommate. Just as I sat down, she asked if I wanted to see her bedroom. I was like, why not? The living room sucked.”

Thaddeus ordered a double Glenfiddich shot neat from the bartender.

“Inside her room, she pushed me on the bed, took off her boots and jacket and my jeans like that. Then she whispered in my ear that she wanted me to come in her mouth. Dude, she wasn’t kidding. Then hightailed it out of there.”

“You’re my hero,” Thaddeus said, laughing.

“No name, no number, no problems.” Troy said and help up his glass. Thaddeus toasted to that.

“What’d she look like?” Thaddeus asked while looking at the brunette across the bar. She was talking with her friends, and acknowledged him with a momentary flash of her eyes when she adjusted her hair.

“Well, she was no Ms. America.”

“Ah. So you’re doing fat and ugly now?” Thaddeus teased.

“Fuck you,” Troy said.

“Hey man, I don’t judge.”

“Given the fact that I displayed so little interest,” Troy defended himself, “and she was stupid or wasted enough to believe my story, I contend her sucking my cock was permissible.”

“Granted,” Thaddeus said. “Another round then?”

“Hella!” Troy said.

Troy began animated conversation with a sequined lady next to them at the bar. After a time Thaddeus made his way to stand innocuously behind the woman he’d been eyeing. Eventually, she went to the bathroom. He looked at her bare shoulders and figure as she graced her way through the crowd. He liked everything he saw. The scotch whiskey was beginning to take effect. He pulled his shoulders back and, on her return, stepped in front of her.

“What’s your name?” he started.

“Vivian,” she said, rigidly, giving him the familiar impression he had only a few moments to impress her.

“Vivian. Thaddeus. It’s really great to meet you,” he said slowly smiling. “May I buy a drink? I had to ask before you sat back down with your friends.”

He looked back at Vivian’s friends who were watching them. “Obviously, they would have all been quite jealous of you.” Thaddeus looked back at Vivian in mock seriousness. “That would have just ruined it for both of us.”

She relaxed and laughed. “I thought you were with your boyfriend,” she said.

“Feisty!” Thaddeus smiled, “No. Troy’s a charity thing, you know, just to be a good person and all. We don’t cuddle.”

Vivian laughed a soft laugh that came as much from her eyes as her mouth.

“Thaddeus. Interesting name,” she said.

“It’s my mom’s fault.”

““I like it.”

“So how about that drink?” he asked.

“I can’t. Girls night out and all.”

“Rain check? I guarantee a good time.” He winked.

“Of course you do,” she said..

She gave him her number and rejoined her friends. Thaddeus finished his drink slowly and, putting the empty bucket down beside Vivian on the bar, smiled and said, “See you.”

When he got home Thaddeus smoked and got online. Troy signed in later and told Thaddeus about his evening. Briefly after they’d split that evening, Troy had met a woman he’d hung out with a few weeks prior. Thaddeus could see her lying on the bed behind Troy in the webcam.

“Gots to get ready for round deuce yo,” Troy typed. “:-O”

“LOL. Don’t hurt her 2 bad.”

"What about u?” Troy asked. “No babe game 2nite?”

“I go for ones hot enuf I have to pretend to like them first.”

“You just become their bitch.”

“Just till they become mine :-)” Thaddeus typed back.

Reader's comments on this article

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from Hansel
Saturday, March 22, 2008 - 16:36

I thought the chapter was fantastic, but some of the reactions below are truly a gift. It’s amusing that so many exers still need their stories to end with a PC, moral lesson.

On top of it, Ange, I'm confused exactly how a PhD would make one’s creativity better or worse?

Cheeks, attractive girls generally do not have such virulent reactions to the topics of seduction or even soft porn....humm. If you truly think THIS is porn, to not appear so humorless and uptight, you may want to do a quick web search for ‘nasty porn rag,’ just to compare.

And Mr. IEG, a question to ask your girlfriend: ginormous, or normal sized coupled with 3 years of massage school?
(reply to this comment)
From ange
Monday, March 24, 2008, 12:35

Um, the point is that (in the UK at least) you get accepted onto a PhD once you’ve done a full-time degree course lasting 3 or 4 years depending on your subject and, unless you are particularly brilliant, a Masters degree. By that stage you’ll have done a LOT of writing and impressed a lot of people. Getting that far academically doesn’t mean you are necessarily a creative person but it does mean that you should have the intelligence to know bad writing when you see it.

Incidentally, I don’t think anyone was objecting because there wasn’t a moral at the end. It didn’t notice objections to l’art pour l’art but rather objections to the fact that this really wasn’t art and if I had written it I would have hoped that someone would have kindly told me to give up on being a writer.
(reply to this comment
From cheeks
Monday, March 24, 2008, 09:40

Oh no dear, I am all for good sex, esp if you are writing about good sex. This piece I would imagine I would find in the back of a magazine like Hustler, written by some inmate who has not had good sex in some time. Even then I imagine they could have done a better job. If you want to read some good soft porn read a book by Laurell K Hamilton, any one of her last four or so will do. Then come back here and read this smut.(reply to this comment
From cheeks
Monday, March 24, 2008, 09:41

Oh and one more thing ugly girls have sex too. So do fat ones sorry to burst your little bubble.(reply to this comment
from double
Saturday, February 16, 2008 - 08:45


Thadeaus the name of the shepard of the lame

showing forth his waters like a fountain

he is Gayness of the end


(reply to this comment)

From double
Saturday, February 16, 2008, 08:47

Cock balls Christ!!!! Fagggy Buggy features!!! Super Duper Lame!!!!(reply to this comment
From LOL!
Sunday, February 24, 2008, 17:00

(reply to this comment
from Get over it
Monday, January 07, 2008 - 14:45

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
I think all of you who commented below are seriously overreacting. Although it is not the best thing I have ever read, it was a bit interesting and far from what I would consider pornographic. I happen to be curious to see where he may go with it.

I think if you get that offended over someone openly discussing getting a blow job you are in dyer need of one yourself, in my not so humble opinion.

I would like for him to post the next chapter, if for no other reason than to piss you all off. I honestly find your reaction more entertaining than his article was.

All that being said, I do suggest that the writer change his somewhat ludicrous user-name; although, the name is so overly ridiculous, I can’t help but be amused by it as well.
(reply to this comment)
from ange
Thursday, January 03, 2008 - 09:14

And you claim to be a PHD student? Hilarious! That has to be the worst piece of creative writing I have ever seen. I'd urge you to give up but I'm too busy laughing at the fact that you thought it was good enough to actually show people.
(reply to this comment)
From imEffingGINORMOUS
Thursday, January 03, 2008, 13:46

Thanks for your criticism. I appreciate you taking the time to read my piece and reply. (reply to this comment
from Samuel
Wednesday, January 02, 2008 - 08:20

Average visitor agreement is 1 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

To avoid to threat of additional episodes to this story, I have decided to complete your story myself, if you don't mind.
Troy continued his conversation “So, who was that hot Latin chick you were with the other night?”
“Uh…which one?”
Troy let out a snicker. “You know, the one you were with at the bar.”
Thaddeus typed back. ‘Oh, that one. That was Nina. Mmm, those Brazilian girls are nice.” He took another puff of his cigarette,
“Heh, you guys talked for an awful long time.”
“Yeah, well she’s very interesting. You listen to a girl like that for a while, she knows how to show her appreciation, ya know. ‘Always remember, everyone is hungry for praise and starving for honest appreciation!’ ”
“That’s a load of crap, where did you hear that?”
“Nina says it.”
“Whatever. Hey, nice talkin’, Thad. I gotta go, get me and my girl some champagne.”
“Yeah, you do that. See you around.”

Two weeks later:

Troy had always hated Doctor visits. You wait, you talk a receptionist, you wait some more. You take to a nurse, then you wait some more. Then you talk to a doctor, who says he’ll be right back. You end up sitting in a cold doctor’s room, in your underwear, with only an endless sheet of paper bearing the consistency of a bathroom toilet seat cover separating you from every other person who has sat there in their underwear this week. And doctors are getting so young these days, Troy reasoned, that they couldn’t possibly know what they were doing. Finally the door opened.
“So tell me,”, Troy asked, “who’s that hot nurse they have working out front?”
The doctor put his clipboard down. “Oh, Nicole? Yeah, she’s really nice.”
Troy snickered. “I bet she’s single. Not for long.”
“After this, I’m going to need you to walk over to the lab for a blood test, all right?”
“Just what I need.”, Troy thought to himself, “More waiting.”

That night, at the bar:

“…whenever I want it. Yeah, she asks for money every now and then, but hey, the girl is awesome.”, Thaddeus bragged.
“Yeah, but you can't blame her for that. All women want money.” Troy answered as he sipped a martini.
“You got that right.”, Thaddeus said as he drank his beer.
“The Doc made me do blood work today. Said it’ll take about a week for my results to come back. Said I should lay off the ladies until then. I’m like screw that!”
“Yeah, I mean, if you can’t have sex with women, what else are they good for?” , Thaddeus answered. The two broke out in a fit of drunken laughter.

Two weeks later:
Troy sent a message as soon as he saw Thaddeus’ screen name light up on his buddy list. “Thaddeus! Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in weeks!”

“Troy, I can’t talk to you.”
“Why not? Is everything okay?”
“Look, I’m not even supposed to be on the internet. It’s the devil’s tool. I’m just online to see the sports scores and maybe peek at the news.”
“Well, the results came back. I’m afraid I won’t be hanging out at the bar much anymore. It turns out I contracted HIV.”
“Oh my, that’s terrible! But like I said, I shouldn’t be talking to you. You’re a systemite, you’ll cause me to backslide. And since I’m still on babe status, I’m very susceptible right now. At least that’s what the shepherds are telling me.
“What the fuck, man. Where are you, and why are you talking to me like I’m some foreigner?”
“Because I have to forsake all my old friends, Troy. Jesus said in Luke 14;33 that whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple. The Old English is a little hard to understand, but I’m pretty sure that means I can’t be talking to you anymore. I’ve forsaken all; I’ve dropped out of the system. And there is no other place that I’d rather be right now than in The Family.”
“What family? Are you all right?”
“Yes, I’m fine, Troy. I’ve never been happier. God has blessed me for forsaking everything I have. He’s given me Nina, such a beautiful, sweet, kind woman for a mate. PTL!”
“PTL? Is that a new cyberspeak, like ‘LOL’ or ‘BRB’?”
“No, it means Praise The Lord!. Hey, I’ll try to pray for your disease at devotions. I don’t know how I’ll manage to do that, though, without everyone knowing that I’ve been talking to my systemite friends. Maybe they’ll have popcorn prayer, and I can just scream out ‘HIV!’ when it’s my turn, and no one will ask any questions.”
“Look, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but when you come to your senses, we’d love to see you back at the bar.”
“Can’t do that. No man having put his hand to the plow and looking back is fit for the kingdom of Heaven. Amen? Hal!”
“Yeah, that’s short for ‘Hallelujah’! You see, in the early days of The Children of God they didn’t have a lot of money to print Mo letters. So the Lord showed Father David that he could save a ton of money on ink and paper by using acronyms. Like writing ‘PTL!’ instead of ‘Praise The Lord!’, or ‘Hal!’ instead of ‘Hallelujah!’, or ‘ILY!’ instead of ‘I Love You.’ ”
“Wtf?”, Troy typed back.
“Look, I’ve gotta go. Devotions is starting soon.”
Troy was still shaking his head in wonder and confusion when his friend Thaddeus signed off from the home’s computer, never to be heard from again.

(reply to this comment)

from fragiletiger
Saturday, December 29, 2007 - 15:20

Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

...and then you woke up, and had to quickly change your sheets, before your mummy, saw the sticky mess you had made.
(reply to this comment)

from fragiletiger
Saturday, December 29, 2007 - 15:20

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

...and then you woke up, and had to quickly change your sheets, before your mummy, saw the sticky mess you had made.
(reply to this comment)

from cheeks
Friday, December 28, 2007 - 08:07

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
WTF was that? Why don't you send your crap to some nasty porn rag where nasty little men like you like read it and jack off. Why post your poorly written smutty crap here? Get a life dude.
(reply to this comment)

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