a gentle segue

from ErikMagnusLehnsher - Sunday, May 20, 2007
accessed 657 times

I love the way you laugh. I love talking to you about the characters in the novels that we read and arguing about who we would cast in a movie based upon the book. I love the way your eyes sparkle at night as you sit on the rocking chair on my front porch. I love the way you're so smart...almost as smart as you think are. I love your passion for debate. I love holding you.

At first I wanted what we have to be love...to be enduring. I wanted our souls to connect. I wanted to fill the aching void...the festering wound that was left from the last time. Deep down I sensed that it wasn't love but I boarded myself up in a room of denial. Like some scene in a horror film...I knew they were out there mulling about, but if I put my hands over my ears tight enough and yelled loud enough, I couldn't hear them. Then they started breaking through the windows and the doors and I couldn't fight them all off. The zombies surrounded me and slowly sank their teeth into my flesh until I could resist no longer and then they disappeared. As I staggered out of what was left of the room, all was clear.

Now I know what you have known since we met: That what we have is not love and never will be...it's a gentle segue from unthinkable hurt, loss and betrayal to cautious hope that love is still out there for each of us. I'm enjoying the journey.