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Getting Through : Creative Writing

what can i say, i was drunk

from dan - Thursday, April 14, 2005
accessed 1518 times

a mind is a terible thing to lose. here is a glimpse of a downward spiral of thinking brought on by vodka/redbull

Sitting at the bar. Looking around at all the girls that I have fucked and at the one I havenít and want to. She is like some kind of weird drug that has a prolonged affect. If I could fuck her I could get her out of my mind but no I canít.

Looking across the street at a girlfriend of mine. We are both loners. I am here surround by people most of whom I know and yet I choose to sit alone and watch the crowd. In a place so full of sex and friends and party you would think that I would be with friends. I come alone and leave alone. While I am here I am alone. Solitude. It is a thing not easily understood. Christina; that is the name of the vixen that has entrapped me. She has stolen my attention and I find myself not wanting her as much as I want to not want her. The idea of someone having a hold on me is more upsetting than anything.

Most of the world goes out of their way to be in a crowd. To be part of a gang. To be in a pack. To be normal. When in work I donít yearn after the recognition of the gang, they get worried. It is not enough to do your job and be good at it. You have to fit in. it is a god damned war zone and fitting in is more important than being competent at what you do. I see ones like me going thru life. People that are alone. That does not meen that they donít have friends or that they donít appreciate company. They merely prefer to spend a bit of time alone. I can sit in a crowded room and be all to myself.

Livia over across the street is the same way. Respected in her work and married. Yet she goes out at night and drinks a few by herself and chats to a friend or two. Often just sits alone in silence. She is not a cold or stuck up person , she just appreciates the finer things in life.

All the countries could at any time be represented here. This is an eclectic place. I have slept with so many women here and yet I sit here alone. None of them get let inside. I donítí miss that . I am happy just going thru life in a closed way. I am honest and will talk at length about many subjects with little prompting (she just came over and gave me a kiss.) We are loners , doesnít mean we donít like people so I sit here and watch the world happen around me.

As the world happens around me I canít seem to figure out where to invest my energies. This is the thing that is eating at me. For the life of me I donít have a clue what I am going to do when I get to the states. This should bother me but it doesnít. it is exciting. I know something great is on the horizon. I am really stoked. Something is going to come along that is going to catch my interest. When it does I will have purpose in life again. A direction to aim towards.

We here now are the dregs. The scum. God, I love us. The flotsam that has washed up from all over. The rejects the rebels. And I want to go to a new war zone. What kind of rebel does that make me. Not a good one that is for sure. A drunk tired worn out never was. No where to go but up. Iím drinking with no goal in mind. This is stupid. I should be looking for some pussy to fuck but no Iíve got to get hammered for no reason what so ever. Is the one in front of me forth chasing? She wasnít an hour ago but after a bit of vodka she looked fine to toy with for a night.

A bit of side track. Not that this whole thing hasnít been a side track. ButÖ a conversation I have with all the girls out here is the reasons the boys back home love the skinny ones. And the reasons are that they are all well and good to look at but to seriously thrust into them all night can be a painful experience. For good pounding, humping roaring sex one needs and ass to bang into. How many of those magazine fuckers out there have put their dick in a skinny bitch. Not a lot. But if they had they would know that the ones with the big legs and ass are the way to go. All this drinking needs to fuck someone. Iíve got a hard on and will fuck just about anything at this point. Having not had to do with out for so long I donít handle deprivation all that well.

Looking right and looking left I see nothing. alone and needy. Not a thing. I can see three chicks Iíve fucked but they are all with other guys. The only one that is doable is in a threesome and I think she is the main attraction. So she is outÖ.. Maybe not. But she has no ass, or not much of one anyway. There is the bar tender: she is new, havenít seen her here before. She says eleven dayÖ. Has it been that long since I had a few? Apparently. I will not do the old bag to my left. Wonít do it no matter how many drinks I have. One must have standards. Now if I were to turn gay I could have a lot of good looking guys out there to choose from.

Nothing turns me off like a girl talking to a guy that is a fat bastard. That shit is insulting. I fucked you and now you fuck off and talk to that fuck???? What the shit is that???? I think they do it to piss me off.

This is a bad night.. I have waited too long to get laid and it is closing down. So I am to sleep alone for the first time in two months I am to sleep alone when I donít want to. This sucks. I am an addict. What am I to do? I canít go a night with out fucking. I am all fucked up. It is an exercise in discipline.. Can I take it?

Reader's comments on this article

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from Oddman
Wednesday, November 01, 2006 - 13:33

I've never had a redbull induced downward spiral. Redbull/Vodka's only serve to make me horny, hyperactive, an uninhibited yet offbear dancer, and double the number of hot women in the joint, by slitting the quality in half.
(reply to this comment)
from Rain Child
Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 05:03

You think like my ex...(shudder)
(reply to this comment)
from moon beam
Friday, April 29, 2005 - 07:27

The narrative style is reminiscent of Wiliam styron's "Sophie's choice"
(reply to this comment)
from shikaka
Friday, April 22, 2005 - 22:41

I wonder, would your brain suddenly cease to function if your penis was severed in a freak portable vacuum cleaner accident.
(reply to this comment)
From Ex-member
Tuesday, September 12, 2006, 14:20

LOL seriously, my brain has been busy with trivialities like school for so long...I used to come up with stuff like this....funny about school, I'm studying to be a writer but I truly feel that the more I learn, the more my writing suffers in terms of creative and abstract talent(reply to this comment
From Baxter
Monday, May 09, 2005, 07:47


have you been reading Chuck Palanhiuk?

Something about that idea makes sense. Would we all be more respectful of women if Sharia law -that is, all women concealed from head to toe- was universal practice. I mean, is it possible for a guy to respect a woman he wants to fuck?

(reply to this comment

From Eric Cartman
Thursday, November 02, 2006, 13:19

Chuck Palanhiuk is awesome. Fight club is my favorite although Lullaby is also one of those books you can't put down. My least favorite is Choke.(reply to this comment
From depressing
Tuesday, September 19, 2006, 21:43

Dang, that sucks. I don't know if all women agree, but I would not want to be with a man I did *not* respect.(reply to this comment
From vixen
Wednesday, September 20, 2006, 03:34


Well now, I'd say 'being with' a man is rather a different thing to simply fucking him, wouldn't you agree?

(reply to this comment

From dan
Wednesday, September 20, 2006, 04:50

who would want to be with a man???? we're suck a fucking mess. i'm good for a shag and then any self respecting woman should get on her way or have me hit the bricks. works out best that way.

but i will concur with you hypothesis.(reply to this comment
From placebo
Wednesday, September 20, 2006, 07:40

Well I am perfectly lovely and vanilla flavoured.(reply to this comment
From vixen
Wednesday, September 20, 2006, 07:46


I don't like vanilla.

(reply to this comment

From placebo
Wednesday, September 20, 2006, 07:57

Well, I don't care much for cellulite so I guess that comes out fair then.(reply to this comment
From vixen
Wednesday, September 20, 2006, 08:01


Ohhhhh you are nasty!

Liquorice, now that I can work with.

(reply to this comment

From placebo
Wednesday, September 20, 2006, 07:57

Well, I don't care much for cellulite so I guess that comes out fair then.(reply to this comment
From shikaka
Friday, April 22, 2005, 22:43

Hahahaha ok didnt realize it was you, dan. disregard above post. respect.(reply to this comment
from professor
Friday, April 22, 2005 - 20:13

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
You've got talent as a writer, but this is a lot of self-absorbed observation. There's a point at which I (as the reader) don't really want to hear about your values and beliefs. I don't suppose I'd mind hearing about your values and beliefs if you could shock my sensibilities, but you don't. What I'd really like is to see the people you're observing with a greater sense of irony in the narrator. You're moving in that direction, but you're not quite there yet.
(reply to this comment)
From dan
Saturday, April 23, 2005, 00:11

thanks. other peoples stories. bee ntrying to figure out a platform or framework for it all and that might just work. there are so many good stories out here.

anything else? don't get enough constructive critics on this site. that was the whole point of posting was that everyone seems to have so much to say figured i could get bashed a bit and learn something.(reply to this comment

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