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Getting Through : Creative Writing

Confused and Clear

from verylonelygirl - Tuesday, March 08, 2005
accessed 1454 times

I finally understood it.

i know your body language when you are leaving
it's built now like an internal clock inside of me
i know when you are ready to hang up the phone
i chose this
i chose this
i chose this
turn away from me
leave me
make me cry
make me want
make me dream
make me hope
and daily shatter me
i want to feel lonely
i want to feel alone
i want to be afraid
i want to remember pain
i want to feel punished
the first man i loved
my father
never loved me
never gave me enough
not even enough pain
just blankness
fantasy of daddy's girl
i like to cry
i like having someone
who can make me feel sad
i know now that i am capable of loving
i know now that i am capable of tears
i know now that i am capable of needing
so punish me by leaving me
like my daddy never did
let me feel my hurt
like my daddy never did
abandon me completely
like my daddy never did
so i can comfort myself
like my daddy never did
i want to hate you
i want to hate you
i want to hate you
but i love you
i love you
love you
who loves me by using me
use me and make me feel your love
ignore me so i can be sure of it
make me cry so i can mourn
mourn like i never did before
i know what it feels like now
to really be hurt by a man
you hurt me
you don't care
that hurts
i hate you for hurting me
i love you for hurting me
you make me me
i am angry now
at you
at daddy
you are my daddy now
i want my daddy
i never knew what it felt like
to feel how much he hurt me
i do now
he hurt me like you do
he hurt me like you do
hurt me daddy
so i can hate you
hurt me daddy
so i can hate you
i want to hate you so much
i want to hate you so much
i will stay till you love me
i will let you hurt me
until you love me
love me
love me
tell me you do
show me you don't
tell me you do
show me you don't
i will get it
i will get it
love and hate
hate you
love me
leave you
keep me
hate you enought to leave
leave you and daddy in hate
keep me and love me now
you will never change
i will always be left by you
you will always leave me empty and confused
telling me all the while you love me
fantasy daddy's little girl
i will make you cry
i will make you sad
i will make you alone
i will make you lonely
i will love you this way
i will break your heart
so you know what it means to be left
i will ignore you
hate and anger
not at you lover boy
at the one who made me this way
it's not your fault that you are just like him
my fantasy was for my love to fix my past with you
my love to heal the pain
i cannot change you
my tears
my pain
never made you change
you are still you
never to change
i will always be left by you
so i must leave you

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from freud
Tuesday, March 22, 2005 - 17:59

Average visitor agreement is 1 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
You are afflicted, it would seem, with an Electra Complex. No none cure as most women have outgrown it by your apparent age (18+). Otherwise, nice abstract poetry!
(reply to this comment)
From Fish
Monday, March 28, 2005, 08:24

And you seem to be fixated in the anal stage.(reply to this comment
From xolox
Thursday, March 24, 2005, 11:26

Shaddup Freudwad!(reply to this comment
From anovagrl
Wednesday, March 23, 2005, 14:42

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(

Do you know how Freud came up with his wacked-out theories? His very proper male colleagues in the Victorian medical establishment were outraged when Freud initially suggested a relationship between the "hysterical neuroses" he treated in his female patients and their reports of childhood sexual abuse. To maintain his acceptance in the male medical establishment, Freud developed the theory that his female patients' accounts of sexual abuse by their fathers were actually evidence of "repressed infantile wish fulfillment."

Freud argued that the abuse didn't really happen, but that his female patients imagined it happened as part of their "normal" psychological development as heterosexual girls. His patients were neurotic and "hysteric" because they never properly resolved their Electra complex.

Freud is not respected by therapists who treat trauma survivors. Girls who were raped by their fathers may appear to have a problem outgrowing their "Electra Complex," but that's because Freud's bogus concept has been used for over 100 years to cover up the ugly social truths of incest, rape and child abuse. Verylonelygirl's poem is NOT abstract, and it's not about something she wished for and imagined as a young girl. (reply to this comment

From Sonderval
Thursday, March 24, 2005, 05:05

Well said and an excellent theory for Freud's messed up theories about women, it has the ring of truth to it.(reply to this comment
Wednesday, March 23, 2005, 13:45

Sounds more like a rejection and projection issue to me.
I liked it a lot, very honest and relatable. (reply to this comment
From Sonderval
Wednesday, March 23, 2005, 12:33

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

heh, sorry bout that, my favourite Freud joke, but seriously anyone who sets any store by Freud's obsolete and discredited rubbish is an idiot, the Electra complex is just some bollocks he came up with because he'd already created the Oedipus complex in a ludicrous effort to normalise the fact that he wanted to shag his mum and needed a complex for women so they wouldn't feel left out.

Freud was a fraud, he was a sick sick man who tried to convince the world that they were all sick so he wouldn't have to feel weird, modern Psychology generally sees him as something of an embarassment.(reply to this comment

From Sonderval
Wednesday, March 23, 2005, 12:23

Freud, now there's a cunt . . .(reply to this comment
from Sonderval
Sunday, March 20, 2005 - 00:14


I don't often like amateur poetry but that's powerful stuff, it won't get many comments because there's not much you could say in response that wouldn't be trite and meaningless.
(reply to this comment)

from poesie
Wednesday, March 16, 2005 - 18:03


Truthful. Thank you for finding the courage to write & share. A word of caution: This form of confessional poetry makes a lot of people very uncomfortable, and you may get some reactions that surprise you.
(reply to this comment)

from elkyle
Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 20:47

(reply to this comment)
From neila
Friday, March 25, 2005, 09:10

why dontcha guys read a little book called "what do you say after you say hello" by eric burne, M.D., you might find it har to accept because its crude in a way, in a insightful way, but i find it true...(reply to this comment

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