What would Bill hicks do?

from pharmaboy - Tuesday, October 08, 2002
accessed 1376 times

Through back channels, BushOnCrack.com has received this channeled transcript of Bill Hicks' performance at "Dead Subversive Comics Night".

The Other Side, Sept.11, 2002--"So it's one year after and what is Bush getting ready to do? - A First strike against Iraq - Piss off more people in the world. Make more people hate us, so they can come over here again to kill us to show people that killing people who live in a country that kills people because they live in a country that kills people makes that country kill more people who live in other countries that kill people. If you didn't follow that, the bumper stickers and T-shirts are available after the show. Lenny's back there to collect.

You know there's a lot of conspiracy theories floatin about all this. I think it was the bumper sticker and car flag industry, myself. How many "God Bless America" stickers can one nation consume? "God Bless America" and "Fuck Everyone Else" - I think is what's on the other side of that one. I'm not sure about that, so I keep peeling them off to see if I can get a good look.

So someone said to me: "Hey, Bill, how dare you make comedy on this solemn day-a day of remembrance". I said, "I am remembering". I'm remembering that nauseous feeling all those flags gave me, and that constant drone of "United we stand", "United we stand", "United we stand", yeah, and Divided We Drive! That's the bumper sticker I want.

You know what I think we oughta do with Osama and Saddam?- a little eye for an eye justice is what I'm proposing here. Now, I know you're thinking "But, Bill- an eye for an eye and we all go blind!" Fuck it! We'll get the seeing eye dogs to fight the next war. See, my plan is ingenious - it's something that all the fundamentalists can get behind because you can take that "eye for an eye" phrase out of context from the Torah, Bible and the Koran - so they're all on the same page. Here's how it works; First we get Osama and Saddam together, and for simplicity, they meet in a bomb crater in Iraq or Afghanistan, since there are no high rises left in either country. Next, we get a big ol' 747 and put George W., George Sr. and Rudi (41 bullets and a plunger) Guliani in the cockpit. George W. gets to say "let's roll", they get some box cutters for good measure and fly the jetliner right into that crater. No more Asses of Evil.