from Samuel - Monday, February 04, 2008
accessed 1110 times
In the last episode- a young lady escaped from Maria and Peter's home during a police raid, giving the police important information about The Family. A police bulletin was also issued for Maria and Peter's mobile home. And here, the story continues.
This will be the last episode of the "Peter and Maria" series. I hope you enjoyed it.
"New York Giants- World Champions!"
The phone in Claire’s room was ringing. She looked up from her reading in surprise, and put her GN down on the bed. Claire knew that any call to her personal phone must be very important. Her partner sat in bed listening intently.
“Hello? What?!” she gasped. “But how did they…I don’t even know where the compound is! This must be a real attack of the enemy… Oh yes, desperate prayer, of course, we’ll definitely do that…. Oh, that’s a relief, PTL! Yes, I’ll keep it Selah. Okay, thanks so much, GBY!”
Claire leaped to her feet, leaving the phone off the hook on her bed.
“What was that about?” , her partner asked
“Persecution! And somehow the police found the compound…”
“You mean THE compound?”
Claire sighed. “Yes, but the good news is Mama and Peter were able to escape just in time, so PTL for that.” Claire explained as she put a shirt on.
“Are you going somewhere?” he asked.
Claire gave her partner a kiss. “Yes, honey. Mama needs my support.”
“What do you mean? You’re going to visit her?”
“How do you think I got this job in the first place, dear? It wasn’t because of my beautiful baby face. It wasn’t because of my excellent fashion sense. And it wasn’t because I can keep my composure and even laugh when a reporter asks me pointed questions about ‘The Davidito Book’. It’s because dear Mama gave me her undying love and support. She supported me all the way, and if it had not been for her, I would not be in the charge of PR for all of North America. I’d probably still be scrubbing a leader’s toilet somewhere in Timbuktu or Nairobi. I got this job because Mama threw all of her support behind me. Common sense says I should not be in this position! And you know something? Putting me in charge as spokesperson for The Family after all the things I did in Argentina and the sharing schedules is probably going to go down in history as one of the stupidest decisions The Family has ever made! Right up there with Dad prophesying that Jesus would be back by 1993! Bottom line, Mama gave me her support. Now she needs that support from me, and I WILL NOT let her down.”
Claire walked toward her closet. “Now, if the media calls, all you have to do is kindly explain that The Family is not giving interviews. Then take one of these form letters and mail it to them.”, she said as she put on a pair of pants.
“Okay, what if there are new allegations?”
“Just mail the form letter, the general public won’t know the difference unless someone points it out to them. In that case we’ll go the character assassination route. But don’t do that until I get back from visiting Mama.” Claire explained as she took a deck of cards out of her closet. “Now to find out where she is. Only the hearts have words on the back.”
Within moments Claire had all the heart cards lined up numerically on her bed face down, and had summoned two young ladies to help her solve the puzzle.
“Sad to say, I’m on my way,
Won’t be back for many a day.
My heart is down, my head is drifting around,
I had to leave a little girl in Selah.”
“Hmmm…”started the first girl, “It reminds me of a system song my Dad used to like that would go, ‘My heart is down, my head is drifting around, I had to leave a little girl in Kingston town.’ Mom always told him he should be more sold out for the Lord and not listen to system music.”
Claire looked up. “Kingston Town? I’ve never heard of it.”
“No, not Kingston Town. Kingston, Jamaica. That’s what it was called, ‘Jamaica Farewell’.”
“Oh, PTL! You’re such a blessing, honey.”, Claire cooed, “I never could have figured it out without you. Look, I have very important business to attend to; can one of you take care of him while I’m away?”
“Don’t worry, Claire, we’ll be praying for you.”, Nathan said as he grabbed Claire’s suitcase from the trunk at Reagan National Airport.
“I will definitely need it. I can’t believe how the Devil is fighting this trip. I mean, of all the airports in the Washington area, this is the only one that has such an early flight to Kingston? Reagan killed so many innocent people in Nicaragua, why in God’s name would they name an airport after him?”
Nathan gave Claire a hug, “I love you, Claire.” That kind of encouragement was just what she needed at the moment.
A few hours later, Claire had landed at the airport in Jamaica. The next puzzle Claire had to figure out was which hotel Maria and Peter were at. She gazed at her map of Kingston as the taxi driver loaded her luggage into the trunk. Fortunately for her, she remembered the story from Life Of Grandpa where the church wanted to send money to Berg’s mother, and tried all the expensive hotels first. Before long, Maria heard a knock on the door. “Peter, will you get that?”, she asked,
Peter passed through the living room and answered the door. “Claire!”, he exclaimed in surprise. “Come in quick, before anyone sees you!”
Claire gave her leader a warm hug “Hi, King Peter, where’s Mama?”
“She’s over in the corner.”
Claire grasped Maria’s bony hand. “Mama, it’s me, Claire. I love you.”
“Oh, my sweet Claire.”, Maria said as she grabbed Claire’s arm.
“When WS told me what happened, I just had to come down and lend you my support. So just know that I’m here for you. Anything you need, just ask.”
“Hey, Sonny was able to provision us some food from Mc. Donald’s.”, Peter called from the other room. “It turns out they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and have to throw all their breakfast food out. Would you like a Sausage McMuffin with egg?”
“No, thank you, King Peter. I ate on the plane.”
“Suit yourself, these hash brown patties are really tasty, PTL!”
Claire pulled a folded paper out of her purse. “King Peter, as I was leaving, one of the home members asked me to give you this; he said you’d understand what it was.”
Peter reached out and grabbed the slip of paper. “Oh wow, it’s a prophecy!”, Peter exclaimed upon opening it.
“That’s great, Peter. Can you read it to me?”, Maria asked
Peter walked into the living room. “Yes. It says:
(Jesus speaking :) Your leaders have asked me to reveal to them the best way to get rid of STD’s, and the secret of how Starbucks makes such wonderful coffee. It is not good that I reveal to you the patented methods that Starbucks uses to make their coffee. I understand that Maria could use this information to open her own overpriced coffee shop, but this would be an infringement on Starbucks’ intellectual property rights. Verily I say unto you, ye are liable to get sued if ye pull a stunt like that! Behold, ye already have the second generation trying to sue you for the abuse that ye have perpetrated upon them, do you really need more lawsuits at this time? You must trust me, Maria; that it is for your own protection that I will not reveal the deep secrets that Starbucks has hidden from you. But you, my sweet nymphomaniac, can be comforted with my word in Luke 12:2 ‘There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.’
‘Now, onto the STD’s. Peter, I say unto thee that ye must be patient. I am leading scientists and gynecologists to develop cures for these STDs that ye speak of. I am happy to hear that your doctor gave you an antifungal cream, but you must know that this alone will not cure the affliction which you are suffering. You will have to endure hardness as a good soldier.”
‘But if you know that you have an STD, that what in the world are you thinking shagging everyone you want at will? They’re called STDs because they are SEXUALLY transmitted, you know? So if you’re going to share my love with others, then PLEASE, for the love of all that is good and holy, USE A CONDOM! Yea, I have inspired latex producers to make condoms in many sizes and varieties. They have flavored ones, extra small size for you; some are even ribbed for extra pleasure! And it is not a sign of lack of faith in me, it is a sign that you are smart and responsible enough to think with your head INSTEAD OF YOUR STD INFECTED PENIS! So in closing, you should remember these key points.
1. You should not infringe on the rights of large corporations, as this could trigger a lawsuit. Downloading free music from Kazaa or LimeWire might be safe though, depending on which country you live in. However, you should only download Classical music. Oh, and no Wagner, your Father David was right about him. That man was possessed.
2. Please inform Tamar that there is no such thing as a copy artist. I don’t care what she told you, I did not give Tamar those pictures in prophecy; she ripped them off of her tarot cards.
3. If you know that you have an STD, you should use condoms when sharing. In this way, you will only share my love, and will not share your diseases among each other. Your Father David is very pleased when you do this. (end of prophecy from Jesus)’
‘(Dr. Koger speaking:) In my day there was no way to protect yourself from STD’s, or to prevent the spread of them. Today, condoms are a very effective way to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Just like you have to watch out for the sun, because it can kill you, you also have to watch out for these STD’s. They too can kill you! Forget white sugar, AIDS is a bigger killer and a thief than white sugar ever was! So if you love yourself and others, then you will use a condom during any sexual activity. (end of prophecy from Dr. Koger)’
‘(Dad speaking:) Condoms! I sure wish I had thought to use them when I was down there. It could have prevented Mocumba from spreading all those diseases and demons to me. Ha! So let’s be obedient and use condoms, boys and girls, Amen? Hal! (strong tongues) Now they can dance like their Father David. Now they can join hands with the children of the King. (weeps)(end of prophecy from Dad)’”
“Wow, PTL for such a wonderful and inspiring message. Did that clear everything up for you, King Peter?”, Claire asked
“No, Claire, I’m afraid the Lord told us it would be a while before everything clears up. Until then, I guess I’ll have to be obedient and start using condoms.”
“No, I meant the message; did it answer all your questions?”
“Why yes. Yes it did.”
“My dearest Claire, I never lost faith in you. Even when I heard about your awful performance on 20/20.”, Maria said.
Claire swallowed. “That was a real trial for me.”
“You did fine.” Peter commented, “I love the way you reacted when they asked you if you knew who Paul Peloquin was.”
Claire laughed. “Oh yes, that was classic! I put on this blank, confused stare and I go, ‘Who?’” Peter and Claire both laughed.
Maria faked a laugh. “Wait, who’s Paul Peloquin?”
“Josiah.”, Claire and Peter both answered.
“Hey, do you think someone should call Gary and fill him in?”, Claire asked.
“No!”, Maria fumed. “Gary can rot in jail as far as I’m concerned! Better yet, he can rot in a Mexican jail!”
“She’s still quite upset that Gary left FCF and fled to Mexico.”, Peter explained.
“That’s understandable. Mama, I would never leave you like that.”
“Hey, Claire, I want to show you something on the computer. It’s called Photo Shop. You can take pictures of someone and make it look like they’re posing with a famous person. Like you could take a picture of me, and make it look like I’m posing with Regis Philbin or Kofi Annan. This could be great for our PR!”
Suddenly there was a knock at the door. “Can you get that, Claire?”, Peter asked
“Oh, of course.”
Claire opened the door to find a security guard on the other end. “Oh, Hi Tyreik! Is there a problem?”
“No Claire, I just wanted to know how long you are in town. You have this enchanting smile.”
“Well, I’m not sure. You see, I’m here to take care of my…my parents.”
“You have a very kind heart, and this beautiful Canadian accent. Maybe some time we can go out, and you can tell me more about this tract that you gave me.”
“Oh, sure. This is Chris and Karen, they’re my parents. Come on inside. ”
“I don’t think I can do that. I’m on duty, perhaps some other time?”
“Oh, of course. I'll see you later, then.”, Claire answered.
Once the door closed, Peter walked to it and looked through the peephole to make sure the guard was gone. “That is terrible security, Claire.”
“Yes, I know, I didn’t know what to do. He came to us. He sure sounds sheepy, though.”
“We’d better get out of here, and find another place to stay until we can flee the country.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to breach anyone’s security. I just couldn’t carry all my luggage on my own, and he offered to help me. He’s really sweet.”
“Oh, that’s so nice of you to think of me, Madly!” Jules said on her cell phone as she waited in line at Macy’s.”
“Yeah, Placebo has a friend that owns a house by the beach in Western Kingston, and we’d love to have you over if you like. There’s a pool, and maybe we could have a few drinks afterwards. So, what are you up to? ”, Madly asked.
“I’m here at Macy’s. They’re having a sale- all bikinis are 60% off!.”
“Gee Jules, it would have been nice if you’d thought to tell ME about that.”
“Well I would have if I knew you were in town. It ends today. Look, I’m next in line, so I’ve gotta go”, Jules said
“Okay, see ya around 6:30?”, Madly asked
“Sounds like a plan.”
Madly closed her cell phone, and walked into the living room. She sighed upon realizing that Placebo was still laying on the couch. “I didn’t know they had Emo stations on satellite TV.”
“They do.”, Placebo answered.
“Do you think your buddy pays for satellite TV so you can look at a blue screen with a group of notes on it while you’re listening to music you could get off Limewire?”
“This shit is much too cool for Limewire.”, Placebo answered
“Can I watch the TV?”
Placebo brushed her off. “When I’m done listening to music. Shouldn’t you be doing something else? Like watching YouTube… discussing philosophy with the girls on MovingOn… flirting with guys in the chat room…”
Madly gasped “I do NOT flirt with guys in the chat room!”, she said in a defensive tone. And at that moment a clever smile played across her face as she pounced on Placebo.
“Hey, what are you… OOOHH NOO ha ha! Hee hee he…No, please stop. Just stop, here’s the remote!”
Madly laughed as she picked up the remote control. “All guys are ticklish.”, she said as she got up, and changed the channel. “Conan, the pre-game show’s on!”, Madly called.
Conan walked into the living room with a bag of potato chips and a tray of buffalo wings. “Why, thank you, Madly. I brought you a drink.”
“Where’s mine?”, Placebo asked
“It’s in the kitchen. And by that I mean the liquors are on the counter and you can make your own damn drink.”
“I didn’t know you liked American football.”, Placebo said to Madly
“I like the players. Cadillac Williams has a nice butt.”, Madly replied.
“Cadillac is a name for a car! And this is not football! Come to Europe for some real football! What kind of idiot designs an oblong ball like that anyway?”, Placebo scoffed
“I don’t like to use the term idiot, as I think it’s a cop-out.”, Madly replied, her eyes still fixed on the TV. She put the remote control down.
“Can you pass me those pretzels?”, Placebo asked
Madly picked up the bowl of pretzels from the coffee table, and placed them in Placebo’s lap as the phone rang. “Hello?”, Madly answered “Hey guys, it’s Johnnie Walker.” She said excitedly as she moved the phone away from her face.
“Vandari guy!”, _Placebo laughed
“Yo Johnnie! What’s up?!”, Conan screamed. “Hey, ask him who he thinks is going to win the Super Bowl.”
“Yeah one sec. Hey, Conan wants to know who you think is going to win.”
Conan looked at Madly in anticipation. “He says the Giants!”, Madly answered.
“That’s right! Go Giants- WOO HOOO!”, Conan yelled as he danced around the television.
“Hey, be quiet. This is important”, Madly fretted. “Really? What channel is it?...We’re changing it right now. Conan, channel 13 news.”
Conan sighed as he picked up the remote control and changed the channel.
“What we are hearing from the authorities and the police is that they believe these two are the leaders of an international sex cult…”, the TV blared.
There were two phrases that could always get Placebo’s attention the moment they were uttered. “Arcade Fire -World Tour” was one, and “sex” was the other. He sprang to attention at the edge of his seat as Conan turned the sound up. “So those events led up to this police chase, which we are following down Main Street, and that is the footage that you are seeing now. The names of these suspects have been revealed as Chris Smith and Karen Smith.”
“Holy crap!”, Conan exclaimed “Maria and Peter are on the island! And the cops are chasing them!”
“That’s great! Hey, thanks for the tip, Johnnie. Someone needs to fill Jules in.”
Placebo lay back down. “Now, this is classic entertainment.” Madly picked up Placebo’s cell phone and opened it. “What are you doing?”, Placebo asked.
“Can you tell Jules the news?”, Madly replied as she dialed Jules’ number.
“Hey, Jules? It’s Placebo.”, Placebo said into his phone.
“Hey What’s up?.”, Jules asked.
“Maria and Peter are on the island.”
Conan gave Placebo a weird look. “Please refrain from randomly ejaculating information of that nature over the phone.”, he chided
Jules’ jaw dropped. “What?”
“They’re on the island, and the cops are chasing them! I’m watching it right now on TV! It totally disturbed my relaxation.”
There was a time when this kind of response would have confused Jules, but by now she was well familiar with Placebo’s sense of humor. “Well. Wow, that’s great! Quiet a surprise- but yeah, that’s awesome! Have you any idea where they are?”
“Yeah, they’re headed South down Main Street.”, Placebo answered.
“Cool. I just finished shopping, so I think I’m going to head down there are see if there’s anything I can do to help. Or just watch the show, which should be fun in itself. Hey, and tell Madly I said thanks for the dinner invite.”, Jules finished.
"I sure will.", Placebo answered. “This is wicked cool!”, Placebo smiled as he closed his phone.
“So, what did she say?”, Conan asked.
“She asked me where they are, and said she was going to follow them.”
“That’s a brave girl. I sure hope she knows what she’s getting into, though.”
“Yeah, maybe someone should help her. Oh, Jules wanted me to thank Madly for the dinner invite, where is she?”
“Oh, I don’t know, I was watching this chase.”
Placebo got up to look for her, and at that moment they could hear the sound of tires screeching outside. “Shit!”, Conan exclaimed as he ran to the window just in time to scream out “Be careful, Madly, that’s a rental car!”.
“The park? Yeah, I’m almost there.”, Madly said into her cell phone as she drove.
“The radio says Peter’s trying to run through the park, can you see him?”
“The radio? I better turn off my Fergie CD, then. No, I can’t see Peter.”, Madly replied, “What about Maria?”
“ It says they got her, and a third person. I haven’t a clue who that could be, but I’m about a block away from the park. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“I see him! He’s running through the park, the police are trying to catch up to him!”, Madly explained.
“Good. Did you say you brought handcuffs?”
“Yeah, I brought handcuffs.”, Madly answered.
“I see him too now!”, Jules said as she approached the park.
“Okay, I just parked, I’m going after him.”, Madly said as she closed her cell phone. “Stop him, he’s a child abuser!”, she screamed.
Tires screeched as Jules made a sharp turn and parked on the sidewalk. King Peter looked up to see Madly and Jules approaching from either side, and the police catching up to him from behind. He aimed his finger at Madly and Jules, but they kept running. Unfortunately for King Peter, this was no SOS video, and it was going to take more than cheap special effects to get him out of this situation. Jules took a “leap of faith” and pounced on her prisoner. “Got him!”, she yelled.
She pulled King Peter’s hands behind his back. “I never thought we’d actually meet like this.”, she said. “The handcuffs, Madly?”
Madly pulled a pair of furry red bondage cuffs out of her purse, and held them out for Jules to grab. Jules stared at them “What are these?”, she asked, a puzzled look on her face.
“They’re called bondage cuffs.”, Madly explained. Jules continued to stare at the cuffs. “Here,”, Madly said as she withdrew her hand, “I’ve always wanted to do this. You just hold his hands together.” With King Peter now handcuffed, the two picked him up off of the grass, and began walking him toward the police.
“So, how do I look?”, Madly asked as she floated around the pool on her raft.
“You look great, Madly.”, Placebo answered.
“Yeah, hot pink is definitely a good color on you.”, Jules added.
Madly turned around to look at Jules. “Well thanks for telling me about the sale.”
“Hey, Roughneck. Jules said if there’s any Family books you want to get rid of, the police would like to look at them.”, Conan said as Roughneck walked outside to the pool deck.
Roughneck gave Conan a cold stare. “I’m not talking to you.”
“Dude, you’re still pissed at me for destroying your TV? Look, I said I was sorry, and I’ll go to Best Buy and get you a new one tomorrow. What more can a guy do?”
Seeing an argument in the making, Jules made her way out of the pool.
“You ruined the last minutes of the game for me, man. That must have been some comeback the Giants made to win in the last seconds, and I would have loved to watch it.”, Roughneck answered.
“Well, me too!”, Conan yelled back.
“Yeah, but I’m not the one who threw a vase at the TV because the Patriots made a touchdown!”
Madly turned around again on her raft to face Roughneck. “So, tell me, Roughie, how did you get this beautiful house?”
“A friend of mine placed it in her will.”, Roughneck answered
Madly smiled “HER will? You’re quite the charmer, aren’t you?”
“Willed property is always cool.”, Placebo added.
“Oh, Placebo. Before I forget, here’s your cuffs back, we used them to cuff King Peter.”, Madly said. She jumped off of her raft and swam over to the pool deck.
“Those aren’t mine.” Placebo answered.
Jules laughed from the deck “I told you he wasn’t going to claim those.”
“Hey!”, Roughneck yelled, “Those aren’t his handcuffs, those are MINE! What were you doing with them anyway?”, Roughneck asked.
“Sorry, but I found them in a drawer as I was leaving, and assumed they were Placebo’s. Didn’t think he’d mind my borrowing them.”, Madly apologized
“That’s why you should never borrow without asking. Didn’t you learn that from ‘The Sandbox’ in Life with Grandpa? At least they were put to good use, but I want them back now!”
“Then come and get ‘em!”, Madly called.
Roughneck took his sandals off. “She said come and get ‘em!”, Jules laughed as she pushed Roughneck into the pool with the rest of his clothes on, to the laughter and cheers of the crowd.
By the time Jules came back with a bottle of champagne and some glasses, Roughneck had already managed to get his wet shirt off. “I think this calls for a celebration!”, Jules exclaimed as she started pouring a drink, which she gave to Roughneck. When everyone had gotten a drink, she lifted her glass. “We should toast.”
“To justice!”, Roughneck toasted. And the five cheered.
“To moving on!”, Jules toasted. And the five cheered.
“To a free mind!”, Madly toasted. And the five cheered.
“To the Giants- World Champions!”, Conan toasted. And the five cheered.
“To great music!”, Placebo toasted. And the five cheered.
As Jules was handing over the last of her files to the police for evidence against Family leadership, Claire and Maria sat on a stone bench facing a small TV. Maria could hear an interview taking place.
“ But when I realize that I do not have the woman’s phone number, I go back to the room. No one is there, place is empty. I remember the bulletin, suddenly it all makes sense! That is when I alert my friends, and they call the police.”
“Hey Claire, your boyfriend’s on TV!”, Maria teased
“Shut up!”, Claire snapped back.
A few days later.
Peter sat speechless in the interview room, looking at the dozens of file folders spread out across the table. “So, am I going to be extradited?”, Peter finally asked.
“That’s up the judge, mon.”, the officer answered.
“Yeah, but here’s where I can help you. Right now you’ve got me, you’ve got the ringleader, Maria, and you’ve got Claire. You don’t know who’s in charge right now, but I do. And I know where you can find him.”
The officer gave him a cold stare “Why you want to help us?”
“Because I’m American, I want to be extradited. And I want to be moved to another cell as soon as possible. My cellmate scares me.”
“And your friend Claire is in a cell with a dominatrix. We’re not moving you.”
“Really? Because Dominoes happens to be one of my favorite games!", Peter commented. He paused to think. "Look, I’m telling you, you don’t have everyone! I can actually testify against this man in court! Are you getting this? I can tell you who he is, where he is, and I can help you get him. All I want is to be extradited to the US. And not just him. You need someone to testify against Maria? I'm your man.”
“We’ll see what we can do, mon.”, the officer answered.