from Samuel - Saturday, December 09, 2006
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In our last segment, Peter and Maria had decided to stop witnessing and have a cup of coffee at Starbucks. Peter read his e-mail, and answered some questions before the van arrived to take them home. And now the story continues…
The last episode can be found here: http://www.movingon.org/article.asp?sID=8&Cat=12&ID=3392
Desire walked in the door, and sat down at an empty table.
“God bless Desire, she’s always so security minded. Always wants to make sure we can get around without drawing attention to ourselves.” Peter whispered as he folded the lap top computer and rose from his seat. He pushed his chair in, and helped Maria out of her chair. “Now follow me, honey. Desire’s right over here.” he said to her softly.
They walked out of the coffee shop together without acknowledging Desire, who quickly followed after them. Peter and Desire both helped Maria to get into the dirty white van.
“LHM, Peter. I know I should do something with this van because driving a dirty van around is such a bad witness. Cleanliness is Godliness, as Dad always said.”
“Amen, Desire.”, Peter chided. “Dad also said ‘Accidents don’t just happen; they are caused by a lack of concern and a lack of love for others.’ ”
“Amen, but what does that have to do with driving around in a dirty van?”
“Who cares? It came from God’s End Time Prophet. Don’t you enjoy hearing God’s word for today?”
“Oh yes, I certainly do. I just didn’t think that…”
“ Exactly, you didn’t think! You need to be alert, on guard, especially if you’re going to be driving Queen Maria and I around, Amen?”
“Amen. But there’s also a Mo quote that says “Don’t think, think, think: or you’ll sink, sink, sink: because you stink, stink, stink.’ ”
“Desire, just drive us home, okay?”, Maria finally asked.
“Yes, Mama, I’ll do that.”, Desire answered. Desire closed the heavy van door, and walked around to the driver’s seat.
“So, how was witnessing?”, Maria asked
Desire turned to look at Maria in the back. “Witnessing went great. And I really want to thank you guys for being the lookouts at Starbucks for me, so I could go out and witness to the crowd. We raised $1200.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful.” Peter replied. “I’ll have it wired to our Swiss account first thing tomorrow.”
“God bless you, Peter. You’re so faithful”, Desire replied “So, someone was telling me about a special treat on movie night. Is there any chance I might be able to get some love?”
“Well, Desire”, Peter replied, “I’m still trying to get rid of this STD. But I guess we could if you have the faith for it.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that. You probably got it from me to begin with. Isn’t that wonderful how we share everything in this Family?”, Desire cooed.
“Amen, it sure is. Hal!”
Desire turned the key, and started the engine. “Let’s pray”, Maria said. “Now go with us precious savior,
as we journey on our way.”
And everyone else chimed in:
“Bless the tires and the engine,
Be thou with us all the way.
Precious God, precious God,
Without thee we dare not ride.
Precious God, precious God,
We are safe when by your side.”
The van pulled out of the parking lot, and made its way into the street.
On the way home, Peter looked out his window, and saw something out of the corner of his eye. “Hey, I wonder why there’s a police car outside the Krispy Crème place.”
Maria looked in the direction of the voice. “A police car? Maybe they’re following us.”
“It is odd, and I think the Lord is bringing this to my attention for a reason. I’m getting a check in the spirit about this.”
“Oh, Hallelujah, a check! Who’s it from?”
“No, Mama, not a bank check, a check like, you know something’s not right. The Lord is trying to say something to me in the spirit.”
Maria gasped. “Stop thinking about that Holy Spirit girl! You know, if I’ve aged since Eman drew that picture, chances are she has too! She’s not so young and beautiful anymore, you know?”
“I’m not! I’m not thinking about her, okay? I just think God is trying to send me a message through her.”
“Well, if she comes in here, I’m not moving out of my seat to make room for her!”, Maria snapped
“You don’t get it, honey. You don’t have to, she’s a spirit.”, Peter replied
Maria nodded her head. “Okay. Just don’t bring her into the bedroom when we’re having our special time. And don’t think I won’t see her because I’m blind!”
Peter sighed. “She’s a spirit, you couldn’t see her anyway. She could sit on my lap if she wanted to.”
Maria slapped her hands at Peter. Peter threw his hands up “Okay, okay, I’m sorry sweetheart.” he replied.
“Hallelujah, we’re home!”, Desire said, from the front of the van.
“And Lord we rebuke the media, we rebuke them in the keys! The media, and the god of satellites, and the god of the internet, which makes information about our deeds available to the entire world at the click of a mouse, Lord! We curse Oplexicon Lord, bind him, and drown him in the depths of the sea in the power of the Keys, Lord! And throw away the keys when you do that, please Lord! Don’t give him access to the keys, Lord, because he’s so smart he’ll unlock himself and he will be after us again in no time, Lord!”
“Amen!”, everyone shouted.
And suddenly, a voice called out from the back of the room.
“Attention chacun, je prédis !Combien grand est ce ? And here is the translation. The authorities are on their way! Have I not shown my servant Peter these things? Have I not revealed all these things unto my humble King Peter? Well, did I? No one’s going to answer me, huh? None among you knoweth the answer, save my humble servant Peter and my sweet nymphomaniac Maria. For ye are in darkness, darkness I say, because my servant Peter has not revealed these things unto thee yet. Get thee with the program, Peter! For thou art really starting to get on my nerves! For behold, the darkness shall cover this room, and gross darkness this house. I mean really gross, like when someone pukes on the floor in the middle of the night and you step on it on your way to the toilet. That’s gross! That’s what I’m talking about. And the police shall rise upon thee, and their glory shall be seen upon thee.”
Suddenly a large crowd of followers got up and joined hands and began to sing “David’s Mighty Men”.
Peter waved his hands, trying to calm everyone down. “Please, everyone, stop singing! You are breaking the spirit; we are going to have a dirty channel!”
One woman raised her hand. “Yes, Amy, what is it?”, Peter asked
“You mean like the Playboy Channel or something?”
“No, not like a television channel. I’m talking about the channel in the spirit. If you break the spirit, we’re going to get a dirty channel!”
“Can we watch it? Maybe they’ll show Jenna Jameson.”, a man asked.
“Everyone quiet please. Chiara is getting a prophecy. Please proceed, Chiara.”
“Uh…with what?”, Chiara asked
“The prophecy, Chiara. What you were saying.”
“ Oh yes. Well, let me see. I’ll have to get my tarot cards out again.”
“Excuse me, King Peter. But aren’t we supposed to have our eyes closed while we’re praying?” , another disciple asked
“Yes, but how do you know she didn’t have her eyes closed, unless you didn’t have them closed also?”, Peter asked, a judgmental look on his face.
“Because she just said she was looking at tarot cards.”
“She can do that if she needs them to get a prophecy.”, Peter replied
“The authorities are on their way. They just stopped for doughnuts.”, Chiara blurted out
“Doughnuts? Are they Krispy Kreme by chance?”, Peter asked
“Yes, they are. They have chocolate icing on one side, and glaze on the other.”
“That’s great! Maybe we could provision some doughnuts from them like we used to do back in the old days.”, Maria commented.
“That’s NOT great, they’re coming to arrest us!”, Peter yelled “Everybody, get your flee bags!”
Chiara turned the cards around, and continued. “Wait, there’s more! They’re going to come in a helicopter! And they’re going to use a wagon too!”
“Wow, you’re getting such a revelation!”, King Peter said.
“And they’re going to bring a dog with them.”, Chiara added. “And they’re going to take us to jail on a yellow school bus.”
“Is that all?”, Peter asked
“Yes, I ran out of cards.”
“Wow, awesome prophecy you gave, Chiara!”, a girl said as she passed by on her way out of the room.
“You know, I find it quite sexy when a woman is spiritual like that.”, a guy commented.
Chiara blushed, “Oh, thank you. But I really can’t take credit for that, it’s only Jesus. And he’s sexier than anybody can imagine.”
“Maybe we could have a little love up time before we have to flee?”
“Good question, for some reason I was short changed on the sharing schedule. Uh, King Peter! Can Byron and I have love up time before we have to flee?”
“If you let me in on it.”, Maria replied.
“No, Mama. No, Chiara, we don’t have time! We have to be out of here in 15 minutes!”
“That’s not fair!”, Maria protested.
Peter leaned in and whispered to Maria, “What’s not fair is that we have a luxury mobile home that hasn’t been broken in yet, if you know what I mean.”
A mother ran into the room, and grabbed the cards from the floor where Chiara was sitting. “I knew the baby’s flash cards were around here somewhere!”, she said out loud.
And with that, everyone ran out of the room to get their flee bags.