Quotes on Religion to replace THE MOP

from Rain Child - Saturday, November 25, 2006
accessed 822 times

Yeah...Homer's a lot more intelligent than Berg...even with a crayon in his brain.

Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Homer: No offence Apu, but when they're handing out religions you must be out taking a whiz.
Apu: Mr. Simpson, pay for your purchases and get out...and come again.

Marge: Homer, you don't have to pray out loud.
Homer: But he's way the hell up there!

Apu: Please do not offer my god a peanut.

Homer: Lisa, you're a Buddhist, so you believe in reincarnation. Eventually, Snowball will be reborn as a higher life form... like a snowman.

Bart: Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

Homer: I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible.
Lisa: Really? Where?
Homer: Eh, somewhere in the back.

Krusty: So, have a merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a kwaazy Kwanza, a tip-top Tet, and a solemn, dignified, Ramadan. And now a word from MY god, our sponsors!

Homer: The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten.

Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Homer: You're selling what, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.
Apu: He's got me there.

Apu: Thank you for coming. I'll see you in Hell.

Ned Flanders: They've broken every commandment except one.
Carl: Hey Lenny, covet some chilli fries?
Lenny: You bet.
Ned Flanders: That's it. The whole shebang.

Homer: "You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity"

Bart: Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
Apu: By the 7 arms of Vishnu, I swear it. I am not a Hindu.

Homer: I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

Carl: This candy is subpar. Any religion that embraces carob is not for Carl Carlson.

Homer: Jesus, Allah, Buddha. I love you all!

Bart: I can't stand to see you so upset, Lis, unless it's from a rubber spider down your dress - Hmm, that gives me an idea note for later: put rubber spider down Lisa's dress.

Bart: Mom, can we go Catholic so we can get communion wafers and booze?

Homer: See you in hell, dinner plate!

Cletus: Stranger! You're tresspassin' on my dirt farm!
Man: Ah, do you happen to need a messiah?
Cletus: No, but I'll take them sacks of money from ya.

Marge: Bart, stop pestering Satan!

Lisa: I'm no theologian. I don't know who or what God is. All I know is he's more powerful than Mom and Dad put together.

Duffman: Are you there God? It's me... Duffman!

Homer: God bless those pagans.

Barney: Jesus must be spinning in his grave!

Duffman: New feelings brewing inside Duffman... What... WOULD JESUS DO?!

Milhouse: Why do you have a social worker? I am the one with stigmata.

Apu: Shiva H. Vishnu!

Apu: Mrs. Simpson, I--I cannot go there. That is the scene of my spiritual depantsing.