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Getting Through : Lighten Up

Peter and Maria go Witnessing - Part 2

from Samuel - Tuesday, October 11, 2005
accessed 1702 times

The conclusion of the story found here.

"Mama and Peter" go witnessing- Part 2!

The bus stopped, and Maria and Peter got off. Peter wore a T-shirt with The Family’s symbol on the front and back. On the back was also written the words “The Family- Making a Difference”. This would give him legitimacy when he asked for money, as no one would ask him whether he was actually associated with such a group, or if they were a bona fide charity. Maria on the other hand, wore a dark blue blouse, and a bright red skirt that extended to her knees. The two sat down on the sidewalk.
“We should pray first, before we go out and talk to all these systemites.”, Peter said.
“Yes, you’re right.” And so the two started to repeat “Thank you Jesus, Thank you Lord, Thank you Jesus, Thank you Lord.” This went on for about 10 minutes before Peter finally said “Lord, we pray that you will bless this witnessing trip, and that we’ll make a lot of money so we can continue to do your work. And we pray that you’ll curse those people who have left The Family and stopped sending us their money regularly. We pray against the Vandari, the bitter apostates, the media, and Dr. Phil.”
“Don’t forget Bill Cosby. He doesn’t like us either.”, Maria reminded.
“That’s right, Lord. We pray against Bill Cosby as well.” Peter looked up, “Does Jim LaMattery fall under the category of Vandari, or bitter apostate?”
“I would say bitter apostate. He’s not young, like the kids that are taken over by the Vandari.”
“Lord, we pray specifically against Jim LaMattery, just for good measure. And if you could please speak to us in prophecy about which category Jim belongs in so we can pray correctly to you in the future, that would be great. In the Keys, Amen.”
“Honk, Honk, Hallelujah!” Maria replied as she picked up her lit pouch, and flung it over her shoulder. After being helped up by Peter, she walked with him toward the street. Soon she heard music coming from a jogger’s headphones. “Jesus loves you, sir! Would you like to buy some beautiful music for your tape player?”
Peter pulled Maria away. “That was a woman, and she had something called an MP3 player.”
“Well, how was I supposed to know that? And what in the world is an MP3 player anyway?” Maria asked
“It plays music, but not tapes. It plays MP3’s”
“Oh, you think you’re so funny, don’t you?”, Maria shot back.
“Quiet, honey. I’m going to go talk to that lady over there. Here, hold these.”, Peter said, handing her a small stack of posters.
Maria walked the other way. “We’re missionaries. Can you help with a donation?”
“Really?”, a man asked. “Where have you been missionaries?”
“Let’s see”, Maria answered. “I’ve been to England, the Canary Islands, France, South Africa, Italy, the USA, the Philippines, Japan…”
The man rolled his eyes, “I shouldn’t have asked”, he said to his friend. The two crossed the street.
“Oh, I was in France for a long time! People are so sweet over there, but the government is very corrupt. Not as corrupt as the U.S. government, though.
Oh! I forgot Spain, I’ve been to Spain too- Madrid to be exact.”
“Mama, what are you doing?”, Peter asked as he took the stack of posters out of her arms.
“I’m witnessing to these people.”
“There’s nobody there.”, Peter replied. Then he saw a couple walking by. “Okay honey, stay here and don’t talk to anyone”
“Hello”, Peter started, “We’re missionaries, can you help with a donation?”
The guy jumped up in Peter’s face. “Are you looking at my girl?”, he asked.
“No, I’m looking at the both of you.”, Peter explained, winking his eye at the guy.
The two stood there in shock. “Like, why? Are you into threesomes or something?”, the girl replied
The guy grabbed his companion’s arm, “Come on, let’s get away from this freak.”
Peter went back to Maria. “We’re really not getting very far today.”, he commented, “Let’s cross the street”

Peter and Maria crossed the street and found a man on his way to work. Maria pulled a piece of lit out of her lit pouch. “Jesus loves you, we’re collecting money for…”
“Good Heavens!”, Peter interrupted, as he covered the lit in Maria’s hand, and handed the man one of his posters. The man gave Peter two dollars, which he put into a can. “Maria, didn’t you have anybody help you pack your lit pouch? That’s the ‘Loving Jesus Revelation!’ God only knows all the trouble it’s gotten us in already.”
“I had someone help me pack my lit.”, Maria replied.
“Who?”, Peter asked
Maria placed her hands on her hips. “Duh! If I could see who had helped me pack my lit, I wouldn’t have needed anyone to help me pack my lit, don’t you think?”
Peter sighed. “Okay, let’s just see what’s in your lit pouch. I’m sure there’s plenty of good GP lit in there that won’t get us in any trouble.”
“I was wondering why my lit pouch was so heavy. I guess I was carrying around whole letters instead of tracts. I can’t help it, I’m blind. This is my thorn in the flesh.”
“This letter is going to be a thorn in your SIDE if you pass it out. Here, give me your lit pouch.”
Maria handed Peter her lit pouch, which he began to look through. “For Heaven’s sake! ‘Child Brides’, ‘The Little Girl Dream’, ‘Gadhaffi’, ‘Sinless Sex’, ‘The Devil Hates Sex’- these things are NOT GP! These were supposed to be burned! They must have gotten these from our personal library. There’s nothing GP in here, what did you do?”
“Way Cool!”, Peter could hear a young kid in the background say. The kid tapped Peter on the shoulder. Peter looked up to see two young people standing next to him laughing. “Are you using that?”, the guy asked, pointing to the letter on top of the pile, titled “Sex Works”
"Don't ask him that way, that's rude.", the girl replied. "Sorry, sir. We'd like to have that leaflet, though"
“Uh…no, I’m not. You can have it for a donation,”, Peter replied.
The boy took the letter, and gave Peter two quarters. "Thanks."
"You're welcome. God Bless You!" Peter answered.
"You wanna go back to my place and read this?", the guy asked as he and his girlfriend walked away.
“I’m so sorry, honey. I’m such a mess without Jesus.”
Peter held out his arms to give Maria a hug. “Wait!”, she continued. “This isn’t being recorded or Tran scripted- I don’t have to act humble for my followers! How could you let me take all this stuff with me litnessing? Dad specifically said that when he died I would have control over The Family, and YOUR job was to take care of me! Remember that song? I’m Heidi, you’re Peter. How could you let me do this? Do you know what this means for our finances? It could destroy the Lord’s work! Maybe you should have f#$king thought about that before you dragged me along on this…”
“Honey, Sunshine and Teddy are behind you.”, Peter interrupted.
Maria stopped in her tracks and turned around, a big grin suddenly on her face. “Oh, hi there, Sunshine and Teddy. GBY! Are you making a lot of money?”
“We’re doing alright. We’ve sold 30 posters each so far.”
Peter smiled. “You better hurry up, or there won’t be any special treat on movie night. It’s kettle corn.”
“Come on Teddy, let’s reach those folks over there for Jesus!”, Sunshine said as she held Teddy’s hand.
“I’m still mad at you. I want to go with them.”, Maria said. And with that she walked out to the busy street. It wasn’t until a car honked at her that she jumped back.
“Mama, honey. What do you say we stop for today and go have some coffee at the Mc. Donald’s. We can watch from there until everyone gets back. Maybe we could even afford Starbuck’s across the street. 2 more posters for each disciple should cover it.”
“That’s a great idea.”
And with that, the two crossed the street together arm in arm.

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from Sydney
Thursday, March 09, 2006 - 19:59

Love your work...hope someone sends a copy to Mamma and Peter.
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