from roughneck - Monday, May 31, 2004
accessed 1650 times
Got this in an email...thought it was worth a larf.
(intro blurb ends)
Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the Bible, even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Catholic Elementary school test. Children were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected. (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
6. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
7. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert, Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh Aommandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Heb rews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in bibical times.
14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the goldn Rule, which says to do unto others before they do on to you. He also explained, a man
doth not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistels were the wives of the apostals.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.