Another Look Into the Misadventures of Brian

from Spat - Tuesday, March 09, 2004
accessed 1916 times

Day: 5840
Location: Home XXXFF
Revolution Period: PER aka (PhukyouERse)
Mission Objectives: Survival, persecution (child abuse court cases) evasive maneuvers, L of L (Lick another Lollipop)
Primary Objective: Screw Brian

Upon arrival at the “heavenly home” Brian’s 1st task was finding his house shoes from a disorganized pile of close to 400 shoes (The shoes were accommodated in a set of sideways turned vegetable crates, which Uncle Jeho had gotten teen John H. to paint black for “looks” “look successful and the world will accept your success” was the “Grandpa” quote Uncle Jeho had used at the time), Brian quickly found one sneaker but the other one was a real bitch and took close to 15 minutes.

With his 2 inside shoes now located Brian had to proceed to the decontamination ritual.

First a 20 minute spiritual cleansing with Uncle Uriah claiming scripture. Second a full shower to fully cleanse himself of all possible germs (Brian was always a little doubtful of this ritual since he had noticed that the “heavenly home” usually possessed 3 to 4 “afflictions” or sicknesses at all times so either the cleansing ritual was missing something or it was intended to keep the germs in). Third changing into his good old faithful forsake all clothes (a pair of 60s jean shorts that looked right out of "Boogy Nights" and a tight yellow jersey that would have made John Travolta proud in his Grease days).

After all the ordeal Brian hurried over to the lunch line to get a full serving of today’s special; Uncle Jeho’s “Liver Soup” (yum, yum) and a full serving of Chayote.

Brian was soo hungry by then that after pouring half the hot sauce can into his soup and vegetables to kill the taste buds he quickly devoured the whole serving.

After his plate was carefully washed Brian spent the next 40 minutes in the teen girls room talking to Bethsheba (a nasty looking national teen girl that weighted 20 to 30 pounds more than Brian) and trying to get a glimpse of Joan, his attempts were dashed when the “Lord” inspired Untie Vessel to make sure everyone was using their word time wisely, the result of this “inspiration” was a double demerit for Brian.

A disheartened Brian spent the next 20 minutes looking for the library chest key, after an extensive hunt Brian opened the chest and studied the contents of this “treasure chest” after careful consideration Brian decided to pull out the Grey Mo letter volume XIII, and the Daily Bread volume # 2 he carefully filled out a set of library forms that would have done Papillion proud and proceeded to the boys bathroom where he opened the grey book to the Goddess illustrations and let out his frustration for the next 30 minutes.

A very content Brian made his way to his bunk, pulled out his OHR form and began this daily routine by writing about such important issues as his BM consistency for the day, Brian reported that today’s BM had been of a decent texture but had contained a very potent foul smell that had made him decide he should follow Grandpa’s 8 water cup a day rule more closely, the more “spiritual” part of the OHR followed and that was the precise reason why Brian had checked out the Daily Bread. Under letter read for the day Brian wrote “The Word, The Word, The Word” and began his reaction with one of his personal favorite lines, “The Lord showed me thru reading this letter that………………………” By now Brian knew most letters by heart and he was a reaction master, you could basically name any letter and Brian could easily conjure up a good reaction with good and “heavy” spiritual lessons. Brian was indeed a scholar of the word by now. After answering no to his sexual need being met Brian happily deposited the OHR in the Open Heart folder and proceeded to his favorite part of the “Quiet Time” by taking his mandatory 45 minute nap time.

By the Time Johnny nudged Brian awake Brian had already missed 10 minutes of his favorite time of the day: get out. Brian quickly put on his running shoes and ran to the yard area basketball in hand, upon approaching the court Brian’s heart sank. Sweet Uncle Arthur (another very loved/feared home teamwork member) was calling all the teens over, Uncle Arthur sweetly explained that many teen boys (looking directly at Brian and Johnny) had acted unlovingly at the basketball court yesterday. They had had a competitive edge and had acted as if they were emulating Michael Jordan on the Court (a hard to imagine feat being that most baskets made on this game were on the 5th dare I say 8th rebound attempt, and a quick glance at the “competitive” crowd looked more like a Somalia appeal poster as opposed to an NBA team) the result of this unloving behavior had been Uncle Steven R (a 52 year old sweet brother that weighted about 300 pounds and always had a hearty confession to make at weekly communion) had felt left out and had twisted and ankle while caught up in this “unloving competitive spirit”. Uncle Arthur explained that this week reading assignment would be “Are You a Good Sport”, and that all ensuing getout activities for the month would be supervised by a home teamwork member.

After a 30 minute prayer rebuking the “evil” competitive spirits, a game of freezeball was organized but this too was called off after one of “Sweet Arthur's” balls hit teen Mary in the nose which resulted in a bloody nose. After another 30 minute prayer session, the reminder 15 minutes of getout where completed in partner walks while reviewing their memory projects.

Next episode: Afternoon JJT’s, Dinner Dishes and Video Night with Uncle Malachia