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Getting Through : Lighten Up


from Benz - Tuesday, September 30, 2003
accessed 1326 times

Disclaimer: The following was written for the sole purpose of entertaining the writer/ reader and should not be viewed/ processed as an information source. It is not the writer’s intention to slander or otherwise tarnish the reputation of the many honest, noble, trustworthy, just, moralistic persons, those “pillars of society” who make up “The Family”. To this end it should also be stated that unauthorized use, dissemination, or exploitation of this subject matter will not be appreciated or viewed favorably. Furthermore, anyone discovered trifling in such unauthorized use will be dealt with utmost severity.

Pre-amble: It has come to my attention, the possibility of unfounded rumors about “The Family”, and in particular regarding “Family” leadership or its “inner circle” may be circulating. I plead to all those who stand for fairness and equality, to welcome those persons who may be able to discount, explain or discredit any false or misleading statements.

Obviously, just because someone is in “The Family” does not give them the right to argue on behalf of something they know nothing about, or against something they cannot confirm to be false, so this is hoping those people “in the know” can answer to some of the rumors floating around.

Rumor number 1: The Rod of God Revelation.

This is rumored to be a new, experimental “Revelation”, being practiced by those at Zerby’s house, and within the “inner circle”. When first made aware this rumor it seemed incredible to me, yet when I considered the “Loving Jesus” and “Using the Keys” Revolutions, seemed an entirely plausible progression, one “revelation” or “revolution” to the next so to speak. My first thought was to discredit this “rumor” as not having any basis in fact. However I was reminded that both the “Vandari” and the “Brazil Excommunication” letters were made public here before many of our own relatives in “TF” were made aware, and that this “revelation” is apparently only for the “elite” at this stage.

If this rumor is true, I am shocked and appalled in that it appears “Family” members are not being given the “meat of the word” on an equal basis (except for those pesky Brazilian’s who went astray by buying cars and indulging excesses of the flesh, and deserve to be deprived!). If this rumor is true though, it must surely be viewed as a monumental travesty of justice to all the noteworthy current members of “The Family”, undoubtedly causing them immense mental, emotional and spiritual hurt, inflicting numerous cases of “anemia of the soul”, so to speak. But worse yet, I fear that withholding this new “meat” may result in spiritual starvation to the entire world, and I therefore conclude it would be inhumane of me not to at least make the little that I know, a bit more public knowledge.

On the subject of this new “Rod of God Revelation”, it appears that this new “revelation” is a mixture of “Loving Jesus” & “Using the Keys”. Apparently “Mama” was concerned that since Berg (Moses David) is now gone, the “Rod of God” has been failed to be implemented and many, like blind sheep, are going astray!! Zerby and her concerned staff were desperate and when fasting, exorcisms and frantic implementation of “loving Jesus” failed to provide the needed spiritual breakthrough they started thinking all was lost.

However, in a stroke of genius, no doubt attributable in a large way to Zerby’s amazing links to supernatural guidance she decided to visit the local sex shop. Upon sampling some of the wares she was “blinded by the light” and received this new “revelation” direct from Jesus Christ himself. PTL! Mama immediately went about having “Rods of God” specially crafted for each of her “Gideon’s Band”. As Peter and the other “true believers” have all been women in the spirit for sometime now, everyone, including the men (only in Mama’s home, and in the very Selah units) has now been able to fully implement this new, amazing revolution with great success. Zerby also received spiritual guidance on who each Rod should be modeled on. Each “Rod” also has its own slogan or “spiritual password”.

Examples of some of the various specially crafted “Rods” and their heavenly passwords are:

Berg (It’s the little things)·

Rasputin·(Wart’s N’ all)

Pepe (Silver Service)·

Simon Peter (Warped·Englishman)

Davidito (Gotta Be a Baby) – This one is apparently kept as·“Super Selah” in Zerby’s private safe.

There are also “Rods” for when Peter doesn’t feel like being a “woman in the spirit” (I sure hope he gets the victory!).

Examples of these are:

Coosa (the Caboosa)·

Judas·Iscariot (the Backstabber)

Zerby has her own personal “Rod”, called the “Vandari Rod”, for when she wants to feel “young in the spirit” again. It is also rumored that this new “revolution” is being funded by the Brazil tithes, of what would previously go to sending them “new wine”, but now is freed-up-cash to fund the specially crafted “Rod’s of God” Revolution.

Other Rumors currently circulating, but for which time presently fails me to go into further detail, I will at least provide a short glimpse of:

Rumor no 2: Zerby’s 5 o’clock shadow. What has been rumored is that this comes in handy when Zerby & Peter play Sadamn & Satan (from South Park), Zerby plays Sadamn most times, & at times has a frightening likeness when the 5 o’clock shadow is fully grown. (I’m so Jealous of you Peter!!)

Rumor no 3: Zerby is Jim Morrison. This is really an insult to Jim Morrison, but as there are some that believe Jim Morrison faked his own death, Zerby has not escaped being considered for a “possible” Jim.

Rumor no 4: Animal Welfare inspectors confiscate various animals from the “Zerby Residence”. It is rumored that Animal Welfare Inspectors raided the “Zerby Residence” at dawn upon disturbing reports from neighbors that various animals including dogs, pigs, chickens and cows were being severely beaten for “failing to say the love words”. The animals were found in an appalling condition, and one St Bernard now plays dead every time a woman with glasses walks near.
As stated earlier I request and welcome anyone with intimate knowledge of the current goings on in the Zerby residence to confirm or deny these rumors so that I (and all those with a concern for human kind) may sleep restfully once again.

Reader's comments on this article

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from lotstoforget
Thursday, November 24, 2005 - 14:46

Saw this for the first time today. Haha, really good, Benz. You probably have the gift of prophecy too, right?
(reply to this comment)
from anovagrrl
Tuesday, October 07, 2003 - 15:40

I was having an absolutely rotten day at work, so I took a break and read this post. ROFLMAO! It lightened me up a lot. Thanks, Benz, for sharing your wit. The Rod of God spoof is hilarious!
(reply to this comment)

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