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Getting Through : Lighten Up

Let's sing the Old christmas songs

from Albatross - Wednesday, December 18, 2002
accessed 1985 times

I was chatting with a friend and we were trying to remember which Family Xmas song was the most annoying. It's an open question..but the song that had "wonderful" in it, like 6 six million times, ranks high on my list.

Happy Xmas everyone.
There is a lot of Rage on this site the last couple of weeks. I feel the need to sing Christmas songs. I started thinking about all the subversive little ditties we would get paddled for. Tim R…you remember. We were so hungry in Saltillo Combo in Mexico one time that we joked about putting out an album called Starvation Army. The cover would feature our emaciated bodies leaning wearily against the Combo’s outside wall with shovels in our hands digging our own graves.

Among the songs:

Days of Famine (sung to the tune of Days of Heaven)

Days of Famine,
Spending my life without food
Ooooohhhhh days of famine
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate you

Beans beans beans (sung to the tune of Ring Christmas bells)

Beans in the morning
Beans in the night
Beans with the eggs
Beans with the rice

Come on all you people join in eating, feasting
These beans are old

Or for more those nostalgic moments,

Tapioca (sung to the tune of that old (Happy, Happy Christmas mon amour)

Tapioca everyone

Tapioca time has come
for everyone.

More fond food memories,

Shredded wheat (sung to the tune of Let it Be)

When I find myself in time of hunger,
My mother stands in front of me,
With a bowl of shredded wheat,
Shredded wheat
and in my hour of hunger
She is standing right in front of me
With a bowl of shredded wheat
Shredded wheat

Shredded wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat!

Yes….sad…and sappy to be sure. But these were the feeble attempts at subversion coming from the hunger fogged minds of growing 14 and 15 year old guys. And we paid in full for our black humor.
“Rebellion… for when mustard veal gruel, and sour milk cheese, just don't fill you up”

Reader's comments on this article

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from Superman
Friday, January 14, 2005 - 23:18

IM sorry maybe I did not understand you, but "WHAT DRUG ARE YOU ON MAN " quit it its bad for you!
(reply to this comment)
from banal_commentator
Friday, January 14, 2005 - 21:19

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

Banal Little Tidbit

Ok, maybe im just an innate glutton, but when I was a kid I think we were genuinely hungry for good food. So much so, that a piece of bread was incredibly delicious. I remember other kids, mostly female, being like this as well. Now days something is only worth eating if I'm hungry or its somewhat exotic and tasty, but when I was a kid, toast with butter was a connoisseur's deluxe, or even just rice with soy sauce. And its not like I'm one of the older kids(the ones that were raised when the cult was REALLY REALLY weird). I had a somewhat better upbringing then my older brothers and sisters (COMPARITIVELY!!!) but this still goes on, my little sisters are like this still (proabably because they are so incredibly bored, what with not being in school, having no hobbies/social lives/or pleasant activites to, um reading???!!!!%&*#$$). Its sad because this produces eating disorders; where kids think of food as a "shiner prize" or a distraction. I am sure this is not only something that happens in the cult, I am sure bland food is terribly desirable among many children in the world, such as those starving in Somalia, but in a first world country its a bit bizarre.

When I was a teenager, those long long long!!! years ago, I was in Africa as a """""missionary"""""" (considering what we claimed to be, it was hillariously disturbing that we were Americans "provisioning" from some of the natives....but I digress). Anyway, there were no "FGAs" in our "home," it was composed of three dysfunctional couples all vying for their natural entitlement for maternal domineerance, while fighting off the other lioness's; understandably of course. Anyway, these young, resentful, argueably psychotic mothers each had a little breed of their own. We befriended some of the rich "Africans" who were really Arabs and Indians and thrilled to encounter horny american girls (married nonetheless. But since when is marriage an object when you were raised in a cult?) all disgruntled and embittered toward their husbands. Anyway, my point is.... one of these girls little boyfriends made the shockingly astute, yet insulting observation that all the kids (the great grand children of the COG) would accept anything that was offered to them. They accepted and wanted every sip of juice and every bite of candy they could get. I thought nothing of it untill he mentioned it though. I guess normal children are a bit more picky. When I mentioned this to my sister (as she was one of the mothers) she went off on a screaming rampage followed by an episode of demon possesion, rambling incoherent words, with occasional dicipherable sentences;......."the shame, the shame" something or other......but that is a whole different story. And I mean a 2000pg long kinda story, if you know what I mean.

Anyway,thankfully, I doubt these kids are like that anymore, as their parents have all left the cult. But I guess some things (like walking around acting sexual and provocative with every male you encounter) like old habits, die hard.

Well, this turned into a bit of a ramble. I know my sentence structure, is deplorable, but I just write like I'm talking; saints and pedantic prick forgive me.

(reply to this comment)

from "Time to be happy"
Saturday, July 24, 2004 - 10:52

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

"The time for vandari is now, and the place for vandaries is here.and the way to become vandari is to leave a shittie culti and we'll have a vandari party right here."
(reply to this comment)

From Haunted
Monday, July 26, 2004, 08:13

LOL - nice one for a Monday morning! Maybe this will replace "this land will surely vote for me...." in my head this week... oh well, one can hope. (reply to this comment
from moon beam
Saturday, July 24, 2004 - 10:45

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

If your happy to be a "goat" clap your hands (clap clap)

If your glad to be a "goat" clap your hands (clap clap)

If your a bloody proud "Vandari", a "backslidding systemitie"

We're happy cause we know it, clap your hands (clap clap)
(reply to this comment)

from So Sorry, Handel
Tuesday, December 24, 2002 - 01:52

OK, not an old Xmas song, but one that TF can sing (since about '95, from what I hear):

Joy to the World
The Lord Has Come
We now may stop praying



Joy to the World
The Lord Has Come
We now call on the Keys

King Pete, Old Fart
Receives his groom
and Seven and Zerby swing...

OK, I think I may be in a bad way here...
(reply to this comment)
from Nan - released on time served
Monday, December 23, 2002 - 00:20

I can remember getting into a heap of trouble for letting people get into the kitchen cabinets at night and take food, or what they considered food, ei. powdered milk, raisins and some sort of black goo sweetener with dead bugs in it. Yeah, that bought me an extra month of silence restriction and no movie on Saturday. When I added extra people to my list of people I had to make snacks for between meals that really set them off! Cause "I didn't have the authority" to do that. Hmmm? Well, who the hell does? Do we have to have an act of Congress to prevent some of these folks from ending up on a Feed the Children commercial? "For only 80 cents a day, you could help keep alive a needy [CRO's kid]." Not even contraband "system rock" tapes smuggled in my mattress got me as much grief as stealing food or looking the other way while others did it. They were the damn food Nazis! Victory and I had 3rd bunks near the drop ceiling where we would stash food her mom and my dad brought us from the border. We'd push up the ceiling panel and, bingo, perfect smuggled goods like granola bars. They never found that contraband; otherwise, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here to tell about it. Too bad the ceiling wasn't strong enough to crawl into! We could have smuggled ourselves right out of there.
(reply to this comment)
from Kirsch in Estonia
Sunday, December 22, 2002 - 09:42

LOLOL! I remember Mike of Phil and MArie used to sing let it be as

'When I find myself with little freetime
Auntie Vessel comes to me
Speaking words familiar-

And in my hour of wank time she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words familiar

The rest is predictable.
(reply to this comment)
from TimR
Friday, December 20, 2002 - 01:27

Good memories Dan! I haven't thought of the old Starvation Army in a long time, I can tell you though, having friends to goof off with was about the only thing that kept me sane thru that miserable year in Saltillo. God, the food was awful! I discovered that if you took a mouthful of jalapenos before every bite, it would kill MOST of the taste and you could choke it down.

Spoofing songs was one of the funner (And more dangerous) ways of blowing off steam. You got most of the good ones, do you remember this?

"Estoy feliz por este nueva Vainilla.."
(Repeat 3 times)
"Quero comer todo los pajaros."
(Repeat 3 times)

There were two other verses, but I forgot them, I think Issac wrote that one.(The original song went "Estoy feliz por este nueva Familia" And "Quero volar como los pajaros"

Still, the funniest goof on a family song I ever heard happened completely by accident. We were doing some christmas song charity or something and one of the girls attempted to sing the Kiddie-viddie song "Try it, you just might like it" but got the two verses garbled together, it came out like this:

"I saw a man the other day, he looked like who knows what.
I told my mommy if I could, I'd really rather not.
She looked at me and smiled, before she said these words to me,
She told me if I'd give it a try, how big and strong I'd be."

I don't think anyone, except the family teens caught the slip-up or it's implications. For some reason I found this hillariously funny. (I was pretty immature at the time)

Anyhow, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa and a Jolly good Hannukah to all y'all !

(reply to this comment)
From banal_commentator
Friday, January 14, 2005, 22:19

Well, even if you sing that song how it was written, its still fucking sick and you can derive tons of implications. What kinda mother goes to parks and tells their little girls to smile at the bums??? (reply to this comment
From Laughing My Fucking Ass Off
Friday, January 14, 2005, 21:35

Dude, that is the only one that litearally made me laugh... ugh, now I'm going to be sick...(reply to this comment
from Elsie
Friday, December 20, 2002 - 00:38


Here's one for the Spanish speakers (to the tune of "Felices Pastores"-- Los pastores corren presurosos en busca de un nino nacido en Belen)

"Cazadores corren presurosos en busca de un oso comiendo pastel..."

I actually think it's better. Rhymes more.
(reply to this comment)
From Kirsch in Estonia
Sunday, December 22, 2002, 09:44

Also for que Lindo es saber..

'Cuando la bruja se despena, sabras que alguien te ama`(reply to this comment
from Jerseygirl
Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 07:06

LOFL! No wonder we're all fascinated with food! You and Tim should check with Sunny about getting in on that record deal.
(reply to this comment)
From Bewildered Sunny
Thursday, December 19, 2002, 10:00


Thought this was a barrel of laughs too. A very hairy Xmas to you!!! Buahahahaha...I mean Ho Ho Ho.(reply to this comment

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