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Getting Through : Lighten Up

Real Guys!!!

from Hanna_Black - Sunday, December 08, 2002
accessed 1364 times

This is not to be taken seriously!
Found it on a website, thought someone might wanna take the test. (I am sure that all wives will agree with me about the veteran underwear there...)

Take this Scientific Quiz to Determine if You Are a REAL GUY!

Okay, here goes:

Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:

1)Present it to the president of the United States.

2)Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations.

3)Take it apart.

As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?



3)Cherry bombs.

When is it okay to kiss another male?

1)When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.

2)When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)

3)When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.

What about hugging another male?

1)If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.

2)If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver.

3)If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that:

(1) He is legally within the basepath,

(2) Both of you are wearing protective cups, and

(3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause fractures.

Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to...

1)...remember the deceased and console his loved ones.

2)...reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life.

3)...tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer.

In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

1)A dog.

2)A cat.

3)A dog that eats cats.

You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy - you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers - when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?

1)That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.

2)That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.

3)That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen.

Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her -- sharing the joys and the sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies, and all the adventures and opportunities that the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

1)You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.

2)You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.

3)Tell her what?

One morning your wife wakes up not feeling well and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

1)"Do they need to eat or anything?"

2)"They're in school already?"

3)"There are three of them?"

When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

1)When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.

2)When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.

3)It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody - and we are not naming names - is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her.

What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?

1)He was being tested.

2)He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.

3)He refused to ask directions.

What is the human race's single greatest achievement??



3)Remote Control.

How to Score: Give yourself 3 points for every time you picked answer nr. 3.
A real guy would score at least 30 on this test. In fact, a real guy would score at least 35, because he would get the special five-point bonus for actually knowing the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer.

Reader's comments on this article

Add a new comment on this article

from thepersoniamnow
Monday, December 09, 2002 - 11:31

I guess I`m a 9 point pussy
(reply to this comment)
from PompousJohn
Monday, December 09, 2002 - 09:17

I just wanted to say that according to the stereotype imposed by this test, a "real man" would be too ignorant to read or add, wouldn't have the attention span to get through all of the questions, and wouldn't have the memory retention to remeber 3 multiple choices all at once.

I guess you should award 50 bonus points for a response similar to the following:

Bitch!...what the hell kinda foolishness are yew runnin’ off at the head about? I toldja them wimmin's magazeenes would rot yer brain! Git back in the kitchen! Shyit...(scratches sweaty balls with dirty fingernails)

(reply to this comment)
From Lance
Monday, December 09, 2002, 14:39

Actually this is a test from Maxim magazine, a MENS magazine. Hannah_black has been obviously infiltrating our ranks.(reply to this comment
From Hanna_Black
Monday, December 09, 2002, 09:30

LOL, that was funny, Pomp!!!(reply to this comment
from Ian
Sunday, December 08, 2002 - 23:13

Um...there's no C's anywhere? Was that part of the test? It's all 1,2,3 etc. Also...if you answered all of them correctly then your score would be 12 (I think).

I guess I failed.

(reply to this comment)
From Hanna_Black
Monday, December 09, 2002, 03:51

well, I just copied and pasted this off another site, and hey, like I said: this is not to be taken seriously!!!
I changed the point system now so it makes more sense.(reply to this comment
from JoeH
Sunday, December 08, 2002 - 22:23

I have to wonder why, if you don't appreciate women being stereotyped and joked about, you feel okay when the same is done to men? Sounds like female chauvinism to me.
(reply to this comment)
From Hanna_Black
Monday, December 09, 2002, 03:54

I KNEW that you would have to throw in a comment there, JoeH.
I never said anything about how I don't like women being joked about, at least not on this site or to you! Geez, it is just a joke, and I put up some macho-jokes too, see "For the Guys" under lighten up. Didn't know you guys would all freak and take A JOKE so seriously!(reply to this comment

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