Moving On - Children of the Children of God

The definitions provided below are from the National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information, an office within the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services. Their original source is the (U.S.) Federal Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA), originally enacted in 1974. The definitions are quoted from the Clearinghouse’s Web site:

http://www.calib.com/nccanch/pubs/factsheets/childmal.cfm

Child abuse and neglect, and sexual abuse

According to the CAPTA,

“Child abuse and neglect is, at a minimum:

– Any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation; or

– An act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm.

“Sexual abuse is:

– The employment, use, persuasion, inducement, enticement, or coercion of any child to engage in, or assist any other person to engage in, any sexually explicit conduct or simulation of such conduct for the purpose of producing a visual depiction of such conduct; or

– The rape, and in cases of caretaker or inter-familial relationships, statutory rape, molestation, prostitution, or other form of sexual exploitation of children, or incest with children.”

Maltreatment

The Clearinghouse also identifies and defines four main types of maltreatment perpetrated against children: physical abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse.

According to the Clearinghouse, physical abuse “is characterized by the infliction of physical injury as a result of punching, beating, kicking, biting, burning, shaking or otherwise harming a child. The parent or caretaker may not have intended to hurt the child; rather, the injury may have resulted from over-discipline or physical punishment.”

Child neglect, according to the Clearinghouse, “is characterized by failure to provide for the child’s basic needs. Neglect can be physical, educational, or emotional.” Emotional neglect, for example, may include “marked inattention to the child’s needs for affection, . . . refusal of or failure to provide needed psychological care . . . [or] spouse abuse in the child’s presence. . . .”

Sexual abuse, according to the Clearinghouse, “includes fondling a child’s genitals, intercourse, incest, rape, sodomy, exhibitionism, and commercial exploitation through prostitution or the production of pornographic materials.”

Finally, emotional abuse “(psychological/verbal abuse/mental injury) includes acts or omissions by the parents or other caregivers that have caused, or could cause, serious behavioral, cognitive, emotional, or mental disorders.”

Examples of emotional abuse include “extreme or bizarre forms of punishment,” such as locking a child in a dark closet, as well as “habitual scapegoating, belittling, or rejecting treatment.”

"Child”

For the purposes of this document, a child is a person who has not attained the age of 18.

When it is alleged or suspected that an adult abused a child who is currently part of a missionary community

Reporting

The mandatory policy of all mission agencies whose personnel are implicated or affected by the allegation (e.g. the alleged perpetrator, the parents of the alleged victim, and the parents of other children with whom the alleged perpetrator has had contact as a result of his or her work assignments) should be to report the allegation to an outside agency, one that is not associated with the missionary community in any way.

A mission agency that is actually committed to protecting MKs from sexual or other predators will have worked to identify such an outside agency, perhaps one headquartered in the state or province where the mission agency itself is headquartered, or possibly one whose work is national in scope. If it has done its homework, the mission agency will not be forced to scramble to find an appropriate outside agency to initiate and supervise the investigation of an allegation.

Some issues to keep in mind include the following:

1. Some state or provincial government child protective departments might be less open than others to facilitating investigations of allegations of abuse committed overseas, since they would naturally be concerned about what legal jurisdiction they would have to become thus involved. Nevertheless, a truly responsible mission agency will have contacted its state’s or province’s child protective department and ascertained to what extent it would be willing to be involved should an allegation of abuse arise.

2. It might be more realistic to expect that a nonprofit organization specializing in issues that affect children will be willing to serve as the outside agency to which any allegations of child abuse will be reported. Such organizations—including public interest law firms—can be found in many states, and the work of some (such as the Youth Law Center, with offices in San Francisco and Washington, DC) is national in scope. A responsible mission agency will have found a suitable organization and reached an agreement with it so that it is prepared should a child abuse allegation arise.

Investigation

If the investigation substantiates the allegation of abuse, it should then be broadened to ascertain whether the perpetrator abused anyone in other schools or institutions where he or she has worked.

Who should be informed

It should be clearly established at the outset of the investigation who exactly will be informed if the allegation of abuse is substantiated. The list of those who will be informed should include:

1. The parents of all the children enrolled in the school or institution where the alleged or suspected incident of abuse took place.

2. The parents of all children to whom the perpetrator had access because they and the perpetrator at one time lived in the same missionary institution or tight-knit community.

3. The staff of all schools and institutions where the perpetrator has worked.

4. The appropriate authorities in the perpetrator’s country of origin, once he or she has been dismissed and sent back there. Appropriate authorities include the local and national leaders of the perpetrator’s religious denomination, and the police in the home country locale where the perpetrator resides.

It should be clearly established who in the perpetrator’s sponsoring mission agency is responsible for working to ensure that the perpetrator does not again gain employment at a school or institution where he or she would have access to children. The reason the perpetrator was dismissed should be clearly stated in his or her personnel file and disclosed in response to any potential employer’s request for a reference.

If in the jurisdiction where the perpetrator settles a means exists for listing sexual predators on a registry of known sex offenders, it should be clearly established who in the perpetrator’s sponsoring agency is responsible for working to ensure that he or she is listed in that registry.

Provision of appropriate treatment.

Not only the child who has been abused, but also the other members of the child’s family should be offered psychological therapy paid for by the mission agency that sponsored the perpetrator or by the family’s own mission agency. Although the agency might provide the victim’s family with referrals to specific psychological professionals if the family requests them, it must be made clear to the family that they are free to engage therapists of their own choosing.

It is especially crucial that the victim’s parents be made aware of how best to support their child in the healing process. Because making provision for their children’s special needs affects the careers of missionary parents probably more than it does people with more conventional careers, missionary parents may tend to feel conflicted about having their career “interrupted” by having to seek appropriate treatment for their child. Some might have a tendency to believe that therapy, because it treats wounds that may not be outwardly obvious, is optional. All parents of abuse victims should be strongly encouraged—or even required—to process these feelings in the context of therapy with a highly competent professional.

When it is alleged or suspected that an older child abused a younger child who is currently part of a missionary community

Reporting

The mandatory policy of all mission agencies whose personnel are implicated or affected by the allegation (e.g. the parents of the alleged perpetrator as well as of the alleged victim) should be to report the allegation to an outside agency, one that is not associated with the missionary community in any way. (See the more extensive discussion of this reporting issue, above.)

Investigation

Professionals who are trained in investigating allegations of child abuse by adolescents or pre-adolescents should conduct the investigation. The investigators should have no personal relationship with the alleged perpetrator.

If the investigation substantiates the allegation of abuse, it should then be broadened to ascertain whether the perpetrator abused anyone in other schools or institutions where he or she has attended or resided.

Who should be informed

It should be clearly established at the outset of the investigation who exactly will be informed if the allegation of abuse is substantiated. The list of those who will be informed should include:

1. The parents of all the children enrolled in the school or institution where the incident of abuse took place.

2. The parents of all children to whom the perpetrator had access because they and the perpetrator at one time lived in the same missionary institution (e.g. school) or tight-knit community (e.g. missionary compound).

3. The staff of all schools and institutions (e.g. mission dorms or hostels) where the perpetrator has been enrolled or has resided.

Provision of appropriate treatment

Psychological therapy should be provided to (1) the juvenile perpetrator, (2) the abuse victim, and (3) the family members of both the perpetrator and the victim. The therapy should be paid for by the sponsoring mission agencies, and the patients should be free to see therapists of their own choosing.

The assessment of whether or not the juvenile perpetrator is psychologically fit to be allowed back into the school (or dorm or mission hostel, etc.) where the abuse took place should be made by psychological professionals with no vested interest in the school or mission community.

It is especially crucial that the victim receive therapy from a highly competent professional, since studies show that young boys who have been sexually molested are at fairly high risk of themselves becoming molesters of younger children, a risk that can be minimized by early intervention.

The parents of both the perpetrator and the victim should be required to focus on taking whatever steps are necessary to obtain treatment and healing for their children and families, even if this means putting their missionary careers “on hold” or retiring from missionary work. They should be provided with whatever counseling or therapy they need to work through all the issues that taking such steps raises.

When an adult (former MK) alleges that he or she was abused as a child by a missionary caretaker

Independent assessment of allegation

The person or panel of people that is engaged to assess the validity of the allegation should operate independently of the religious denomination or mission agency that sponsored the alleged perpetrator and should have no vested interest in missions.

Investigation

Professionals who are trained in investigating allegations of child abuse should conduct the investigation. The investigators should have no personal or institutional relationship with the alleged perpetrator and should have no vested interest in the specific missionary community that the perpetrator is (or was) part of or in missions generally.

1. As part of the investigation, all adult former MKs and others who, because they were once in the alleged perpetrator’s care or lived in close proximity to him or her, were vulnerable to abuse should be contacted and interviewed.

2. The investigators must be sensitive to and respect the sensibilities and psychological health of all those who may have been the victims of the alleged abuser. It should be clearly understood that adult former MKs who allege that they were abused as children by a missionary caretaker may now not hold to or profess the religious doctrine that the mission agency sponsoring the investigation professes. The adult former MK’s current religious beliefs (or lack of belief) must be respected. The investigation must be conducted in such a way that the person who was allegedly abused is not pressured to participate in religious practices (e.g. church meetings, spoken or group prayers, etc.) or be required to be present in locations (e.g. denomination or mission offices) that trigger extreme negative feelings or psychological breaks because of any association with the abuse the person suffered.

Who should be informed

It should be clearly established at the outset of the investigation who exactly will be informed if the allegation of abuse is substantiated. The list of those who will be informed should include:

1. The police in the home country locale where the perpetrator resides or where he or she is based.

2. The perpetrator’s current employer, if the perpetrator is employed at a school, church, or other institution where he or she has contact with children.

3. The local and national leaders of the perpetrator’s religious denomination, as well as the churches that provide financial support to him or her.

It should be clearly established who in the perpetrator’s sponsoring mission agency is responsible for working to ensure that the perpetrator is not able again to gain employment at a school or institution where he or she would have access to children. The perpetrator’s history of child abuse should be clearly stated in his or her personnel file and disclosed in response to any potential employer’s request for a reference.

Provision of appropriate treatment

Psychological therapy should be made available to the abuse victim and paid for by the mission agency (or agencies) responsible for placing the victim in harm’s way. The patient should be free to work with a therapist of his or her own choosing.

Questions a Missionary Community’s Comprehensive Child Abuse Policy Should Address

What happens when it is alleged or suspected that an adult abused a child who is currently part of a missionary community?

1. Reporting. Is it the responsible mission agency’s mandatory policy to report the allegation to an outside agency, one that is not associated with the mission community in any way?

2. Investigation. Who investigates the allegation of abuse? Are they professionals, with no personal or institutional relationship to the alleged perpetrator?

– If the investigation substantiates the allegation of abuse, is it then broadened to ascertain whether the perpetrator abused anyone in other schools or institutions where he or she has worked?

3. Who should be informed. If the allegation of abuse is substantiated, who is then informed?

a. The parents of all the children enrolled in the school or institution where the abuse took place?

b. The parents of all children to whom the perpetrator had access because they and the perpetrator at one time lived in the same missionary institution (e.g. school) or tight-knit community (e.g. missionary compound)?

c. The staff of all the schools or institutions where the perpetrator has worked?

d. When the perpetrator is dismissed and sent back to his or her country of origin, who is informed there?

– Local and national leaders of the perpetrator’s religious denomination?

– The police in the home country locale where the perpetrator resides?

– Who is responsible for working to ensure that the perpetrator does not again gain employment in a school or institution where he or she has access to children?

4. Provision of appropriate treatment. Is psychological therapy made available for the child who was abused and for the other members of the child’s family? Are family members free to see therapists of their own choosing?

a. Are the child’s parents counseled about how best to support their child in the healing process, and are they assisted in providing this support?

b. Since making provision for their children’s special needs affects the careers of missionary parents probably more than it does people with more conventional careers, missionary parents may tend to feel conflicted about having their career “interrupted” by having to seek appropriate treatment for their child. What kind of help are they offered (or required to seek) so they can process these feelings in a healthy way and make good decisions for their child and themselves?

When an adult (former MK) alleges that he or she was abused as a child by a missionary caretaker, what procedures are in place to investigate the allegation? What steps are taken to help the victim heal?

1. Independent assessment of allegation. How objective is the person or panel of people that is engaged to assess the validity of the allegation? Is the assessment conducted independently of the religious denomination or mission agency that sponsored the alleged perpetrator?

2. Investigation. When an allegation of abuse is found to have validity, what is the process for investigating the allegation? Is the process an objective one, designed to ascertain all the relevant facts?

a. Do the investigators have professional credentials and training appropriate to conducting a competent investigation? Are they objective?—i.e., free from vested interests in the particular missionary community the alleged perpetrator is or was a part of, or in missions generally?

b. Who will be contacted and interviewed? Will the investigators make serious attempts to contact and interview all adult former MKs and others who, because they were once in the alleged perpetrator’s care or lived in close proximity to him or her, were vulnerable to abuse?

d. What steps will be taken to ensure that the investigation is sensitive to and respects the sensibilities and psychological health of those who may have been the victims of the alleged abuser?

– It should be clearly understood that adult former MKs who allege that they were abused as children by a missionary caretaker may now not hold to or profess the religious doctrine that the mission agency sponsoring the investigation professes. The adult former MK’s current religious beliefs (or lack of belief) must be respected. The investigation must be conducted in such a way that the person who was allegedly abused is not pressured to participate in religious practices (e.g. church meetings, spoken or group prayers, etc.) or be required to be present in locations (e.g. denomination or mission offices) that trigger extreme negative feelings or psychological breaks because of any association with the abuse the person suffered.

3. Provision of appropriate treatment and support.

a. What provision will be made to make psychological therapy available to the abuse victim so that he or she can heal? Does it respect the person’s unique sensibilities and need to be able to work with a professional of his or her own choosing?

b. What support services will be made available to the parents and siblings of the abuse survivor?

4. Accountability of/for the perpetrator.

a. If the perpetrator is currently employed at a school, church, or other institution where he or she has contact with children, who is responsible for informing the employer about the perpetrator’s history of abuse?

b. Who in the perpetrator’s mission agency or denomination is responsible for ensuring that the perpetrator does not again gain employment in a school, church, or other institution where he or she would have access to children?

c. Who in the perpetrator’s mission agency or denomination is responsible for informing civil or law enforcement authorities in the perpetrator’s current place of residence of the substantiated allegations against the perpetrator?

d. How are local and national leaders of the perpetrator’s religious denomination, as well as the churches that provide financial support to the perpetrator or his/her mission agency, informed about the perpetrator’s history of abuse? Exactly what are they told, and by whom?

1. Before you make a report.

a) Strengthen yourself, your own "power base."

We suggest you find a certified, professional therapist, one who has
experience dealing with child abuse. Ideally, one who has experience
with clergy abuse and family systems. (See the two articles on our
website on suggestions for selecting a good therapist.) Start doing
your therapy work. There is no time line on anything we are suggesting,
and it usually takes time to heal before you are able to address the
mission/church.

Start networking to locate other potential victims. Where one child
has been abused, often there are other victims. The challenge is to
find those other victims and begin sharing your stories. Work at
building trust with each other. Issues of confidentiality are key at
building trust.

b) Form a survivors support group. If you can establish a network, try
to move it to the next stage of becoming a group. With today's modern
technology of e-mail, phones and faxes, you can create a virtual on-line
support group that spans the globe.

c) Ideally, try to meet as a support group face-to-face at some sort of
retreat. It's best to have a certified, professional therapist lead
these meetings. Having a trained victim's advocate at such a retreat is
also a good idea. Victims meeting alone without a therapist and/or
other trained advocate can be disastrous.

d) At some point, begin to organize your group by selecting one or two
spokesperson(s) to officially represent your survivor's group. If you
have a group of male and female survivors of abuse, it is probably a
good idea to have one male and one female spokesperson. At any rate, if
you have more than one spokesperson, they need to be able to work
together smoothly.

Some qualifications of spokespersons are: strong leadership and
organizational skills; strong communications skills (you will likely be
communicating to an array of constituents including other MKs,
missionary parents, leaders of supporting churches, the
denomination/mission board under which abuse occurred, other mission
boards, and at some point you may even need to communicate with the
religious and secular press); courage and endurance.

If you cannot network and form a group of survivors, at any rate do
your best to get some kind of support group surrounding you to
strengthen you before you report the abuse. Parents can and should play
key roles here. Unfortunately we have found that in the close-knit
(enmeshed?) missionary community parents often become part of the
problem initially and can be so threatened by the report of abuse that
they try to avoid the issues or even try to silence their own children.
MKSafetyNet and other groups and survivors can be of great help here.
Other survivors with helpful websites and input include Dee Miller and
Ruth Van Reken. MKSafetyNet website has links with them and with Marie
Fortune's excellent organization as well.

e) Find several professionals to support your group and to serve as
your advocates. A professional therapist, a trained advocate (a trained
clergy advocate is ideal), and if you can get one, a good lawyer, are
especially helpful. For help in locating such individuals, contact
MKSafetyNet, Dee Miller and/or Marie Fortune's websites.

2. Initial contact with the mission board/denomination.

a) Never, ever, go to a mission board or denomination alone to make a
report. Isolation is your worst enemy. It is much easier for a
religious institution to dismiss the lone individual who comes to report
abuse than to dismiss a group of victims. The initial response of
institutions, including religious ones, is usually to protect
themselves. They do this in many ways: stonewalling and delaying
tactics, DIM Thinking (Dee Miller's acronym for denial, ignorance, and
minimization of the abuse), outright attacks on victims who step
forward, "shooting" the messenger, etc. Divide and conquer is another
strategy, dividing your group somehow or setting another group of MKs
against your group. The point is, there is strength in numbers. When
you make a report, report as a group.

b) Have your group's spokesperson contact the mission
board/denomination by letter. The letter should i.)identify who you are
(name of your group if you have come up with a name) and your
spokesperson's name, and that you are coming to them as a group, ii)
that you would like to make a report of abuse of missionary children,
iii) at this point, do not reveal details of the abuse such as exactly
what happened, names of perpetrators and victims, etc. A generalized
statement that you want to make a report of child abuse is sufficient.
iv) Ask if the mission board/denomination has the following in place: a
designated person to officially receive reports of child abuse. If so,
their name, title, address, phone number, fax number. Current policies
regarding child abuse, including procedures which spell out how your
report will be handled step by step. What professional training or
resource persons does their organization have on hand to appropriately
receive and respond to the report of abuse so as to avoid further
reinjury? v) In your letter set a deadline with them in terms of when
you need to hear back from them. Two weeks, three weeks at the latest,
is more than sufficient response time from them. If they have not
responded by the deadline, follow through promptly and contact them
again with the help of one of your professional support team (a clergy
advocate or therapist can contact them on your behalf or with you).

c) If you hear back from the mission/denomination and they seem to have
appropriate personnel and procedures in place, ask for a face-to-face
meeting with them, at their expense. The purpose of this meeting is
threefold: first, to share your stories (i.e.., "Here is what happened to
me, here's how I felt at the time, here's what I saw happening to other
children, etc.). Second, to share the impact this had on your life
right up to the present time. Third, to share what you need from the
denomination now (e.g. payment for past and future therapy bills,
holding perpetrators and the system accountable, ensuring that policies,
personnel and structures are in place so that abuse does not occur now
and the future, etc.) The role of mission/church leaders at the
first meeting should be to simply listen, to hear your stories. At the
end of the meeting you can work with church leaders on "where do we go
from here", emphasizing what the survivors need for their healing.
Perhaps several other meetings with mission/church leaders will need to
take place.

3. If you need to go public.

Most victims of clergy/missionary abuse simply want the church to "be
the church" to them. Most victims want the church to reach out to them,
hear their stories, believe their stories, hold the perpetrators and the
church appropriately responsible, engage in those biblical disciplines
of confession, repentance, restitution, justice making and healing.
Unfortunately, these kinds of responses on the part of the church are
all too often the exception rather than the rule.

Top leaders of religious organizations are extremely fearful of being
taken "public", I.e. 1) being exposed in the press (religious and
secular); 2)public demonstrations outside their headquarters or annual
business meetings/conferences; 3)victims going directly to the
churches/lay supporters with reports of abuse and thus by-passing top
church officials; 4, lawsuits, etc.

If the mission/denomination stonewalls, attacks victims, etc., you may
find it necessary to go public in various ways. Here is where advice
from your professionals is crucial, especially legal advice. If you
find yourself needing or wanting to go public, MKSafetyNet and other
survivor groups such as Clergy Abuse Linkup and SNAP (Survivors Network
of those Abused by Priests) have experience working with the media, have
legal contacts, and other resources to help your group.

4. The crucial role of missionary parents.

From experience we have learned that if missionary parents remain silent
and do not speak up on behalf of their children, the mission board or
denomination's hand is greatly strengthened. On the other hand, when
missionary parents have stood up, gained their voices and spoken out
strongly on behalf of their children with church leaders, the church or
mission is more likely to act. Missionary parents are often torn
between protecting their children; protecting their colleagues, beloved
mission board and church; and protecting themselves and their own images
as good, productive missionaries. Silence on the part of parents in the
face of reports of abuse further isolates the victims and reinjures
deeply. Parents, please get your voices, network among yourselves,
support your children and speak out. Demand that your mission board or
church function "as the church" on behalf of your children.

5. Once your group has reported to the mission board/denomination
accountable, stay connected within your group and and stay connected
with organizations and individuals such as MKSafetyNet and Dee Miller.
There is strength and wisdom in numbers. Instead of reinventing the
wheel, get input from other survivors who have been through this stuff
before.

6. Examples of groups who have experience with the above process.

a. Mamou Steering Committee. Synopsis of our story illustrating the
above.

b. Presbyterian Group from Congo once they get further down the road.
Written by:
Rich Darr
Survivor of Mamou

The following are suggestions for drafting a letter requesting an investigation into a boarding school. All or parts of the following could be included, depending on the specifics of your situation.

1. A statement that personnel at the American/Canadian head office of the mission organization have already been informed about abuse at the boarding school, but that no adequate action has been taken. Perhaps detail some of the communications.

2. A statement that there was a significant pattern of abuse at this school. Perhaps summarize some of the abuses which occurred.

3. Include representative stories from school alumni.

4. Mention that some alumni are only willing to tell their stories if they believe that they will be taken seriously and appropriate action is taken. They do not want to be re-victimized by telling their stories and then having them dealt with inappropriately.

5. Point out that you are aware of many alumni from this school who are struggling as adults with the consequences of their experience of abuse. While some have been able to move forward, others remain paralyzed and are in desperate need of help.

6. A request that the committee investigating this school take the following action:

a. Conduct a full, independent investigation of abuse at this school. Invite all alumni to tell their stories.

b. Confront perpetrators, discipline them.

c. Produce and publish a written report with findings.

d. Take the initiative in bringing healing to adult MKs. Offer to cover counseling expenses.

e. Hold a retreat for alumni from this school similar to the one held for Mamou alumni.

Gary Schoener, a psychologist who has worked with many Fundamentalists/Evangelicals, was asked why Christians of this persuasion found it so difficult to address abuse issues. This is his response.

It is very interesting to interview a born-again Christian or some other type of Christian fundamentalist and to discuss ethical violations. Not all born-again Christians and other Christian fundamentalists are the same, but I have listed some of the themes I find.

I have the most experience with various types of Christian fundamentalists, but they exist in all groups. I might add that apart from religious fundamentalism, there is a secular version of this among various professions too. But here I want to refer to what on this web site is called fundamentalism or evangelicalism.

(1) There is some belief that somehow God will forgive you (rent Scorcese's fine film MEAN STREETS, which predates the GODFATHER movies, to see the use of confession in people who kill others). Ironically, usually these people don't feel that you have to show contrition -- just that you confess.

In some cases, of course, these folks don't even seem to truly repent and seek forgiveness. When I ask, they say they have prayed about it. When I ask what the prayers were all about, they just say that they "prayed."

When I push it is that they prayed for forgiveness and they know that "God forgives me." The prayers do not involve actual thought about the matter, analysis, discussions with God, requests for insight, requests for awareness, requests for healing for those who suffered due to their misconduct, or any of the above...they involve a simple request for forgiveness, not preceded by real contrition.

(2) If you repent and find Christ, this washes away all sins. So, you can ordain as your pastor a drug dealer and sleaze - bag, or a sex offender, as long as he is saved.

(3) That if you are a person of faith, somehow, in some vague way, the fact that you do wrong or evil is not a problem (rent the wonderful but disturbing film THE APOSTLE for a chilling example...one of the truly great films about this).

(4) That as long as you can rationalize that what you were doing helped the church, it's OK (rent an even earlier Duval/DeNiro film TRUE CONFESSIONS about this)

(5) If it isn't in the ten commandments it doesn't count -- e.g. cheating, lying, and a variety of ethical offenses are OK as long as you don't practice idolatry; if you are not married it can't be adultery, etc.

(6) That somehow we don't need to think of the offenses in terms of ethics or morality -- an almost unbelievable inability or unwillingness to even consider that this conduct is subject to an ethical or moral examination. It's really just the sort of "mistake" or "indiscretion" or who knows what...

(7) An incredible inability to look at the behavior and its antecedents. I cannot be helpful unless we can figure out what led up to it -- what was the person thinking and what were they feeling. These data seem out of reach and require incredible probing -- it's enough like dental work that I feel like I am pulling teeth to get the info. I guess if simple rules can tell you have to live, then you don't need to pay attention to thought or feeling before acting. Thought is not necessary beyond checking something against the Ten Commandments.

(8) NO PROBLEM IF ITS IN THE GRAY AREA. Anything that is in a "gray area" where here may be any sort of extenuating circumstances, or a weak excuse, is no problem at all. Every time I try to focus on the offense, they give me a long list of the things OTHERS DID or how the situation was tough. They don't even readily make the jump to "this is what I did due to these factors and obviously I blew it big time" or "I didn't handle that situation well" -- it's just back to the situation and what others did.

(9) What some of you have heard me call THE PONTIUS PILATE approach. If it is messy, bring on the bowl and let me wash my hands. "OK, it's over... I need to put it behind me...what do I need to do to get back into my job... I can't dwell in the past..." Of course, the problem is that they weren't even really psychologically, intellectually, emotionally, or morally PRESENT in the past. They did what they did and then jumped into the future..let bygones be bygones.

(10) Likening themselves to Christ on the Cross. After (9) above there is a quick shift to and focus on how they are being persecuted and how others have done the same thing and gotten away with it, how even murderers get off at times, and how unfair this is. (I remember a conference in Philadelphia. when some bishops were grousing about the fact that "you make one mistake and you lose your career" and a priest offender with whom I shared the stage silenced them with said, "You know, I hurt some people pretty badly, so I guess when you talk about consequences we might want to look at it from their perspective -- I paid a price, but they paid a bigger price." Amazingly, the grousing returned later, and he quieted them with a great non-sequetor: "Well, I paid a big price, but who am I to question God's will?") Fundamentalists always seem to want to run ahead to getting over it and putting it behind them. (Again, THE APOSTLE is an extraordinary example of this.)

THESE OBSERVATIONS APPLY TO FAR MORE PEOPLE THAN RELIGIOUS FUNDAMENTALISTS AND EVANGELICALS, and I have seen them in plenty of non-Christian fundamentalists. But, it is interesting when the offending doctor or psychologist or nurse is also a fundamentalist or evangelical. They are, by the way, very difficult to help, or even to evaluate.

Gary Schoener, M.Eq., Licensed Psychologist & Executive Director,

Walk-In Counseling Center

Gary Schoener was also asked to comment on why missionaries, mission organizations and mission leaders are so resistant to addressing and responding appropriately and quickly to both individual occurrences of abuse and to institutional abuse.

(1) There is always a sampling bias when you deal with those who go abroad to serve others -- it requires a particular kind of sacrifice that is different.

(2) Some missionaries back in their home countries are not well socially adapted and do not feel at home, and a number do not have primary relationships.

(3) They are put on pedestals by the community they have moved into because they have money and because they have relative power, or can bring safety. Since the vast majority, except for Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses, are almost exclusively deployed to third world countries, these are major issues.

(4) They are admired, revered, and trusted by those back home because they are making a sacrifice that many would not. For some it is the ultimate test of faith since some are killed, some die of diseases, etc. (Remember Eric in CHARIOTS OF FIRE who went on to be a missionary in Africa where he died and how that was romanticized.)

(5) They ultimately have to create their own world with its own rules... they are not of the culture where they are, nor of the culture they left behind. (This sort of thing reminds me of the dynamics in places like the Mt. Cashel Orphanage in New Foundland where terrible abuses took place as the internal culture became more and more deviant. Even though that was located in a western social setting, the authorities did not intervene. UNHOLY ORDERS by Harris does a nice job of portraying this.)

(6) Like servicemen and others who are serving overseas in a different culture, it is easy to rationalize deviant acts -- somehow they don't "count" because we "aren't at home." We get this in American and Canada from foreign-trained professionals who will use what I have termed the "foreign doctor defense," claiming that they don't know the culture. One guy from Kuwait sexually exploited a patient and gave this defense that he didn't know the customs. I pointed out that in Kuwait what he did carried the death penalty. Bear in mind that these same phenomena can be found in mission schools, in Canada or isolated groups in the USA. In fact the Canadian government has been investigating the widespread abuses of aboriginal peoples (the Canadians call their tribes "First Nations").

One is also reminded of the refrain in Kipling's "White Man's Burden" which went something like: "...go send your sons to exile to serve your captives needs..."

Gary Schoener, M.Eq., Licensed Psychologist & Executive Director,
http://www.lara.on.ca/~nmtruth/fundamentalist.html

Revictimizing the Victims
Introduction:

The following were originally written in July, 1999 on the MK Safetynet Forum, in order to begin a discussion about the revictimization of survivors of abuse.

Dear Friends:

I hope to start a discussion on the topic "Victimizing the Victims". There are few reading this who are not aware of the phenomenon at this juncture in our culture and time. Nevertheless it behooves us, in light of all that is coming to light and the "stonewalling", deception, etc. that is current in the endeavors to shed light on the terrible darkness, to press even more aggressively and diligently to bring perpetrators of abuse to see the reality of the severe harm they have caused. In the first chapter of Trauma And Recovery (pages 7,8), Judith Herman says: "It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering. (Here there is a reference to the concentration camps in Nazi Germany). In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perp does everything in his power to promote forgetting. Secrecy and silence are the perp's first line of defense. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure that no one listens. To this end, he marshals an impressive array of arguments, from the most blatant denial to the most sophisticated and elegant rationalization. After every atrocity one can expect to hear the same predictable apologies: it never happened; the victim lies; the victim exaggerates; the victim brought it upon herself; and in any case it is time to forget the past and move on. The more powerful the perpetrator, the greater is his prerogative to name and define reality, and the more completely his arguments prevail."

It's too bad Judith Herman didn't have the full account of the experience of Mamou Alliance Academy alumni since what she has written here could have described entoto that situation!!

Obviously this is but a very brief intro to the topic. Eventually we want to get into the "recovery" aspect since that is ultimately what all of us desires and needs for inner freedom and peace.

Howard Beardslee
Parent of Mamou Alumni and Psychotherapist

Howard,

The quote you have shared from Judith Herman's book is extremely powerful in light of the reality that resonates with my own experience of having bystanders in the missions community simply "stand by" and do nothing once we survivors of Mamou Alliance Academy started sharing our stories. Bystanders in the missions community are often many and varied, including but not limited to parents, other missionaries ("aunts" and "uncles"), fellow MKs, mission board leaders, board members of the mission board, pastors of home churches and missions committees of supporting churches, etc. When these bystanders hear our stories and choose to do nothing, the betrayal is excruciating. Bystanders may not think that they are making a choice, but indeed they are making a choice. There is no neutral ground once a victim/survivor's story is told. To simply bystand (stand by) is to make a choice. It is a choice to stand by the perpetrator and a choice to stand against the victim.

Here are some painful memories from my own experience of bystanders in the missions community. My parents served with the Gospel Missionary Union in Mali, W. Africa.

1) I and a number of other GMU MK's repeatedly contacted the President of GMU in recent years regarding abuses suffered by GMU MK's at both Mamou Alliance Academy in Guinea, W. Africa and at the GMU dorm in Ivory Coast Academy. We have repeatedly asked the leadership of GMU to contact their MK's, to reach out to them, to ask if any suffered abuse and are in need of help, and to set up specific structures and personnel to help. This has not occurred to date. Nor has the President of GMU stood by us victims and wept with us. Instead, there has been continued stonewalling and a refusal to reach out and help GMU MKs. I did hear, however, that GMU's President did make a special trip to visit one of the alleged perpetrators and at that time stood and wept with him.

2) I wrote an open letter to all the GMU parents from the Mali field, explained the abuse at Mamou Alliance Academy. The vast majority of parents (over 90%) never even replied to the letter. In that letter I even explained that there was no neutral ground. To do nothing is to make a choice, a choice to stand with the perpetrators, and against their own sons and daughters!

3) In light of the stonewalling tactics of GMU, we contacted top level leadership of the IFMA, the professional association of interdenominational mission boards of which GMU is a member, to see if this association could help us in any way. We were promptly sent back to GMU with the message that the IFMA could not really help us in any substantive way; we would just have to deal with GMU basically on our own. In my opinion, we were told that the IFMA could not require its own member mission boards to respond in any particular way once reports of child abuse surfaced. The problem with this response by the IFMA is that GMU's stonewalling tactics have been allowed to stand, and there is no effective court of appeals above the level of the individual mission board. This forces victims to either remain silent or take their situations public (the press or the law courts). In the case of GMU victims, who did the IFMA choose to stand with? The victims or the perpetrators? In my opinion, there is no neutral ground; to choose to be a bystander is to choose for the perps and against the victims.

4) Personally, I think the most grievous and painful betrayals have come from fellow MKs who went through the hell of abuse with us and knew the truth about what happened, yet they chose to attack us for bringing the truth to light. "How dare you attack God's anointed?", they said.

I am so thankful for those MK survivors, members of the Mamou Steering Committee and the GMU Mali MK's, who chose to stick in there, year after year, and demand action, engagement, and remembering. GMU still chooses to stonewall and refuses to reach out to their own wounded MKs; the C&MA was dragged, kicking and clawing, to public confession and repentance regarding the horrors of Mamou Alliance Academy. The C&MA has started to turn the ship around but still has a long, long way to go in terms of responding appropriately to MKs who report abuse.

I am greatly encouraged by those MKs from a number of MK boarding schools (and other situations) around the world who are courageously stepping forward and demanding action, engagement, and remembering regarding abuses they suffered on the mission field.

To hear of abuse of MKs and to simply be a bystander is to make a choice, a choice to collude with the perpetrator(s) against the victim.

Rich Darr, Survivor of Mamou Alliance Academy

Introduction:

Hope wrote a posting on the forum about the deep betrayal of the church today both in their response to the abuse she experienced as a child and in how they dealt with her perpetrator. Someone replied to Hope, saying, " Perhaps you've heard this before, it is something that took me a while to really understand. But God is not in any institution - and institutions can't nurture and/or care. They are all about power and protecting something they call 'order.' God is good because God doesn't care about the institution or its order, but sits with us and cries and laughs and encourages, and hopes when we can't hope anymore."

The following is Hope's response.

I agree with you to a point when you said that "God is not in any institution" and that "institutions can't nurture and/or care". But I am not talking about a generic institution. I am talking about an institution called a mission sending organization. And we should hold them to a higher standard of accountability, and may I be arrogant enough to say, "as I believe God does".

When my parents were "called by God" to go to the mission field, the organization became the moral authority and the authoritarian leadership in my parents' lives,and consequently in my life as a child. The mission board dictated doctrine, dictated decisions to the missionaries and dictated how they should think and feel. Now, my parents made the choice to give up big parts of themselves to allow such authoritarian leadership and they are culpable for that. And that is how I came to grow up in the boarding school that was under the same authoritarian leadership and that was staffed by employees of the organization. That authoritarian leadership fostered the secrecy, the rigid thinking, the blatant disregard of a child's needs which promoted abuse of children at many levels. I would argue that the organization became more than just an institution to me and my family - it became our extended family, with the leaders as the authoritarian patriarchs and the missionary families as "the children" whose role was to obey without questioning.

The "missionary family" fits the profile of a rigid, fundamental structure in which members who are evil can perpetrate their evil while easily hiding behind the outward appearance of being good. That is how a staff member could preach to the school on Sunday morning and rape the girls that night. I am a survivor of this "family". I did not choose to be a part of this larger missionary family and I do not have to participate in the family as an adult. But there is still a longing for truth and mercy and justice within the context of the family.

In II Samuel 13 a story is told of a similar family - a family that was in spiritual leadership of Israel, but there was violence and sexual predators within the ranks. David was patriarch. Son Amnon preyed on sister Tamar. Typical of an abusive family, Amnon schemed with a cousin to trap Tamar and he raped her. As the predator, Amnon then turned on Tamar and vilified her. She was despairing. And here is the worst part of all for Tamar: she did not hide the evil that was done to her. She told the world by going into mourning. BUT NO ONE DID A THING ABOUT THE EVIL PERPETRATED AGAINST HER. It says that brother Absalom actually asked her about what happened, but told her to forget it since a family member was the perpetrated and told her to get over it. Even her father David found out all that happened. Yes, he was angry, but he didn't do a damn thing to pursue justice or to extend mercy to his daughter. The outcome?.....Tamar lived out the rest of her life "desolate" - she lived without hope, without any joy in her heart, living in the shadows of despair.

The worst thing that happened to Tamar was not the rape - as deep a trauma as that is, a woman has an amazing capacity to heal. She told her story - she was even believed. BUT SHE WAS NOT EXTENDED MERCY - her family did not weep with her - KEEPING FAMILY SECRETS WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN STATING TRUTH - the evil of her brother was not exposed to the world because the family had a reputation to maintain -THERE WAS NO PURSUIT OF JUSTICE FOR THE EVIL DONE. And that is what doomed Tamar to a life of despair.

This story illustrates for me how crucial it is that mission boards and denominations be proactive when victims come forward. Their utmost first priority needs to be the needs of the victim. That is sadly lacking in any response I have experienced from the denomination. Yes, I have found healing for my soul from many different sources. But there is a part of my soul that is bruised, and sometimes bleeds, because "the family" has not done the right thing. And I am most concerned for the many victims who have not sought out the resources I have and who are needing a good response from the church, but are not getting it. How many Tamars are there? Only God knows.

Written by: Hope, Survivor of Mamou Alliance Academy,
December 2000

Abraham was directed by God to tie up his beloved only son Isaac, place him on an altar, and plunge a knife into him in sacrifice to the Holy One. Abraham struggled and suffered with this idea, but eventually demonstrated his willingness to follow through and obey. But in that dark and frightening moment when it seemed the child's life was over, an angel was sent with a new message: DON'T DO IT. Do not harm that baby.

For too many of us, it seems our angels just never showed up. And by golly, it's been difficult walking around with these invisible knives sticking out of us, year after year.

http://www.lara.on.ca/~nmtruth/tamarandamnon.html

APPROPRIATE ANGER

I am rewriting this piece on anger because it is a subject which affects any and all abused people.

Early in the lives of children raised in Christian homes, the subject of anger is usually addressed by parents or guardians by labeling it unchristian or with such phrases as "God doesn't like you to show anger".

What happened therefore, in addition to the abominable theology, was that children being hit, deprived of food and of genuine love, completely lost their self esteem. If a child thinks that the adults know what they are doing and therefore believe they are getting what they deserve, it has the effect of keeping any feeling of anger totally out of consciousness. That means that they have lost their self esteem.

The road to recovery, in my view, demands the resurrection of appropriate anger related to having been terribly abused, whether physically in hitting, spiritually, as when the abusive adults insist that the children read the Bible and see how much God loves them, then after mistreating them unmercifully insist that they must love the adults as well and apologize for their misdeeds. What a terrible poisonous mix.

The first step to retrieving the lost esteem is to begin to recognize how appropriate it is for one to be enraged at having been treated so abysmally, and so undeservedly. And as soon as one begins to feel that anger, guilt sets in to keep you right in that place. It's like "how dare you stand up for yourself, who do you think you are?" So if one is not careful, the guilt becomes a defense against beginning the journey to genuine restoration of the self. Feelings of anger are healthy...they mean that you begin to understand that you are valued, that you matter!! Although a good bit of our anger as humans is neurotic, this is not. It is reality based and is essential to a healthy sense of self. I don't want to belabor this point but I felt it was essential for all to understand that if they begin to get in touch with anger, it is a wonderful sign!! Some may wonder about "what do I do with it"?

My Shepherds

I stood before my shepherds

gushing blood

though I tried so hard to hide

to deny

the shame

the fear

and the wounds

from the attack

by the wolf among their ranks ...

Not one of my shepherds saw

my wounds

or the pools of blood.

My shepherds … why

are they devoid

of indignation

that a wolf among their ranks

stole, killed, destroyed ....

Am I really one of God’s?

A wolf …

How could he do this?

Why did he do this?

Who is next?

Who else is bleeding?

Has anyone not survived?

My shepherds … why

are they devoid

of urgency

for others like me

and for me …

The wolf …

The wolf might still be hungry

for sheep

and he’s free to roam, to prey

to steal

to kill

to destroy.

God where are you?

My shepherds …

as I stood before them

torn

bloody wounds untended

strictly

instructed me

I must forgive

and not tell anyone else about

the wolf among their ranks …

then sent me on my way.

He lied …

He looked like one of them …

He even talked better than most of them …

Are they all like him?

My shepherds … Why??

They don’t want me any more ...

They

all

one by one

refuse to see

refuse to know.

Where is God?

Was I really one of His?

The wolf …

The sheep …

My shepherds …

Don’t any of them care??!!

Who are they?

Who am I?

Ah …

I get it …

The wolf among their ranks …

is one of them.

I surely

am not

one of them.

Amos 3:3

Kathy Cox, 2003

kcox@austin.rr.com

DON’T TALK TO ME!

Don’t talk to me

And say that it happened so long ago, so I should forget about it

And say that it only happened once or twice, so it shouldn’t matter.

You are talking

To a child who forgot how to trust adults

To a teenager who looked at herself in the mirror and never saw beauty and self-worth

To a wife who sometimes cries and does not understand why, because her adored husband is handsome and sweet and gentle

To a mother who did not breast-feed her precious babies because she couldn’t tolerate the touch.

Don’t talk to me

About forgiveness

About the love of Jesus

About turning it over to God

And don’t quote scripture to me.

You are talking

To a child who had her innocence robbed from her by a man who preached the love of Jesus

To a child who had scripture quoted to her daily, while her parents sent her away to boarding school so they could do God’s work.

To a teenager who had to learn to love and forgive, who thought the sin was somehow hers

To a woman who has turned the hurt over to God time after time, only to have it haunt her unexpectedly and send her reeling.

Don’t talk to me

unless you have been there, waiting in the dark

unless you have had the unwanted touches

unless you have shed the tears and felt the shame

unless you have felt betrayed and abandoned by those who said they cared.

Because you don’t know what in the hell you are talking to me about.

By Becky Scott

(Becky Washburn Scott is a survivor of childhood missionary/clergy sexual abuse on the American Presbyterian Congo Mission field.)

Pamela Pritchard wrote the following letter, introducing the letter of apology written by the PCUSA (Presbyterian Church) to the victims of Bill Pruitt and their families.

Dear friends,

This is the letter of apology (to us) adopted by the 216th General Assembly (in essence the "whole church"). I don't know how you feel about this, but I feel very honored, validated, joyful, and tearful. You are very, very courageous women and I was priviledged to have been your representative during this process.

Pamela Pritchard

1. We, the 216th General Assembly (2004) of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) acknowledge that our children, adolescents, and adults have suffered sexualabuse, molestation, and exploitation as committed by members and leaders of our congregations, governing bodies, and agencies, including those specific incidents that occurred in the Congo and continued in the U.S. church during the period of 1946- 1985, as identified in the Final Report of the Independent Committee of Inquiry, Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) (September, 2002).

2. We apologize that we as a church did not take adequate steps to prevent the specific incidences as confirmed in the Final Report, that our church did not understand the significance of, or believe, the earliest reports of incidents of sexual abuse when survivors turned to people in positions of authority and responsibility, that our church did not do more at the time of their reporting to intervene and stop the perpetrators of sexual abuse, and that our church did not do more after discovering the truth of the victims’ allegations to reach out to others who might have been victimized.

3. We apologize that some of us in our church chose to doubt and discredit the survivors who came forward with the truth, that some dismissed the reports, and that some demonized them, all of which added a layer of pain and anguish to the original abuse.

4. We apologize that our church’s inactions over the years allowed hurt and harm to extend to the survivors’ families, children, friends, and faith. We recognize that we as a church have suffered losses in the nature and quality of our relationships as a community of faith.

5. We apologize that some of us in our church were complicit as our sisters and brothers in the body of Jesus Christ suffered the loss of their innocence, had childhoods stolen, lost opportunities to enjoy more of the fullness of life that God offers all in Jesus Christ (John 10:10b), and lost a child’s ability to trust the people of the church.

6. We acknowledge that survivors who have come forward have demonstrated a primary motivation to work through the church to improve our faith community, tell the truth, prevent further victimization, seek healing, and make our church safe for all.

7. We express our thankfulness to God for the courage of the survivors whose witness has held us accountable to be true to our calling as the followers of Jesus Christ. We express our gratitude to those among us who have listened to victims, supported their efforts, and worked for justice.

8. We welcome the many other women and men in our church who have been abused as they come forward, and we pledge to work with them so that they may be restored to God’s fullness of life.

2004

This ia an opology letter for the missionary kids that were abused by people caring for them in their organisation.

http://www.mksafetynet.net/