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Getting Support : Money

To all the Deadbeat Parents: How about some legitimate child support?

from Nique - Friday, March 26, 2004
accessed 1468 times

Recent discussions with my sister, and my own experiences along these lines, compel me to vent on this subject.

Although I do not have any of my own children, my husband has a 12-year old son who recently moved in with us after living with his mother for the last 9-10 years. We do not pay child support now that he lives with us but, since the day my husband's divorce was finalized, my stepson's mother has never received less than $240/month - and that was what the child support amount started at. Every so often, of our own volition, we have raised the amount we paid in child support to compensate for the increasing costs of raising a child and, during the last few years, we were paying $350/month.

In addition to the monthly child support, we've covered all medical bills, sent clothes, school supplies, and any other necessities, as well as birthday presents, Christmas presents, and gifts for every holiday throughout the year. We've also covered all expenses for any travels associated with his visits with us, including airline fares, unaccompanied minor fees, even ticket changes when his mom and stepfather couldn't get off work and make it to the airport to pick him up. In an effort to keep things amicable with my stepson's mother and to ensure he had everything he needed, we have never said "no". And she has called for everything, even for things like socks, which would have cost her $5 for a 6-pack.

The money and items we've sent over the years does not include what we've saved for him; his college will be completely covered and he has a savings account as well. Although at times there has definitely been some resentment on both our parts, especially mine, about the fact that his mother and stepfather are so financially, and just generally, irresponsible, we have never neglected our responsibility for providing for my stepson (*Note: My stepsonís mother and stepfather are not ex-members and have never been in anyway affiliated with TF. They are simply lower-middle class, ignorant, uneducated, religious, unambitious Americans who are content to remain that way).

Of course, now that he lives with us, his mother can't afford child support and we even have to pay them to meet us halfway when he goes to spend time with them. His mother and stepfather have bred 3 more children and canít afford any of them, nor can she manage to send birthday and Christmas presents to her son on time, yet she and her husband have never gone without a steady supply of cigarettes, digital cable, cable modems, and other things like that. Hence, my annoyance with irresponsible parents, which brings me to my nephew.

I have made my point and I stand behind my post regarding support for my nephew, however, out of respect for my sister, I am removing this portion of my article...

Reader's comments on this article

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from Shaka
Saturday, April 03, 2004 - 01:16

(Agree/Disagree?)
Tell that little prick, Nique! Pay up biaaaaatch!
(reply to this comment)
from mikio
Monday, March 29, 2004 - 14:37

(Agree/Disagree?)
I did know someone with those initials, this wouldn't happen to be a Chilean guy, Miguel Villablanca, would it? It probably isn't him cuz the only person I could think of he could've had a kid with before leaving was with a girl named Sara of Mat and Renee, and I don't think she was able to have kids, Oh well, old hazy memories, come back with the strangest things.
(reply to this comment)
From Nique
Monday, March 29, 2004, 21:10

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

[removed at request of author](reply to this comment

from Mydestinyismine
Sunday, March 28, 2004 - 23:38

(Agree/Disagree?)
Hey Nique. How you doin? I don't know that much about child support but it's wrong when a guy doesn't do their responsibilities. I even wonder how my parents can have the nerve to mention me supporting them when they get older. My dad even wants me to take over his responsibility of getting my brother, his son, into college. Not to mention that as his oldest son, he thinks we need a bond of some sort and I need to be prepared incase something happens to him. The guy was gone for most of my life and we never had a father son relationship, unless you can count arguing and fighting as one. I just hope one day my parents wake up and leave TF. I know they'll change alot as people and become individuals.
(reply to this comment)
From Nique
Thursday, April 01, 2004, 23:01

(Agree/Disagree?)

Hi Mydestinyismine,
I've been doing well...staying busy with work, mostly. I'll be doing a ton of traveling in April for work so I expect things will continue to be hectic...

One of the things that really gets to me about my own situation is that if we had at any point over the years, decided that we couldn't afford child support, I know that her friendly facade would have quickly disappeared. The reason things are always so blissful is because we give and she takes and she has no qualms about it. She and her husband have no pride whatsoever and seemingly have no desire to ever improve their standing in society. When my stepson was still living with her last year, she would not help him with his 5th grade homework because she always said she wasn't very good at school work and never liked it. At least she went to high school! She just disgusts me much of the time.

[edited by request of author]

As far as parents go, I haven't seen my father or stepmother in 15 years so that kind of gives you a hint about whether I would support them financially in any way, shape, or form - although I would want to have a relationship with my siblings from that union. Our family is fairly disfunctional due to a number of circumstances that I won't go into right now so I was somewhat estranged from them, although my relationships have improved with my siblings over the last few years. Although my relationship with my mom is not a typical mother-daughter relationship, I've done what I could to help her out since I left TF and I currently do pay for my younger brother's Tae Kwon Do lessons because he wouldn't be able to attend them otherwise and I believe he needs them.

The rest of the particulars of my situation would take a long time to explain right now and I have to get up early so I'll save it for some time when we meet on the chat again and I can do it in short bursts...As far as your situation goes, I wouldn't absolve your father of his responsibility for providing for his own children (unless you are really close and he's been there for you and now you feel you owe him)!!! And if you are going to help your siblings, I would do it in such a way that your parents do not benefit from your assistance. I wouldn't provide a free ride for my siblings either - you've got your life to live too...That's just me, though. I'm a career-oriented individual who gives good presents at specified times throughout the year but I believe in working for what you get. I'll write more later...Take care. (reply to this comment

From exister
Monday, March 29, 2004, 15:24

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
You bring up a good point that is surely on many of our minds: our aging destitute parents. I personally wouldn't support them unless I was absolutely certain they weren't siphoning some off to WS. I know of at least one case where this happened.(reply to this comment
From Shackled/Mydestinyismine
Monday, March 29, 2004, 20:36

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(
Agree/Disagree?)
I know I for one will never support anyone, family or not, or any project that has to do with TF. If my parents or siblings wish to be missionaries but not in a cult I will reconsider. (reply to this comment
From Nancy
Monday, March 29, 2004, 20:46

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Can you hear that? It's my sincere applause. Bravo! You money, your way!(reply to this comment

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