from mygirls - Monday, March 05, 2007
accessed 1964 times
To All Who Want To Know The Truth About "The Family"
Hi, my name is Christina and I would like to tell you about my life and experience living within "The Family" and the effect that it had on my life. I am the third child from a family of 13. Making me the oldest girl. I really donít remember all the details when I was really young, but as long as I can remember, Gerald Curran lived with our family. He was like a second father to me and my siblings and was treated as such by my parents.
At the very young age of 5 or 6, Gerald Curran started to molest me. His molestation gradually turned to rape as I grew older. As a young child the only natural defense I had would be to fall into a deep sleep so my early experiences are cloudy. Thank God for natural defenses.
Growing up in TF had its good points and bad. I believe more bad than good. Well actually, the only good thing that I can think of is that in TF we were able to see a lot of different countries. Also we always had our friends right there and never had to go anywhere else to be with them. The bad side to this was that as a family we were constantly moving and it was hard to maintain any long term friendships with anyone in The Family. We were also home schooled which meant we had very little access to anyone outside T.F. and outside childhood friendships were not encouraged.
Always having to move, not being able to associate with the outside world except when having to go out (even as a young child) to try and raise money for the group. Having to live by the writings of the group leaders and their interpretation of the Bible. The doctrines that were shoved down our throats. The screwed up books and letters that TF printed about sex. The coy, cute names that they gave to describe sexual activities. Such as Flirty Fishing (which I always thought was a nice way of telling you, it was OK to be a hooker, just as long as it was in the name of God /T.F. and someone would reciprocate with material gain.) Sleeping with everyone even the children who were encouraged to experiment with sex. TF obviously knew what they were preaching was wrong, because at one time they ordered all TF members to take out certain pages in the books they printed and burn them so that there wouldnít be any evidence of what they said was OK to do. However, the cover-up was a little to late, the damage was already done.
I personally was molested by a few other grown men in TF, the incident that has left its mark the most, besides the times with Gerald Curran , took place in Portugal. One of the grown men that was responsible for the care of the children in the communal house, had all the girls that were around my age at the time (about 7 or 8 yrs. of age) go into a room. He told us to do a sexy dance and instructed us on how to striptease for him. He said who ever was the sexiest would get a surprise. Needless to say he picked me as the winner of the dance contest. He took me into a bedroom to give me my prize and instead molested me. He also had me do things to him. He stopped when someone opened the door to come look for him (thank God). But before he let me out of the room, he told me not to tell anyone what had happened.
I always remember the grownups swapping their sexual partners. The children would witness this since all the children slept in the same rooms as their parents. I think that these actions of the adults was totally wrong and that the children shouldnít of been subjected to this type of behavior. But who am I, after all, this type of behavior was perfectly acceptable and considered normal by The Family. The children were told it was OK and that sex shouldnít be anything to be ashamed of and this type of sexual activity was actually encouraged by T.F. I know for a fact to this day T.F. still practices partner swapping. My oldest brother is still in TF and he was bragging to me and my husband about all the other women he gets to sleep with and how he has his wife do the same. How disgusting! I know from experience that one day these poor children that have to witness this bizarre sexual extravaganza, will wonder, "if their father is really their father."
My parents and Gerald Curran left TF as full timers but were still supporting and reporting to TF. My parents still are, to this day. I just recently found out why my parents left TF in the first place. Youíre probably thinking that maybe they started to have a conscience after Gerald Curran was convicted of raping their child. That would have been a normal response, others would have dropped all ties with people or groups that condone child molestation. Or maybe youíre thinking it should have been the scary literature that encouraged these types of arrangements. But it wasnít. Curran wasnít convicted until much later after my family had gone part time. However, it was the response from THE FAMILY that made my parents turn into part timers. They were told that they couldnít have Gerald moving around with them because it didnít look good to the outsiders
This cozy little threesome. So instead of Gerald leaving our family my parents decided to leave TF instead, so as not to break up their HAPPY little threesome (what I mean by threesome is that, the three of them were always together. My Dad shared my Mom with Curran.) After all, the three of them were getting what they wanted. My Dad was getting someone that would pay attention to his kids and play with them, so that he wouldnít have to. My Mom was getting more attention and love from Curran than she was getting from my Dad (Since he treats my Mom more like a prize then a partner) and Gerald paid more attention to her kids then their own father did. Lets not forget Gerald, He got to sleep with my Mom whenever he wanted to. So my parents left and Gerald went with them.
As I was entering puberty, around the age of 14 I just couldnít take it any more. I wanted Gerald Curran to stop raping me. I kept thinking what if I started my period and got pregnant by this pervert. I had to let someone know what was happening I was afraid to turn to my parents because of their relationship with Mr. Curran. So I told Kristy who I knew through the family, in hope that somehow this information would get back to my parents so they could stop these attacks. I actually told Kristy and her sisters (Kristy was on the Dr. Phil show) and they told my parents. When my Parents were told my Dad was upset about what Curran had been doing. Also that I didnít come to him. My Mom was just crying and didnít really want to talk to me. To this day I am not sure if she was crying because of what happened to me or because now Gerald Curran would have to leave. I never felt like my parents gave me their full support on this. In fact, my Dad told me at one time, that it takes two. I couldnít even believe he said that, how can it take two when it involves a 5 year old and a man older then your own father. For reasons like this I feel like my parents forgave Gerald but never forgave me, for breaking up their little arraignment.
My parents told him that he had to go, but some time later he asked my parents if he could bring his daughter to stay with us. My parents asked if it was OK with me and I said it was OK as long as he didnít stay. By the time that he got to the house it was late and my parents let him stay the night, one night turned into weeks and so on, and he started to get into his old routine, telling my Mom how to raise us. After awhile I realized he wasnít leaving and my parents werenít making him.
I wasnít permitted to talk to his daughter and mention anything about what had happened. Then again I didnít have to. She guessed it and some how knew what happened, even though her Dad didnít tell her either. For that reason I always suspected that maybe she experienced the same thing as I and maybe from the same source. Her Dad! But, this is purely my opinion. However I truly believe that I was not his only VICTIM.......
Geraldís daughter and I ran away together (to some friends house) when my parents found out where we were, we knew that my Dad and Gerald were on their way to get us. So we had our friends call the police .When the police found out what had happened the State decided to press charges against Gerald Curran. When I went home I felt like I was the outcast and some of my siblings told me that they hated me. They couldnít believe that I had Gerald go to jail, even though they knew what he had done.
While the State was getting their case together against Gerald my parents tried to help him out as much as they could. My Dad even relaid a message to me from Geraldís lawyer. He said that if I would take the stand he would tear me apart. So of course I was terrified to take the stand and never showed up for the trial. When Gerald Curran was getting tried he admitted to what he had done. He said he would admit to what he had done just so I wouldnít have to go through any more then what I had already gone through. By doing this he got a lesser sentence because in their eyes he was showing remorse for what he had done. My Dad went to the trial to stand up for him and tried to get him a lesser conviction. During this time I received a letter from Maria ( The Leader of TF) telling me that I needed to forgive Gerald and that what he did wasnít that bad. That Jesus wanted me to forgive him. My parents let me read the letter and then asked for it back. I believe the letter was destroyed after that by my parents, who sided with the wishes of the Family. From that time on, I knew that TF was totally messed up. I didnít want anything to do with them any more.
The whole time Gerald was in prison my parents would go to visit him. They would take my younger siblings with them. My younger siblings didnít know why he was in there because, I wasnít allowed to tell them what had happened. How messed up is that? Members of The Family would come over and spend the night at my parents house the day before they would go to see Gerald in prison. My parents and TF members would stay up all night talking about Gerald, saying what a great guy he is and I would hear them, since my room was right above them.
Since all this happened my Dad always brings up his name, never letting me forget. My Dad recently wrote me a letter telling me a lot of nasty things about how he felt about me and my husband, but the thing that broke the camels back was when he wrote in the letter "Quote" Eli (my husband) shouldnít have any claim in being upset with Josiah ( Gerald"s Family name) because your situation with Josiah is only between you and Josiah and not Eli, he had nothing to do with it. I think my husband has all the claim in the world to be upset with Gerald, because my husband cares for me and he knows that it affects me. Therefore it also affects him and our relationship too. After this letter from my Dad I pretty much broke all ties with my parents and let some people know why I wasnít going over there anymore. When my parents found out that their secret was out they were very mad and some of my siblings called me up and said that I am going to ruin the kids lives. I tried to explain that by letting the secret out I am helping my siblings because maybe it will force my parents to chose between The Family or their family. My oldest brother Sam Doehler that is still in TF wrote a letter on myconclusion.com stating that there isnít any abuse in TF, totally ignoring the fact that his own sister was actually abused while in TF. My explanation for this is that if he admits that this happened then he would have to come to the conclusion that TF isnít the best place to raise a child . He would have to forgo his free ride and would have to work for a living. Also he would have to raise his children on his own.
I think in so many ways TF has hurt our family even the ones that were never in TF. The views of TF are still passed down to the children through the literature that my parents still read to them. My siblings are really withdrawn and shy when they are around anyone that is not part of our family, and even some of their own siblings. I truly believe that this is an affect that takes place when children arenít permitted to interact and associate with normal society and are sheltered from the outside world like TF teaches us to do.
So for the sake of all you that have been hurt by The Family and myself, I am getting the word out that TF needs to own up to what they have done to all of us, and someone needs to be held accountable for it, so that these things never ever happen to another innocent child again.