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Getting Support : Speaking Out

Those left behind

from out at last - Monday, February 21, 2005
accessed 1268 times

Moving on…its something I know we would all like to do. Who doesn’t want to simply forget and get on with life? The conflict and the struggle that it is to combat with the memories of the abuse suffered, or the trouble and difficulty in getting on with our lives with little or no education and a very skewed idea of the outside world makes moving on a very hard thing to do. Even those who did not suffer actual physical abuse, through isolation and twisted and distorted input, have a difficult time adjusting and adapting to the reality of the world outside a commune.

However this becomes even more difficult for those of us who have certain links with the Family that require us to stay in contact, stay informed and stay on the “good side” of the Family. This link is when those we love are still in the Family, siblings, friends, children and so on. Particularly when the persons in question are too young to leave, moving on becomes more then just a hard thing to do, it becomes almost impossible.

When one has either a child or brothers and sisters still in the group, communication and dealings to those within the Family becomes like quicksand, and one must charm, cajole and coax in order to remain in contact with those loved ones left behind.

I have two brothers and one sister left in the Family. When I said goodbye to my parents and the Family way of life last year, I thought that I would never again have to listen to their bullshit, and never again have to pander to their whims. I was wrong.

Since I have left, phone calls, emails and letters to my siblings have all been censored. Everything I write and say is scrutinized and one mistake leads to a block in my communication with the children for months on end. My parents (and others involved) claim that they must “protect” their children from me and my “bad influence”. Due to the tragedy of Ricky Rodriguez, “security” has tightened even more, and it is now harder then ever to remain in contact with those I have left behind. Now no phone calls can be made by me to my brothers and sisters and emails are absolutely prohibited. Even birthday presents and gifts are examined and often suppressed.

People ask me why I visit this site, why I keep up with developments in the Family and why I try to stay current with what is going on, and my answer is always the same: because my family is still in there. Until they are old enough to leave, until those I love are as far away as possible from those monsters and idiots that used to control my life and now control theirs, I can never truly “move on”.

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from exister
Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 07:29

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

This is all such a bunch of sappy drivel!

First of all, you just left a year ago, so you really are "fresh off the boat." I wouldn't come to any long term conclusions about life, insanity and the future of the universe until you have cultivated the synaptic connections to think with at least a modicum of clarity. Quite simply, your head is still chock full of cult crap. How old are you anyway?

In case you care where I am coming from my entire immediate family is still in the cult. My big brother Abe has often been described as "the last person who will ever leave the cult." A running joke is that Zerby will call it quits and he will take all the lit and keep the Family alive.

The fact that my parents and siblings are in has not kept me from telling the media everything I know about the cult. I know my family may never speak to me again, especially after all the stuff I said about mom FFing, oh well. But you know what the crucial deciding factor is in all of this? I am absolutely pissed off that weak ass people like you empower the cult and its evil structure by allowing your behavior to be dictated by its fear tactics. It just pisses me off to no end. What do you think would happen to the cult if everyone in the cult stood up one day and said "Fuck you Zerby, we are not afraid of you anymore"? I know it is far fetched, but what a great day it would be. How can such a day even be hoped for if people like you keep letting the cult make you its emotional little bitch?!?

I have no doubt that the day will come when my parents will ask me why I told the press the things I did. I can't wait for that day. I can't wait to look them in the eye and tell them that it is never wrong to speak the truth, and that if they are unashamed of their past, like they claim to be, then it should be no problem if the whole civilized world knows about it.

I too love my parents and siblings. I love them so much that I want them to ultimately know me as a man of principle, and a man who knew that the ultimate good is to not be afraid. If they never reach a point in their lives where they can comprehend such concepts then so be it, but I will not cave to the evil structure that owns their minds. And someday, just maybe, this zombie spell will pass from them and they will love and respect me even more because I stuck to my guns and told the truth!
(reply to this comment)

From out at last
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 09:52

i'm 15 by the way(reply to this comment
From out at last
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 09:52

this is an assumption i can make, i am fully aware that the cult does not control my life, but i cannot forget about my brothers and sisters. i am not angry about what those people put me through, i dont forgive them, but i'm over the bitterness (which by the way it looks like youre not). all i want is for those who i love to get out of there too. my head may be "chock full of cult crap" but at least i dont rely on vengeance to get me through the day. i am starting a new life, as you had to when you first left, but my family are incredibly important to me and i cannot rest or be at peace until they are free. principle does not come into this picture, it CANT when you are dealing with those who have no morals whatsoever. telling the truth (in this case: telling the newspapers etc) helps no one but yourself and sometimes it is better to look at the big picture, and who can get hurt by those actions, rather then simply "sticking to your guns" and causing trouble. havent you thought that this could be a selfish method of "moving on"? i'm not a pacifist but i know when to let sleeping dogs lie. i may be an "emotional little bitch" but i happen to think that emotions are part of being human and resentment has not turned off my humanity.(reply to this comment
From Joe H
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 09:49


I hate to get all sappy and drivel-y on you, exister, but that was beautiful.(reply to this comment

From Nancy
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 08:18

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

Ex, my friend, be gentle. There are many stages one goes through in the years following departure from the cult. Sometimes those stages even cycle. I've been out 14 years now, and I can honestly say that it wasn't until this year, 2005, that I have experienced a complete release from all the shame and guilt I experienced as a result of what happened to me in the cult.

I used to feel similar frustration with people who did not take a hard line against the cult. I thought it suspicious that anyone would see the issues related to that abusive cult in anything but black and white. I felt that based on my own experiences, others could and should take a stand. If I could live through it, then they should to.

Yet, I like to think I've mellowed some by learning more about myself and others. Things are complicated. There are different shades of good and bad among the cult, its members, children and leaders.

I think it is a tragedy that the cult uses our love for our siblings against us. But, the fact is they do. That love makes us compromise our otherwise ridged stand against the cult. As I heard it said recently, "Love is a great motivator. The world bends to it. It kneels before it in awe."

But for our many innocent siblings, I think the cult would have been exposed long ago. Yet, for their sakes, we have to tread lightly. The threads of responsibility are tangled throughout the cult and must be unwound in order to bring resolution and justice. We have to be careful not to allow ourselves to cut through them in anger and haste in our pursuit of justice. We have to be mindful that we don't add to the pain of others in our attempts to resolve the pain we bear.

I know I have done it, even with the best of intentions. I have argued with people who are not in the same place I am. I have been impatient with them. But, strangley, I seem to sometimes cycle back to the place they are in my own life. In so doing, I am able to understand them better. (reply to this comment

From exister
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 09:45

Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

Do you know what I feel like when I look at the inhabitants of this website? I feel like I am looking out over a mass of terrified zombies and wondering why they don't just snap the fuck out of it.

I have much love for you Nancy, but you have to know that "that's just the way it is" will never cut it for me.

I did subsequently learn that the author of this article is very, very fresh. Just 5 months. I know it takes time, but I think it just might help to know where I stand.(reply to this comment

from pandora
Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 03:44

I think you expressed what a lot of us are going through. You have to constantly wonder what they are being told about their older siblings. It is really a difficult position to be put in. I also find it hard to speak out about the abuse that did occur in my childhood for fear that I may never see my siblings again. How are we supposed to move on with our lives and forget about our own flesh and blood, it is simply not within our nature. I think there would be a lot more of us talking to the media and fighting to see justice served for the youth that we lost if it wasn't for the fact that we put out siblings at risk in doing so. We will never have closer until the family is disbanded and we are free to speak out without fear of repercussion.
(reply to this comment)

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