|
|
 |
|
Getting Support : Speaking Out
Where are the parents? The FGA's? | from Cult Surfer - Saturday, February 19, 2005
accessed 2027 times By John La Mattery Jr. We have been in the heat of this fiasco for a bit over 2 months. The rough part started the minute China dropped the phone crying, "Abe is dead!" to the point we’re at today getting ready to celebrate Auty’s birthday. Although it’s only been 2 months, it seems like it’s been a 2 year struggle. I look back with the feeling of success. My compatriot’s and I defended Abe’s and Rick’s name to the best of our capabilities; we were able to gather a network and handle the media though we realized there is no rule book that outlines how to go about this; and all of us got out the message that abuses happened and we weren’t going to take it lying down. I look around at our network of friends and am astounded by the brilliance, the love and the honor each possesses. It takes a strong person to get up and cry foul, and an even stronger person to be able face their abusers and parents, looking into the eye of a camera and letting them know enough is enough.
I look back with pride and see all the small battles we have won and all truth we have spoken. We didn’t have time to sit down and coordinate a media campaign, most of us never even spoke with each other, but we all said the same thing, we all were on the same page.
Still, the one thing that baffles me in all of this is where are the parents? Why have I barely seen any reaction from them? Why is it that the victims of abuse are the only ones speaking out? Why is it that they’ll stand back and let The Family add insult to injury by calling us "liars, enemies, etc.." and still not stand with us? I can count on one hand the members of the first generation that have come out to stand with us. I’m shocked and appalled at the non-reaction we’ve received from the ex-FGA’s, and I’m terribly saddened by the sorry-ass excuses I’ve heard from most of them. Excuses like, "It’s water under the bridge," "If I only knew," and "I’m a victim too." I’m shocked at the response we’ve gotten for Rick’s memorial fund. The support has been very slow to come in and only a couple of FGA’s have donated toward it. SHAME on the rest of the FGA’s who are content to sit back and watch us fight this battle on our own. SHAME on the FGA’s who haven’t even contributed to burying Rick and putting that responsibility on our shoulders. Sending $100 is the least they can do. My respect for those former adult members who continue to sit back and watch life pass them by and have done absolutely nothing to support the truth has diminished.
What goes through a person’s mind who is like that? This is the golden opportunity for FGA’s to come out and support their children. It's their moment to come out and ask for forgiveness. There is no better time than this to show some dignity and self-respect and say, "Son, I was wrong. Please forgive me." Why do we have to spell out what is right and wrong for these people?
RIGHT: "I’m sorry that I allowed The Family to rule my life and govern my actions. I’m guilty as charged and want to change."
WRONG: "The Family made me do it - I hate them."
RIGHT: "I’m sorry I stood back and allowed you to be exploited. I take FULL responsibility for the abuses you suffered."
WRONG: "The Family made me do it."
RIGHT: "Here is my statement, and here is my donation to help memorialize Rick"
WRONG: " I’m sorry for your loss, but the SGA’s can bury their own dead."
Please tell me I am wrong. Please tell me there is hope for the FGA’s to come to an understanding that they ALL were partakers by their actions and inactions. Tell me I'm not pipe dreaming. The truth is that any adult that joined after FF’ing is guilty, guilty, guilty - are we the only people who see that?
These parents need to understand that what most of us want is validation and support. We are quick to forgive, we are quick to understand, but we are slow to getting screwed again. If the parents do not step up to the plate and reconcile with their children now, will they ever?
Parents, you are losing your kids by your inability to reconnect with them. What's going to happen with you when you need to retire and little Suzy isn’t interest in paying your bills? Look into the future a bit and realize that no child will ever want to pay for your butt after being screwed by you their whole life and while you deny it all along. There comes a point where parents just are not worth their title; we have been more parents to our siblings than many of you ever were to us, and our patience is running out.
Realize this, your children love you and want you in their lives, but not until you are willing to step up to the plate and be the parent you were meant to be. Reverse the role and be the parent again, but understand that we will not let off the heat until the truth prevails. You have the option of standing with or against us. The latter of which will not be pretty. Validate us now before we start naming your names.
Do you need a little guidance on where to start? Go to your kids and ask for their forgiveness, and then send support so we can once again bury our dead.
John La Mattery Jr.
|
|
|
|
|
Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from Jim LaMattery
Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 12:02
 (Agree/Disagree?)
John-
The heat is on and rising. You are exactly right that parents need to validate their children's accounts of abuse, both physically and mentally. "Accountability and Treatment" is the posted mission statement of the San Diego District Attorney's office. It is mine as well. Apologies were never adequate to deal with the effects of abuse that children of the Children of God were subjected and exposed to while in the "care" and "supervision" of their parents. Why "accountability?" Because it releases the victim from the clutch of the lie of the abuser. Why "treatment?" Because it is the only avenue to insure that abuse is not repeated. It is the only available remedy to keep the accountability repeated on an on-going basis.
I am currently working with the DA's office to obtain immunity from prosecution for those current Family parents who are willing to come forward and validate their children's accounts. For those of you who are willing to come forward, and want to discuss the possibility of immunity, you can contact me directly at jimlamattery@hotmail.com.
In the meantime, although we will attempt to bury Ricky's body gracefully, his spirit of truth and his desire for justice regarding the abuses he personally suffered will live on until this chapter in the history of the Family is finally closed.
Jim
(reply to this comment)
|  From A(n) un/sympathetic SGA
Sunday, February 27, 2005, 07:53
(Agree/Disagree?)
Karen, I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties. I can imagine it's a pain having to take care of so many children on your own, and your father on top of it all. You must realise, however, that YOU joined TF and YOU had all those kids. I understand that TF exploited a very idealistic generation and we can see the evils that occur as a result of such exploitation. The SGAs, however, are having to cope with problems that are not ours. We don't want to have our parents crying on OUR shoulders when we're already burdened by their unwise decisions (i.e. like not educating us!). Your sorry situation is unfortunate, but like all FGA sorry stories, it just doesn't mean much to the kids who are having labour under your foolishness. (reply to this comment) |
| | From From K. FGA
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 15:56
(Agree/Disagree?)
Dear John
In reply to: John Jr. 's message, " To the parents " on 23:11:33 02/22/05 Tue
I was unaware of your article posted on movingon. I rarely visit that board because, as I'm sure you know, it's not meant for us, it's meant for you. The FGA's have been asked from the beginning to stay away and that is what I have tried to respect.
Your article sounds like you believe that no parents have ever told their children they were sorry or have tried to make amends for the things that happened. Nothing could be further from the truth. Just because some of us haven't been on TV or made a formal public apology certainly doesn't mean it didn't happen! My children will tell you that I have profusely apologized to them over and over. In fact, my daughter posted once that she felt sorry for me for all the times I have apologized to her. She was abused in the Family. And yes, it was my fault - I made the decision to join the Family and failed to realize what it had become. And sorry that it irritates you to hear this, but I was a victim of spiritual abuse and coersion. But I am no longer a victim, and I am very supportive of the SGA's. My kids know this, and they are the ones who need to know this. We have a very good relationship and not a day goes by where we do not interact with each other. I love my kids, and they love me.
I was devastated when I learned about Ricky's death. I was so shaken that I could hardly function for several days, and I cried many tears. No child deserves what he got out of life. I have not been able to contribute to his memorial fund. I am the provider for our home, my husband left a year ago. My elderly parents live with me and my dad is very ill. I still have kids at home, and I help with the financial burden of some of my SGA kids if they need my help when I am able. That is all I can do, and it's difficult for me to do even that.
I hope that this will help you to understand that not ALL parents are as cold, calloused, and uncaring as you described above. That was quite a broad generalization. Actually, I think you will find that no one on this board is supportive of the Family or the past in any way and that we have all already made things right with our children.
(reply to this comment) |
| | From Jim La Mattery
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 16:20
(Agree/Disagree?)
Dear K.
Although you state that you haven't been aware of late, now is the time to become more aware and to stay aware. A TV, radio, or newspaper public discussion is now more important than ever before. Apologies did not work in the resolution of the accounts of abuse, both mental and physical, that the children of The Children of God were subjected to under the "care" and "supervision" of their parents. It they had worked, Ricky would never have taken the outrageous action that he did. What the SGAs need more than interaction from you or I, is action. Apologies are passive modes to resolution. Accountability and treatment is of the utmost importance. The trauma that the link of God- to parental love- to sexual contact with these children has reeked more injury than most realize. It may take many years for these young adults to work out their own sexuality from the connection Berg used to openly authorize and validate his own sexual perversity.
I suggest that your money is less of a necessity than your active support. I was a former FGA. I made the correct decision to leave TF when my intuition made clear to me that sex would soon be used to garner wealth and protection from communities where TF would colonize. I never witnessed any abuse personally, as I left before it was indoctrinated, but I've heard enough from my own children and other SGAs to know that it became systematic abuse. I lost my children for 13 years (TF helped my ex-wife kidnap them and move them around the globe when I sued for custody to take over their "care"). When I was finally reunited with them, the stories of harsh discipline and sexual invasion on these children fired my inner being to the point of committment. I did what I had to do to help my own kids.
Ricky was not your son. But Ricky's final act could have been committed by any of your children, or mine- or by me, or by you- given the same injustices that were reeked upon him by his own parents. We have an avenue- that I wish Ricky could have had faith in- which is in voicing our feelings to each other and the world. It is a matter of degree that keeps any of us from crossing a line of murder or suicide when we feel our life has been a lie, our world unjust, or our link to the most important people in our lives is lost. The brandishing of Ricky's blade, on his video, set in motion what I knew in my heart to be true: that this "problem" was never resloved, that many young adults are suffering the consequences of horrible choices that their parents made in the name of God. It also set me in motion. I will be doing my best to begin a Public dialogue that will entrench this country. My daughter and I are committed to getting on every talk-show, go to any little town, talk to any reporter that will listen, and push the District Attorney's office until they prosecute the perpetrator who abused her, her siblings, and many other children of the Children of God. We need you to do the same- public discussion.
Ricky's act has proven that this issue has gone too far and something must be done. Now, I could worry about my own little family and let the issue float on to others that are not as detached from it. My family is out of TF, and all are successfully fulfilling their own lives. This they are doing without a "mother," as she still resides with TF. We could "pack our bags" on the issuse and leave it for someone else to deal with. But this is not us, and this is not what we intend to do. We intent to make this a public discussion in order to obtain the help and resources to deal with the issuses adequately; to help those children/young adults in particular who are in essence "orphaned" by the fact that their parents still remain in The Family International.
I am happy that you have resolved your issues with your family. But you must have been among other parent's children with your tenure in TF. That means that your choices, that you now realize were poor at best, influenced others. You lived communally. Were you in TF when the Book of Davidito was first distributed? If so, I'm sure that you influenced others. That means that you have an obligation, however indirect, to stand up for the truth of the matter. That does mean helping in a public discussion. I invite you to write an affadavit that I might use in my discussions with the San Diego District Attorney's Office in order to help them understand that Ricky's wasn't an isolated case of abuse, nor an isolated act. I don't need your money, but I do desperately need your time and voice.
Sincerely,
Jim LaMattery
(reply to this comment) |
| | From Wolf
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 20:31
(Agree/Disagree?)
Jim, your post is quite significant to me, because it’s the first time I’ve heard of one of this site’s participants going after a specific abuser. Maybe others are doing the same and I just don’t know about it. I’ll certainly help with this if I know the abuser. Perhaps you could send an email out to many of the participants, asking them if they know the person in question? This way you may get more information about him, and more testimony against him.(reply to this comment) |
| | From R.
Thursday, February 24, 2005, 15:03
(Agree/Disagree?)
Hi JMJ, hope you are hanging in.
Thanks for airing your views.
I think it is a waste of time to try and goad abusers to step up to the plate. They generally don't have much remorse for their offences, particularly serial abusers like Berg and other family members. What do I know about abuse? I was abused by Catholic clergy in the 60's. The arm of the Catholic church that abused me declared bankruptcy rather than let our lawsuits connect to the Vatican. Even the pope refused to see our delegation to avoid connection. They are doing it again in recent cases.
Do yourself a favour and get the survivors of TF abuses to go to the US government and swear out charges. ASbuse across state lines and foreign areas are federal matters. Victims of crimes must swear out complaints. If you push hard enough they will act. They have a constitutional obligation to do so. There are a lot of Non profit agencies and individuals in DC and elsewhere that would assist you.Try to find a pro bono constitutional lawyer to help you. Contact the senate and push the issue. It took 25 years for my case with the Catholic clergy to come to the criminal courts.
I already apologized in detail on moving on for my sins which were not criminal or sexual in nature. Our moral failure to stop Berg before he got started was a real failure. I left the family over the Davitito book on the day I got it. As others have said, Moving ON was quite clear that they did not want FGA presence. In nice terms they basically told us to 'piss off' so we did.
Before you start throwing rocks at all of us on a general basis you should make sure your stoning the right people. Hit the individuals that deserve it. Also don't strain yourself to get on my case for telling you how I feel because I won't respond. I really did not even want to respond to you but Ricky's death was a real blow and makes me very sad. When you have already been f*&%+d over by the Catholic church and the Berg vampire there is little further damage any human being's words can do. I have been on the fam's enemy list for well over twenty years so you are not alone in your anger.
By the way I spent a career in the child protection system and offered to help Sg's with no real follow-up or consitent interest. It is a mystery to me why SG's would not want to access knowledge resources in their fight against Berg and his legacy. As a Vulcan would say, this is illogical.
Seeing as you gave me some advice in your post here is some for you. Get some help with your anger before it consumes you. Believe me I know what I am talking about as my own anger pretty well burned my life down as a young man,[ I is a cranky old fart now ].
PS> I really mean you no bad feeling but your post was pretty intense. Anyways, have yourself a calm day and good hunting!
Sincerely R.
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From From A. FGA
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 15:59
(Agree/Disagree?)
In reply to: John Jr. 's message, " To the parents " on 23:11:33 02/22/05 Tue
If I had a ton of money, I'd give it to all the SGAs who need that support. I can barely help my own 8 kids here who need me. I'm doing my best. I do agree, though, that more FGs should step up to the plate and get in touch with the media, etc., send letters stating they stand by you, they agree with you, they know these things to be true, you are not lying, it very well happened, and no, we have no excuses for all these things that happened. I did write something, but I couldn't get a pw for MovingOn. It was posted on the other sites, though, under my former F. name. I even suggested at NDN that Joseph put something together on a page with all the responses from the FGs for example to the F.'s my conclusion website. He was going to do it when he had time as he was working. I am with you, I wish more was being done and I'm sorry to see you hurting again. I really dont know why not much else is being done by FGs.
(reply to this comment) |
| | from one of the parents
Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 09:20
(Agree/Disagree?)
John,
I understand your feelings. I would like to point out to you a couple of things. First, parents have for the most part discouraged from coming and posting on this board. Second, I have no idea how many parent ex members come around the various sites. Most of the ones that do, (not so many considering the whole population) struggle tremendously and have already done the best they could with their own kids in apologizing and helping out, and still help out. Third, there has been no clear invitation to parents who are totally out and active in helping their kids to participate in the memorial. Some people may like to come and give a donation in person.
I agree that even a symbolic donation would important as Joseph suggested, and I understand your frustration, but I would like to also point out though that for people who have been cheated out of their life and used as money slaves by Smith and Smith, the fact that for the umpteenth time they (in bulk) are solicited as you do can be problematic for many reasons. I am sorry to hear there has not been enough and I do not know because there is nothing published about what is needed and what has come in. Smith and Smith should pay through the nose for whatever needs to be taken care of. It is a question of justice. Whether or not they come to the memorial they are the ones who are responsible as parents and should pay directly. Knowing about their crimes, how they use their money, how her parents had hundreds of thousands of dollars cash to buy property one can only wonder how come THEY as a family are not the ones taking care of family, which is the most normal thing to do. If they do not, they need to be called on that, and publicly at that. This could be the very first time that they actually pay something for some of the crimes they have committed.
(reply to this comment)
| From Bella
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 11:23
(Agree/Disagree?)
"I would like to also point out though that for people who have been cheated out of their life and used as money slaves by Smith and Smith, the fact that for the umpteenth time they (in bulk) are solicited as you do can be problematic for many reasons"
--No offence but that is one sorry ass excuse for not helping. We've all been asked and I haven't heard a complaint from any SGA's, most of whom were used by Smith and Smith more than any one adult in that group. My husbadn who has never even been in the family donated. Give me a break, "Parent"(reply to this comment) |
| | From one of the parents
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 13:49
 (Agree/Disagree?)
Fine. I hope you give me a break as well.
Just to be fair, what I said was not meant to be mutually exclusive with helping. It was not at all. I was trying to offer John a larger perspective and a way in which he could accomplish his goal, which is, I understand, to motivate more people to donate?
Also, it was not a complaint. People should be encouraged to donate, and I am glad Sarafina posted more details yesterday so that people know what is still needed. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | from Joseph_S
Wednesday, February 23, 2005 - 06:33
(Agree/Disagree?)
John,
I am the Technical Manager at the FGA website NewDayNews.com (and NOT a former member). When I heard about the memorial fund, I made our PayPal account available immediately for credit card donations. I expected there to be an flood of donations, but that hasn't been the case.
So far we have received three donations. 1 from an FGA, 1 From an SGA and 1 from a Reporter looking for an interview.
Those donations were sent off to the bank account with a letter several days ago, identifying who donated and what amount.
I have no way of knowing what has been sent directly to the bank.
I do think you should post your message at both Newdaynews on the Open House board, and exFamily.org in GenX. Between those two boards, you should get your message across to the majority of online FGA's.
I understand that people are financially strapped. But, even a donation of $5.00 would be a gesture.
(reply to this comment)
| From sarafina
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 09:31
(Agree/Disagree?)
I posted an article last night with details on the location, date, and event activities of the Memorial. Also with links to the site location.
I also included a finance progress link showing what we still need for the memorial and where we are at now with donations. We have secured the location with the initial deposit (thanks to all those who have helped so far)but we still have far to go to cover the whole event.
I think the article should be up sometime today. Elixcia has personally written each person back who has sent in a contibution to thank them. It will be a beautiful Memorial, many thanks to all those who have helped. =)(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From Joseph_S
Thursday, February 24, 2005, 06:34
(Agree/Disagree?)
Well...
Your efforts did produce one more PayPal donation over at NDN for $20.00. I don't recognize the name, so I don't know if it an FG, SG, or ?.
Hopefully, there will be more.
The FG community is nearly impossible to get money out of. I've tried it a lot of times from a lot of different angles. By and large, they just don't spend money.
There is a huge amount of mistrust, which makes me a bit crazy, because from where I stand, the one time in their lives when they should have mistrusted someone, they took it hook-line-sinker. Now their own kids ask for help, and there ends up being all this suspicion.
After putting the PayPal "Donate" button online, I received questions about how the money would be spent. I referred them to the information available on this site. None of the questioners donated. I tried to explain to one that if someone dies in the normal universe, it is common for somebody to pass the hat to help the family. Regular people throw a few bills into the hat, but nobody ever asks for an accounting of how the money will be spent. If the widow wants to take that money and buy Jello Pudding with it, it's really nobody's business. It's a gesture of kindness and support in a time of need.
My wife (an SG from the 70's) and I put on an ex-member get together at our home a few years ago. About fifty people showed up. I went and ordered a big stack of Dominoes Pizza's to feed everyone. I asked that anyone who wanted to eat simply donate $5.00.
Guess what? Everybody ate, but only half gave the $5.00.
Old habits die hard I guess.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from EyesWideShut
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 15:09
(Agree/Disagree?)
Perfectly illiterated. I agree.
(reply to this comment)
| from Wolf
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 10:51
(Agree/Disagree?)
I think many parents (including mine) are trying their best to forget about the Family and everything to do with the Family. They have apologized for their mistakes and do their best to support their kids financially, but I don’t think they even know there is a Ricky memorial fund – and if they did, they would probably prefer to give money to their own kids. They would probably figure that Zerby has plenty of money and should be paying for Ricky’s burial.
(reply to this comment)
| from Bella
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 10:46
(Agree/Disagree?)
I couldn't agree with you more, John. Hopefully some ex-fga's will start taking some responsibility after years of turning a blind eye. We know that plenty of them frequent this site ...
(reply to this comment)
| from moon beam
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 10:17
(Agree/Disagree?)
AMEN!
(reply to this comment)
|
|
|
|
|
]
[About the Trailer Park] [Who Links Here]