from JasonPaone - Friday, February 04, 2005
accessed 2895 times
10 Easy Ways to Destroy Your Campaign Against a Religious Organization
1. Prey upon a predator
First choose the organization most likely to defeat you. Do some research; discover one with an excellent track record, undefeated if possible. Look for an organization known for miraculous protective intervention. Find yourself the largest metaphorical hive, and provoke it. Put a finger in God’s eye. You’ll find the results to be astounding, and unprecedented. Not even millstone diving will work as affectively. Your efforts will surely fail.
2. Bizarre/outrageous accusations
Stimulate your creativity; brainstorm as many of the most absurd, unthinkable crimes as you can. Once your brain is sore from mischief, begin to compile your heinous atrocities in random order, with as many twists, and ironies as possible. Complete your creation with a few “Cultist nouns/adjectives” I.E. Brain washers, perverts, child abductors/molesters, communists, blasphemers, etc.
3. Ally yourself with lunatics.
Convert as many weirdoes, losers, psychos, nutcases, central parkers, hookers, strippers, gangsters, pop stars, Janitors, democrats, salesmen, killers, postal workers, druggies, rabid mutts, drag queens, fools, anarchists, West Virginians, and as many social wash-ups as you can. Have them rant, rave, rally behind you, and do whatever is necessary to further your cause. The world will hear their maniacal nonsense, and you will surely lose any speck of credibility that you may have had.
4. The information super highway.
Make a website for your wash-up disciples. A place where they can fight, vent profanity, and fire themselves up. A site where apostates could entertain each other with sad stories of their suffering inflicted by a diabolical religious organization. A place where they can voice their nonsense and work hard to do their job in destroying your credibility.
Demonstrate your bias by denying the validity of any positive credentials the organization may have. Stick to the negative, and again, “beef it up” as much as possible, allow the public to see your raw prejudice and they will be much less likely to place stock in your accusations.
Violence is a valuable asset in your saboteur effort demonstrating desperation, lack of reasonable options, and in some cases serious psychological problems. Nobody listens to violent psychos, and you’re sure to instill fear and mistrust amongst those who may have supported your cause.
7. Ruthlessness/reckless stupidity.
Stop at nothing in your campaign against this organization. Ignore reasonable options. Attempt to rectify the injustice yourself. Make offensive personal accusations towards members of the organization. Piss people off; make as many enemies as you possibly can. Display your lack of respect with slander, and harsh practical jokes, or violence. Prove to the world that you are the worse of two evils. Bother and pester until someone has had enough and decides to put an end to your campaign, and/or you.
Sabotage the root of the campaign (yourself). Allow your anger to infest, and encourage your bitterness to overtake reason; the combinational affect will trigger rage, the infectious triad will destroy you quickly and effectively like a kamikaze, the world will see you crash and burn in your self inflicted destruction. Your cause will die with you.
9. Shun family and friends.
If you are lucky enough to have friends or family within the organization of question, deny association with them. Blot them out of your life completely along with your shame and contempt. This has a two-fold effect in destroying your campaign. Not only does it limit your diminishing number of friends, and people of whom you can trust, but it sheds a light on bitterness and the affect it has in your life. Your allies will be more concerned for you than for your cause, and will lose interest in backing your “grudges.”
10. Deny God/truth
Probably the most affective method of all is to deny the one who gave you life. To actively tear down the truth that he has established. I would recommend this as the most affective way to destroy your campaign against a religious organization. Don’t limit yourself to defying a religious organization and their beliefs and doctrines, but take the next step, defy God altogether. Prove to him that you know better, show him how he is wrong, show him the many mistakes he continually makes. I swear he’ll set you straight, not only will your efforts fail miserably, but you will become ever aware of his power and love, and maybe you will learn to forget your bitterness and anger. Maybe you will begin to truly move on, to heal, and to begin to grow again. To spend your life and energy to improve the quality of your life, and not to avenge your pain alone. This method will do wonders to destroy any trace of your campaign.
These concepts were written as a humorous expose on common detractive methods, and were not meant as an attack upon ethnic minorities, social statuses, or professions. This article was not meant as a personal attack, or an attack upon a demographic. Thanks.