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10 Easy Ways to Destroy Your Campaign Against a Religious Organization

from JasonPaone - Friday, February 04, 2005
accessed 2895 times

Hi




10 Easy Ways to Destroy Your Campaign Against a Religious Organization

1. Prey upon a predator
First choose the organization most likely to defeat you. Do some research; discover one with an excellent track record, undefeated if possible. Look for an organization known for miraculous protective intervention. Find yourself the largest metaphorical hive, and provoke it. Put a finger in God’s eye. You’ll find the results to be astounding, and unprecedented. Not even millstone diving will work as affectively. Your efforts will surely fail.

2. Bizarre/outrageous accusations
Stimulate your creativity; brainstorm as many of the most absurd, unthinkable crimes as you can. Once your brain is sore from mischief, begin to compile your heinous atrocities in random order, with as many twists, and ironies as possible. Complete your creation with a few “Cultist nouns/adjectives” I.E. Brain washers, perverts, child abductors/molesters, communists, blasphemers, etc.

3. Ally yourself with lunatics.
Convert as many weirdoes, losers, psychos, nutcases, central parkers, hookers, strippers, gangsters, pop stars, Janitors, democrats, salesmen, killers, postal workers, druggies, rabid mutts, drag queens, fools, anarchists, West Virginians, and as many social wash-ups as you can. Have them rant, rave, rally behind you, and do whatever is necessary to further your cause. The world will hear their maniacal nonsense, and you will surely lose any speck of credibility that you may have had.

4. The information super highway.
Make a website for your wash-up disciples. A place where they can fight, vent profanity, and fire themselves up. A site where apostates could entertain each other with sad stories of their suffering inflicted by a diabolical religious organization. A place where they can voice their nonsense and work hard to do their job in destroying your credibility.

5. Denial.
Demonstrate your bias by denying the validity of any positive credentials the organization may have. Stick to the negative, and again, “beef it up” as much as possible, allow the public to see your raw prejudice and they will be much less likely to place stock in your accusations.

6. Violence.
Violence is a valuable asset in your saboteur effort demonstrating desperation, lack of reasonable options, and in some cases serious psychological problems. Nobody listens to violent psychos, and you’re sure to instill fear and mistrust amongst those who may have supported your cause.

7. Ruthlessness/reckless stupidity.
Stop at nothing in your campaign against this organization. Ignore reasonable options. Attempt to rectify the injustice yourself. Make offensive personal accusations towards members of the organization. Piss people off; make as many enemies as you possibly can. Display your lack of respect with slander, and harsh practical jokes, or violence. Prove to the world that you are the worse of two evils. Bother and pester until someone has had enough and decides to put an end to your campaign, and/or you.

8. Bitterness
Sabotage the root of the campaign (yourself). Allow your anger to infest, and encourage your bitterness to overtake reason; the combinational affect will trigger rage, the infectious triad will destroy you quickly and effectively like a kamikaze, the world will see you crash and burn in your self inflicted destruction. Your cause will die with you.

9. Shun family and friends.
If you are lucky enough to have friends or family within the organization of question, deny association with them. Blot them out of your life completely along with your shame and contempt. This has a two-fold effect in destroying your campaign. Not only does it limit your diminishing number of friends, and people of whom you can trust, but it sheds a light on bitterness and the affect it has in your life. Your allies will be more concerned for you than for your cause, and will lose interest in backing your “grudges.”

10. Deny God/truth
Probably the most affective method of all is to deny the one who gave you life. To actively tear down the truth that he has established. I would recommend this as the most affective way to destroy your campaign against a religious organization. Don’t limit yourself to defying a religious organization and their beliefs and doctrines, but take the next step, defy God altogether. Prove to him that you know better, show him how he is wrong, show him the many mistakes he continually makes. I swear he’ll set you straight, not only will your efforts fail miserably, but you will become ever aware of his power and love, and maybe you will learn to forget your bitterness and anger. Maybe you will begin to truly move on, to heal, and to begin to grow again. To spend your life and energy to improve the quality of your life, and not to avenge your pain alone. This method will do wonders to destroy any trace of your campaign.

Disclaimer

These concepts were written as a humorous expose on common detractive methods, and were not meant as an attack upon ethnic minorities, social statuses, or professions. This article was not meant as a personal attack, or an attack upon a demographic. Thanks.
—Jason Paone

Reader's comments on this article

Add a new comment on this article

from catuireal
Saturday, February 23, 2008 - 11:28

(Agree/Disagree?)
If the goal was to be humorous the article is a total failure.
(reply to this comment)
from figaro
Wednesday, March 07, 2007 - 17:29

(Agree/Disagree?)
"Prove to the world that you are the worse of two evils."
the false hood of this statement aside. you seem to be admitting that the family is "evil"!

you are a poor, poor brainwashed fool. some day you will learn just how foolish you are.

i pity you!
(reply to this comment)
from a Predator it is
Tuesday, September 20, 2005 - 07:44

(Agree/Disagree?)
I'll give you this, you understand the nature of The Family, based on No.1: "Prey upon a predator."
(reply to this comment)
from Slinky01
Monday, September 19, 2005 - 22:20

(Agree/Disagree?)

Your an idiot find better things to do with your time.


Sincerely Me
(reply to this comment)

from i am not dead.only sleeping.but i wish i was dead.
Sunday, June 26, 2005 - 04:43

Average visitor agreement is 1 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

hahahahah....you.could.rename.and.repost.this.as.“ten.easy.ways.to.destroy.your.campaign.against.the.system“....

1....the.SYSTEM.is.batting.a.pretty.perfect.average.against.your.type....in.time.these.things.all.come.to.naught....(lord.help.me.for.being.so.impatient)...

2....fill.your.childrens.heads.with.lies.about.the.“outside.world“...all.the.horrifying.candy.and.music.and.relatives....tell.them.about.the.bloody.demons.who.are.preying.on.their.souls.every.time.they.doubt.something....it.works.well.to.“recieve“.depictions.of.these.demons.shortly.after.browsing.thru.websites.dedicated.to.illustrations.of.monsters.and.ghosts....give.them.names.like.selvegion.and.vandari.and.assign.them.to.specific.demagraphics.to.really.authenticize.your.point....

3....Ally.yourself.with.lunatics......need.i.say.more?....but.why.stop.gathering.lunatics.at.the.recruitment.office.....it.doesnt.hurt.to.raise.your.children.with.a.certain.level.manaical.fervor....

4....setup.a.website.for.your.kids.to.post.“their.conclusions“...(which.have.all.been.jumped.to.with.olympic.skill.and.absolutely.no.circumferential.perspective.)....just.be.sure.to.coach.them.very.carefully.so.that.the.only.difference.in.postings.is.the.name.on.the.title....

5.....aaaaahhh....Denial....sweet.denial....thou.most.precious.commodity....alas....where.would.any.outspoken.cultists.conscience.rest.without.it...
deny.wrongdoing...
deny.and.ridicule.any.ideas.however.factual.and.scientifically.based.that.might.conflict.with.your.regime...
deny.your.children.any.rights.as.individuals.
deny.deny.deny....

6....BEAT.YOUR.CHILDREN!!!....a.solid.beating.and.cussing.out....maype.some.sleep.and.speaking.privilege.deprivation....definitely.starvation.or.at.the.least.some.cruel.and.unusual.food....hard.manual.labor.and.humiliation.at.every.opportunity....a.recipe.for.a.very.obedient.and.frightened.to.death.child....beat.them.if.theyre.TOO.good.tho...you.dont.want.them.to.get.selfrighteous.on.you...god.hates.that...

BONUS.POINT....throw.in.a.rape.or.two.for.additional.effect...

7....reckless.stupidity.seems.to.describe.every.“new.move“....chaos.and.disorder....make.sure.everything.your.hand.findeth.to.do.is.heavily.counterproductive....

BONUS.POINT.....burn.out.all.your.contacts.and.fundraising.methods.as.quickly.as.possible....

8....be.sure.to.disguise.your.bitterness.by.calling.it.righteous.anger....
.....be.“righteously.angry“.at.....
the.system.for.their.lack.of.appreciation.for.all.your.efforts...
your.brethren.for.that.time.they.busked.at.one.of.“your“.restaurants...
your.children.for.being.so.damn.numerous.and.unreasonable.in.their.desire.for.decent.treatment....

9.....Shun family and friends.
If you are lucky enough to have friends or family (outside) the organization of question, deny association with them. Blot them out of your life completely along with your shame and contempt. This has a two-fold effect in destroying your campaign. Not only does it limit your diminishing number of friends, and people of whom you can trust, but it sheds a light on bitterness and the affect it has in your life. Your allies will be more concerned for you than for your cause, and will lose interest in backing your “grudges.”
(he.did.alright.on.this.one....he.just.got.it.backwards...)

BONUS.POINT...to.really.live.(insert.reference.to.forsaking.all.bible.verse....i.forgot.it...)...cease.all.contact.with.your.immediate.family.(parents...siblings....kids.from.previous.marriages...)as.soon.as.you.join....forget.important.dates(birthdays....anniversarys...funerals....etc..)of.people.who.loved.and.looked.after.you.your.whole.life....

BONUS.BONUS.POINT...go.so.far.as.to.make.it.an.“us.against.them.“situation.by.calling.them.all.manner.of.biblical.slurs.should.they.ever.try.to.get.in.touch.or....god.forbid....want.to.see.you....stir.up.some.righteous.fervor.against.them....send.out.a.prayer.request.so.that.all.your.“brothers.in.arms“.can.invoke,gods.wrath.on.people.they.dont.know.at.all....maybe.change.your.name.a.few.times.to.really.get.your.thwart.on....

10...ummm....not.to.point.any.fingers.here.how.far.off.the.track.has.the.group.become....if.gods.original.manuscript.held.any.validity.to.you.youd.be.quick.to.notice.all.the.borderline.blasphemous.doctrines.you.practice....seriously....if.youre.gonna.toss.out.whatever.scripture.conflicts.with.your.lifestyle.just.go.ahead.and.get.rid.of.the.whole.thing....who.needs.it.anyhow...rotten.apple.theory....the.fresh.stuff.is.whats.really.tasty...just.explain.away.all.the.inconsistencies.and.contradictions.as.static.on.your.“channel“.....

BONUS.POINT....make.yours.the.most.important.organization.on.earth.by.assuming.the.title.of.GODS.ONLY.ELITE.ENDTIME.ARMY.VANGUARD.LATTERDAY.APOSTLES.ETC.INC......

BONUS.BONUS.POINT....have.your.leaders.anoint.THEMSELVES.for.an.especially.dramatic.touch...also.make.sure.they.assign.themselves.choice.seats.at.gods.right.hand....(do.i.smell.a.franchise.on.the.holy.trinity.coming.up?...hell.yeah)

....dammit.jason.....i.used.to.think.you.were.smart....i.used.to.laugh.at.your.shit...i.used.to.dig.your.music....whats.with.the.selfrighteous.tripe?.....

by.the.way.i.smothered.your.old.guitar.with.“systemite.band.“stickers....ouch
(reply to this comment)
From roughneck
Sunday, June 26, 2005, 10:23

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Congrats, funny fella. You've fucked up the width of this page for everyone... Feel like a big (wo)man now? I admit: the comment itself was pretty funny, but I'm afraid the bulk of your humour was lost on me as soon as I side-scrolled for the 10th or 12th time.

Aaaaaargh! People! For what seems like the billionth time: stop posting these frickin' martian comments already! If you honestly can't figure out how to post shorter URLs or use a space every hundred characters or so, then post your bizarrely-punctuated gobbledygook somewhere else, goddamnit! :)
(reply to this comment
From i am not dead.only sleeping.but i wish i was dead.
Sunday, June 26, 2005, 18:04

(Agree/Disagree?)
yeah...sorry about that....i drove into manhattan today to get a new keyboard and the damn apple store was closed for gay pride week i guess....
i had to copy paste the spaces in this message...
....fuckin up my christmas....(reply to this comment
From vixen
Sunday, June 26, 2005, 05:12

(Agree/Disagree?)
I like your comment, but for heaven's sake, please get that spacebar fixed! : )(reply to this comment
from Ruthie
Monday, February 07, 2005 - 09:53

(Agree/Disagree?)
I found # 3 particularly interesting: “Ally yourself with lunatics.”

Hmm… “weirdoes, losers, psychos, nutcases”… why does that sound familiar? Oh yeah, ‘cause it perfectly describes Grandpappy Berg. How else could one accurately describe someone who masturbated to Jesus, claimed he actually made love with spirits, got prophesies from God about sex (among other things), and… well, I could go on but that would take all day. Are any of those things remotely weird, psychotic or nutsy?

Also, as for “hookers”- that was the only profession EVER endorsed by, not any of us, but by TF and Grandpappy. Rather than have a job as a “pop star,” “democrat,” “salesman” or “postal worker,” those in TF have two options: a whore for Jesus or a professional beggar. Ah, the wonderful life in TF. However, your status (I assume) as a male seems to have severely limited your career choices. I am truly sorry for you. L
(reply to this comment)
from banal_commentator
Sunday, February 06, 2005 - 22:04

(Agree/Disagree?)

Hey dipshit,

Congratulations, I found your post particularly idiotic so I already posted it here:

http://www.movingon.org/article.asp?sID=1&Cat=9&ID=2614

BTW, you aren't remotely funny, ironic or clever
(reply to this comment)

from
Sunday, February 06, 2005 - 21:23

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

"Look for an organization known for miraculous protective intervention."

So you admit that absent "miracles" (of, say FFing?) The Family would have been on the hook for its actions?

News Flash: I know you think you're really smart, but you're a few critical thinking courses short of an essayist.
(reply to this comment)

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