Moving On | Choose your lifeMoving On | Choose your life
Safe Passage Foundation - Support to youth raised in high demand organizations


Saturday, January 31, 2009    

Home | New Content | Statistics | Games | FAQs

Getting Real : Speak your peace

an open letter

from conjoined twins - Friday, June 03, 2005
accessed 1209 times

to my big sister

Kristina my dearest,

I hope you donít mind me posting this letter to you here on Moving on (and I hope no-one else on the site minds.) This is both a kind of personal tribute and also a kind of public apology (even though I donít know many other people here). I have spoken to you personally but only a letter can say everything I have to say. You have been kind enough to dismiss the need for an apology but I have to make sure you know Iím sincere; so I hope this will go someway towards that. My intention is not to beat myself up unnecessarily, but just to face up to the truth and to beg forgiveness for the things that require it.

Itís been nearly 17 years since we have been a part of TF but we are still under its influence because a person canít get away from their Childhood. I feel shame, not for having had an easier time of it than you in TF, but for my actions since then that have made your life even harder. I would like to say how proud I am of you and your incredible lightness of spirit and for the love you have generously shown those around you; you have always tried to protect other people from the things you had to deal with. But, for those times that you did not have the strength, I apologise for when my own despair was a contributing factor; or when it blinded me from the love I have for you in my heart and prevented me from supporting you in the way I should have

I want to thank you for always being my shield and surrogate mother. Your knowledge and skill at an unfathomably young age gave me and our younger siblings space to breathe and have some kind of Ďnormalí and relatively happy childhood.

When we left the group this situation didnít change much. You bore the brunt of our re-entry into society at large but I reaped the benefits. You faced the harsh realities of being a strange alien in a Ďnormalí school and I had the softer cushion of a private school and its middle class politeness. You campaigned against TF, but I felt sorry for myself because my childhood had now been completely altered by the revelations of sex-abuse. My step-dad (who I had loved despite his badness) was now an evil Monster that had to be torn out of my mind. Needless to say, I am having to reconsider these immature views.

My intention was always to pay you back for all those years of food and board (and more) that you provided when you didnít have to (while you struggled as a single parent). I would often excuse myself with something like ďwhen I am rich and famous Iíll make it up to you.Ē I did the taking, but eventually realised (as you did) that I couldnít deliver on the giving; things drastically werenít going my way. I collapsed into myself to Ďwork things outí. While I could afford to self-indulge and retreat zombie-like for a year or two, you didnít have that option. And I had the nerve to sometimes castigate you for the chips on your shoulders when I had a forest of them weighing me down. For that stupidity and arrogance I am truly sorry.

By focusing on these negative aspects I hope you donít think I have forgotten all the good times; we had some great fun and our unique experiences mean we are in lots of ways closer than many brothers and sisters get to be. You are full of good qualities and have done a great job with your son; and I hope that he will also forgive me when he looks back; but that depends on how I go on from here.

I look forward to a future with my Ego in its proper place; otherwise It only poisons and ruins everything. And I look forward to constantly renewed love giving meaning to our lives in ways we canít imagine now.

Yours with Love,

Dave

Reader's comments on this article

Add a new comment on this article

from from your big sister
Saturday, June 11, 2005 - 09:42

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Dave,

Thank you for your kind words.


I wouldnít have had the strength I needed if I hadnít loved you all so much and I thank you and love you for being the wonderful, interesting and thoughtful soul you are. Our relationship has been and always will be unique and special to me, we have walked many roads together and some alone. Equally I have learned a lot from you and I am proud to be your sister.
No regrets, I wouldnít change a thing.
I am lucky to have had so many wonderful sibblings, who I can call friends.

Kristina X



(reply to this comment)
from ErikMagnusLehnsher
Saturday, June 04, 2005 - 22:00

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

That's a beautiful letter.

I've often thought that it was the protective instincts of brothers and sisters that helped them get through things while in TF. Sometimes I felt far more indignant about situations involving my younger siblings than my parents appeared to be at the time.

Best of luck to you and your sister and nephew.
(reply to this comment)

from beautiful
Friday, June 03, 2005 - 21:43

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
I am in awe of this letter.
(reply to this comment)
From Jerseygirl
Saturday, June 04, 2005, 05:03

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
me too.(reply to this comment
from Phoenixkidd
Friday, June 03, 2005 - 17:43

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

IT's really true, I can think of many older ex-gen who helped their younger brothers and sisters, when their moms were out fuckin other guys and Dad was "Preachin the Gospel". There was one gal in particular her name was, Virginia, Eldest of 5 kids when she was only 7 years old. She would take care of her younger sister and her mom would just rag on her all the time. Even at that young age I knew her mom was crazy for making her work so hard. My thanks and grattitude go to all oldest kids of each family who had to bear so much of the burden of childcare when they were growing up in the cult!


(reply to this comment)

My Stuff


log in here
to post or update your articles

Community

69 user/s currently online

Web Site User Directory
5047 registered users

log out of chatroom

Happy Birthday to demerit   Benz   tammysoprano  

Weekly Poll

What should the weekly poll be changed to?

 The every so often poll.

 The semi-anual poll.

 Whenever the editor gets to it poll.

 The poll you never heard about because you have never looked at previous polls which really means the polls that never got posted.

 The out dated poll.

 The who really gives a crap poll.

View Poll Results

Poll Submitted by cheeks,
September 16, 2008

See Previous Polls

Online Stores


I think, therefore I left


Check out the Official
Moving On Merchandise
. Send in your product ideas


Free Poster: 100 Reasons Why It's Great to be a Systemite

copyright © 2001 - 2009 MovingOn.org

[terms of use] [privacy policy] [disclaimer] [The Family / Children of God] [contact: admin@movingon.org] [free speech on the Internet blue ribbon] [About the Trailer Park] [Who Links Here]