Hitler On The GAMR

from JohnnieWalker - Sunday, May 26, 2002
accessed 643 times

Just when the enemy wielded his doubts at us, the Lord and Hitler punched through with this inspiring message.

Dear ones,

While lying in my bed this morning, having sweet prayer and prophecy time and diligently studying the Words of our Daddy of all Prophets, Alf, I had this beautiful vision of Hitler. He had on a long flowing robe and held his arm straight out in salute. I knew that he wanted to speak to me so I grabbed my Dictaphone and here’s what he had to say:

(Hitler speaking:)Heil! Lissen to vat my profet Alf has to say. He iz my tshannel. If you sink my Inglish iz not gut, you kan go skroo yorself. Shakespere ist scheisse. He tried to teech me Inglish but I found out he vas halb Tshipsy, so I put him in Hefenly konzentrashun kamp.

Vy am I in Hefen, you ask? Venn I vas a little boy, I vent in Sonntag schule, und ze teetsher asked who vanted to go to Hefen. I vas at zat veri moment praktzing my “Heil Hitler” for future use. I vas lucky.

Venn I came to Hefen, I fount out zat some Jude I oferlooked (hiz name vas Berg), said zat anyone who raized hiz hant vould be saved automatisch. He now regrets saying zis. I haf put him in ze kontzenrashun kamp. He iz skeduled for ze Gaskammer next Freitag.

Sinze I arrived in Hefen, I haf taken ze necessary meshures to make zis place ein Paradis like das Vaterland. Und now, ich, Pol Pot, Stalin, und Lenin haf taken ofer oll pozishuns of leadership. Wagner, ist mein privat musician, of corse.

Und now, I must leaf you. Mein Chef, Pol Pot, ist making my favorit food tonight – Bratwurst und Zerbykraut mit ice-Berg salat. Heil! (end of message from Hitler)

Thank you, Jesus, for sending Hitler with that wonderful message.

(Jesus speaking:) You’re welcome. (End of message from Jesus)

I know you guys will be as thrilled as I was. Doesn’t this message from our loving sexy Führer inspire you to get on the ball with the GAMR Revolution? Remember, those who don’t will miss out on God’s highest blessing, and we wouldn’t that to happen, now would we? GBY all.

PS to Alf: I sold some music CDs to a real sheepy old deaf lady for $10. Where do I send the tithe to?

(Disclaimer: The above is just a joke. However, any hate mail received in reply to this will be greatly appreciated as I’m running short of toilet paper.)