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Getting On : Lovers

To my other..

from cyborcosmic - Tuesday, November 19, 2002
accessed 1417 times

........................................

Someone to hold on to
while I chase my demons
Someone to fuck please
while I'm giving myself away for free

I'll please you
I'll make it REAL for you

Show me you care and I'll only tease
but fuck me
and I'll do anything to please

If you don't then you're a waste of time
I can't make up my fucking mind
It could be so painful
so hard to swallow
knowing that your feeling is so lost

Your refusal to comply
makes me feel
like I'm not the only one to deny
the pain inflicted

I'll even cry

My love is so fixated


The End

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from cyborcosmic
Monday, October 27, 2003 - 13:48

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)


Altered Alter

Last night I started weeping and crying and it was the part of me that had been hurt over and over that was crying and coming out! Its like there is this abused part of me that closed up because people (especially men) took advantage. And that abused part of me doesn't want any man to get close or dominate it! So as a protection I created another (FAKE) part that is easily accessed, that wants to please and do anything for men (This part of me is Fake of course, its like being on the rebound!)
And then after crying and crying , I tryed to forgive myself for allowing men to take advantage of me sexually, this is hard, but when I begin to understand why I acted out and pretended I began to understand myself better. Its because I was also made so afraid not to, so afraid of the reactions and losing this so called intimacy. So unreal this fake closeness, yet I'd do anything to make it real!
So this abused part of me is no longer pushed away, hidden away from men. It is exposed now. I will not pretend about things being fine when they are not! Its causing more abuse when you do that!
If I have sex again, I need to first say what happened to me before, then say what I want exactly....and that I should stop at any moment if i need to! Just have the guts to stand up for yourself!
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