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Getting On : Lovers


from riochic - Thursday, March 29, 2007
accessed 955 times

Do you recommend telling the person you love about your life in TF?

I'm wondering what experiences people have with telling the people you love about The Family. How did you do it? Do you recommend it? Is it ok to keep something like this a secret? When you can't even face it yourself is it fair to make your past your lover's problem, or risk losing them over their confusion over it? Not sure how I feel on the subject. Any advice would be amazing. Thank you :)

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from inlovewithastripper
Sunday, July 01, 2007 - 14:13


The only thing she ever says about my past is "Get over it. You ex family aren't the only ones who had a rough childhood. You guys aren't the only ones who came out bruised and scarred and tougher for it. You are much more normal and sorry to say, average than you think. So don't obsess, quit moping and start living."

Oh wait, she's not my girlfriend.... yet. hmm

Nowadays I just tell every potential date. It makes it easier, for me at least.
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from Kelly
Wednesday, April 04, 2007 - 13:42

Let me preface this by saying….people tell me I have a big mouth….This I believe is true.—it is my weakness—I often set my self up for failure because of this tendency—People have told me they both love and hate this side of me.
I am completely capable of keeping a secret….sometime I prefer not to (the truth is I get a big kick out of seeing others reactions) and other times I am just plain careless…

In general, I usually go with “the truth is best”…Now, that is not to say…telling the truth will work towards your advantage! I often am compelled to tell the truth--it makes me feel better—liberated…at least temporarily…....Till, I deal with the consequences. Sometimes, people don’t really want to hear the whole truth. I think I would prefer to know the truth and deal with it then and there then find out later when I am more involved but, people are different… I think timing is everything – Timing is something I wish I would take into consideration more often—if you tell someone too much, too soon they are bound to get scared off or they’ll form a whole idea of “who you are” which is likely to be inaccurate—and first impressions can be big..And sticky.
"Go with what you feel is right at the time" is the best advice I can give ya at this time...

On the subject of truth in general…
Often, people tell lies or butter things up to “save” the other from their feelings and to avoid being the “bad guy”…personally, I find it rather selfish and annoying…why assume someone else can’t handle the truth? Why go through to so much trouble to hide something when one could just deal with the temporary uncomfortable feeling of being the “ass” that had to say it like it was but, in the end probably get better results? Of course, there are at least 2 sides to every story….and I’m sure there are times I don’t really want to hear the truth….also intentions play a big part in it…and sure, lying can be fun too….so shit!…do what ya want or are compelled to do I guess….

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from Haunted
Monday, April 02, 2007 - 19:43

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

On the other hand, depending on what the relationship means to you, if they can't accept this part of you and judge YOU of all people for it - why would you want to be with them?

If I actually care about someone I think it's important that they know the truth. As far as how to go about telling people in your life, in every experience I've had I think has been as different as the people I've told.
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from smashingrrl
Thursday, March 29, 2007 - 17:59

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

I don't think you should have to tell someone you date anything about your past unless it affects them. It's made it easier for me to do so though. It depends completely on the person and how serious I am about them. I've usually just brushed questions aside with bullshit such as, "My parents were hippies, weird childhood." I told the last person I dated though. I somehow knew she wouldn't react badly and she didn't. It was a relief really, to not have to hide it. It helped her understand a lot of my quirks like my fear of crowds and obsession with having space. I didn't have to explain my nighmares when they woke her. She'd just talk me down and go back to sleep. Hell, she took it upon herself to make me watch all the eighties movies I hadn't seen (goonies, gremlins, etc.). I was actually kinda fun. I killed spiders for her. She versed me on random pop culture. I still would never feel like I owed it to someone to tell them. But a big part of a relationship is knowing I can lean on someone when I need to and holding them up when they need it. If you're with someone you can trust; then go for it. If they freak, fuck 'em. Or rather, don't fuck'em. I've never actually had a bad experience telling someone about it but I'm very careful about who I tell. I don't spill it all at once either. I don't think you're loading your shit on someone by telling them about it. Most people who I let in know pretty quickly that there's something in my past. I can tell pretty quickly about others too if they've dealt with shit in their childhoods. So the few friends and the one girlfriend I did tell; said they were glad I told them. It made it easier on them to be able to ask and talk about it rather than try to figure out what was wrong.

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