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Getting On : Lovers

I NEED ADVICE

from BUNNIE10 - Wednesday, November 29, 2006
accessed 1120 times

I NEED ADVICE PLEASE HELP ME???=(

YOU SEE, IM WITH THIS GUY AND I LOVE THIS BOI TO DEATH WEVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 3 MONTHS ALREADY WELL HE BARELY TOLD ME YESTERDAY THAT ME AND HIM ARE VERY DIFFERENT AND I WONDERED WHAT HE MEANT BY THAT.HE LATER TELLS ME THAT HE IS A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS AND IM A CATHOLIC. I DONT REALLY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS BUT IF HIS PARENTS FOUND OUT WE WERE TOGETHER SOMETHING BAD WOULD HAPPENED. PLUS IF WE DID STAY TOGETHER AND GOT MARRIED AND HAD KIDS WE COULDNT BE ABLE TO CELEBRATE THEIR BIRTHDAYS OR ANY HOLIDAYS? HELP ME PLEASE

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from DStarr
Saturday, September 20, 2008 - 13:15

(Agree/Disagree?)

Why are you making a big deal out of this. First of all, I don't remember the all mighty saying that the witness' or anyother sect had a monopoly on love!

Love your man like you want to love him, and leave your parents oppenion out of it. They will get use to loving him ... In the beginning of every relationship there will be a rocky road here or there, but you don't let others stear your love for those that are good to you.
(reply to this comment)

from raddah
Thursday, December 07, 2006 - 13:27

(Agree/Disagree?)

Hey, Hey...Slow down!!! 3 months.Ö..I love him to deathÖ...something bad will happen when his parents found out......kidsÖis it your first boyfriend? First boyfriend, ok itís kinda normal to think this way, plan the future. (you know Jack and Rose Iíll never love anybody else, Iíll never leave you and stuff). But if itís not, seriously I can tell you are very anxious about this subject. Are you afraid to loose him? Cause if you are, youíve lost him already. And if you want to have peace, and live your life the way you like to live it, eat turkey, drink and get presents on Christmas, celebrate whatever you want to celebrate, have your personal idea of what God is without having to believe in what others say itís the truth, then Iíll give you an advice, relax, enjoy the moment but donít ever expect it to be forever (cause it never is). We change our ways of thinking, our opinions about life our tastes for food, clothes, music, we change our habits, vices, we change jobs, houses, and the world is always changing and people are always changing sometimes for better and others for worse. Enjoy the feelings you guys have today. If youíre not together tomorrow because of the differences of beliefs (wich is something very complex) then so it is. Donít get an ulcer because of this.
You asked for help, so this is my point of view.
Wish you luck.
(reply to this comment)
from cheeks
Thursday, December 07, 2006 - 08:56

(Agree/Disagree?)
I think your name says it all.
(reply to this comment)
from Oddman
Thursday, December 07, 2006 - 03:17

(Agree/Disagree?)
Er, ok...

You have been with a guy for a short three months, and you are already contemplating a future with him? Children!!? You don't deserve to have children. "boi"?!? Grow up first.

So, religious differences. Been there, done that. I've dated Catholic, Folk Catholic, Seventh Day Adventist, Russian Orthodox, Coptic, Baptist, Muslim, Bhuddist, Hindu, Earth worshipper. Me, I'm agnostic leaning athiest. Dating is very different from making someone part of your life. If someone is very ardent in their beliefs, you don't want to share a future with them, unless you want to convert to their beliefs. If someone is an ardent believer in any religion, it's likely that they base their morals on their faith as well, and there you may find some conflicts in your daily life. Your values are likely to differ as well.
(reply to this comment)
from Jerseygirl
Wednesday, December 06, 2006 - 17:15

(Agree/Disagree?)
Anyone who spells boy "boi" needs more than religious differences advice. Oh and while I'm at it--what AnnaH said!!!
(reply to this comment)
from AnnaH
Wednesday, December 06, 2006 - 16:15

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

Umm...were you even in the Family or did you just come to this site because you thought we could give you good advice about getting involved with cults?

Here's my advice: Don't be a moron! What kind of dimwit lets her husband tell her what the hell she can celebrate? If you really love him and want to marry him then good luck to you. But it's going to be one of two things: you kissing his ass doing what he tells you too, or full-on ideological warfare. I personally think the second one is a very interesting prospect for a marriage, but man would I ever hate to be your kids!
(reply to this comment)

from Nick
Wednesday, December 06, 2006 - 08:25

(Agree/Disagree?)
Here is a funny clip about those annoying Mormons that always come to your doors. Same should be done to all those annoying Jehovahís witnesses.

http://www.break.com/index/door_to_door_atheists_bother_mormons.html

(reply to this comment)
From vix
Wednesday, December 06, 2006, 11:56

(Agree/Disagree?)

Heh.

Here's a pretty good one on how to handle telemarketers:

http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/

(put the sound on)

(reply to this comment

From Nick
Wednesday, December 06, 2006, 15:16

(Agree/Disagree?)
LOL, thats a classic. I had heard it before but it was just as funny the 2nd time
(reply to this comment
From vix
Wednesday, December 06, 2006, 15:18

(Agree/Disagree?)

Hiya Nick. Want to join me in chat for a few minutes?

(reply to this comment

from lisa
Tuesday, December 05, 2006 - 14:52

(Agree/Disagree?)
If you need advice from random people, (the majority of whom think your both nuts for believing in those insane religions) on what to do in your relationship, what in your crazy little world makes you think you should be making any decisions more serious then what you should have for breakfast?

Take Rainís advice, GET A LIFE!


(reply to this comment)

from lisa
Tuesday, December 05, 2006 - 14:52

(Agree/Disagree?)
If you need advice from random people, (the majority of whom think your both nuts for believing in those insane religions) on what to do in your relationship, what in your crazy little world makes you think you should be making any decisions more serious then what you should have for breakfast?

Take Rainís advice, GET A LIFE!


(reply to this comment)

From Samuel
Tuesday, December 05, 2006, 19:30

(Agree/Disagree?)

Okay, that's good advice. But it was a little harsh, Lisa.

Bunnie, I think you should put this decision off a little bit and give yourself some time to think about what you're getting into. I'm not saying you can't make it. There are plenty of success stories of people who come from opposite ends getting along just fine. I know Protestants who have married Catholics, very talkative people who have spouses who are rather quiet, Republicans that marry Democrats. But it's going to take compromise, and by that I mean on both parts. And if you haven't done so yet, talk to your fiance' and let him know how you feel about all this.

Whatever you do, remember that you don't have to change who you are for him. And your happiness is just as important as his happiness. (reply to this comment

From vix
Wednesday, December 06, 2006, 02:16

(Agree/Disagree?)

Samuel your advice is sweet in its optimism, but I fear that in this particular case it's extremely naive. Trying to maintain a relationship with a member of The Jehovah's Witnesses when you are not one yourself is not comparable to the situations you mentioned, IMO. The JW's are basically a cult. There will be constant interference and psychological pressure from the guy's family and the church and compromises on their part won't be likely because they simply won't be reasoned with. Issues such as whether or not to celebrate birthdays and Christmas are not negotiable, they are full-on fundamentalist doctrine.

I'd give this advice to the OP: It's only been three months, hardly enough time to become too deeply attached, so whatever happens you will be fine and you can cope without him. Tell him you will need a commitment from him that he is not going to let his family call the shots in any area of your relationship and watch closely to see how he reacts. If he is a practicing, committed member of the church it is unlikely that he would be able to guarantee it. If he can't demonstrate that he's strong enough to stand up for you two, you're better off cutting your losses now.

There's also the possibility that he's just not that into you anymore and this is his rather conventient get-out clause.

Finally, whatever you do, don't let yourself even *think* about getting married anytime soon!!! (reply to this comment

From openmind
Saturday, December 16, 2006, 23:32

(Agree/Disagree?)
yeah... and tell him that you're a devil worshipper and if he loves you for who you are then he shouldn't mind ... in fact he should go the extra mile and participate in the naked rituals(reply to this comment
From Samuel
Wednesday, December 06, 2006, 04:39

(Agree/Disagree?)

Thanks, Vix. Good advice. You got into a couple of the things I didn't want to get into.

I kind of figured that not celebrating holidays was non negotiable doctrine. Jehovah's Witnesses won't even take Christmas cards from you.(reply to this comment

From Rain Child
Wednesday, December 06, 2006, 02:27

(Agree/Disagree?)
Vix, if you're still here, come and chat(reply to this comment
From lisa
Tuesday, December 05, 2006, 23:59

(Agree/Disagree?)
Yes listen to the neurotic virgin. This person has to be a troll; no one would be that stupid, right?(reply to this comment
from Rain Child
Tuesday, December 05, 2006 - 12:07

(Agree/Disagree?)
You Are FAR to young to be marrying anyone! Travel the world and go to university! In the long run it will be cheaper and better for your health. Run, girl, RUN!!!!!
(reply to this comment)
from Samuel
Tuesday, December 05, 2006 - 10:22

(Agree/Disagree?)

Don't do it, Bunnie. 3 months is not enough time to get to know someone. He has a right to his own religion, just as you have a right to yours. Phoenix, I don't agree with you that he should be put in a mental institution. Bunnie, you have to learn as a couple to work things out together and compromise. If he is not willing to do that, at least for the sake of any kids you might have, then there's a problem.

He doesn't want to celebrate Christmas and birthdays? Fine. But why should kids have to suffer because of it?
(reply to this comment)

From an apostate
Wednesday, December 06, 2006, 02:54

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(
Agree/Disagree?)
Sure, the virgin is giving relationship advice. Brilliant! Dude, you really need to develop a dark cynical side sometime soon for your own benefit. Honestly! You still live with your parents, have never had a successful relationship (i.e. resulting in copulation), and believe in a fairy tale princess (Jesus). You're the last person on earth that I would ever want to give me any kind of advice on relationships, or love, or life, or religion, or fucking anything.

My advice to you is to stop giving advice and my advice to bunnie is to wake the fuck up and get the fuck off our site and find some stud to make her cum so hard she forgets all about her three month tryst with Jehovah's very own Witness.(reply to this comment
From lisa
Wednesday, December 06, 2006, 15:38

(Agree/Disagree?)
Way to go apostate! And you thought I was harsh.....(reply to this comment
From Samuel
Tuesday, December 05, 2006, 10:25

(Agree/Disagree?)

By the way, if he's telling you "something bad will happen" if his family finds out he married a Catholic, then it's not him that needs to be put in a mental institution, it's his family. They're not marrying you, he is. What he does with his life should be none of their business.

(reply to this comment

From Rain Child
Tuesday, December 05, 2006, 12:06

(Agree/Disagree?)
Dear Samuel,
That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard you say. I don't think any of us on this site would justify our present behaviour with the way we were brought up or the rules our family enforced on us.
Once you're an adult you have to behave like one.(reply to this comment
From Samuel
Tuesday, December 05, 2006, 12:19

(Agree/Disagree?)

I agree. I don't think she should marry him, if that's what you're getting at. It's not exactly clear what you found so ridiculous about what I said. He has a right to practice his religion. That's why I don't think she'll be happy if she marries him. If she does, they'll deinitely have to work out some kind of compromise. The problem is he doesn't seem to be willing to do that.

And I agree that once you're an adult you have to behave like one. (reply to this comment

From Rain Child
Tuesday, December 05, 2006, 12:23

(Agree/Disagree?)
The part I found ridiculous was "It's not him who should be locked up, it's his family".(reply to this comment
From Samuel
Tuesday, December 05, 2006, 13:19

(Agree/Disagree?)
Okay. Maybe I misunderstood. But it sounded like his family would do something bad if he married the girl. I don't know what she meant by that, but it sounded like they were going to disown him. If they think that's a good idea, they're nuts! It's his choice who he's going to marry, not his family's choice.(reply to this comment
from Phoenixkidd
Tuesday, December 05, 2006 - 09:44

(Agree/Disagree?)
3 months and you are already thinking about marriage?? Way too fast, way too fast! And if that looser is so "stuck" on his religion that he won't let you practice your most precious holidays, one of those being the all important Christmas Season, and your kid's birthdays,---Then he doesn't deserve you and should be put in a mental institution or better yet a culty-co-op-home where he can degenerate into the worst form of God loving Ogre.
(reply to this comment)

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