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Getting On : Lovers

I need advice

from AmericanGirl - Monday, March 27, 2006
accessed 1926 times

This weekend I had the worst day of my life. I found my boyfriend, (who has been my bestfriend and confidant for the last 3 years) and my sister, who I just helped leave the group in bed together.

I don't know what to do I am so devastated!!! They both just stabbed me in the back and I am totally heart broken. The two people I loved most in the whole world betrayed me. I helped my sister get out of a very bad situation in TF, paid for her plane tickets to get here, gave her a place to stay, and have been trying to get her set up and on her own, and this is how she repays me. What should I do? Any one been in this situation?

Reader's comments on this article

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from Gypsy
Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 15:35

(Agree/Disagree?)

Watch "In her shoes" with Cameron Diaz! That'll give you some answers.


(reply to this comment)

from You must be nuts!!!
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 - 10:55

(Agree/Disagree?)
Your boyfriend is a Horn Dog, Like most Men, Your sister's a stupid Biatch and your friend is a HO! Kick them all out to the Kirb...Later your sister will come crawling back to you for friendship and your will justified, your friend and boyfriend can go move to the south in a trailer park and eventually shack up with some gal on the Jerry Springer show.
(reply to this comment)
From
Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 13:13

(
Agree/Disagree?)
I think it has been established that the 'best friend' was also the boyfriend. (reply to this comment
From Boondogle again
Thursday, March 30, 2006, 12:06

(
Agree/Disagree?)
Whoops I was picturing some hot 2 way--Either way as they say in the VIP room they say --OUT WITH ALL OF YOU(reply to this comment
From
Thursday, March 30, 2006, 07:11

(
Agree/Disagree?)
Beyond reasonable doubt, or only preponderance of the evidence?(reply to this comment
from exister99
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 - 09:42

Average visitor agreement is 2 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

"I found my boyfriend and bestfriend of 3 years and my sister who I just helped leave the group in bed together."

One (or possibly both) of two things is true. Either your boyfriend was all tangled up in some steamy three way action with your sister and your best friend, or your boyfriend is your best friend and you just sloppily tried to cram that little tidbit about your friendship into the sentence.

If the first statement is true then... well, score for your boyfriend! You should leave him to his devious three way devices. If the second is true then you should still leave your boyfriend, but leave him so you can run off to college and take an English composition course.

Who knew poor grammar could deliver such entertaining sexual innuendo?

Oh and, sorry for the devastating betrayal you have suffered. I would say I sympathize but I can't since I stopped trusting other human's twenty some odd years ago.

Good luck.
(reply to this comment)

From PisauDarah
Wednesday, May 03, 2006, 23:07

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Jesus christ people! Who cares about the damn grammer! The girl has a problem! I doubt that having perfect word composition is high on her priority list right now. She's been betrayed by the people she cared the most for. She doesn't need your hypocritical finger-pointing. If you have some advice give it, if you're going to leave a note of sympathy, great. But damn people! So many people on this site find the smallest things to nit-pick on.(reply to this comment
From Phoenixkidd
Thursday, May 04, 2006, 08:48

(Agree/Disagree?)
Hey Chris, how are ya. I wen to Indo right after you guys left, you and your brother... Your Dad was quite a jolly fella, seemed to have a head on his shoulders..and your sister Suzie Q, was quite a character--But very sweet. Lemme just say that ASCRO was one messed up place...I hated the leadership there, but we all move on!! Thank God..I heard that David, son of Jon and Mercy is still in the cult possibly in the Mid-East,, hit me up sometime.(reply to this comment
From exister99
Thursday, May 04, 2006, 06:22

Average visitor agreement is 1 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

I'm not really clear on how my comment qualifies as hypocritical, but whatever. Maybe you were regurgitating a stale Bible story involving the Pharisees.

So her sister shagged her boyfriend, so what? I don't find such real life soap operas to be worth much more than a few chuckles. News flash, people fuck other people! It's been that way since prehistoric man figured out how to stand upright and bend a female hominid over a rock in a prehistoric love cave. It happens all the time to people all over the world, except for really ugly people who don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of shagging anyone besides each other anyway.

And my advice to AmericanGirl is to look on the bright side. You were fucking a guy who was attractive enough to be seduced by another person. Chalk it up as a learning experience, dump him and move on. Trust me, it'll happen again. If you can quit buying into this magical romantic thinking then chances are you won't end up diseased, pregnant or broke when it does.

Cheers all around.(reply to this comment

From AMC28
Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 14:53

(Agree/Disagree?)
Did you not see the parentheses I found my boyfriend, (who has been my bestfriend and confidant for the last 3 years) and my sister, who I just helped leave the group in bed together.

The meaning is pretty clear.(reply to this comment
From Some Dude
Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 08:37

(
Agree/Disagree?)

If you want to get technical, this sentence states that the writer found her boyfriend and her sister. The writer is not sure who her best friend and confidant might be. And the ending is a fragment. The writer was understandably distraught. However, there is no excuse for poor punctuation, here is one suggestion:

I found my boyfriend, who has been my best friend and confidant for the last 3 years, and my sister, who I just helped to leave the group, in bed together.

(reply to this comment

From GenBethlehem
Wednesday, July 05, 2006, 03:26

(Agree/Disagree?)

You're on the wrong side here (exister's side), so I won't smash you, but go read The Elements of Style (Strunk & White).

It explains that a paranthetical phrase acts the same as a adjective phrase set off with commas (to clarify, yours is the latter, hers the former). Similiary, you could phrase it like this:


I found my boyfriend--who has been my best friend and conficant for the last 3 years--and my sister...

Note that "who has been...last 3 years" and "who i just helped...the group" can both be REMOVED ENTIRELY from the sentence without altering the meaning. That is the definition of a paranthetical/adjective phrase.

(reply to this comment

From You CANNOT be serious!!!
Wednesday, July 05, 2006, 03:30

(
Agree/Disagree?)

Dude, you're getting all in a tizz about something that no longer has any relevance. At the time when these comments were written the OP had not yet edited the opening statement in her article.

Please, for the love of God, quit trying to sound clever. It's not working and you're only making a fool of yourself. Seriously, what are you trying to accomplish here?

(reply to this comment

From Rain Child
Wednesday, July 05, 2006, 04:09

(Agree/Disagree?)
I will testify that when first posted, the explanation of who was who made absolutely no sense, and sounded like it could have been three people. It's been changed since the comments were made.(reply to this comment
From GenBethlehem
Wednesday, July 05, 2006, 03:30

(Agree/Disagree?)

Sorry, that should read, "NOT on the wrong side..."


Cheers! (reply to this comment

From exister99
Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 15:21

(Agree/Disagree?)

Did you also notice that in the quote that I cut and pasted there are no parentheses? Apparently technology has evolved to the point that people can edit their articles on this site. Who knew? Apparently not you.(reply to this comment

From GenBethlehem
Wednesday, July 05, 2006, 03:20

(Agree/Disagree?)
What the fuck is the point in commenting on someone's article, not just commenting but trying to quote, if you're gonna change it? You're a fucking asshole, exister. Not just that, but a plain dumb idiot. And if you're Chris Red too...OMG HA. HA. HA. is all I can say! (reply to this comment
From GenBethlehem
Wednesday, July 05, 2006, 03:34

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

So you're not Chris Red. Sorry bout that. Actually I have nothing against PisauDarah or whatever he's called.

Cheers.

Come find me, exister. You've got a disciple here who says you've deserted your posts! (reply to this comment

From Oh dear god
Wednesday, July 05, 2006, 03:23

(
Agree/Disagree?)

You have no fucking clue, do you? I wish exister still browsed here so that I could watch him rip into you. I'd feel ever such a tiny bit sorry for you, though, as your level of ability is nowhere near a match for his sharp intellect (and I'm not being sycophantic either!).

(reply to this comment

From GenBethlehem
Wednesday, July 05, 2006, 03:32

(Agree/Disagree?)

So who are you that cowers behind the false mask of anonymity?

A loser, must be...(reply to this comment

From vixen
Wednesday, July 05, 2006, 03:37

(Agree/Disagree?)

Actually no, I am not a loser. Far from it, in fact. I like to mix it up with little headers to my comments from time to time because I happen to know that most people who frequent this site can recognise my comments as being mine without my having to attach my name to them. However, for your benefit I am glad to step up and take responsibility.

(reply to this comment

From vixen
Wednesday, July 05, 2006, 04:04

(Agree/Disagree?)

And I will add, also for your benefit, that I never post a comment with no header at all (in other words only showing 'from') so don't go thinking that I've been following you around dignifying each of your comments with one of my own.

Cheers.

(reply to this comment

From placebo
Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 08:50

(Agree/Disagree?)
Exister, I wanna grow up to be just like you....with better spelling.(reply to this comment
From GenBethlehem
Wednesday, July 05, 2006, 03:22

(Agree/Disagree?)

You just look for trouble, dontcha? Not only does your wit lack, but your brains too. I guess on complements (or offsets) the other!

Talk about bridges and piers... (reply to this comment

From Rain Child
Wednesday, July 05, 2006, 04:07

(Agree/Disagree?)
Leave Placebo Alone, Bi-atch. As far as names go, I can't think of a worse one than the one you've chosen. At least Placebo's reflects his passion for music. (reply to this comment
From vixen
Wednesday, July 05, 2006, 04:08

(Agree/Disagree?)
Come into the chat, dear! I've missed you, lately :-)(reply to this comment
From Fish
Saturday, April 01, 2006, 10:51

(Agree/Disagree?)
Ouch(reply to this comment
from cynic
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 - 08:36

(Agree/Disagree?)

Can you see yourself ever trusting your boyfriend again? If not, you should end it now without any hesitation - dragging it out is simply going to prolong the agony. There is nothing worse than 'settling' for a relationship that will ultimately make you miserable simply because you can't bear the thought of being alone, so if his infidelity is a betrayal so devastating that you won't get past it, then you should listen to your heart and leave him behind.

If you can see yourself gaining back the trust and respect that you once had for him, then perhaps there is a small chance of salvaging the relationship.

Only you can decide what is best for you. Good luck.
(reply to this comment)

from
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 - 06:56

(Agree/Disagree?)
When I left TF I had to learn to say NO, I had to learn that I had a RIGHT to say no. It can be hard to break a habit but still lay down the boundaries now with your friends and sisters, cause in the outside world that is one fuck of a betrayal, you can get another boyfriend , but you only have one family and friends should be trustworthy or gone..

I hope you can get over this betrayal-kick the guy to the kerb!
(reply to this comment)
from Tasha
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 - 06:44

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
I've been in the situation your sister is in right now. Well, I never actually slept with my friend's boyfriend, but when I first left, I had no idea about sexual boundaries. A good friend helped me leave, and she and her boyfriend and I used to go out together. The boyfriend was always trying it on with me, and because that kind of behaviour had always been fairly normal in TF, I just sort of laughed it off. I had always considered myslef rather conservative by Family standards, and I never realised that my friend's boyfriend was crossing boundaries. One day my friend walked in while he was making his advances the way he always did and I was pushing him away as usual. She was very hurt, and only later did I realise how ridiculous it was for me not to go to her right away and tell her what he was doing. I always assumed she knew, I even thought she probably wanted a threesome like he did, and I thought I was the conservative one who wasn't ready for it. I was totally shocked to realise I'd hurt my friend.

Anyway, I have a lot of compassion for you, being betrayed by someone you've helped so much, but I do want to say, please don't cut her out of your life. She is a product of the way she was raised. Of course you have to let her know (and you don't have to be nice about it) that she has betrayed you, and I would definitely dump the bf, and yeah, probably not trust her again for a long, long time. But you'll be surprised what a learning curve she'll hit now that she's out, and now that she's messed up so badly. She has to get used to the fact that it's different out here, that people are expected to behave decently, with morals, and that friendship and loyalty come before sexual impulses.

I'm not saying of course, that you'll be able to forgive her just like that, just that it isn't entirely her fault, and that if you're still speaking this time next year, she'll probably be your most loyal friend in the world. After all, she's your sister for the rest of your life, she really needs you.
(reply to this comment)
From I agree!
Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 14:58

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(
Agree/Disagree?)
She has a point there! Good luck with your sister! And as for your bf.. send him to hell! HE should have known better! He doesnt come from a mentally disturbed cult, your sister does, and in a way shes learning how to interact in the world outside, to bad she had to screw up your world, but it will take her time and shell need someone there to help her out and show her how things really are outside, again.. Good Luck!(reply to this comment

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