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Getting On : Lovers

Update and ramblings

from Ian - Tuesday, August 24, 2004
accessed 2388 times

"Amare et sapere vix deo conceditur"

- Some Roman, undoubtedly spoken in hindsight.

Unfortunately (for my X wife) I deleted what was probably a 3 AM mistake that became "The article formerly known as Updates and Ramblings". I don't seem to have the initiative required to request to whoever are the "Powers That Be" to have this entire thread deleted, so the comments (including that touching and "down to earth" piece of total honesty by the x-wife) remain intact.

...........................Just take a moment and drink in the sarcasm above because I actually do agree with what I'm saying in the rest of this post.

OK, This may be old news to some, but; I have from time to time made a few mistakes, and posting a bunch of personal thoughts involving other peoples lifeís, families, etc. is generally a bad idea. Especially when the situation is mostly opinion....emotional opinion at that. So far, most people seem to wonder why I didn't already grasp this concept, I guess I had it filed in the "1 less thing to think about" section. It's possible that I'm not the "one man think tank" I thought I was.

Thanks for the support and good advice, look me up if you end up in Sin City, I got to run now or I would ramble some more, it seems that winter is over and spring has sprung. So I'll leave you with my short list of "Stuff I Learnt Once"

1. Just when I'm on top of the world, a bigger storm will always be brewing

2. Time is of the essence

3. Act like Mr. Fucking President

4. No stress

5. Win the girl

6. Mental Stability (note to self)

7. Chicks and drugs are free

8. When dug into a heavily fortified defense waiting for the "inevitable" the "evitable" can be a huge surprise

9. Money ain't a thing

10. It's all about the Jode

11. Much discussion of the importance of Kings and Pawns, meanwhile Queens enjoy their power, moving, destroying, and winning, without limitations.

11.5. The point above is depressing; yet...incredibly sexual

12. Don't be afraid to "Not believe in God"

13. Don't ever find yourself at blame for not making a decision for action, immediate action, progress is decision, decision takes guts (not "balls" as I formerly supposed)

14. Don't ever shy away from responsibility for a bad decision, even habitual decisions (most of life is simply a series of decisions), anything/anyone can be changed with the proper words or sufficient force.

15. Trust no one

16. Life is not a struggle to achieve success, it is a desperate, bloody, constant war-like campaign against the failure, normality and nothingness that I once was. To stop fighting is to lose, because the enemy is me, and the fight will never end.

17. Enjoy the fight or I'll end up miserable.

99. Birth, Various Sexual Experiences, and Today, forget the rest.

.........another fine post by ian

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from bithy
Thursday, September 16, 2004 - 19:57


Hi everyone this is Ian ex-wife and thank you Jesus:

First Ian Albitz you leaving in a dream life, I want you and everyone to know that I left you one year ago in my heart because the way you used to treat me and abusive me, I have more peeple than you here in Vegas and you know it. When I meet you in Dominican Republic you was in the street with nobody the give a fuck about you because the way you treat each one, I let you stay in my house because you Apartment by them was without no power, water, food and I let you stay in my house almost for two week, I give you my convertible car key, my cellphone, my life because by them I think you was somebody but you are not body.

Second the day I throw you the knife like you said was because I was trying to talk to you about our sex life that I wasn't satisfied with you and you don't know how to communicate and you call my mother "Bitch" you called me "usedless Bitch" and just what you got what you deserved and you are lying saying that cut you bone, my girlfriend that is a nurse check you and she was laughing when she saw it, she can even believe that you make a big scene with that cut like a "Idiot" because you always need everybody attention.

Third Mr. Albitz you abusive me physical, mental, emotional, you never support me all you did for two fucking year was lower me, you don't let me work so you can have all the control over me, you used to hit me, burn me, throw me staff in my face, make me apologize to you ex-stripper (the mother of you daughter) for nothing, you make me lie to you boss, you make me spend the night out in the cold with no money, no food, you rip my paper so I can't get out the country and be with my family, you left me without nothing for 24 days, you knew that my paper to be aloud to work in this country was expired and you never help me to pay it because you was affraid that I leave you, you used to threat me with my residency paper and that was the only thing that make me stay with you but now that we separeted 'I DON'T GIVE A FUCK I'M MORE HAPPY THAN EVER I'M FREE AND YOU ARE ALONE, AND BROKE.

Anyway I'm glad you find that stripper and I'm so glad she used you, this is what you deserved in life nothing. Even you parent told you boss and tell you that I was better than you that you don't deserved me, I'm a good woman but I find the wrong men, I'm smart, professional, beutifull in and out.

Now I have my own house, my own car, my own friend, I NOT AROUND PEOPLE THAT USE SPEED 24 HOUR A DAY LIKE YOU DO, I have a new job, a new lover by the way really good in bed too, and the most important thing I'M HAPPY PERSON THE SAME WAY I USED TO BE BEFORE I MEET YOU.

I always told you that everything you do bad or good will turn around, you try to hurt my life but the one was hurt is you, look you are alone you don't have even a car, house, friend, family that care about you, everyone around you used you, and looking me better than anyone better than you because 'JESUS LOVE ME".


You ex-wife and proud to be.

Bithy Gutierrez

(reply to this comment)

From The Pedantic Prick
Friday, September 17, 2004, 10:10

Average visitor agreement is 1 out of 5(

Not to take sides, but if you spoke English that way in my house, it would be all I could do to keep from beating the shit of you, too.

On a side note, have you noticed that your name is only one letter away from "bitchy"?(reply to this comment

From WTF!!
Friday, September 17, 2004, 10:30

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(

You'd resort to violence because someone attempts to communicate in a language other than their native one?? Are you insane?(reply to this comment

From not the pedantic pric
Friday, September 17, 2004, 10:24

*out of you. (reply to this comment
From pharmaboy
Friday, September 17, 2004, 01:34


*pharma avoids commenting...*(reply to this comment

From Wolf
Thursday, September 16, 2004, 21:33

Looks like this would make an interesting ďhe said, she saidĒ Ö too bad you donít speak English.(reply to this comment
from Always
Monday, August 30, 2004 - 15:26


Well, you sure know how to pick em'. This really has little to do with you as a person and more to do with your circomstances. One thing the Family did was give us a lot of compassion for humanity as a whole while some of us have tried very hard to ignore our up bringing, I think in your case perhaps your upbringing played a big part in why you kept these people around. In the future I am sure you will make better choices. Follow you heart is a saying for fools. Before you act think about the repercussions and go from there. Good luck with the Cancer.
(reply to this comment)

from el bum
Saturday, August 28, 2004 - 07:17


"Most guys DESTROY all the sexual tension at every possible
opportunity... they take every chance they can to SCREW
THINGS UP, because they don't know better...

The fact is that most men just don't UNDERSTAND how
women get turned on.

And most men don't understand that if you really want
a woman to WANT you, then you NEED to get her turned
on. It's not going to happen by itself.

Here's another interesting aspect of that thing called

The bigger the challenge you are, and the more intense
the sexual tension, the more aroused a woman will become...
so that when you finally do connect physically it's
pure electricity.

Again, most men can't HANDLE sexual tension. They feel
uncomfortable when the situation isn't "clear cut", and
the screw things up.

One of the things you mentioned doing was "shrugging off"
her obvious "come ons" to you.

This kind of thing makes no sense to most guys.

But it makes sense to me.

And it made a LOT of sense to HER.

When a woman throws out a sexual comment, etc. most
guys screw it up. That's because they don't know the
SECRET about these types of comments.

When you're a major challenge, it naturally means that
she's not IN CONTROL of the situation.

Attractive women are USED to being in control, so when
they're NOT in control, they get agitated. It really
bothers them.

So they TEST. They use all kinds of interesting tricks
and tactics to see if you're just FAKING like you're
actually in control of yourself and the situation.

One of the most obvious tests is throwing out a sexual

She might mention that she loves sex, or that she
thinks you guys have a chance of "hooking up", or
some other "tease".

But make no mistake about it, these comments are not
at all the innocent remarks that they appear to be.

She's watching VERY closely to see if you'll take
the bait.

It's a woman's last resort when she feels like she
isn't controlling the situation to see if you'll crumble
If you say something like "Really? You think we're
going to hook up? That would be cool" she KNOWS SHE'S

If you say "Yea, you think so? I don't know, I'm not
that easy..." then it just dials up the tension, mystery,
and challenge.

OK, so you've asked me a couple of questions as well...

What should you do NEXT time you see her to keep the
tension building...?

Well, if something works, KEEP DOING IT.

If she enjoyed it the first time, do it again.

This time wait a little longer. Make her think about
it a little bit more.

Women LOVE anticipation. They love to feel the rush
that something is going to happen... but not know

If you REALLY want to take things to the next level,
take a page from popular movies and romance novels.

Don't just kiss her. Kiss her PASSIONATELY.

Pull her body into yours as you kiss her.

Then push her away and say "You're bad!".

Stop for awhile. Make her think about it. Then start
again when she isn't expecting it.

These are the types of things that make women think
about you all the time when you're gone... and call
you in the middle of the night because they want to
see you. Really.

Most men are so damn BORING when it comes to this stuff!
They do NOTHING to make a woman FEEL the powerful feelings
that she's always wanted to feel.

You be the one to do it, and you'll be the one she
always wants around.

Your second question was about ending calls and conversations

The REASON why you should end all conversations and
other interactions with women first is that it conveys
a clear message:


It turns YOU into the one that's desirable.

Most guys cling, and try to keep a woman on the phone
for a long time. They desire a woman's attention and
approval, and they make it clear that this is what they're

Of course, this only demonstrates pure WEAKNESS to
an attractive woman.

And weakness (or Wussness) isn't ATTRACTIVE.

If you run into a woman who's always on the run, don't
let it get to you. To put it differently, don't become
obsessed with her just because she's never available!

The answer is to just take things to the next level.

Here's a GREAT little technique...

An amazing and simple way to handle this kind of thing
is to just say "OK, bye" without any other comments.

She says "I have to go, my friends are waiting for
me outside". Just say "OK, bye" and SHUT UP.

80% of the time, she'll say "No, wait! I'm just really
busy, call me in a few days" etc.

You can't "kind of" do this.

You have to be READY.

She's TESTING you by playing hard to get. It's a game.
Have fun with it.

As soon as she says "I have to go, my laundry is in
the dryer", you SHOOT back "OK, bye" in a VERY abrupt
tone and SHUT UP.

It will create a funny, uncomfortable silence for just
a second.

Most of the time, she'll say something in a tone of
voice that says "That was weird", and then she'll
give some kind of explanation or ask you why you were
so short with her.

Of course, this is a great opportunity to bust her
balls and create some fun banter.

Again, you'll often have her say something like "I'm
really busy right now. I'm sorry. Call me tomorrow
and let's do something". At this point, you can say
"Yea, if you're lucky. Bye!".

Not cold. Not mean. Just short and to the point.

Then, when you call her next, it was HER that asked
for the call.

You get to call up and say "Well, last time we talked
you were begging me to call you... and I felt so bad
for you that I finally broke down".

What we're talking about here is DESIRE... and more
importantly, INCREASING IT.

In most interactions with women there is an opportunity
to SPARK the chemistry... the sexual tension... the
desire... and then there are many opportunities to
AMPLIFY that desire.

But here's the BAD news:

If you do not understand all of the little steps from
the first meeting to the bedroom, and know exactly
how to smoothly progress from one step to the next,
then you're going to keep failing with women.

It's that simple.

If you DO understand all of the steps, and you know
EXACTLY what to do in order to smoothly transition
from one to the next, then you are MUCH more likely
to succeed.

One of the most IMPORTANT steps is controlling your
own emotions. If you're nervous and freaked out, then
you'll make her nervous.

We humans can SMELL fear and nervousness... and women
are the best at it."

--Author Unknown

(reply to this comment)

From night_raver
Sunday, August 29, 2004, 14:47


Hey mr. pseudo-therapist

What's this copy-and-paste and then say "author unknown"? It's a blatant copy-&-paste from David Deangelo, I think the guy's quite interesting, I just got half yr copy and paste about two days ago from his email list.

Seriously, why cant you address the topic at hand, rather than copy-and-paste 30 paragraphs that marginally relate? (reply to this comment

From el bum
Sunday, August 29, 2004, 21:54

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(

You say that as if you're exposing me. My my, quite the detective. I got that in a chain e-mail almost a year ago. Sorry for not researching before carelessly posting.

What's with all the bare-chested photos? One was enough, but three? No FFing on this site.(reply to this comment

From night_raver
Monday, August 30, 2004, 13:05


Oh my poor dear, do you really feel exposed?? Why not try posting under an actual profile...or have we undercovered the damaged phsyce of one who's too scarred to put his profile name (never mind photos) to a comment ?

as far as the FFing jibe (that I engage in prostitution and therefore am something less-than-respectable), unfortunately for you I dont think of the individuals employed by the prostitution/the strip-club industry, as a whole, as unrespectable -- U gotta try a better dig next time.

I guess we've all talked over the strip-club profession thing ad-naseum, so just in case someone is thinking I think FFing was good, rest assured I got the same issues there as you.

However, for girls who have chosen the industry (or who need the income level and do not have the qualifications for a similar-paying job in another field), I see the job as a hazardous job; and like any other hazardous job (like reparing high-voltage power-lines, logging, etc), it pays in keeping with the hazards assumed. My only concern with it is the same with any other hazardous job -- be aware of the risks, take necesary precautions, and dont get careless. I do believe that the industry meets a necesary demand, one that has been an integral (though not always legal) part of society for a long time.(reply to this comment

From Ian
Saturday, August 28, 2004, 19:21


How about this;

I'll just be myself, and, while I'm busy doing that you go ahead and practice your 50 steps to buying a book about getting laid. I actually enjoy living, learning is part of that process. I could have done a few things better or not at all in that situation, but I will not bow and scrape to some print out from Maxim or Stuff, women that want a rehearsed guy can go fuck themselves, I'l just rent the DVD.

I say what I feel, most of the time. I don't find much logic in letting other people's reaction to that change me. If it bothers some women that I am straight forward and honest I wouldn't really know. It seems to work for me, unless of course you were talking about love with all that nonsense, but seriously, save yourself some time, throw away the mags, snort a big rail (for the fear), and go get laid.

Ian(reply to this comment

From el bum
Sunday, August 29, 2004, 04:03


Best of luck in all your future romantic endeavors. (Don't take anything too personal when you're asking for advice on a public site. About the rail, how much for a pound?)(reply to this comment

From Fish
Saturday, August 28, 2004, 20:36

HEAR HEAR!!(reply to this comment
from banal_commentator
Thursday, August 26, 2004 - 16:45


I don't think the stripper's psycho, she just doesn't like you how you like her and she probably found your adoration irritating. But every dog has his day, I am sure there was some time where you made some girl feel like how the stripper made you feel. Life is just a series of phases, and cycles. It is not a reflection of you, but where you are right now.

Astrology is also superstitious rubbish!

Dr. Banal

(reply to this comment)

from frmrjoyish
Thursday, August 26, 2004 - 08:48

Average visitor agreement is 2.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2.5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

I think you sound like a fabulous catch who just happened to pick the wrong couple of women. Not surprising considering our upbringing. I think it's pretty much guaranteed that we will all be screwed for the first several relationships after getting out of the cult.

I don't think you should change a thing about the way you are except maybe not give quite so much of yourself right off the bat. You seem to wear your heart on your sleeve and, let me tell you, women love that. This quality is guaranteed to one day find you someone who is an equally good catch. The fact that you are not a macho commitment-phobe trying to make up for other umm...."shortcomings".... will make her fall head over heels for you (or heels over head..whatever you want! lol). Just think with your head (the one on top of your neck) as well as your heart and you will be on the right track.

Good luck and stay healthy!
(reply to this comment)

from Satan the Scientist
Thursday, August 26, 2004 - 06:00

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
As the proud possessor of a damaged psyche, this is what I know about psyche repair work: 1) The only damaged psyche you get to fix is your own, 2) Repair work takes a long time, as in years not months or weeks, 3) Changes in endocrine systems (e.g., testicular surgery) will impact the way your mind works and therefore has implications for any psyche repair projects you decide to undertake, 4) it's largely about successful adaptation.
(reply to this comment)
from Shackled
Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 22:30


Women like that should have a sign that says

WARNING: I love the animal. But I'll use a nice guy to heal my wounds before re-entering the cage.

(I'm generalizing here)
(reply to this comment)

From Dr.4_Shure
Wednesday, August 25, 2004, 23:05

Your damn right! LOL! I share the same feeling!(reply to this comment
from neez
Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 17:54


I'm guessing a relationship started through a wrong number call isn't really going anywhere.

I'm just wondering how that convo went..."Hi is PimpDaddy there?".. "sorry you have the wrong number, but you sound like Cindy Crawford".. pause..(if you'd listened closely you probably could've heard her brain ticking over as she processed this info at an alarming rate).."Interesting, so would you like to buy me a drink?"

But I'm still getting over a psycho ex myself. & I didn't see any choice but to just take a break, clear my head, & work on something else like 'how to pick a psycho a mile away'

In fact I've recently taken it upon myself to figure out exactly what it is women want from us. I'm still waiting for access to a suitably sized control group that will do more then just send me the odd telepathic hint though. I'll post here when I know more(read: something).

& yeah.. don't fuck your boss/secretary/work experince girl. Nothing good could possibly come from that.
(reply to this comment)

From Vicky
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 07:08


Don't bother trying to figure it out buddy - We don't even know what we want!

BTW, do you like me now that I've given up on the 'pink elephants'???:P(reply to this comment

From neez
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 15:47


Yeah you're alright Vicky..

So here's a serious question: Do women even know what other women want?(reply to this comment

From Vicky
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 16:19


Awww, thanks!

And, while anyone with a slight interest in psychology might be able to identify certain patterns in the female psyche and thus take an educated guess at what a particular woman wants, I would still say that it's impossible to understand the intricacy of her mind and/or the exact workings of her emotional being, so one must be prepared to be wrong a lot of the time.(reply to this comment

From exister
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 06:58

"In fact I've recently taken it upon myself to figure out exactly what it is women want from us."

I have pondered this question as well, and this is my list so far:

1. Between one and five unprotected sexual encounters, depending on how many offspring they desire.

2. A car that is always running, and an immediate chaufer service if it ever breaks down.

3. A mowed lawn (no, not that kind of mowing.)

4. A house in perfect working order.

5. An endless supply of cash should the need ever arise.

6. A man who is never gone for more than 12 hours.

7. A warm body to cling to like some asexual teddy bear / eunuch.

Since I am not yet geriatric I cannot speak authoritatively about what menopausal women want, but my reckless conjecture goes something like this:

1. A condo somewhere where they can stay comfortably drunk.

2. An endless supply of hormone replacement pills.

3. A pool boy that is nice to look at.

This list will probably be longer in 20 years.(reply to this comment
From neez
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 16:13


lol.. So true, & we still keep going back for more. Although a few things on your list I wouldn't mind having :P

& I guess life would be pretty boring without the occasional nutbar.(reply to this comment

From Wolf
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 12:07

I think thatís the 1st time Iíve seen you make a spelling mistake Ė so your intellect is not invincible after all J(reply to this comment
From Vicky
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 12:14

Hee hee, Wolf - I noticed it too.... How are you these days???(reply to this comment
From Wolf
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 20:18

On the prowl and chasing little piggies, as usual.(reply to this comment
From Shackled
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 07:16

It would seem you've had a few too many tough times with immature women. They are the majority and as much as I feel like viewing them as you do I don't think it'll do me any good. It's a tough game but even tougher finding the women not participating in itl. (reply to this comment
From neez
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 16:28


What game's that then? Triathalon? Twister? I've got nothing against sporty chicks :P

Actually, I've had rougher times with mature women. Possibly because they've had more practice.

& my 'view' is that I don't really have a view yet.(reply to this comment

From exister
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 09:20

Since I am already known for my Gestapo style lists I think I will put you on the list of people who buy into silly arbitrary distinctions like mature vs. immature and "making love" vs. fucking.

Since you are such a fan of maturity please tell me which brand of maturity it is you subscribe to. Is it The Family's type, defined by a willingness to stop thinking for yourself and forsake all that you care about for the financial good of an abusive hierarchy? Is it biological maturity, which is marked by the ability to impregnate or be impregnated? Or perhaps financial maturity which is supposedly achieved when you figure out how to pay your bills. I've got it! You were refering to emotional maturity which is attained when ... ???

Gosh I just don't know. I must be really immature.(reply to this comment
From Vicky
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 08:58


Gotta disagree with you Shackled - Best strategy is to accept that no woman is truly mature in the sense you seem to be speaking of, and then go about working out a suitable plan for avoiding some of the pitfalls of male-female relationships.

IMO every single person on this earth has a hugely immature side, and no matter how strong, capable, level-headed and sensible a person might seem, the child is still lurking somewhere waiting for a chance to pop up and scare everyone with its irrational demands for emotional sustenance. FEED ME, WARM ME, LOVE ME it cries, all the more desperately as the other person recoils in disgust, first surprised and then facing the inevitable realisation that he/she is back in the same boat again, dealing with a needy, weak and fragile creature who only wants to take. For in truth this is the crux of all rel. problems that beset us, IMHO - We all (Men too) want someone to take care of us, someone to heal the hurt and the anguish, to wipe away the suffering and the emptiness, and we get angry when we realise that the other person needs exactly the same thing!(reply to this comment

From Ian
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 20:21


Do we all get angry? Not sure on that one, maybe just those that idealize new friends/lovers etc. False reality is bad place to have to climb down from. Gemini's have this issue, at least that is what I read.

I don't want someone only to take care of me, but it does make a great combo pack, certainly in a TRUE shopping invironment that would be my choice. I don't think it's possible, at least not with me, I am truly fucking impossible, I excel greatly at being a complete ass, nice, but still an ass. I manage to piss off a huge amount of people on a daily basis, one of the few people I actually listen to says it's because I am a sarcastic jerk to everyone, I'll have to look into that.

You certainly hit on something, reinds me of a few things I've heard recently.

Ian(reply to this comment

From Sweet Death
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 09:13

I am the one who will wipe away the suffering and enptiness. I will do this on the day you fall into my inescapable arms and begin your slow rot into oblivion.(reply to this comment
From neez
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 16:33

Wipe this...(reply to this comment
From Ian
Wednesday, August 25, 2004, 23:06


The first call was a lot different, very deep actually, as if we already knew everything about each other.

The work part was a mistake, one of many.

On the issue of what women want, the only answer that truly makes sense is that it doesn't really matter and generally differs as much as we (dog/piggy,jerk,men) do. The only reason I care at all is because I am probably co-dependant and also definitely addicted to female attention. Finding out - and supplying what ever it is that they want is a good guarantee at achieving various personal goals, at least for me. Considering the opposite side (hanging out with guys) it seems that most I meet want to compete with me on just about every level which I find incredibly boring or annoying or both.

Ian(reply to this comment

From neez
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 16:36

Interesting, so maybe they just like to keep us guessing(it's all so clear now :)(reply to this comment
from exister
Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 11:55

Average visitor agreement is 4 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 4 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 4 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 4 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 4 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
As someone with a similar though slightly less disastrous past I may have a few words for you.

First, how the fuck does anyone but you get access to your bank account or passwords? Joint accounts are stupid, and passwords should be kept hidden somewhere between your neck and that funny blank spot behind your scrotum.

I was married to a stripper, so I can relate a little. Viewing a woman who strips as anything other than tragically damaged goods is a logical error that ranks right up there with "Jesus Saves." Please tell me that you at least got some tail from her to justify your troubles.

As for the psycho women, you seem to suffer from what I call the "Romantic Hero Complex." I suffered under this delusion when I was younger, but soon realized I couldn't afford it anymore, financially or emotionally. It is basically the misguided belief that you are going to make things better for the damaged women of the world. It is an attitude that one projects and I am sure she could sense it over the phone like a shark can smell blood. Damaged women key in on this attribute and start to circle in anticipation of sucking you dry. You are going to have to get hip the fact that nothing can repair a damaged psyche. Not a lifetime of therapy and least of all you. Until you see this you will continue to be a consumable martyr for these deranged women.

Finally, never fuck subordinates and don't make a subordinate out of someone you are fucking. If you start behaving a little more sensibly your life might shape up a little. BTW, congrats on beating the cancer.
(reply to this comment)
From Ian
Wednesday, August 25, 2004, 23:22


Well said, and thanks for good advice. I didn't realize there was a complex called that, however, I surely suffer from it. Hero Complex may be a better way to describe it, I find my life constantly being complexed beyond belief because I try to help everyone that asks. And usually get fucked (not "Proper Fucked", just fucked) by the same people.

I do agree that nothing can repair a damaged psyche, altho; that makes future seem a bit bleak for me. Surely there is a repair method. I don't think you meant it that way, and I read it a few times in agreement before it came my direction, I'm sure alot of us have been psyche fucked during our ride thru life.

On the banking issue....Citibank had a flaw (since fixed) that allowed a person to log on with the a Debit Card # and pin. I have on occasion left reciepts around and during various fits of refusing to get off my "totally fucked up and don't want to move" spot I had given the card to my wife for whatever we were out of (usually OJ or cigs, lighters), I'm sure the rest is all simple.

And lastly, yes, not only did I get "some" tail I got alot of serious 100% grade AAA tail, altho' it wasn't what I was looking for. Of all my time around strippers I had never heard of and finally learned what a "perverts lap dance" was, and yes, it's the bomb.(reply to this comment

From Shackled
Wednesday, August 25, 2004, 22:32

Good insite on the "Romantic Hero Complex". I've had my share of that.(reply to this comment
from *
Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 11:39

"Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now
It's over"
(reply to this comment)
From Ian
Wednesday, August 25, 2004, 23:24


My eyes are dry, I ran, walking had no place in this situation.(reply to this comment

from cassy
Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 11:17

I'm shocked by your ex-wife's behaviour. Please don't lose hope though. Just because you met a few bad ones doesn't mean there aren't good ones out there. I know that's not a help to you at the moment, just hang in there--the good times will come.
(reply to this comment)
From Ian
Wednesday, August 25, 2004, 23:29


Thanks, I don't loose hope, I've been thru alot of shit. Hope is cheap, usually free. My ex was probably mentally challenged in some way, her behaviour was far to irrational to be explained in any other way. In the end, I had to walk away, I left her with a few bucks, at the time she had stolen and then lost everything available to me, which wasn't alot, eventually she got evicted, I'm not sure where she even is. Fucked up story, I knew it would happen that way, which is why I hung around as long as I could, but you can't win every game.

Ian(reply to this comment

from Nick
Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 08:50

Man, you story sounds like a bad country western song. I am surprised your dog isnít dead, someone didnít steal your pickup and your mamma isnít back in rehab. Just kidding dude, I do sympathize, really.

To be honest dude it sounds to me like you need to leave of women all together. Take a break from them and stay single for a year or so. Just go out and have fun with the strippers, donít be dating them yet! (Nothing wrong with strippers, I am jus saying you donít sound like you should be dating anyone right now.)
Once you are healed from whatever hurt that bitch of an X wife did to you, then you will be ready to date again. Anyway, we all know that the best relationships come when you are not even looking for one.
BTW, if you want my advice, get a head start on that divorce! It will work out better for you if you hit her first and before she even knows itís coming.
(reply to this comment)
From Ian
Wednesday, August 25, 2004, 23:32


Interesting. I hate country. The divorce issue is not a concern to me, I anticipated it before we even founded the company and "arranged" things accordingly.

Ian(reply to this comment

from Vicky
Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 05:06


Okay, first of all I am NOT gonna take the bait about the Astrology, though the 'old me' yearns to get into a lengthy discourse on the pros and cons of Gemini/Leo relationships ... (I DON'T BELIEVE IN IT, I DON'T BELIEVE IN IT, I DON'T BELIEVE IN IT etc etc etc).

As for why you choose fucked up women, this is probably to do with your own issues left over from your upbringing. It's generally accepted in the field of therapy that a codependent nature is the main prompt for a lot of relationships, and while there are varying degrees of codependency it is safe to say that if one has had a fucked up childhood one is likely to gravitate towards people who are just as fucked up if not worse. I read somewhere that if there are 50 people in a room and only two codependents, they will invariably find each other, and I believe that's a fairly accurate representation of way 'love' works a lot of times.

Now, of course I feel genuinely sorry for you and I know you must be hurting like mad. It sucks when life brings us one of those shitty times, and I do feel for you. But, maybe this is a time for you to focus on yourself, find out who you are and learn to recognise the patterns that you perpetuate within yourself, so that hopefully next time there will be a better basis for the relationship.

As far as love is concerned, it's really a choice between letting the cynicism take over, giving up on the myth of "Mr/Miss Right" and maintaining a safe distance from the whole concept of a real true love, which will allow you to escape some of the pain that love brings but will also make for a pretty sad life in a lot of ways, or the realisation that sooner or later it usually doesn't work out but it can still be absolutely wonderful for a time and one might as well ride the wave while it lasts. This will allow you to enjoy the extreme highs (and the plunging depths) that come with 'being in love', but hopefully still give you some protection from the inevitable crash. Which one is better? I'm really not sure.
(reply to this comment)

From Ian
Wednesday, August 25, 2004, 23:39

To me, I have always ignored any astrology based opinion, it was this situation that got me reading up on it, and I found alot of truth. I may have been lied to until it was vastly more complex had i not had some help from the 3rd eye (or whatever). As far as pro's and con's of Gemini's and Leo's, I can put up with just about anything, but being lied to repeatedly both on a personal and business level is outside of my ability to "put up", however, the majority of the mistakes in the situation were mine, and it did not need to end the way it did. I'll put some more details in when I have more time. I've been putting out fires at the office since about 9:30AM and it's 11:30PM so, my couch+ice cream, music, etc. is calling to me.(reply to this comment
from porceleindoll
Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 03:36

Average visitor agreement is 1 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

I was totally feeling sorry for you dude until I hit the part about hiring the Leos to whack the Geminis, you lost my support there (unless you rescind the animosity toward my star-sign. I've also met some REALLY messed up Leos who scared the shit out of me).

Seriously though, sorry to hear about your really really crappy past few (months, years?). I've hit bottom too, a few times, but nothing as messed up as you. Maybe you should lay off women for awhile and concentrate on life without complication?
(reply to this comment)

From Ian
Wednesday, August 25, 2004, 23:52


Obviously, I was joking. The wifey bit has been happening over the past 2 yrs, the last part since June (I think)

Animosity officially being rescinded.

Interesting, if you asked her (stripper chick) she would probably describe me as a ex military type - power/money/control freak that scared the shit out of her. If somebody scares you, leave them, don't try to convince them of something that is not there. There are people who scare me, unpredictable people scare me, I am not that, actually the extreme contrary. Regardless, I'm very simple, I work hard and go to sleep. But, when I have the time, I play hard to (for the record). Revenge is an odd thing, best served cold really, but you never want to serve it once it gets that way.

I made the lions share (pun intended) of mistakes in the sitaution, most of what I think I learned would probably surprise you, nothing to do with a single thing discussed in this thread. I'll write it out if I have the time.

Ian(reply to this comment

From porceleindoll
Saturday, August 28, 2004, 19:06

Rescension accepted. I have had some good Leo friends, but I admit the truth in the bad idea of Leo/Gemini romantic relationships.(reply to this comment
From Dr.4_Shure
Thursday, August 26, 2004, 04:02

Man, I really think the only person in the world that you have to care for, and look out for is yourself. I don't intend that for you to be selfish but hey the number one person for each of us is ourselves. It might be a thing of TF where we were all used so much for thier benefit, we never had the time to take Good care of ourselves. So after everything you've stated I feel sorry for you, as she honestly just took you for granted.(reply to this comment

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