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Getting On : Lovers

I Wonder...

from Bootylicious - Wednesday, September 10, 2003
accessed 1347 times

One of these stupid questions that might not have an answer, but I can't get it out of my head!!!

Ok, my question is this: Is love enough?

Is it enough for a relationship? Enough for a marriage? I mean, let's say that two people love each other and believe it will last forever and ever. They decide to stay together BUT they do not get along the least bit. (That can happen!) Their personalities differ extremely and they are no good as friends. Is their love enough? Is it enough to look beyond those differences and make it all work out? And what if it's the other way around? Two people love each other and get along wonderfully both as friends and lovers. Chance has it that they stop loving each other romantically. Is the lack of mutual love a reason to break up?

I want to be able to make up my mind on that subject and I cannot answer myself that question. I asked some friends and some of them replied that if two people truly loved each other, they would not even HAVE extreme differences that would make it hard to get along as anything other than lovers. In other words, yes, love is enough. I don't necessarily agree with that though! Also, I know of people who have divorced because they didn't love each other, but that was the only reason. Was that fair? Is it really fair to tell your partner, "I don't want to live with you simply because I do not love you?"

Fine, I know there is no perfect answer to that question, but I would appreciate input from anyone who would like to waste their time reading this and telling me their thoughts on the subject. Tx!

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from frmrjoyish
Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 13:32


There is no one thing that will ever be enough to keep a relationship going! Whether it be love, companionship, honesty, shared values, goals, ideals, etc. It takes a combination of all of these things, not to mention, chemistry or physical attraction, commitment, unselfishness, forgiveness, and so on. The problem with relationships is that we have come to believe that when a relationship ends its due to one or both parties "falling out of love". I think most relationships end, not due to lack of love, (otherwise why would it hurt so bad when a relationship ends), but due to lack of willingness on one or both parts to commit to being commited, honest, unselfish, forgiving etc. One of any of the above will never make a lasting relationship, but it takes a combination to truly make something work.

On the other hand, I also think the rising divorce rate (as well as the declining marriage rate) is not due to people being less happy together, but its because people just don't need each other as much as they used to. A woman is not forced to rely on her husband as her sole means of support. She can have a carrear to support herself and her world no longer revolves around domestic life as it once used to. For a man, he no longer needs a woman to raise his kids, feed him, or clean his house, families now come in all shapes and sizes!! People, esp women, didn't really have the option of leaving as they do now, except in underdeveloped countires where the divorce rate isn't near as high as in a developed countries. With the option of walking out on a relationship so easily available, it's no wonder so many people nowadays are choosing to take it!!
(reply to this comment)

From Bootylicious
Wednesday, September 17, 2003, 11:01

I totally agree with you on the reasons for divorce rate. I hadn't thought about it like that before, but yes, women (and men) can just walk out on it all if they are fed up. It isn't a big deal anymore either to be divorced these days. It's also true that compromises from both parties are necessary to make a relationship last. Love can die if it's only one person making the compromises. (reply to this comment
from venusbutterfly
Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 06:05


this is the everlasting enigma....

personally i don't believe love is enough, but it does help because to build a strong relationship it takes a lot of patience, learning, learning to adapt, learning to understand and accept the eachother in order to grow together but still as individuals without growing apart...

this might probably not make much sense, it's difficult to explain, but just having love and nothing else can't work because eventually love fades out if it hasn't grown into something else. the same as getting along with someone but not having love will not suffice either, because people change and if there is no love then there won't be any acceptance and this is when the two will grow apart.

as i said, this might sound's extremely complicated and delicate....

i guess we'll be able to better answer this question once we're old and have lived through the experiences, because right now - at least for me - i find it basically impossible to reply to the question, is it even possible to find someone to happily be entirely committed to for the rest of our life?!?
(reply to this comment)

from Eaglebleeds
Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 04:17

I agree with this "if two people truly loved each other, they would not even HAVE extreme differences that would make it hard to get along as anything other than lovers." What Love really is can only be learned through experience. Thats what I think. There`s a first time for everything, but that doesn`t mean the first time is the best. It`s a learning experience. When I was in my teens I wanted to be accepted, loved and a girlfriend above everything else. But I had no idea what love really was. Just like someone already said, the infatuation is commonly mistaken for love. I think if after at least 3 months of being around each other and the 2 are inlove, share similar intersets and goals then they`ve got a good thing going. So many times I thought I really knew a girl and after a few months it all changed. Also, if you don`t know what you really want and want to be then how can you commit to someone cause you will change and so will they. Real love I believe is enough. Whats hard is knowing if you and your love really got it. I think only quality time together can tell. You can tell alot about someone by watching what they do each day and if they live what they say.
(reply to this comment)
From Joe H
Tuesday, September 16, 2003, 10:58

You say you have to really know what you want, but before that you said "When I was in my teens I wanted to be accepted, loved and a girlfriend." Do you still want to be a girlfriend? (reply to this comment
From Eaglebleeds
Wednesday, September 17, 2003, 00:53

Dude, I didn`t want to be a girlfriend. I wanted a girlfriend is what I meant. Those were what was most important to me at that age and took precedence over smart and logical thinking. I had no idea where I was going. I just figured if I was with someone then the love would heal all the hurt and I`d be happy. It didn`t work that way though. It did for a bit but didn`t last. (reply to this comment
from krystine
Monday, September 15, 2003 - 05:34

Love is highly overrated. The problem is that most people mistake infatuation with love. I think true love can only be developed over time once the being "in love" wears off. Too many times I thought I was madly in love with someone only to have it worn away. I have two marriages that failed because of that although the last marriage wore away because though I loved my husband, the love I started to feel for him was the kind of love that one feels for a best friend and even though I love him I didn't feel like I loved him enough to be committed to him. I don't think love is a perfect criteria for marriage but that both parties are in the perfect place in their lives for marriage whether it's financially, emotionally, or that they're just ready to settle down.
(reply to this comment)

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