|
|
 |
|
Getting On : Family
Any other Parents out there? | from Rain Child - Monday, March 13, 2006
accessed 8410 times I thought it could be nice if we had a thread for all of us SG’s who have children and are now raising them outside The Family. I, for one, work in childcare, and had to re-learn basically everything, starting with the fundamental attitudes I had been taught in The Family about controlling children. It's been so wonderful learning about childcare outside and realizing that my gut instincts were in line with what childcare professionals and psychologists teach, and that all the things I stood up for while in The Family were legitimate concerns, not that I was just too soft.
I'm really happy to be able to give my little one a normal, happy life, and I love every minute of it. I love seeing him go off to kindergarten, etc. I've had times where the big issues come up and I realize for the first time that I'm sort of programmed to be concerned about immunization, cartoon watching, etc. I don't allow my son to watch many cartoons, I have him fully immunized, I do keep his food basically to what we grew up eating (as long as he likes it) but I am lenient about treats and 'special occasions' (sometimes more frequently than I care to admit).
Anyway, all these questions are challenging and new, like, what to tell him about Santa Claus, etc? I just thought I'd start a post for young parents so we can share what's going on, the decisions we've made, and how we feel about things. |
|
|
|
|
Reader's comments on this article Add a new comment on this article |  from Rain Child
Friday, July 07, 2006 - 06:32
(Agree/Disagree?)
Some recent classics from my four year old:
Him: "Mum, if you had a willy at the back and a bottom in front, what would you do?"
Me: "I don't know, Sweetie."
Him: "You'd do stand-up poos and sit-down wees!"
Me: "What would you like for breakfast, Darling?"
Him: "Pancakes with blood!"
Him: "If you had no body, what would you do?"
Me: "You'd be nobody."
Him: "You would just be a name."
"Mummy, we're just a dream right now. somebody's asleep, dreaming us."
(Separate occasion) "We're a story. Somebody's reading us right now."
Me: "I love you more than anyone else in the world."
Him: "Could you love two babies?"
Me: "Well yes, I suppose so."
Him: "You could grow another baby, Mum. Please can you grow another boy baby like me with a runny nose, and who eats baby food?"
Him: "Could you love three babies, Mum? Four? Five? six?" How do you open your tummy to get the babies out? Can I get back in?"
Pointing at a large family: "See, Mum, they love lots of babies. That mummy grew so many babies. Can you love one more baby? Can you grow one more boy please?"
(reply to this comment)
| | | | from A Dude
Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 22:01
(Agree/Disagree?)
Umm, I know I'm not a mother so forgive me this once, but tell your little one about Santa, it's awesome fun to see the wonder in their faces. "How did He know I wanted that"? And besides he/she will always feel like a good kid because they never get coal in their stockings. I have managed to keep the ruse going for eleven years with one of mine. Kids rock!
(reply to this comment)
|  From vixen
Wednesday, March 15, 2006, 04:15
(Agree/Disagree?)
Sigh. What is it about this site, I wonder, that compels me to spend all my fucking time posting here instead of sinking my teeth into my schoolwork??? I suppose it has to be the fact that there are enough losers who frequent this site to allow me to claim a modicum of superiority over the masses, if only in my own deluded mind. J/K, you know I love you all, each and every one of you! Come on now, big group hug *squish* ;-)
Must be in a mushy mood today...
So yeah, on to the subject of Father Christmas:
This was actually discussed a while back on this site but I can't for the life of me find it just now.
My thoughts on the matter are: Who in their right mind would NOT tell their children about Santa??? Why is it even an issue? What parent would deny their children the pleasure of believing in magical, fairy tale worlds, enchanted forests and winter wonderlands? Why not let the children be innocently enthralled while their little minds are still capable of it?
I LOVE Christmas!!! It's the one time in the year when I can suspend reality for just a little while and actually allow myself the luxury of believing in 'peace on earth, good will toward men' and all the idealistic nonsense that I feel obligated to distance myself from on a daily basis. I don't have to be cynical, I don't have to think like a grown up, I can let the little girl inside me be free to dream again, if only for a few short weeks.
See http://www.movingon.org/article.asp?sID=2&Cat=7&ID=2319, just because I love the way Sara makes her case, and also I don't feel like repeating myself - I'm Vicky in that thread, and I'm just telling you that because I know that you're totally interested in hearing what I have to say ;-)
However, having said all that, I wouldn't go as far as the poster above me. I dislike fostering a sense of automatic entitlement in my children, and I don't fancy letting an imaginary character take the credit for the presents that I've spent my time and money choosing and buying. I want them to appreciate the things that they have, and I feel that it's better for them to understand that actually, the reason that they can't always have everything (and believe me, they do get an absolute mountain of gifts, but you know how children are...) they want is because their mother is a poor student right now, and it doesn't mean they haven't been good. We do the whole Santa thing, to be sure, but we do it with a wink and a nod, and even my little seven-year-old 'baby' of the family has already figured out for herself that there isn't really any plausible way that Santa could get all around the world to every house in just one night.
Geez, I do ramble!
P.S. Wouldn't it make sense to change the article title to 'Any parents out there'? Just a thought :-)(reply to this comment) |
| | From Rain Child
Thursday, March 16, 2006, 04:45
(Agree/Disagree?)
Consider it done Vix.
The main hesitation I have about Santa is it just sort of feels like another belief thing, you know, and I've had as much of that as I can take in one lifetime. I want Christmas to be magical for him, but my Christmases were all about Jesus and witnessing pushes, and it's so hard not to just be all cynical and jaded, and feel like this whole outside world version of Christmas is just part of some bigger all- encompassing cult. Okay, I've got issues I know it. I'm pretty sure I haven't managed to spoil any of his christmases yet with my attitude, but when I see 'Santa' in the supermarket, and he screams, "Santa, santa!" I say, "Oooh, why don't you run over and tell him what you want for Christmas", but inside I'm thinking, "what a load of shit", and I feel about it much as I would if someone was preaching on the street corner. And about that- I still for some reason want the child to know a little religion. We say prayers (occasionally I admit) and I have taken him to church on a couple of occasions, mainly for the singing. Maybe some part of me that enjoyed inspiration time as a child wants the same for him, or maybe I think that every child deserves a little relgious education, I think I just don't want him to pick up on my imperviousness to it all, I do want him to have a little magic.(reply to this comment) |
| | From moon beam
Thursday, March 16, 2006, 10:02
(Agree/Disagree?)
I think that about the "another belief thing" I know where you are coming from. But to be honest children have great imaginations and a simplier cognitive suspension of belief that at the end of the day is healthy for them. Many children have imaginary friends and hold tea parties for their dolls etc.. Children love play acting and to them this is an important learning curve.
Yes we were not taught to believe in santa and I like you had to work at christmas but this is the time to go through that magic with your children harder as it is because we didn't have it.
IMO TF wanted no conflicting teachings and mesages. They didn't want our fantasy of santa and magic screwing up the other ideas of fantasy and magic in our tiny heads. If TF had of allowed us to hold these childish beliefs then around the same sort of time when we would be discovering the truth on santa, we would also logicaly be questioning the many other "Truths "we were being fed about flying horses and lightening coming from our fingertips etc..Children don't look for proof of what you are saying when very young and maybe this new understanding aids them in the future to be able to go through life with a bit more discernment and a better ability to figure out the things that will be fed to them in adulthood.
Children around the age of five or six naturaly discover this for themselves and instead of disapointment, they quite like the fact that they have come to this new understanding. My son holds no grudges against me for being the Toothfairy, Easter bunny, or Santa and now as a teen he does question things more and realises that he can be tricked and decieved even if well meaning.
I can imagine a parenting model that does present Santa as a bit of mystery, one that the parents don't take too seriously and that the kids can take pleasure in solving. Indeed, the presentation might sound a lot like the sort of phrasing I use when describing religious views to my son "Well, a lot of smart people say that [fill in the blank] exists. I don't find their arguments very convincing, myself, but I might be wrong. I think that you need to keep on open mind about it and figure that one out for yourself. And even if you end up disagreeing with all those many, many people who believe in [fill in the blank], you should treat them with respect. They *might* be right and, anyway, they usually don't take criticism very well."
I too get quite sick off the capitalist/materialistic aspect in the west around christmas and other holidays, but I believe it is still possible to cut out the crap and enjoy the spirit of giving and spending time with family and friends with all the 'magic' that brings.
Anyway, many mainstream Christmas traditions stem from original Pagan practices. (Though Christian origins and associations have been attributed to many of these traditions, they do in fact pre date Christianity.)
Yule Log ; A special log was chosen on the eve of Yule, for the holiday fire. A small piece from last year's log is used to light the fire. The lighting of the fire was a festive family event, to hurry the return of the sun. Charred pieces from the fire would be kept to protect the house through the coming year. The woods most often sought for the Yule log were birch, oak willow or holly. Today, the Yule log is represented as a log cake instead and delicious too. Or a small log is decorated with candles. The burning of the Yule log is a well known tradition, but it's not often done outside of the Pagan community anymore.
Kissing Under Mistletoe - The roots of this habit are unknown, but is likely tied with the fertility aspects of mistletoe and that it was viewed as a bringer of peace by the Druids.
Mistletoe is a powerful healing herb. Mistletoe and kissing are also seen in one of the Norse myths: Frigga(?) is the Norse Goddess of love, marriage and fertility. Her son, Balder was slain by Loki with an arrrow made from mistletoe. When Balder was restored to life, Frigga blessed the mistletoe and gave a kiss to anyone who passed under it. Some later versions of this tradition say to remove one berry with each kiss. When there are no more berries on the sprig of mistletoe, no more kisses.
Tree Decorating ; There is some debate on the origin of this tradition. Druids (and other ancient cultures) saw evergreen trees as symbols of everlasting life, because they seemed to live through the winter undaunted/unharmed by the cold. So using evergreen branches as decorations symbolized the undying strength of the Sun. Decorating the trees may have come from the ancient Roman festival of Saturnalia
Gift Giving ; The Christians attribute the giving of gifts at Christmas to the wise men who brough gold, frankincense and myrrh to the newborn Jesus, But this tradition was common well before , during Saturnalia.
The Ancient Roman Festival of Saturnalia;
Saturnalia is one of the best known ancient celebrations of the Winter Solstice. The name comes from the Roman God Saturn, who ruled over agriculture. He was the main God honoured at this time, after the fall crops had been sown. Saturnalia lasted for several days (typically 7) Saturnlia was the greatest festival of the Roman year, and was marked with great feasting, gift-giving, dancing, playing, and relaxing. Homes were decorated, work was suspended, and there was general merry/sherry?-making done by all.
(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | From vixen
Thursday, March 16, 2006, 06:23
(Agree/Disagree?)
Hiya, darling. Let me first say that I like your nickname a lot :-)
I do identify completely with you about your aversion to the notion of deliberately setting out to teach him that Santa is the real deal - after all, intellectual honesty is generally highly valued by those of us who have managed to throw off the Yoke of Babylon, so to speak. Hence my determination that in our household we will carry on the practise of indulging, even celebrating our childlike needs for magic and fairytales, but within the bounds of an obvious acknowledgement that it *is* just that - fantasy. We all know it isn't really true, but we play along regardless, just because it makes us happy. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From Rain Child
Wednesday, March 15, 2006, 04:12
(Agree/Disagree?)
Sorry, I should have said, "parents", not just mothers. Actually, we've had crazy situations with the whole Santa thing already... "Mum, Santa gave me the same car you were buying at the shop!" I guess I'll have to clean up my act a little.
One thing that I wanted to pass on from my own childhood was the tradition of always reading together in bed every night. Of course, I've replaced Heavens Girl,etc.with the coolest stuff we can find at the library and bookshops on our weekly book-hunting expeditions. I want him to have the same love of books I've always had and I think he's beginning to. My love was probably a bit stronger, however, because most books were contraband. Every Christmas and birthday my Grandma would give me one of the classics like Anne Of Green Gables, and it was always confiscated before I could read it. To this day, I still devour at least one novel a week and hide it under the pillow when I hear someone coming! It's just a life long habit. I was astounded to find myself feeling guilty about reading books even as an adult living on my own. Naturally that will never happen to my little boy.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | From vixen
Thursday, March 16, 2006, 07:03
(Agree/Disagree?)
Goodness, silly boy! Don't tell me you were offended by my use of that term... It's totally a term of endearment in this context, kinda like we women have claimed 'cunt' back as meaning 'beautiful', 'strong', 'powerful', and all that, you know? Well, at least that's what Germaine Greer said that one time, but well, what the hell does she know! In any case, I hope I have misinterpreted you, as I'd hate to think that I actually caused you offense... :-)(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From
Friday, March 17, 2006, 09:20
(Agree/Disagree?)
Some feminists seek to reclaim cunt as an acceptable word for the female genitalia, in the interest of removing the power associated with its use. Some abhor the word and regard it, based on its more recent connotation, as degrading and misogynistic, though it has also been suggested that "vagina" is more offensive as it is literally Latin for "a sheath for a sword", the sword being the penis.
Critics of the word claim that the lack of any comparable term for the male genitalia demonstrates a profound cultural contempt, not only for specific females, but for women in general. Defenders of the word argue that terms for male genitals are used in an equally insulting way, though they claim the degree of this "equivalence" differs between English speaking cultures (examples include "cock", "prick", "dick-head", "utter balls" (or "bollocks") [British], etc). Despite these criticisms, there is a small movement amongst some feminists that seek to reclaim cunt as an honorific, in much the same way that "queer" has been reclaimed by homosexuals. [3] Proponents include Inga Muscio in her book, Cunt: A Declaration of Independence, and Eve Ensler in her monologue "Reclaiming Cunt" (from "The Vagina Monologues").
The word was similarly reclaimed by Angela Carter who used it in the title story of "The Bloody Chamber and Other Stories"; a female character describing female genitalia in a pornography book: “her cunt a split fig below the great globes of her buttocks”.
More recently, the archetypal feminist Germaine Greer discussed the origins, usage and power of the word in the BBC series Balderdash and Piffle, which examines the etymology of many English words and phrases, most especially those whose origins have limited written evidence (required to be included as citations in the Oxford English Dictionary). Greer suggests at the end of the piece that there is something precious about the word, in that it is now one of the few remaining words in English that still retains its power to shock.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cunt(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | From vixen
Saturday, March 18, 2006, 05:24
(Agree/Disagree?)
Sigh. I don't know why it is, but I can't stand names like that for the female genitalia. I have a friend who taught her children to call it a 'fairy'! I'm afraid I took the cultism, 'pum-pum' (brought about by Sara D. I think) and shortened it to pum, and that's what we still use. I don't know why I see that word as better than the more 'romanticised' words that many other parents use. Perhaps it's a rebellion against the typical expectation of a woman to be always clean, virginal, innocent and submissive? Hmmmm. Maybe if I had to do it all over again, I'd choose to call it a 'cuntie'. I like that. I find it rather an interesting word with multilayered connotations. Each to their own, I suppose. I just don't see why the correct anatomical name for it should be so wrong to hear from a preschoolers mouth, although, having said that, I don't use the word penis with my daughters, unless we're having a rather serious discussion. (reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | From Sally
Tuesday, March 21, 2006, 05:54
 (Agree/Disagree?)
I have often found that those critical of Germaine Greer have read very little of her work, or have accepted the media's cliches and misinterpretation of her words.
To me, she has the rare quality of an intelligent academic who speaks from the heart.
Whether writing on the history of women in art, the menopause, the beauty of the young male form or the status of women in today's world, her work echoes both the sorrow and the joy of women's lives in our society.(reply to this comment) |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | from Tasha
Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 16:54
(Agree/Disagree?)
I've been paranoid about moving my little guy around too much. Since I can't afford to buy a house yet, I've had to rent, and renting is so uncertain. You never know when the owner's going to want to sell the place, and then you have to move. He asked me, "Mommy, can we just move once and then no more?" It broke my heart, because I remember begging my parents the same thing as a little one. "Please can we just live with only our family in one house and never move?" I swore I wasn't going to do that to my kids, and I'm still swearing it, but it seems to be harder than I thought just to stay in one place. I always try and find lots of activities for him wherever we go, and to spend all the time I can with him to give him that security, but he just seems to need routine and dependability.
(reply to this comment)
| | | |
|
|
|
|
]
[About the Trailer Park] [Who Links Here]