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Getting On : All My Politics

A bored rant

from Oddman - Tuesday, September 02, 2008
accessed 301 times

My function is dysfunction.
I'm successful at failing shit.
I'm broke but I don't save.
I'm drowning but refuse to swim.

I love you but I hate you.
I want what I can't have.
I hate all that love me.
I need help but won't accept yours.

I scream in silent notes.
I wash my face with tears.
I don't know the guy in my mirror.
I don't know who I am.

I'm promiscuous but I'm loyal.
I'm a junkie without my junk.
I drink when I hate alcohol.
I smoke just because.

I'm violent but I'm passive.
I yell when I'm calm inside.
I'm a myriad of emotions I don't recognize.

I'm beautiful but I'm ugly.
I'm short but I walk tall.
I'm proud of a self I don't know.
I'm a narcisst but I hate myself.

I hate life but I'm living.
I'm alive, but I'm dead inside.
I made a noose but I didn't jump.
I'm suicidal but scared of death.

I don't know who I am anymore.
I'm cold hearted but I'm burning.
I'm independent but I need you.
I'm tough but you've broken me.

I'm awake but I'm dreaming.
I'm tired but I can't sleep.
I'm bored but I won't get up.

I'm faithless as I say a prayer.
I'm confused and confusing.
I'm lost but don't want answers.
I have all your answers, and none of mine.

Reader's comments on this article

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from chaos*
Thursday, September 25, 2008 - 01:38

(Agree/Disagree?)

Was listening to this and thought of you. Wish you well Oddie.

MCR - The Ghost of You

 never
Said I'd lie and wait forever
If I died we'd be together now
I can't always just forget her
But she could try

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that You never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever ever...
Ever...

Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

If I fall
If I fall (down)
(Wooooaah, woooooah, wooooooaaaaah)
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home

Never coming home
Never coming home

And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me

Never coming home
Never coming home

Could I? Should I?

And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna...
(reply to this comment)

from flutterfly
Saturday, September 06, 2008 - 04:34

(Agree/Disagree?)
Beautiful!
(reply to this comment)
from Eva St John
Tuesday, September 02, 2008 - 14:52

Average visitor agreement is 4 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 4 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 4 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 4 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 4 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

It's a good description of the 'conditioned self' or the 'patterned self' (ie: a false 'survival self' that has been created by your subconscious in response to being bombarded with so much bullying and conditioning and conflicting input that it is in a state of eternal inner conflict and imbalance).  The most important thing is to not mistake this 'wounded self' for the real core 'you' inside. 

Even as a FGA, I was in this conflicted state for many years after leaving TF (& even before joining TF).  - And a conflicted, wounded self cannot 'cure itself'.  The only solution I found was to become more 'enlightened', meaning inwardly I learned to become the observer of my 'self' from the stand point of pure awareness.  I learned to step back from this emotional, drama-ridden, conflicted 'self' and be the non-judgemental-but-discerning witness of my emotions & experiences, and to stop making a personal drama out of this 'selfs' feelings & reactions, - just to observe it in a neutral, compassionate manner & not buy into all its mixed up thoughts & feelings about itself. 

The next step is to then learn to come from that place in you that precedes this wounded self, to live life from there, & gradually the wounded self begins to align itself with this 'higher awareness you', ie: the real you, the core self filled with latent new potential & self empowerment that has been lying dorment, buried beneath this false, wounded self.
(reply to this comment)

from pengelem
Tuesday, September 02, 2008 - 11:59

(Agree/Disagree?)
 
 
honest, real, conflictive    
 
(reply to this comment)

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