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Getting On : All My Politics

To the only gay in the village.....

from Christy - Wednesday, July 26, 2006
accessed 1120 times

To the only gay in the villageÖ This topic is pretty much dead, but I still feel there is something I have to say. I fully understand your taking offence to peopleís insensitive remarks regarding your sexuality. Itís not just the name callers, but itís also the people who suggest that itís fine if youíre gay, as long as you donít talk about it. However, as ďthe only gay in the villageĒ (and you and I both know that probably isnít the case), I think you definitely have something important to contribute to this site.

There are very few openly gay ex-members. Iíve only heard of two. You know what you went through due to TF teachings regarding homosexuality. If there are other current or ex-members out there who are struggling with their sexual orientation, I think that they would certainly benefit from the experiences of someone who has worked through these issues and is out of the closet.

When you first came out, there were members of your own family who initially felt that, ďWe accept your lifestyle, but letís not talk about it.Ē Eventually, all of that changed, and everyone in your immediate family has accepted you for who you are.

Iím not suggesting that you need to be the spokesperson on this site for the gay community. Iím just saying that an openly gay voice is an important contribution to the diversity of this site. Will there be those that offend you either intentionally or unintentionally? Sure. But, thatís part of educating the ex-member community about a topic that was treated as deviant and evil during our upbringing. Itís a discussion that has to occur in order for people to sort out some of their pre-conceived notions on the topic.

I understand if youíre not up to it. Itís not the reason you came to this site. However, articles like the one you wrote about coming out could really benefit someone struggling with their sexual orientation.

I know that if Iíve crossed the line here, Iíll hear about it.

Love,

Your big sis

Reader's comments on this article

Add a new comment on this article

from depressed
Sunday, August 13, 2006 - 20:48

(Agree/Disagree?)
I wish I was gay
I wish I was straight
I wish I had enough confidence to be one or the other or nothing at all
I wish I could make up my damn mind about one way or the other.
(reply to this comment)
From Indecision
Monday, August 14, 2006, 09:07

(
Agree/Disagree?)
Ain't I a bitch?(reply to this comment
from lisa
Friday, July 28, 2006 - 17:02

(Agree/Disagree?)
I was wondering how the familys both in and out of Exers who come-out deal with it, considering how we where brought up.
(reply to this comment)
From smashingrrl
Friday, July 28, 2006, 17:18

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

"warning, the following post may be unsuitable for some readers"

Slowly. Very slowly. It's pretty similar for any family with a strict religious background. You'd have to ask Christy for their side of the story. I was lucky that my family did come around. They never once treated me as though they didn't love me. Accepting me was another story. It went in stages:

1. God help you if you are, you better snap out of it.

2. Fine, you'll grow out of it, don't let me hear about it.

3. You need new friends, they're influencing you.

4. You can change it you know, you don't have to be.

5. It's fine really, just don't be so obvious, it's embarrassing.

6. Okay, you're gay, fine. Do you have to dress like that though? There are plenty of attractive, feminine lesbians. (I probably shouldn't have responded with, "I know, I sleep with them")

7. Okay, but just don't talk about it and don't ever bring anyone to my house and expect us to accept them.

8. Why did you two break up? We liked that one dammit. Honey, there's this nurse where I work and I showed her your picture. And I know it's uncomfortable for your mother to set you up but you need to get back out there. God, seriously, we love you but you have got to get rid of that one.(I did) Why can't she come up for Christmas, she did thanksgiving with her family? When's the wedding?(reply to this comment

From Christy
Sunday, July 30, 2006, 19:38

(Agree/Disagree?)

Ok, I have to admit that a few of those applied to me, especially #5 and #6. When S'girl first came out, my and dad and I were still in TF. My dad was very accepting and just wasn't at all surprised. I was on my way out of TF, but was still under the influence in some respects. I considered it to be a lifestyle choice, especially since my sister had dated guys for a few years. Other members of my family had different reactions. The person who didn't want to talk about it at first has since had several of my sister's girlfriends stay at her house at different times.

I wasn't surprised at all when my sister came out, but I was concerned for her safety. She was in the military and living in a small southern town (My concerns turned out to be well-founded). Once I really thought about the whole choice thing, I realized that my sister had clearly shown signs of her orientation from a very young age. I also found out later that there are a few closet gays amongst my distant relatives. This would add even more weight, in my opinion, to the argument for nature. (reply to this comment

from samiiwas
Friday, July 28, 2006 - 10:22

(Agree/Disagree?)

I just noticed something that's pretty fucking sad. I read through this, read through the argument on the post this was referring to and guess what?

Smashingirl is the only one who's even bothered to apologize. The saddest part of that whole shit is that she's the one who least needed to apologize. Whoever called her a homo has suddenly gone silent. Whoever posted all that bullshit about "be gay just don't talk about it"... is too much of a chickenshit (kinda shows you know you're an asshole) to even post under his real ID.

Anyway, leaving the subject alone now. Just thought I'd comment on that.
(reply to this comment)

from smashingrrl
Thursday, July 27, 2006 - 12:07

(Agree/Disagree?)
Chris,
You know I love you right? Thanks for sticking up for me. You know damn well I'll be back eventually. You also know that I have waaaay to much to deal with right now to put up with crap in here. Anyway, since I doubt I ever told you this; thank you for accepting me. And you may have just made my stubborn ass tear up a little. I'll be back, just not right now.
(reply to this comment)
from Phoenixkidd
Thursday, July 27, 2006 - 08:32

(Agree/Disagree?)
It just aches me to see ex-culties put someone who is gay on a pedestal and use them for the bunt of jokes or constantly mention the word, "homo" in their posts. It also is a crude explanation to their lack of ignorance about the lifestyle and orientation, don't they realize how many males are actually gay or have gay tendencies???--Experts estimate it around 10%. That's a greater percentage, than the minorities of this country were back in 1967 when the civil rights liberties legislation were enacted upon by congress! Grow up you lame backwoods hicks!!
(reply to this comment)
From Christy
Thursday, July 27, 2006, 16:13

(Agree/Disagree?)
BTW, Happy Birthday, Phoenixkidd! That is, if the banner on this webpage is correct, and it is in fact your B'day.(reply to this comment
From Phoenixkidd
Friday, July 28, 2006, 09:35

(Agree/Disagree?)

Yes it was my Birthday yesterday, Thank you CHRISTY!!

Phoenixkidd >>>HUGS Christy(reply to this comment

From loch
Thursday, July 27, 2006, 08:53

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

To those of you who have said "Be gay, just don't talk about it."

Do you realise that you still sound just like a family member? They are so openly anti-gay, its downright rude! What makes me sick and gag, is the blatant way they joke, and how right they feel they are in their discrimination. Then they feel they are being good Christians by saying "Fine, I don't hate them for being gay. Be gay, just don't make out in front of me."

You know what then? Fine be heterosexual, just don't make out with your partner in front of me.

I am not gay, but what I have come to realise in the last year or so, is that, any discomfort I had left with the topic was either fear of the unknown, or just plain leftover family mindset.

You know how it is guys. There is not a day that goes by that we don't have to ask ourselves, "Do I feel this way because it's how I feel, or because it's how I was raised to feel?".

This is one of those times. Don't be closeminded. Free your damn mind.(reply to this comment

From weegirlie
Friday, July 28, 2006, 04:03

(Agree/Disagree?)

I don't know about anyone else, but the way I see it is definately not "be gay, just don't talk about it", but just don't carry on and on and on about it constantly even among people who openly accept them and have no issue about it. You start to feel like saying, "look I accept you completely, so you have absolutely nothing to prove to me, but please stop acting like you want special treatment just because you happen to be gay". Surely true acceptance would be not to see any issue to be made?

Just to clarify I have absolutely nothing against gays (male or female), I don't find it weird or unnatural, watching gay couples make out does not disturb me in any way, expect perhaps I might find it a bit distasteful if they are really "going at it" in an openly public area, but I'd feel the same about a straight couple. Some more intimate things should remain private to some extent IMO.

That said, I do understand the dilemma that gay people must face in that there are still bigoted individuals in society who do look down on them and treat them as inferior or "wrong", so perhaps that's why they constantly feel the have something to prove, even to those who have openly accepted them. It's a tough thing to have to deal with, so while it may annoy me when gays seem to feel the need to champion their cause constantly even when unnecessary, you've got to cut them a bit of slack and understand the difficulties they may have to face on a day to day basis that as a straight person I'm just not subject to.(reply to this comment

From Catatafish
Thursday, July 27, 2006, 14:18

Average visitor agreement is 1 out of 5(
Agree/Disagree?)
To those of you who have said "Be gay, just don't talk about it."

Noboby, said that. Nobody. You hear what you want to hear, because standing up for the poor oppressed gays is ever so much fun. (reply to this comment
From Christy
Thursday, July 27, 2006, 15:35

(Agree/Disagree?)

This article was posted after the heated exchange in: http://www.movingon.org/article.asp?sID=8&Cat=12&ID=3705

Looking back over smashingrrl's comments and articles on this site (prior to the above exchange), I only found two references to her being gay. One was her article about coming out, and one was a reference to her girlfriend. Just about everybody on this site has at some time made mention of a significant other. Most people have also discussed their experience with finding their own identity and leaving TF.

There was definitely someone suggesting that S'girl was using every opportunity to promote the fact that she is gay. This simply isn't true. (reply to this comment

From solemn
Thursday, July 27, 2006, 14:37

(Agree/Disagree?)

"When you first came out, there were members of your own family who initially felt that, ďWe accept your lifestyle, but letís not talk about it.Ē Eventually, all of that changed, and everyone in your immediate family has accepted you for who you are."

I'm guessing you didn't read the article.(reply to this comment

From loch
Thursday, July 27, 2006, 15:55

(Agree/Disagree?)
I did read the whole thing, and I was NOT responding to Christy.(reply to this comment
From solemn
Thursday, July 27, 2006, 16:17

(Agree/Disagree?)
Sorry Loch, what we have here is a failure to comunicate. I was not responding to you, I was responding to "Catatafish".(reply to this comment
From Christy
Thursday, July 27, 2006, 16:36

(Agree/Disagree?)
Me too!(reply to this comment

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