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Getting On : All My Politics

Is France Next?

from Joe H - Monday, September 29, 2003
accessed 1722 times

War on terror becomes: "War on Players"

Today, President George Bush publicly announced that he would be "opening up a can of whup-ass" on France. When questioned about the cause of his anger, Bush replied: "I caught their slime bag president macking on my woman." Chirac commented, "In France, we feel that a woman is free to do whatever and whomever she pleases. Notice I say 'woman' because despite her title, Mrs. Bush is certainly no lady!"

Fearing an impending war, or at the very least a trade embargo, French citizens have been frequenting MacDonald's at an unheard of pace, concerned that in a matter of weeks, or even days, the bounty of over-priced junk food will be cut off.

Former President Bill Clinton had these comments: "Bush needs to get with the program. All the Presidents of the world engage in wife swapping, how do you think I maintained all the alliances I did?" He did offer this caveat though "If you think this means the Princess of Italy is fair game, you'd be mistaken, which is sad, cause she's smoking hot!"

And how does the First Lady feel about this? "Ever since I turned 15, I've had men fighting over me," Mrs. Bush said.

(rough draft, I promise this will be funnier by next week)

Reader's comments on this article

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from Prisma
Tuesday, October 14, 2003 - 00:49

I found that quite amusing…
(reply to this comment)
from Nancy
Friday, October 10, 2003 - 11:55


(reply to this comment)
From Nancy
Friday, October 10, 2003, 11:55


I have wanted to discuss something political on the website for a long time, since I first learned of it. Joe, I hope you won't mind me inserting it here under your article. I don’t want to wait for it to be posted as a separate article, since it is taking up so much of my thoughts.

The issue is that of the murder of Daniel Pearl. Let me give some background. When I heard of his kidnapping, I was deeply emotionally affected, mainly for the plight of his pregnant wife. I was pregnant around the same time. The idea of another little boy coming into the world without the love a father profoundly affected me. I prayed for Daniel Pearl's release almost everyday. When I heard Marianne Pearl's plea to the kidnappers, I was impressed. I like how she did not insult them or their cause. Rather, I perceived her to appeal to them to release Daniel as a shinning example that they were better than the causes and forces that they felt they were fighting against, and they could rise above and appeal to the dignity of their cause to show the world they were capable of humanity, as they were demanding for their cause.

As we know, the appeal did not work. When I read that Daniel Pearl was killed, my heart broke for his wife and unborn son. I just learned this week of the video of his murder that was made. After listening to an NPR interview with Marianne Pearl, I went online and saw the video. I have still not recovered. I don't know if he was forced to say the things he said about being Jewish and his family being Jewish. Maybe he was being tortured, very likely. Maybe he wanted to state the truth because he was not ashamed of it. But when they then end the video with the cutting off of his head and then holding it up and the English words coming onto the screen to the effect of "this will happen again and again until our demands are met...," everything inside me revolted. I could not contain my emotion. I was shocked. It was the most heinous, gruesome, horrific execution I have ever seen. This man was a journalist. He was not a soldier or in the military. He was a civilian. He was killed because he was Jewish. That is a hate crime.

After I regained my senses, I sat silent for more than an hour. I could not function. I could not believe that this type of evil existed. Forever, Daniel Pearl's little boy, who is about the same age as mine, will live with the knowledge that his father was tortured and beheaded for the world to see. My God! What has the world come to?

My reaction after I recovered was, damn it, screw diplomacy, find these monsters responsible and kill them!!! Mind you, I am a bleeding heart liberal and anti-death penalty and not entirely in favor of the war in Iraq. I was in favor of over-turning the Taliban. But, I am defense minded, regarding criminal law. I believe that "life is God's most precious gift and no principle, no matter how glorious, justifies the taking of it." I do agree with protecting one's citizens and country from attack, though.

I am a first year graduate student in International Studies right now. My concentration is the Middle East and Islamic fundamentalist terrorism. I am just starting my studies and framing my thesis. I do know that humans cannot be oppressed. If you oppress a people, much like pushing on a balloon, they will rise in another area. Oppression is always, eventually, overcome. Look at all of us.

So, what I am asking is for some intelligent comments on the subject. What should be the U.S. military strategy in the face of globalization and the new threat of terrorism that defies borders? Do we find them and root them out? Or do we take a more diplomatic strategy and try to understand them and negotiate. What should be the response to radical Muslim terrorists targeting American civilians abroad? I find targeting civilians abhorrent. Sometimes, radicals only understand violence. But, doesn't that make us no better than they are? Killing in response to killing?

There is a term in IR known as hegemony. This is "soft power," which is opposite to military power and might. This type of power is ideological, where others believe in the power and dominance of the hegemonic nation-state. The U.S. has had this power after world after WWII. For a long time, the third world respected and wanted to emanate the U.S. with its industrialization, economic strength, world trade, resources, democracy, etc. The Bush administration's "go at it alone" type of domineering "we are the mighty," "we will find you and bring justice to you" is not hegemony, it is military might and "typical" power. Yet, the Clinton administration’s tactic to ignore terrorist attacks on the USS Cole, the World Trade Center in 1993, the US Embassies in Africa and Kohbar Towers didn't work, either. Many IR academics and military strategists believe that ignoring those attacks encouraged more and eventually lead to 9/11.

So, I was wondering what others think, mainly about the murder of Daniel Pearl. There is an interesting article online by a Boston Globe reporter which states that everyone needs to see that video, not because of its gruesome, repugnant nature but because it is anti-Semitism at its worst, a horrific hate crime tied to terrorist propaganda in an attempt to justify it. The reporter said that the world should not turn their backs on this case just because it is horrific, just as we cannot ignore the horror of the concentration camps. What is to be done with militant Islamic extremists? If a Christian cult were to go around killing Jews and Muslims in this manner, then the government would find them and bring them to justice. Is that the same tactic that should be used in this case?

I warn you, though. If you haven't seen the Daniel Pearl murder video, be careful. It will affect you. It will shock you. It will bring up emotions. Some reporters have said that the FBI didn't want this video released because it would spurn a backlash against Muslims and hinder the administration’s relations with friendly Arab nations.

Another argument not to see it, one Marianne Pearl believes, is that by watching it, we are playing into the desires of the murders. They do not deserve that recognition which was obviously one of their goals, to get publicity.

I welcome any responses. I am still experiencing "common shock" over the matter. "Common shock" is a new term coined by a Harvard medical school professor who has just written a book on the subject. She said it refers to the phenomenon we all experience when we see violence in the world or media that isn't personal to us, but more common to the whole public who sees it. It is real. I feel the need to talk about it because I'm trying to work through it. I am grappling with my thoughts on this horrific crime.

Lastly, there is, of course, the thought that this violence occurs everyday, if not on this level individually, in the Middle East. I am sure these Muslims who committed this crime have their reasons. They must have experienced horror in their own lives. But does that justify this? Was Daniel Pearl responsible for their experiences? He was held up as an American citizen and Jew and their anger for America's support of Israel taken out on him and he paid with his life, and his family will pay.

I think, no matter what, the trend in modern warfare to attack, mutilate and kill civilians, must stop. It has become out of control in Africa with the amputations of civilians and children in Zaire/Congo. If it is to be stopped, someone must take a stand for human rights, rather than just retaliating with the same violence.

God, my heart and prayers are with Marianne Pearl's two year old. That poor, poor child! God send him an angel to watch over him and somehow, someway help him grow up in a world that did this horrific act to his father and video-taped it for the world to see. I feel responsible. I am adult in a world in which this happened. We all must grapple with what we personally can do to prevent this from happening to any child, whether he is an American, a Muslim or a Jew.(reply to this comment

From Joe H
Friday, October 10, 2003, 12:24


This is something I've been thinking about too, Nancy. I hadn't heard of Daniel Pearl, but somehow it doesn't surprise me that it happened. What amazes me is how Americans who immediately adopt a "Kill, kill, kill" attitude think they are so much better. If someone attacked me brutally by total surprise (like Sept.11), my first thought would be "Why?" not, "How can I get revenge?" Why is nobody asking why, instead of just assuming that "they hate our freedom"? And now Bush starts a war with another country that had nothing to do with it because they have "Weapons of Mass Destruction." What does that term even mean? Nobody thought of a jet-liner as a "weapon of mass destruction" until 2 of them were responsible for killing over 3,000 people. Anything can be a weapon, a plastic fork can be a "weapon of mass destruction" if you can kill 50 people with it before the cops stop you. So what does this mean? It means we can't win this way. The more "terrorists" we kill, the more regular Muslims get pissed off and become terrorists! And all the meanwhile, us regular people who don't give a fuck about the stupid backward Muslims anyway are at risk of all kinds of danger and forced to stand in line twice as long at the airport and remove our shoes and act like we enjoy it so as not to arouse suspicions. Not to mention our brothers who are dying 10,000 miles away in a war that now looks as though it should never have been fought!

I wish there were some way to sit down with these crazies and have a realistic discussion. I honestly think that if we leave them alone, they'll leave us alone. But I don't think it'll happen. I may be an idealist, but I live in the real world. The damage has been done, and it's unlikely a compromise can be reached now. So what can we do? Be patient and wait for Bush's 8 years to be up? Move to Brazil? I'm open for suggestions.(reply to this comment

from Cultinvator
Wednesday, October 08, 2003 - 20:08

Don't comment apologetically, it shows weakness and steals power to your punchline.
(reply to this comment)
from Benz
Friday, October 03, 2003 - 02:33

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
I’ve been trying to post an article since 16 September 2003.

Although it seems obvious a notable deficiency or disability exists with Tim R & his merry cohorts making them unable to process a basic function, I will put to them that it appears more likely my article has simply been screened. Either way, I intend to dispense with making further colourful disparaging remarks (which undoubtably will see this entire article sent to the trailer park) and simply assign (*) as representative of all possible negative sentiments worth their ineptitude.

I put to you Tim R that I’d think an elementary explanation of why you (or your merry men) refused to post my article could have been expected to be e-mailed to advise. As none has been forthcoming, obviously the expectation of such an ordinary courtesy was misplaced entirely. – Perhaps you may instead now decide to string a few coherent words (call it a sentence) together Tim as explanation (if you feel generous).

If no worthy explanation is forthcoming (laziness the most anticipated reason) I’ll be forced to just assume you have a collective bias against articles that don’t begin with “Top Ten” (Megadeath albums), or “Top Ten” (Sesame Street songs) etc, and for that reason have refused to post mine (trashy as it may be).

As noted below this was written entirely in jest. I hope Joe H will not begrudge me space to add my article in the comment space under his article (thanks Joe).

Begin article titled: RUMOURS

Disclaimer: The following was written for the sole purpose of entertaining the writer/ reader and should not be viewed/ processed as an information source. It is not the writer’s intention to slander or otherwise tarnish the reputation of the many honest, noble, trustworthy, just, moralistic persons, those “pillars of society” who make up “The Family”. To this end it should also be stated that unauthorised use, dissemination, or exploitation of this subject matter will not be appreciated or viewed favourably. Furthermore, anyone discovered trifling in such unauthorised use will be dealt with utmost severity.


It has come to my attention, the possibility of unfounded rumours about “The Family”, and in particular regarding “Family” leadership or it’s “inner circle” may be circulating. I plead to all those who stand for fairness and equality, to welcome those persons who may be able to discount, explain or discredit any false or misleading statements. Obviously, just because someone is in “The Family” does not give them the right to argue on behalf of something they know nothing about, or against something they cannot confirm to be false, so this is hoping those people “in the know” can answer to some of the rumours floating around.

Rumour number 1: The Rod of God Revelation.

This is rumoured to be a new, experimental “Revelation”, being practiced by those at Zerby’s house, and within the “inner circle”. When first made aware this rumour it seemed incredible to me, yet when I considered the “Loving Jesus” and “Using the Keys” Revolutions, seemed an entirely plausible progression, one “revelation” or “revolution” to the next so to speak. My first thought was to discredit this “rumour” as not having any basis in fact. However I was reminded that both the “Vandari” and the “Brazil Excommunication” letters were made public here before many of our own relatives in “TF” were made aware, and that this “revelation” is apparently only for the “elite” at this stage.

If this rumour is true, I am shocked and appalled in that it appears “Family” members are not being given the “meat of the word” on an equal basis (except for those pesky Brazilian’s who went astray by buying cars and indulging excesses of the flesh, and deserve to be deprived!). If this rumour is true though, it must surely be viewed as a monumental travesty of justice to all the noteworthy current members of “The Family”, undoubtably causing them immense mental, emotional and spiritual hurt, inflicting numerous cases of “anaemia of the soul”, so to speak. But worse yet, I fear that withholding this new “meat” may result in spiritual starvation to the entire world, and I therefore conclude it would be inhumane of me not to at least make the little that I know, a bit more public knowledge.

On the subject of this new “Rod of God Revelation”, it appears that this new “revelation” is a mixture of “Loving Jesus” & “Using the Keys”. Apparently “Mama” was concerned that since Berg (Moses David) is now gone, the “Rod of God” has been failed to be implemented and many, like blind sheep, are going astray!! Zerby and her concerned staff were desperate and when fasting, exorcisms and frantic implementation of “loving Jesus” failed to provide the needed spiritual breakthrough they started thinking all was lost. However, in a stroke of genius, no doubt attributable in a large way to Zerby’s amazing links to supernatural guidance she decided to visit the local sex shop. Upon sampling some of the wares she was “blinded by the light” and received this new “revelation” direct from Jesus Christ himself. PTL!

Mama immediately went about having “Rods of God” specially crafted for each of her “Gideon’s Band”. As Peter and the other “true believers” have all been women in the spirit for sometime now, everyone, including the men (only in Mama’s home, and in the very Selah units) has now been able to fully implement this new, amazing revolution with great success. Zerby also received spiritual guidance on who each Rod should be modelled on. Each “Rod” also has its own slogan or “spiritual password”. Examples of some of the various specially crafted “Rods” and their heavenly passwords are:

 Berg (It’s the little things)
 Rasputin (Wart’s N’ all)
 Pepe (Silver Service)
 Simon Peter (Warped Englishman)
 Davidito (Gotta Be a Baby) – This one is apparently kept as “Super Selah” in Zerby’s private safe.

There are also “Rods” for when Peter doesn’t feel like being a “woman in the spirit” (I sure hope he gets the victory!). Examples of these are:

 Coosa (the Caboosa)
 Judas Iscariot (the Backstabber)

Zerby has her own personal “Rod”, called the “Vandari Rod”, for when she wants to feel “young in the spirit” again.

It is also rumoured that this new “revolution” is being funded by the Brazil tithes, of what would previously go to sending them “new wine”, but now is freed-up-cash to fund the specially crafted “Rod’s of God” Revolution.

Other Rumours currently circulating, but for which time presently fails me to go into further detail, I will at least provide a short glimpse of:

Rumour no 2: Zerby’s 5 o’clock shadow.

What has been rumoured is that this comes in handy when Zerby & Peter play Sadamn & Satan (from South Park), Zerby plays Sadamn most times, & at times has a frightening likeness when the 5 c’clock shadow is fully grown. (I’m so Jealous of you Peter!!)

Rumour no 3: Zerby is Jim Morrison.

This is really an insult to Jim Morrison, but as there are some that believe Jim Morrison faked his own death, Zerby has not escaped being considered for a “possible” Jim.

Rumour no 4: Animal Welfare inspectors confiscate various animals from the “Zerby Residence”.

It is rumoured that Animal Welfare Inspectors raided the “Zerby Residence” at dawn upon disturbing reports from neighbours that various animals including dogs, pigs, chickens and cows were being severely beaten for “failing to say the love words”. The animals were found in an appalling condition, and one St Bernard now plays dead every time a woman with glasses walks near.

As stated earlier I request and welcome anyone with intimate knowledge of the current goings on in the Zerby residence to confirm or deny these rumours so that I (and all those with a concern for human kind) may sleep restfully once again.

(reply to this comment)
From mugthebug
Wednesday, October 15, 2003, 17:29


what ever did happen to Simon peter ? i had the "joy" of watching a long-lost episode of the time machine the other day and couldn't belive i ever thought that show was cool(reply to this comment

From mugthebug
Wednesday, October 15, 2003, 17:28


what ever did happen to Simon peter ? i had the "joy" of watching a long-lost episode of the time machine the other day and couldn't belive i ever thought that show was cool(reply to this comment

From frmrjoyish
Tuesday, October 07, 2003, 18:03

sorry, didn't think it was all that funny!!!!(reply to this comment
From Tim R
Sunday, October 05, 2003, 22:39


According to the "Articles" log your article was received Sep. 30th. "Lighten Up" is not my section, so I waited a couple of days for the editor to post it before doing it myself.

"All My Politics" really isn't the right category for a satire on the Family.(reply to this comment

From Benz
Monday, October 06, 2003, 19:02

I actually tried to post it back on 16th Sep and left it for over a week before deleting it when it it wasn't posted.

I thought you may have been concerned about it being viewed as a "fraudulent posting" so I added a disclaimer and re-posted.

Thanks anyhow for posting it. BTW, I thought I entered it under "been there done that" section, but really, it did take over 3 days from the second time I posted. - My remark regarding your collective bias still stands (even if only one of your "merry men" is to blame. - No hard feelings!!

Any comments on the article itself?(reply to this comment
From Tim R
Tuesday, October 07, 2003, 01:45

I thought it was pretty funny, although as with most spoofs on the Family I had to read carefully to make sure it wasn't for real. Those pod people will believe just about anything. (reply to this comment
from Jerseygirl
Thursday, October 02, 2003 - 10:42


"I promise this will be funnier by next week"

That would be a good thing as it's pretty lame at this point. Have you seen any of the SNL impersonations of Arnold S.? That is seriously funny stuff.

G.B. and his peabodied cronies should be able to rustle up better humor than this , especially from the person who penned the hilarious N SYNC article.
(reply to this comment)

From Joe H
Thursday, October 02, 2003, 11:16

So is your Indian name "She who points out the obvious"? Seriously though, it's good to have you back sweetie, and thanks for the constructive criticism.(reply to this comment
from Tim R
Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 23:25

It's unlikely, France doesn't have oil.
(reply to this comment)
From Prisma
Tuesday, October 14, 2003, 00:51

Oh, but they have foie gras. (reply to this comment
from frmrjoyish
Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 21:47

Seeing as how Bush loves to start wars for no good reason, now he'll probably try to convince the world that we need to bomb the hell out France because the PM came onto his woman!! Yee Hah!! Go cowboy!!!!
(reply to this comment)
From Joe H
Wednesday, October 01, 2003, 11:22

Sweetie, you kind of just summarized the article, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to write your reaction again, ok hun?(reply to this comment
From frmrjoyish
Wednesday, October 01, 2003, 13:02

yep! your right! I guess did just repeat the jist of the article!!! Sorry , will try to avoid that inthe future!! My reaction is that Bush is a ##**@##*%*!!!(reply to this comment

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