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Getting On : All My Politics

I'm losing patience with my neighbours, Mr Bush

from Joe H - Wednesday, March 05, 2003
accessed 1402 times

This is an article by Terry Jones, former member of the comedy troupe Monty Python. Source:,6903,882459,00.html

I'm losing patience with my neighbours, Mr Bush

Terry Jones
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer

I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I!
For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is.

As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one.

Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours.

They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!

And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us.

That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.

Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq.

Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.

Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?

It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out.

My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.

Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.

It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.

Reader's comments on this article

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from roughneck
Monday, January 26, 2004 - 14:24

Another Terry Jones commentary:,6903,651594,00.html
(reply to this comment)
from conan
Wednesday, March 26, 2003 - 11:27

Average visitor agreement is 1 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

Joe man,


You need to get behind this war man!

Have you seen the shit the iraqis are pulling on our troops over there?? Ok, I'll admit that Geo W. isn't the smartest president we've ever had but his reasons for going to war were sound. I'm not sure about his timing but better late than never. Saddam Hussein (pronounced "so damn insane") should have been removed from power a while ago. He is a  mass murderer and does have weapons of mass distruction and chemical weapons to boot.

Unless of course you still believe the family's doctrine that America is the whore and the rest of the world, especially arabs, muslims, palestinians, and terrorists, are fundamentaly right in wanting to destroy our country. By the way, for all America's problems, I believe it to be the greatest country in the world and am a huge patriot. If you're not a patriot of our country, then get the fuck out and go join al qaeda.


(reply to this comment)
From ex- tunnel vision thinker
Friday, March 28, 2003, 09:43

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(
you have to separate cult with reality. You can't always think in black and white. I can't stand what the Jews in Israel are doing to it's Neighbour's but that dosn't mean I'm an anti-semite. On T.V they showed an Ay-merican {eye-raak}saying the same thing "he's our presee-dent" and we'll support him no matter what " Maybe thats the problem , peoples blind faith without wanting to know the facts. and I thought we got away from the family for one of those very reasons.(reply to this comment
From K
Friday, March 28, 2003, 10:01

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(
And you can't take the moral highground, when the U.S have treated the prisoners at guant.. bay appalingly with no recourse to the Geneva convention. Every day on the news we see the dead and dying Iraqis and then when an independant news station shows some of ours ,we're in a uproar. Today the papers the Sun and the Mirror had opposing statments.Who do we believe? America states they are not in it for the oil...well why won't they get out after the war? They have already chosen the U.S companies who will restore Iraq -so there will be profit for them afterall! The out- cry from the world in this crisis {we can't live in a world where the biggest bully on the block always wins as we know that one thing can't always be right} has ensured that they go in light handed now they say that they need to pull out the big guns as too many of their men are dying and that won't do.So in essance Tush/Bumsfeild will soon be "giving in to public opinion" to roll out the army and spare no mercy.[Nice reverse physcology.] (reply to this comment
From exister
Monday, January 26, 2004, 16:41


Those prisoners don't have it so bad. I've been to camp X-ray and the Caribean weather is quite pleasent. There is plenty of sunshine to glisten off of the razor wire and blue sky to stare at as one goes insane in solitary confinement.

I find it rather laughable that so many rank civilians are carrying on about the Geneva Conventions without ever having carried a Geneva Conventions ID card. As for the legal status of the POW's at Guantanamo, it is perfectly acceptable to detain enemy combatants for the duration of a conflict. These detainees should have thought about how long the war against the "Great Satan" was going to last before they signed up. (reply to this comment

From Joe H
Wednesday, March 26, 2003, 18:20

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Pre-emptive strikes are illegal and immoral.  Every one in America who has a gun is also a "threat", but we don't round them up and kill them do we?  Why not?  Because it's ILLEGAL!!(reply to this comment

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