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Getting On : Career

I just got this today!

from solemn - Thursday, October 19, 2006
accessed 1885 times

I just wanted to say "Fuck you guys, I'm rich!" Now that I will have all this money and can buy my own website and new friends, I would like just like to say: "I hate all of you". Not for any reason in particular, but just because I will soon be able to afford to. May you all rot in hell forever, Amen.

Dear Friend,Top of the day i wish you.I quite know my mail will supprise you and make you think otherwise for the fact that we haven't known each other before. However, as you read down my mail, you will understand that contacting you is not by accident rather it is handwork of God Almighty.I am Barrister Shola Williams, Personal Attorney to Engr. Michael *****, national of your country, who used to work with Chevron Petroleum Company Plc Nigeria.On the 25Th of July 2000, my client, his wife and their three children were involved in a Air France concord plane crash bound for New York with his family, you can read more on the link website below:http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stmUnfortunately they all lost their lives in the event of the crash, since then I have made several inquiries to your Embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful.After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his Relatives over the Internet, to locate any member of his family but of no avail.I contacted you to assist in repatriating the money in addition, property left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Bank Where this huge deposits were lodged.Particularly, the Bank where the deceased had an account valued at US$10 Million Dollars.Consequently, the Bank issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the Account confiscated by the bank/Government of Nigeria within the next 30 official working days.Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the the relatives For over 5 years now I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you are bearing the same sure Name with my client, So that the proceeds of this Account valued at US$10 Million dollars can be paid to you and then you and we share the money in ratio of 50% to me and 40% to you, while 10% should be for expenses or taxes your Government may require. I have all the necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make.I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please your urgent respond is needed to this matter, as I will advice you contact me to discuss further.Best Regards,Barrister Shola Williams(Esq)

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from openmind
Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 01:48

(Agree/Disagree?)
Solemn and Jesus Crust... Happy Birthday!
(reply to this comment)
From The Devil ®
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 02:03

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Actually Jesus wasn't born. He was created from spare pieces lying around his dad's garage. That's probably why he has so many father issues.(reply to this comment
From openmind
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 02:09

(Agree/Disagree?)
then why the fuck does his name appear in the birthday box?(reply to this comment
From The Devil ®
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 03:33

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Jesus created lying. I just stole his idea and said it was mine.(reply to this comment
From Jesus Crust
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 09:06

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Thats right, as if you could come up with anything original. Bitch!(reply to this comment
from Randi
Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 23:41

(Agree/Disagree?)


Yes that's a total scam...I get those e mails all the time...


(reply to this comment)

From Captain Obvious
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 12:09

(
Agree/Disagree?)
Hey! Don't steal my job.(reply to this comment
from openmind
Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 19:45

(Agree/Disagree?)

i think that email could be a scam ... there are many stories of victims to such stories ... but just to make sure if you send me USD2,000 I'll look into it for you.
(reply to this comment)

from openmind
Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 00:42

(Agree/Disagree?)

Tell them to email zerby, queen peter, world services, ascro, pacro, micro, macro, and scare-fucking-crow
(reply to this comment)

From Samuel
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 05:23

(Agree/Disagree?)

LOL! I was gonna say the same thing but you beat me to it!

Yeah, Solemn. Give them the bank info for Family Care Foundation instead : o )(reply to this comment

from Conqueror of Uranus
Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 00:32

(Agree/Disagree?)

Some Nigerian Diamond mine owner wanted to make me 36million richer as a tax break, and all he wanted was my bank account number.

The funny thing was he called me by my yahoo ID name....

The message started with; Dear Mr. Uranus.....
(reply to this comment)

from Oddman
Monday, October 23, 2006 - 04:29

(Agree/Disagree?)
While I was working in Zambia, I had many occasions where Nigerian con artists came to my office with the same sort of story. They only keep trying cause some people fall for it. Glad I'm back in Japan. If every story were true, I would have been richer than bill gates in a little over 3 months.
(reply to this comment)
from Banshee
Sunday, October 22, 2006 - 16:05

(Agree/Disagree?)

LOL! Thanks for the laugh, especially from those who so solemnly explained how this was a hoax. :)... Check this out too:

http://dearsirmadam.com/


(reply to this comment)

from solemn
Sunday, October 22, 2006 - 11:18

(Agree/Disagree?)

Heh, you guys, and girls, are great!

Those of you who got the joke can give yourselves 100 Cool Person points.

To those of you who continue to remind me that it's a scam, thanks for the concern.

To those who are big meanies and call me names, you are off my christmas list. I mean it!


(reply to this comment)

From Rain Child
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 04:54

(Agree/Disagree?)
I hardly think you get to complain about being called names after starting your post with, "Fuck you guys...I hope you all rot in hell..." You don't sound like the type who has a Christmas list.
:) (reply to this comment
From solemn
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 09:41

(Agree/Disagree?)

I do have one, and you are on it.

(reply to this comment

From Samuel
Sunday, October 22, 2006, 14:37

(Agree/Disagree?)

I knew checking Snopes.com was going to work out in the end! I get 100 Cool Person points! WOO HOO!

Yeah, BABY!

By the way, what exactly can I do with 100 Cool Person points? Is it enough to buy the latest Michael W. Smith CD? Maybe I could buy a Cool Person Mercedes? Are there any taxes to be levied on these Cool Person points? It's never to early to start Christmas shopping.

(reply to this comment

From placebo
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 04:18

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Well regardless of the fact that solemn doesn't have the authority to issue cool points, the fact that you mentioned buying a Michael W Smith CD just made your account go 3'000'050'000'000'000'000'003 in minus....(reply to this comment
From Samuel
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 08:10

(Agree/Disagree?)

Then I wonder how many Cool Person points Michael W. Smith has.

You do realize he doesn't just do Christian Contemporary, right?

I liked his song that he wrote after 9/11, "There She Stands".

By the way, there is no new Michael W. Smith CD coming out. That was meant as a joke.

What kind of music do you recommend I start listening to, Placebo? I'm willing to try just about any genre once.(reply to this comment

From placebo
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 09:04

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

ok he asked me for it: A perfect circle,Bauhaus,Belle and Sebastian, Brahms,Beethoven,Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Bob Dylan,Blonde,Bruce Springsteen,Bright Eyes,Cursive, Cannibal Corpse Cat Stevens,Crosby,Stills Nash and Young,David Bowie,Built to Spill,Captain Beefheart,Jeff Buckley,Hope of the States,Interpol JJ72, joy Division,Magnetic Fields,M.I.A., Mia,Manic Street Preachers,Modest Mouse, Morrissey,Mouse on Mars, Papa M,Muse,My Morning Jacket,Pixies, Placebo,Radiohead,Ryan Adams,Secret Machines,Smashing Pumpkins,Songs:Ohia,Sonic Youth, Stellastar,televison,The Clash,The Cure,The Flaming Lips, The Good Life, The Jesus and Mary Chain, The Killers,The Lemonheads,The New Pornographers,The Rolling Stones,The Velvet Underground,Thom Yorke,Tom Waits,Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers,Uncle Tupelo,Voxtrot,Incubus,Pink Floyd,Talking Heads,Talk Talk,The Byrds,the Raveonettes,The Strokes,The Libertines,The Band,The Cars,And you will know us by the trail of dead,Flaming Groovies,Miles Davis, john zorn,The Van Pelt, Squirrel Bait,Hüsker Dü, Minutemen,Blur, Love,Breeders,Smashing Pumpkins,Fugazi,Michael Jackson(first 2 albums),Boy Hits Car, Beck,Dismemberment Plan,XTC,teenage fanclub,frank black, Antonin Dvorjak,Mazzy Star,The Holy Childhood,Sonic Youth,Steve Earle, Gram Parsons, Tortoise,Stereolab,Melvins, Dinosaur Jr,Archive,Amplifier,Kinks......um and the Beatles

there's a start, you'll get 10 points for each album of the aforementioned artists you listen to.Have fun!(reply to this comment

From and you thought I was finished?
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 14:48

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(
Agree/Disagree?)
leonard cohen, stiff lil fingers,Misfits,Dead Kennedys, Soulwax,Whitest Boy Alive,Kings of Convienience,Kings of Leon,31 Knots, Boris,Minor Threat,Bad Brains,Orange Juice,K's choice,Le Tigre, Hole (yes, I like them), Soundgarden,Temple of Dog,Can, Tangerine Dream, Kraftwerk,Cansei des Sexy,Arab Strap, Afghan Whigs,Twilight Singers,Slint,Walkmen, Neil Young,Hank Williams, robert Johnson,Cream, Soft Machine...(reply to this comment
From solemn
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 10:15

(Agree/Disagree?)
Don’t forget:

Vivaldi
Teleman
Bach
George Fredrick Handel
Hayden
Mozart
Rossini
Schubert
Mendelssohn
F Chopin
F Chopin
Liszt
Wagner
Brahms
Dvorak
Tchaikovsky
Puccini
Debussy

They are listed chronologically, not by order of importance. You can stop at Debussy, modern classical is garbage. (Chopin was listed twice because you need to listen to him twice as often.)
(reply to this comment
From placebo
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 11:03

(Agree/Disagree?)
I mentioned Dvorjak.tchaikovsky and Händel are crap as far as I'm concerned and Bach bores me.You're correct with the others though esp Brahms,Vivaldi and Wagner.(reply to this comment
From solemn
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 11:20

(Agree/Disagree?)

You don't like Dvorak,Tchaikovsky, and Händel because you are a heathen. Though I agree Bach can be a bit structured and pretentious, he is still worth listening to.

(reply to this comment

From placebo
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 12:39

(Agree/Disagree?)
I love Dvorak,what you on about?(reply to this comment
From solemn
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 12:51

(Agree/Disagree?)

Oh, sorry, I had to read it again. You are 1/3 less the heathen than I had thought you were.

(reply to this comment

From placebo
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 10:59

(Agree/Disagree?)

I can't believe I forgot this but listening to them today made me think of poor Samuel and his plight : Elvis Costello and the Attractions.

Here's the song:

Radio,Radio

I was tuning in the shine on the light night dial
doing anything my radio advised
with every one of those late night stations
playing songs bringing tears to me eyes
I was seriously thinking about hiding the receiver
when the switch broke 'cause it's old
They're saying things that I can hardly believe.
They really think we're getting out of control.

Radio is a sound salvation
Radio is cleaning up the nation
They say you better listen to the voice of reason
But they don't give you any choice
'cause they think that it's treason.
So you had better do as you are told.
You better listen to the radio.

I wanna bite the hand that feeds me.
I wanna bite that hand so badly.
I want to make them wish they'd never seen me.


Some of my friends sit around every evening
and they worry about the times ahead
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference
and the promise of an early bed
You either shut up or get cut out;
they don't wanna hear about it.
It's only inches on the reel-to-reel.
And the radio is in the hands of such a lot of fools
tryin' to anaesthetise the way that you feel

[Chorus]

Wonderful radio
Marvelous radio
Wonderful radio
Radio, radio...

and the classic SNL performance of it:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOuknbvu21Q
(reply to this comment

From Samuel
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 15:34

(Agree/Disagree?)

Placebo, that's great! I like this, I really do. Of course I'm not exactly sure how it goes. I'll try and see if I can find it. Uh...what is the name of the CD, and who puts it out?

(reply to this comment

From placebo
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 15:51

(Agree/Disagree?)
Elvis Costello and the Attractions.Album is called "This Year's Model" should be available in all good music stores.I can email it to you if you can't find it.(reply to this comment
From openmind
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 19:26

(Agree/Disagree?)
what about Boy George ... guys lets not forget boy george(reply to this comment
From Rain Child
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 16:56

(Agree/Disagree?)
Ohhh, You were just DYING for that opportunity!(reply to this comment
From loch
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 15:05

(Agree/Disagree?)
Kings of Leon! fuck yeah!(reply to this comment
From Samuel
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 10:58

(Agree/Disagree?)

It sounds like it's all Heavy Metal, so I probably won't be listening to most of it. To me the most important thing in a song is the words. If the drums and the heavy guitar are so loud you can't hear the words, you can forget it as far as I'm concerned. At least you didn't say "Guns N Roses". I do like Bruce Sprinsteen, though. The Rolling Stones were okay when they played at the Super Bowl.

The Beatles are okay. I had a friend in Elementary school named Michelle and my Dad would joke with me about the song the Beatles did about Michelle. They should get back together.

Perhaps The Family could help them with that by having John Lennon sing from the grave in prophecy! : o )

The only song I don't like from them is the one Lennon did called "Imagine". He must have been on some pretty heavy drugs when he wrote that one.

Why would anyone want to listen to a group or song called " The New Pornographers"? They might as well call themselves "The Barely Evolved Chauvanist Pigs". (reply to this comment

From Goontana
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 11:52

(
Agree/Disagree?)
What's wrong with Guns n' Roses? They are pretty tame compared to other bands. Try listening to their song "patience". All bands have good songs and not so good songs. (reply to this comment
From Oddman
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 22:56

(Agree/Disagree?)
If I had to pick just one song by the Beatles or any of their members, I would have to pick Lennon's Imagine. It's a beautiful song.(reply to this comment
From ErikMagnusLehnsher
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 20:48

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

First and foremost, Samuel's a nice guy. When my daughter is old enough to date and the doorbell rings I hope it's a nice, polite, respectful, God-fearing, pre-marital abstinence promoting lad like Samuel.

However, my friends, this post by Samuel is the last straw and I think an intervention is desperately in order. I feel like Thomas Haden Church sitting across the table from Paul Giamatti in Sideways.

This Christmas Eve we need to arrange for Mischa Barton and Elisha Cuthbert to show up on his front porch ready for a evening of altruistic hedonism. A 24 hour long, jello-shot-induced session of debauchery will follow. Samuel is going to have a night of so much sex that he's going to need hip replacements and a bag of ice hanging from his waist to ease his johnson's pain.

When all is said and done we'll take every Christian book and CD he has and start a bonfire in his living room. We'll play the most Satanic music we can find, strip and dance naked around the bonfire. We'll throw in every conservative book we find except "The Factor for Kids"...we'll need extra toilet paper after we take turns defecating on his Fox News calendar.

We'll slump an incoherent Samuel in a wheelchair and roll him down to the local tattoo parlor (even if he was conscious he couldn't walk because the crazy bastard wore out his hips, remember?). We'll hook him up with a few memorable tattoos and call it a day.

(Bill O'Reilly impersonation)

"Samuel, what say you, sir?"
(reply to this comment

From Rain Child
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 06:28

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Can everyone stop trying to impose themselves on this child and leave him in his innocence if that's what he wants? He's got as much right to be himself as anyone else.(reply to this comment
From ErikMagnusLehnsher
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 16:39

(Agree/Disagree?)
Of course he does. Samuel's a good sport...I'm sure he understands that this is only playful banter. No offense is intended.(reply to this comment
From Samuel
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 18:48

(Agree/Disagree?)

In your case, I knew that. Did you actually expect me to think you could arrange to have Mischa Barton come over and wrestle another woman in Jell-o?

What I was offended by was loch's suggestion that I am still in The Family. I'm sorry she feels that way, as I don't recall doing anything to her. Especially after seeing all the horror stories on this site. How could anyone in their right mind think that all these stories are made up? And how could someone remain in The Family after knowing that those stories are true? I don't understand it. I was quite upset, but I've gotten over it now. For one thing, I sent my affidavit in today. While my abuse was very minimal, I was able to cite observations I made when visiting other homes, as well as the cult's childrens publications (the main venue of brainwashing in my case, as my parents were independent and avoided communal living). And now? I feel powerful. I feel like I made a difference.

By the way, if you guys haven't sent in your affidavits for pauls' case yet, call your bank! I found out some banks will fax it for free if you have an account there. I didn't find out in time, I ended up paying $4 for it at a mail drop place on my lunch break.

No wonder The Family always hated the banks! : o ) (reply to this comment

From ErikMagnusLehnsher
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 21:11

(Agree/Disagree?)

Hmm...I didn't say anything about wrestling in Jell-o but for you to conjure up that image shows that you might have repressed freakiness going on, my friend. :)

FYI, this is what a Jell-o shot is:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jello_shots

Your naivete might occasionally make you the target of some playful ridicule around here. It's kind of like watching Adam (Brendan Fraser) emerge from the shelter in "Blast from the Past" and say things like, "Oh my lucky stars! A Negro!"

It sounds like you're working hard and you're studying and when it comes down to it, we all want to see each other do well. Take care of yourself. (reply to this comment

From Samuel
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 04:39

(Agree/Disagree?)

Just because I misread what you said doesn't mean I have repressed freakiness going on.

I've seen enough dating shows to know exactly what a jello-shot is, as well as jello wrestling.(reply to this comment

From Shaka
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 06:47

(Agree/Disagree?)
Umm..wow...holy shit dude. (reply to this comment
From openmind
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 23:33

(Agree/Disagree?)
...speaking of which ... say erik, have u got a good kickass recipe for those jello shots?(reply to this comment
From placebo
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 23:46

(Agree/Disagree?)
screw that,have you got Mischa Barton's phone number?(reply to this comment
From Samuel
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 13:35

(Agree/Disagree?)
Eric, quit tapping into Paris Hilton's cell phone!(reply to this comment
From openmind
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 21:07

(Agree/Disagree?)

ROTFLOMFL!!! I'm laughing so hard I probably need a wheelchair(reply to this comment

From Rain Child
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 16:58

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Okay, after this post, I finally agree that Samuel was made up. That was pretty damn good.(reply to this comment
From Samuel
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 19:50

(Agree/Disagree?)

Rain! You of all people should know better than that. You and I have e-mailed each other. I was about to send you the Power Point thing I did on Ricky so you could proofread it for me before Rivcky's friends told me it was a bad idea.

And my affidavit for Paul's case is being printed out. Now I just need to get access to a fax machine, because we don't have one at home.

I would take great pleasure in posting some pictures of myself on this site so I can put this ugly tabloidish rumor to death. But unfortunately, the "Add Images" button is not working. I'll try again tomorrow.

Rain, you know I'm real, can you set this matter straight? I hate to have people thinking I'm a brainwashed cultie.

And no, Fox News does not qualify as a cult, so don't go there guys. Lately I've been watching CBS more, by the way. (reply to this comment

From Rain Child
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 04:53

(Agree/Disagree?)
Sorry, Sam.
Yes, it's true, everyone. I have received an e-mail from Samuel Mercuri.
I don't know if that proves anything, but he probably is real.(reply to this comment
From Samuel
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 05:18

(Agree/Disagree?)

Does anyone know how to upload pictures? The add images button isn't working, it leads me to "This page cannot be displayed". Maybe it's my computer.

Sorry if I snapped at you yesterday, Rain. It just kinda upsets me when people think I'm still in The Family. Think about it, how would you feel if people were saying you were still in The Family?

Just because I'm very different guys, doesn't mean I'm not real. Just because I'm a Pentecostal Christian doesn't mean I can't have a good sense of humor, or enjoy debating on this site. That's the main reason why I keep coming here, I want you guys to realize that. Just because I'm an Evangelical that usually leans Conservative, doesn't mean I'm not a normal guy.

(reply to this comment

From The Devil ®
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 05:59

Average visitor agreement is 2 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

Jesus broke the picture uploads in a jealous rage after I dumped his omnipotent ass. He knew I was going to post some incriminating pictures of us together, and he hasn't told his dad about us yet. He was always worried that the old bastard might chance by here while surfing for midget demon porn.

So I hear you're a virgin Sammy boy. I'd be more then happy to help you out with that. I have a thing for dumb-as-fuck evangelical hicks missing most of their teeth.

Of course your puny human body probably wouldn't be able to handle my...size. But I would be more then happy to take on a more earthly form that would be more to your liking. Keith Urban perhaps?

Think about it.(reply to this comment

From Jesus Crust
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 09:52

Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3.5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

Oh, you dumped me , huh? Then why is it that I have the apartment and the Cabriolet, hmmmm? Why is it that you had to move back to your little cave under the dirt, or whatever it is. Face it, you were never man enough for me. And when I used to call you "Big Red", I was just being nice. Try the pump, sugar!

Jesus has left the building! (Snap)

(reply to this comment

From The Devil ®
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 01:18

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

So you're speaking to me now? Who dumped who isn't important. The main thing is that eventually your old man will see this and die from shock(I wish he still knew everything the senile old fool. Would save me some time).

Once that happens me and my minions will be free to take over the Moon Space City Park Heaven and turn it into the ultimate strip club. And your photo will be under the front desk Jesus so don't even bother trying to sneak in.

As far as you keeping the apartment, is that the one with the fucking see-through walls? I told you that you got fucking ripped off. And I suggested you smite the fucking builder, and flood his entire planet but nooooo... You said you liked the idea of ppl watching us going at it. Slut! You keep it! And I don't live in a fucking cave under the dirt. Were you seeing Bin Laden on the side? I'm guessing he dumped your pasty ass too.

I got rid of the Cabriolet. Fucking american cars. I actually smited Ferrari's lead engineer and had him whip me up a new gondola. Zero to Warp3 in 8 seconds, and you should see the ass I pickup in this thing. Who needs a penis pump when you have a custom built Ferrari gondola?

So Sammy boy wanna come for a spin? I might not be as endowed as slut boy here(you can probably imagine that an omnipotent entity has a fairly large frank n beans), but I think you'll be pleasently surprised. And you just have to hear Keith Urban's latest CD on my gondola stereo. I've destroyed black holes with this thing.(reply to this comment

From Jesus Crust
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 09:04

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

No, I'm not really talking to you. I was having a weak moment. My therapist warned me that I would have days like this. But just to clear up a few things:

My dad is so old he doesnt even know how to turn on the t.v. at the rest home. So computers are a bit out of his skill range. Besides, last time I visited him, I took his glasses just in case.

Minions-shminions! I'll just like call down some fire and flintstones, or bleed the blood over them, or whatever I do.

I like my see through walls, they give Ramon next door a nice view when I am in the shower. Have I been talking to Ramon??? "Talking" isn't the word I'm looking for dear.

The cabrio is German, you know, "Holding it down for the Deutchland, yo!"

And if you think you are going to use Sam to make me jealous, I have one word for you, "Ramon". So go ahead and tear it up in your lil "I'm trying to compensate for a small member" Ferrari. See if I care.

(reply to this comment

From openmind
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 07:46

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
here goes again...
3...2...1... ROTFLOMFL!!!(reply to this comment
From Rain Child
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 05:49

(Agree/Disagree?)
I didn't realise you were snapping...now I'm all offended. Just Kidding. Hey, don't take it seriously. I dont think many people think you are a Family Member. I'd be more inclined to think you were a regular user of the site. But I don't even think that. I mean, I know you're a regular user, but I do believe you are yourself...Oh never mind.
I've never been able to get a picture on here either. It's not your computer, it's the site. Don't worry about it.
(reply to this comment
From The Devil ®
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 06:03

Average visitor agreement is 1 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
Back off there miss thing. He's mine!(reply to this comment
From Samuel
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 14:45

(Agree/Disagree?)
If I rebuke you in the name of the Keys, will you leave? : o )(reply to this comment
From The Devil ®
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 01:24

Average visitor agreement is 1 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
What the fuck are the keys? Do you wear a chastity belt? I'd love to rip it off with my teeth. Wouldn't you get severe chaffing?(reply to this comment
From Samuel
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 04:52

(Agree/Disagree?)

The Keys are an idea that your girlfriend Karen Zerby came up with, Satan. She atcually stole them from another minister, I think he was American but I'm not sure.

Anyway, the keys to the kingdom are an idea that one can pray in when they don't want to pray " In Jesus' name". Your girlfriend recieved this in prophecy from Jesus himself. Of course it may have been you disguising your voice, I don't know.

Jesus told her that Family members can claim the power of the Keys and their prayers will be answered more quickly. It's like a direct line to Heaven, if you will.

The reason why I said "the Keys" instead of "In Jesus' name", is because I'm a Christian. I have a problem with using Jesus' name in vain, even if I know it's just a joke.

You really should start reading your GN's more, after all, you helped write them.

No, I do not wear a chastity belt. I wear a regular belt.(reply to this comment

From The Devil ®
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 05:39

Average visitor agreement is 2.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2.5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 2.5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

*sigh* Jesus used to give me sermons while we were having anal sex. He said it got him off quicker. I imagine it's much the same for you.

I tell you what, I'd be happy to find a large battery powered key for you if thats what you're into. I imagine we'll need plenty of lube though because those fuckers have nasty edges on them.

(reply to this comment

From openmind
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 07:03

(Agree/Disagree?)
actually guys, "The Keys" was copied from a certian branch of witchcraft called "Enochian Magick"

see:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enochian
http://www.geocities.com/peripsol/Enoch/5EnochianCalls.htm(reply to this comment
From Hmmmmm
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 15:48

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(
Agree/Disagree?)
Seriously dude, for your own reputation, shut the fuck up! (reply to this comment
From loch
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 14:45

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)

I swear to god, Samuel HAS to be a current member on here trying to pose as a "geeky X member"

So much boredom huh?(reply to this comment

From Shaka
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 14:31

Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 5 out of 5(Agree/Disagree?)
LOL, after reading a lot of your posts, I'm pretty sure that if you put up posters of the bands you like, your bedroom would look like you were a 12 year old girl from Alabama. You're more aware of Brittany Spears gossip than the paparazzi. Oh well, to each his own. But do try some metal, it won't kill you. Especially goes well with anger and booze. Satan's music rocks!(reply to this comment
From Samuel
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 19:17

(Agree/Disagree?)

Come on guys! I talk about The Family having John Lennon sing from the grave in prophecy so he can bring back the Beatles? You guys have got to be kidding me! I left in 2003 with my parents. The Anti-American propaganda was just too much for me. I love this country, and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.

Like I said before, I know you guys are familiar with Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson. That's why I mentioned them rather than Michael W. Smith, the Marantha Singers, Bering Strait ( a country music band from Russia), Ryhthym and Blues singers. It does NOT mean I listen to them all the time.

Basically, I just like the way they sing lots of fast happy songs on their CD's. People say I'm always in a good mood with a smile on my face. Well, to be honest with you, fast happy music is what picks me up when I'm having a bad day or I'm upset. Too much music in the world is sad and depressing. I like music that you can dance to. I don't get upset often, but I'm a normal guy with emotions so it can be expected that occasionally I'll get upset.

I used to love Kazaa because I could download all kinds of music according to my fickle tastes without having to buy 35 CD's that I'll only listen to one song on.

The front pages of tabloids here are covered with Britney Spears gossip. It's sad. But for some reason I keep reading them on my break. At least they don't talk about Prince William and Kate anymore. They should leave those two alone. They were making such a big deal over nothing. The tabloids are good at that. I think Prince William and Kate make a fine couple.

And honestly, when was the last time you heard someone in The Family talk about "chauvanist pigs"? They certainly don't feel that way about porn. They publish it and give it to their kids.

For you, Shaka, I'll try and see if I can borrow a Heavy Metal CD from someone at work.

One thing I didn't find in the tabloids is that Ramadan is about to end. I bet you're happy about that. Stay safe over there, Shaka!


(reply to this comment

From Dr. Rock
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 21:52

(
Agree/Disagree?)

Samuel, I'm going to prescribe a good dose of Tool and Rage against the Machine.

Get a good Rage album, like "Evil Empire" or "The Battle of Los Angeles" and then follow it with "AEnima" and "Undertow".

And for God's sake, stop listening to Praise music.(reply to this comment

From Oddman
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 22:52

(Agree/Disagree?)

If anyone wants praise in their rock, I would suggest Nine Inch Nails - Closer (To God).(reply to this comment

From Axle
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 11:13

Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5Average visitor agreement is 3 out of 5(
Agree/Disagree?)

What's wrong with G&R dude?

Just because a band sucks, it doesn't mean you can't listen to them. You listen to praise music, and praise music sucks enormous balls.

(reply to this comment

From Samuel
Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 14:47

(Agree/Disagree?)

Are you an expert on balls, or did you just say that because you don't like praise music?

Britney Spears sucks, and I still listen to her first CD on occasion.(reply to this comment

From Conqueror of Uranus
Thursday, October 26, 2006, 09:46

(Agree/Disagree?)

I maybe a bit outdated, but try some of "System of a Down".

Aremenian immigrant rockers singing pure blasphemy..... and with a surprisingly accurate knowledge of the bible.(reply to this comment

From Ne Oublie
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 10:18

(Agree/Disagree?)

Did you put Smashing Pumpkins in twice because they count double?

... and Captain Beefheart?!? Nyahaha, my Dad loves his stuff, always asking me to look out for original records of his!(reply to this comment

From placebo
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 10:24

(Agree/Disagree?)
yeh, one version with D'Arcy and one with Melissa auf der Maur on bass-(reply to this comment
From Samuel
Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 05:25

(Agree/Disagree?)
Why does everyone else always get all the breaks? : o ((reply to this comment
From vixie
Sunday, October 22, 2006, 12:57

(Agree/Disagree?)

How about those of us who thought the joke was so obvious that we didn't deem it necessary to explain how it was funny,

do we get, like, 10,000 cool points?

(And also, I'm not sure that some of those names were necessarily negative, I mean 'fucking, thick headed dickhead' implies - other than a tendency to use redundant words whilst engaged in namecalling - that you are getting laid, woo hooo, and that you are possessed of a glans whose girth is pleasingly thick. That can hardly be a bad thing now, can it?! I personally think that at least one person deserves to have their Christmas list ban revoked...)

Hmmm that reminds me, apparently 'Licence to Kill' was originally going to be called 'Licence Revoked', but it was decided that not enough Americans would understand the term 'revoked'. Eh, I'm not certain that's true.

Oh and also, some people should check their email more often.

(reply to this comment

From AnnaH
Sunday, October 22, 2006, 14:28

(Agree/Disagree?)
Yeah, you'd think so wouldn't you? But I just had to explain to someone what a "negative balance" is, so I'm not sure....(reply to this comment
From vixie, again!
Sunday, October 22, 2006, 13:02

(
Agree/Disagree?)

Damn! *other than a tendency on the part of the namecaller to use redundant words...

(reply to this comment

From Just wondering...
Sunday, October 22, 2006, 11:21

(
Agree/Disagree?)
how many of those 'big meanies' were on your Christmas list to be taken off of it?(reply to this comment
from cool8pack
Sunday, October 22, 2006 - 09:44

(Agree/Disagree?)
u fucking thick headed dick - ha! Can't believe it! U fell for it! Talk about ignorant! Talk about being wet behind the ears! Talk about being green! And naieve to boot! I get 10 of these a day - and guess what ! I now own the world - you poor little shit.....
(reply to this comment)
From vixie
Sunday, October 22, 2006, 13:32

(Agree/Disagree?)

OMFG, how did that happen? How on earth did I manage to misread 'dick' as 'dickhead'?!? I take back what I said, you do not have a tendency to use redundant words. Shock horror, I think maybe I am spending too much time online. It's rotting my brain.

(reply to this comment

from SeanSwede
Saturday, October 21, 2006 - 06:55

(Agree/Disagree?)

DONT BELIEVE THAT PILE OF BULLSHIT. I get those mails all of the time and have been for many many years. They are just a bunch of scammers. They want to just get ahold of your personal info like social security numbers etc etc.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_zdpcm/is_200510/ai_n15703286

I usually write them back and tell them to fuck off or "sorry I cant help you, try somewhere else"

Please guys, dont get into that stuff. You will just end up having to put money into their accounts and all sorts of stuff and when they are finished using you they will go and scam off of someone else.

THEY ARE JUST SCAMMERS


(reply to this comment)

from Peter
Saturday, October 21, 2006 - 05:06

(Agree/Disagree?)
I'm happy to hear you will be rich soon. I also just got a important message informing me of an incredible oppurtunity.


DEAR SIR/MADAM:

I AM MR. DARL MCBRIDE CURRENTLY SERVING AS THE PRESIDENT AND CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER OF THE SCO GROUP, FORMERLY KNOWN AS CALDERA SYSTEMS INTERNATIONAL, IN LINDON, UTAH, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. I KNOW THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOUR BECAUSE WE HAVE HAD NO PREVIOUS COMMUNICATIONS OR BUSINESS DEALINGS BEFORE NOW.

MY ASSOCIATES HAVE RECENTLY MADE CLAIM TO COMPUTER SOFTWARES WORTH AN ESTIMATED $25 BILLION U.S. DOLLARS. I AM WRITING TO YOU IN CONFIDENCE BECAUSE WE URGENTLY REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE TO OBTAIN THESE FUNDS.

IN THE EARLY 1970S THE AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH CORPORATION DEVELOPED AT GREAT EXPENSE THE COMPUTER OPERATING SYSTEM SOFTWARE KNOWN AS UNIX. UNFORTUNATELY THE LAWS OF MY COUNTRY PROHIBITED THEM FROM SELLING THESE SOFTWARES AND SO THEIR VALUABLE SOURCE CODES REMAINED PRIVATELY HELD. UNDER A SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT SOME PROGRAMMERS FROM THE CALIFORNIA UNIVERSITY OF BERKELEY DID ADD MORE CODES TO THIS OPERATING SYSTEM, INCREASING ITS VALUE, BUT NOT IN ANY WAY TO DILUTE OR DISPARAGE OUR FULL AND RIGHTFUL OWNERSHIP OF THESE CODES, DESPITE ANY AGREEMENT BETWEEN AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH AND THE CALIFORNIA UNIVERSITY OF BERKELEY, WHICH AGREEMENT WE DENY AND DISAVOW.

IN THE YEAR 1984 A CHANGE OF REGIME IN MY COUNTRY ALLOWED THE AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH CORPORATION TO MAKE PROFITS FROM THESE SOFTWARES. IN THE YEAR 1990 OWNERSHIP OF THESE SOFTWARES WAS TRANSFERRED TO THE CORPORATION UNIX SYSTEM LABORATORIES. IN THE YEAR 1993 THIS CORPORATION WAS SOLD TO THE CORPORATION NOVELL. IN THE YEAR 1994 SOME EMPLOYEES OF NOVELL FORMED THE CORPORATION CALDERA SYSTEMS INTERNATIONAL, WHICH BEGAN TO DISTRIBUTE AN UPSTART OPERATING SYSTEM KNOWN AS LINUX. IN THE YEAR 1995 NOVELL SOLD THE UNIX SOFTWARE CODES TO SCO. IN THE YEAR 2001 OCCURRED A SEPARATION OF SCO, AND THE SCO BRAND NAME AND UNIX CODES WERE ACQUIRED BY THE CALDERA SYSTEMS INTERNATIONAL, AND IN THE FOLLOWING YEAR THE CALDERA SYSTEMS INTERNATIONAL WAS RENAMED SCO GROUP, OF WHICH I CURRENTLY SERVE AS CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER.

MY ASSOCIATES AND I OF THE SCO GROUP ARE THEREFORE THE FULL AND RIGHTFUL OWNERS OF THE OPERATING SYSTEM SOFTWARES KNOWN AS UNIX. OUR ENGINEERS HAVE DISCOVERED THAT NO FEWER THAN SEVENTY (70) LINES OF OUR VALUABLE AND PROPRIETARY SOURCE CODES HAVE APPEARED IN THE UPSTART OPERATING SYSTEM LOONIX. AS YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE, THIS GIVES US A CLAIM ON THE MILLIONS OF LINES OF VALUABLE SOFTWARE CODES WHICH COMPRISE THIS LINUX AND WHICH HAS BEEN SOLD AT GREAT PROFIT TO VERY MANY BUSINESS ENTERPRISES. OUR LEGAL EXPERTS HAVE ADVISED US THAT OUR CONTRIBUTION TO THESE CODES IS WORTH AN ESTIMATED TWENTY-FIVE (25) BILLION U.S. DOLLARS.

UNFORTUNATELY WE ARE HAVING DIFFICULTY EXTRACTING OUR FUNDS FROM THESE COMPUTER SOFTWARES. TO THIS EFFECT I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE MANDATE BY MY COLLEAGUES TO CONTACT YOU AND ASK FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE. WE ARE PREPARED TO SELL YOU A SHARE IN THIS ENTERPRISE, WHICH WILL SOON BE VERY PROFITABLE, THAT WILL GRANT YOU THE RIGHTS TO USE THESE VALUABLE SOFTWARES IN YOUR BUSINESS ENTERPRISE. UNFORTUNATELY WE ARE NOT ABLE AT THIS TIME TO SET A PRICE ON THESE RIGHTS. THEREFORE IT IS OUR RESPECTFUL SUGGESTION, THAT YOU MAY BE IMMEDIATELY A PARTY TO THIS ENTERPRISE, BEFORE OTHERS ACCEPT THESE LUCRATIVE TERMS, THAT YOU SEND US THE NUMBER OF A BANKING ACCOUNT WHERE WE CAN WITHDRAW FUNDS OF A SUITABLE AMOUNT TO GUARANTEE YOUR PARTICIPATION IN THIS ENTERPRISE. AS AN ALTERNATIVE YOU MAY SEND US THE NUMBER AND EXPIRATION DATE OF YOUR MAJOR CREDIT CARD, OR YOU MAY SEND TO US A SIGNED CHECK FROM YOUR BANKING ACCOUNT PAYABLE TO "SCO GROUP" AND WITH THE AMOUNT LEFT BLANK FOR US TO CONVENIENTLY SUPPLY.

KINDLY TREAT THIS REQUEST AS VERY IMPORTANT AND STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL. I HONESTLY ASSURE YOU THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL AND RISK-FREE.


(reply to this comment)
From neez
Saturday, October 21, 2006, 17:46

(
Agree/Disagree?)
Wow. All they want is your credit/bank details, or a blank cheque. And those capital letters really add to the overall authenticity of the peice. Send them $$$ NOW!(reply to this comment
from Morph
Saturday, October 21, 2006 - 01:42

(Agree/Disagree?)
Scam emails are Nigeria's second biggest export, after oil. ;-)
(reply to this comment)
From Loonix?
Sunday, October 22, 2006, 01:09

(
Agree/Disagree?)
It's all too true. These letters originated in Nigeria a long time ago, and are called scam 419 letters. They used to arrive by fax or regular mail and now by email. The letter posted above from "Darl McBride" is actually a parody of a 419 letter.(reply to this comment
from JohnnieWalker
Friday, October 20, 2006 - 23:33

(Agree/Disagree?)

Reminds me of the epic tale of Gwammi Mufasta: http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1710265/
(reply to this comment)

from smashingirl
Friday, October 20, 2006 - 21:10

(Agree/Disagree?)

Hurry, if you don't email them back a starving boy in Louisianna who needs a kidney transplant because he got aids from a needle hidden in a theater seat by a guy whose child was bitten by rattlesnakes in a Burger King ball slide will die because Bill Gates is pissed that no one is forwarding his emails.
(reply to this comment)

from Aaron
Friday, October 20, 2006 - 17:49

(Agree/Disagree?)
SCAM ........dumbass
(reply to this comment)
From Removed
Friday, October 20, 2006, 23:15

(
Agree/Disagree?)
[Removed at author's request] (reply to this comment
From afflick
Saturday, October 21, 2006, 07:28

(Agree/Disagree?)
Maybe he's too solemn too be funny?(reply to this comment
From vixie
Saturday, October 21, 2006, 07:37

(Agree/Disagree?)

Or maybe, just maybe, he is too funny to be solemn.

(reply to this comment

from Rain Child
Friday, October 20, 2006 - 17:47

(Agree/Disagree?)
I got about three similar stories from Africa - Someone was falsely imprisoned, the government holding all the money and only someone with my exact surname can get it out...
But why am I talking to you? I hate you too!
(reply to this comment)
From Ne Oublie
Saturday, October 21, 2006, 08:40

(Agree/Disagree?)
See, I know that the "exact surname" thing doesn't work - since there are three of us in my office with the exact same full name!(reply to this comment

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